UO

thebanich · October 2013

KellersPrag said:

My UO: I think it's strange that a lot of people (on here and IRL) seem to think if their MIL does something that they don't agree with, that it is their husband's duty to take care of it. "Your MIL offended you/can't keep her boundaries/etc.? Your husband better talk to her/fix it." Why can't you take care of it? "It's HIS family." No, I'm sorry. You married him, his mother became your family, too.

But, I know this is an UO around here at least, because I also have the UO that it's silly when a woman does not want her MIL in the delivery room, but wants her mother because 'it's her grandchild' or someshit.

I wanted my mom in the delivery room for me. Not for the baby.

I'm a big ole momma's girl and needed her support. MIL was there but completely useless.

KellersPrag · October 2013

Nope. I still can't get on board. Nothing against anyone individually, it's just how I see things. If I wasn't comfortable accepting my husband's parents as my own, and being on that exact same level with them, I wouldn't have married him. Because I do not need anyone else to handle an issue that I see. If over time I saw a boundary issue, I would be the one to have the conversation. If my husband noticed it, I would expect him to have that conversation, too.

KellersPrag · October 2013

And for the delivery room thing. I can understand only wanting your own mother there for support. But there were a lot of examples that came up during our pregnancies that made no sense to me. I can't imagine saying yes to one and no to the other.

MRoxy0628 · October 2013

cheeseandrice said:

KellersPrag said:

My UO: I think it's strange that a lot of people (on here and IRL) seem to think if their MIL does something that they don't agree with, that it is their husband's duty to take care of it. "Your MIL offended you/can't keep her boundaries/etc.? Your husband better talk to her/fix it." Why can't you take care of it? "It's HIS family." No, I'm sorry. You married him, his mother became your family, too.

But, I know this is an UO around here at least, because I also have the UO that it's silly when a woman does not want her MIL in the delivery room, but wants her mother because 'it's her grandchild' or someshit.

2. eff that. No one was in my delivery room. BUT I can totally see the difference. If I let my mom in the room it would be for MY support, not so she could see the baby first. My relationship is, and always will be, different with my mom than the person who happened to raise my husband.

I totally agree with this. My relationship with my MIL in no way compares to the relationship I have with my mother. And I don't think my MIL was offended, but honestly, I wouldn't care much if she was. She has a daughter and if they both choose, they can have that experience together.

eta: No judgement of those who have a close relationship with their MIL and want them in the delivery room. I do think it's the woman's choice who they want in the delivery room though.

thebanich · October 2013

MIL took care of DD when DS was born. I think she was scarred by her first experience and decided not to come for #2.

KellersPrag · October 2013

cheeseandrice said:

KellersPrag said:

Nope. I still can't get on board. Nothing against anyone individually, it's just how I see things. If I wasn't comfortable accepting my husband's parents as my own, and being on that exact same level with them, I wouldn't have married him. Because I do not need anyone else to handle an issue that I see. If over time I saw a boundary issue, I would be the one to have the conversation. If my husband noticed it, I would expect him to have that conversation, too.

My H's mom is literally a crack whore. She's bounced between jobs, house arrest, drugs, men in the 9 years I've known her.

I think it's a total douche move to say I have to accept her as a mom in order to accept my H as an outstanding husband.

I think we're kind of thinking different things in this situation.

I also am NOT judging anyone for this, for the record.

1fish2fish · October 2013

Hospital rules: 2 support people during delivery. Yeah, I'm not taking my MIL instead of my mom in the room with us.

MarisaKathleen · October 2013

Another UO: there is no way I would ever have anyone in the delivery room other than DH and the trained medical people getting my baby out.

MeatballEsq · October 2013

KellersPrag said:

And for the delivery room thing. I can understand only wanting your own mother there for support. But there were a lot of examples that came up during our pregnancies that made no sense to me. I can't imagine saying yes to one and no to the other.

Besides the fact that their demeanors are COMPLETELY different, I'll just go with the obvious. My mom has seen my vagina, my MIL has not and (hopefully) never will.

melody921 · October 2013

MarisaKathleen said:

Another UO: there is no way I would ever have anyone in the delivery room other than DH and the trained medical people getting my baby out.

Same here! But, if I wanted someone else there, my mom would definitely get treated differently than MIL. IMO, it's different to have someone who's been there my entire life vs someone I met as an adult, as an extension of DH. Nothing against my MIL at all, but no way in hell would I ever feel that close to her to let her watch me birth a kid. Absolutely, come right after and hold your grandchild.

AlinnJo · October 2013

I ALWAYS go through my H when it comes to dealing with my MIL unless it is something easy I can do through a text message. She drives me absolutely bonkers. Her lifestyle is unacceptable to my H and I and the less communication with her, the better. Harsh? Yes. Needed? Yes. Our relationship is better if I don't talk to her on a daily basis.

Flamingemu · October 2013

MarisaKathleen said:

Another UO: there is no way I would ever have anyone in the delivery room other than DH and the trained medical people getting my baby out.

Not a UO to me! I didn't bring up other people being there and neither did they. My mom asked, I said no. End of story.

MeatballEsq · October 2013

Dude there was shit going on that even my husband shouldn't have witnessed.

MRoxy0628 · October 2013

tonir319 said:

KellersPrag said:

And for the delivery room thing. I can understand only wanting your own mother there for support. But there were a lot of examples that came up during our pregnancies that made no sense to me. I can't imagine saying yes to one and no to the other.

Besides the fact that their demeanors are COMPLETELY different, I'll just go with the obvious. My mom has seen my vagina, my MIL has not and (hopefully) never will.

Amen! Also, I asked my mom, she didn't ask me. I also asked my H if he minded, which he did not, because I think he wanted that extra support.

1fish2fish · October 2013

WHAT ARE SOFT PANTS?!?!

BillyMollyEmmy · October 2013

I didn't have either woman in the room. they would have driven me banana sandwich.

willy_gert · October 2013

auroraloo said:

KellersPrag said:

My UO: I think it's strange that a lot of people (on here and IRL) seem to think if their MIL does something that they don't agree with, that it is their husband's duty to take care of it. "Your MIL offended you/can't keep her boundaries/etc.? Your husband better talk to her/fix it." Why can't you take care of it? "It's HIS family." No, I'm sorry. You married him, his mother became your family, too.

But, I know this is an UO around here at least, because I also have the UO that it's silly when a woman does not want her MIL in the delivery room, but wants her mother because 'it's her grandchild' or someshit.

I totally agree. Totally. Passing it on to your H seems juvenile. If it's YOUR problem, fight your own damned "fight". BUt whatever.

I agree with you to a certain extent, but it really does depend on the relationship you have. I was yelled at in the hospital parking lot while DH was in the hospital by his dad and in front of my daughter. That is something that DH needs to talk to his dad about, because it stems from issues they have. Yes, he wronged me, but its an issue between them.

Just like while I was PG, MIL kept making comments about how I couldn't possibly work and be a good mom, so she would "help me". That was one for DH to handle, because it was about issues in her life, and not really an issue between us. I will stand up for myself with them if necessary, but there are some things, where DH needs to take a stand and let them know that I am his wife and they can't treat me certain ways.

If my parent's did anything like that to him, I would talk to them, because our relationships are different.

Flamingemu · October 2013

BillyMollyEmmy said:

I didn't have either woman in the room. they would have driven me banana sandwich.

We only called my SIL so she could go pick up the dog. Other than that, no one knew L was on her way until she was here.

MRoxy0628 · October 2013

LoisLayn23 said:

MRoxy0628 said:

tonir319 said:

KellersPrag said:

And for the delivery room thing. I can understand only wanting your own mother there for support. But there were a lot of examples that came up during our pregnancies that made no sense to me. I can't imagine saying yes to one and no to the other.
Besides the fact that their demeanors are COMPLETELY different, I'll just go with the obvious. My mom has seen my vagina, my MIL has not and (hopefully) never will.
Amen! Also, I asked my mom, she didn't ask me. I also asked my H if he minded, which he did not, because I think he wanted that extra support.

Exactly. In the form of his mother.

Huh, you're telling me that my husband wanted support from his mother, even though you've never met him and have no information about their relationship?

Stasi · October 2013

SpoofLeJones said:

Dude there was shit going on that even my husband shouldn't have witnessed.
Literally.

Yup. DH was great to have, but I barely noticed him there with all the craziness going on.

MRoxy0628 · October 2013

LoisLayn23 said:

MRoxy0628 said:

LoisLayn23 said:

MRoxy0628 said:

tonir319 said:

KellersPrag said:

And for the delivery room thing. I can understand only wanting your own mother there for support. But there were a lot of examples that came up during our pregnancies that made no sense to me. I can't imagine saying yes to one and no to the other.
Besides the fact that their demeanors are COMPLETELY different, I'll just go with the obvious. My mom has seen my vagina, my MIL has not and (hopefully) never will.
Amen! Also, I asked my mom, she didn't ask me. I also asked my H if he minded, which he did not, because I think he wanted that extra support.

Exactly. In the form of his mother.
Huh, you're telling me that my husband wanted support from his mother, even though you've never met him and have no information about their relationship?

Is that even what I fucking said?

What were you saying then? You bolded that I said he wanted support and you said, Yes, in the form of his mother.

Pokedot · October 2013

KellersPrag said:

My UO: I think it's strange that a lot of people (on here and IRL) seem to think if their MIL does something that they don't agree with, that it is their husband's duty to take care of it. "Your MIL offended you/can't keep her boundaries/etc.? Your husband better talk to her/fix it." Why can't you take care of it? "It's HIS family." No, I'm sorry. You married him, his mother became your family, too.

But, I know this is an UO around here at least, because I also have the UO that it's silly when a woman does not want her MIL in the delivery room, but wants her mother because 'it's her grandchild' or someshit.

If I have issues with my MIL I tell her unless it's to actually defend me then DH does that. Case in point we were over her house and I had recently lost a bunch of weight (50 lbs, this was before DS). I had told her I had a rummage sale and go rid of almost all of the larger size clothes. Her response "There are that many women out there that size that bought your clothes?" UUmm....what? DH hoped I hadn't heard but I did and kept it to myself. I was extremely hurt by her comment. DH took it upon himself to say something to her. I shouldn't have to! Also the whole delivery room thing. My MIL wouldn't want to be in there but if she had I might have entertained the idea. That would also mean MIL and I had a different relationship. However if I can only choose 2 people, it's going to be DH and my mother.

BarefootContessa · October 2013

KellersPrag said:

My UO: I think it's strange that a lot of people (on here and IRL) seem to think if their MIL does something that they don't agree with, that it is their husband's duty to take care of it. "Your MIL offended you/can't keep her boundaries/etc.? Your husband better talk to her/fix it." Why can't you take care of it? "It's HIS family." No, I'm sorry. You married him, his mother became your family, too.

But, I know this is an UO around here at least, because I also have the UO that it's silly when a woman does not want her MIL in the delivery room, but wants her mother because 'it's her grandchild' or someshit.

You haven't met my MIL. She's a peach. :^o

danabsd · October 2013

Hyaline said:

I don't really care about the Barilla pasta hates the gays business. Their pasta was the cheapest a the grocery store last week, on ubersale, and I loaded up for the food pantry. I realized I didn't care as I was filling my cart.

Word. It was 77 cents a box the other day. And it was on the "Pink Ribbon Tag" special. If you spent $30 they donated $5 to Breast Cancer research.
Fitting for today. Ha.

danabsd · October 2013

BPer said:

Banich4eva said:

BPer said:

Banich4eva said:

You just opened an old wound with this gif. I am still mourning the end of Happy Endings. Also, I basically AM Jane.

So sorry I caused you pain hon. That show was thebomb.com

Do you watch The Mindy Project? Max is now on it! I'm praying it's a reccurring role because his character is very similar to the one he played on Happy Endings!

I tried to watch The Mindy Project but I couldn't get into it.

BarefootContessa · October 2013

danabsd said:

BPer said:

Banich4eva said:

BPer said:

Banich4eva said:

You just opened an old wound with this gif. I am still mourning the end of Happy Endings. Also, I basically AM Jane.

So sorry I caused you pain hon. That show was thebomb.com

Do you watch The Mindy Project? Max is now on it! I'm praying it's a reccurring role because his character is very similar to the one he played on Happy Endings!

I tried to watch The Mindy Project but I couldn't get into it.

Blasphemy! I love me some Mindy~!

danabsd · October 2013

KellersPrag said:

My UO: I think it's strange that a lot of people (on here and IRL) seem to think if their MIL does something that they don't agree with, that it is their husband's duty to take care of it. "Your MIL offended you/can't keep her boundaries/etc.? Your husband better talk to her/fix it." Why can't you take care of it? "It's HIS family." No, I'm sorry. You married him, his mother became your family, too.

But, I know this is an UO around here at least, because I also have the UO that it's silly when a woman does not want her MIL in the delivery room, but wants her mother because 'it's her grandchild' or someshit.

I could never imagine broaching a sensitive issue with my MIL. We don't have that type of relationship. MH has known her for 32 years, I've known her for 6, it's absolutely his responsibility. Just as it would be my responsibility with my mom, for the same reasons.

I didn't want either in the delivery room. I am still shocked by my girlfriend who had both sets of parents in there with her, her dad down in the action working the video camera.

MRoxy0628 · October 2013

LoisLayn23 said:

I bolded where you said 'I think he wanted the extra support." Because yes, he probably did. Which is precisely why I and many others allowed both my mother and my MIL in the room during labor because I recognized that while my mom is my most important support person besides H, the same is true for him.

It has nothing to do with you and your family and your H and your whateverthefuckyouaretalkingabout....

Thank you for the explanation. I stand by my decision to not have my MIL in the room. Had my husband requested it, I may have felt differently, but he did not and really left that decision up to me. As I stated above, I don't care that others make a different choice.

Unknown · October 2013

This content has been removed.

Stasi · October 2013

I asked my mom to be in the room with us. She said no. I asked her to help out, but then leave before any pushing started...again, she said no. She just knew she wasn't up to the task and would freak out more than I would...

danabsd · October 2013

Also, my MIL left the room when SIL was getting ready to push. If she didn't want to be in there for her only daughter I don't know why she would want to be in there for me.

thebanich · October 2013

I wish I could have left the room when I started pushing

Bighair12 · October 2013

knitsmagee said:

BillyMollyEmmy said:

LoisLayn23 said:

BillyMollyEmmy said:

I think everyone should have to take a CPR course.

And I'm sad to admit yesterday was my first one, but holy crap I don't know why I have never had that opportunity before. Amazing.

DH and I are both certified, and although mine is officially out of date, I know I could still perform the life saving duties if necessary.

New recs are for no mouth breathing, right? Just compressions.

And if you aren't breaking ribs, you aren't compressing hard enough. That's what my medic friends tell me anyway.

It's still mouth breathing plus compressions here, but you don't HAVE to do the mouth breathing if you don't feel comfortable. They provided us with a plastic mouth shield though to encourage the mouth breathing portion since it's more beneficial that way.

I am so so so glad I am certified. I learned things in that class I had no idea about. Best course I've ever taken.

My husband was certified to teach First Aid/CPR last year and was taught to still do the breathing. My sister's BF was told shortly after that no breathing, just compressions.
Healthcare workers are taught different CPR then the lay person.

hmp1 · October 2013

DH and I gossip our judgeyness to each other but would never say something to someone or in ear shot of anyone. Like at our daycare's family night at BounceU a few weeks ago, we both saw a mom hand her 4 year old a can of coke at 7pm and said child downed it. We didn't blink twice at it but once we were in the car, DH was like "omg, did you see that kid downing the Coke".

ETA: I should add my response. I said "Yes! Did you see that guy give the baby a bite of cake? Oh wait, that was you." I mock my husband to his face, too.

mrsbhk22 · October 2013

Oreos may be part of the reason I can't lose my last 10 lbs.

Jenny McCarthy is a hot mess but I love her. Even if you don't like her style, I can appreciate that she cares deeply for her child and is trying her best to help him.

I try not to judge other moms, but sometimes it happens. I would NEVER approach a stranger or stare them down for what I think was a judgeable act. I also do not offer unsolicited advice to mom friends IRL. I've never seen it end well for others, so I stay away.

Here's my UO: mobile food trucks creep me out. I feel like it's only one step up from street meat. Maybe the food I great, but I'm 99% sure I would contract botulism from the one that parks near work weekly.

1fish2fish · October 2013

cheeseandrice said:

I guess my UO is that I didn't really care at all about H's need for support. Because, you know, I was the one shoving a human being out of my vag. My needs trumped his. sorrynotsorry

I don't always agree with you, but I definitely agree with this sentiment.

BillyMollyEmmy · October 2013

LoisLayn23 said:

ambekirt said:

BillyMollyEmmy said:

LoisLayn23 said:

BillyMollyEmmy said:

I think everyone should have to take a CPR course.

And I'm sad to admit yesterday was my first one, but holy crap I don't know why I have never had that opportunity before. Amazing.

DH and I are both certified, and although mine is officially out of date, I know I could still perform the life saving duties if necessary.

New recs are for no mouth breathing, right? Just compressions.

And if you aren't breaking ribs, you aren't compressing hard enough. That's what my medic friends tell me anyway.
It's still mouth breathing plus compressions here, but you don't HAVE to do the mouth breathing if you don't feel comfortable. They provided us with a plastic mouth shield though to encourage the mouth breathing portion since it's more beneficial that way.

I am so so so glad I am certified. I learned things in that class I had no idea about. Best course I've ever taken.
My husband was certified to teach First Aid/CPR last year and was taught to still do the breathing. My sister's BF was told shortly after that no breathing, just compressions.
Healthcare workers are taught different CPR then the lay person.

Yeah, I think it's because lay people don't know how hard you have to compress.

I will break every single one of your ribs if it's the difference between life and death. I have no beef with that. I think I cringed a little until he pointed out that the person is dead anyway. They don't give a shit if you're busting up their rib cage.

hmp1 · October 2013

I'm guessing soft pants are like sweat pants? I don't get the judging of that though. I assume I get judged for putting my kids in skinny jeans when cotton elastic waist pants would probably be more comfortable. I'm sure James' daycare teachers hate me because he can't pull up and button his skinny jeans by himself so they have to help him. But, whatevs, he never complains and they are cute.

melody921 · October 2013

LoisLayn23 said:

MRoxy0628 said:

tonir319 said:

KellersPrag said:

And for the delivery room thing. I can understand only wanting your own mother there for support. But there were a lot of examples that came up during our pregnancies that made no sense to me. I can't imagine saying yes to one and no to the other.
Besides the fact that their demeanors are COMPLETELY different, I'll just go with the obvious. My mom has seen my vagina, my MIL has not and (hopefully) never will.
Amen! Also, I asked my mom, she didn't ask me. I also asked my H if he minded, which he did not, because I think he wanted that extra support.

Exactly. In the form of his mother.

I don't understand why DHs need the extra support at all. They're not doing any of the hard work. Man up.

KellersPrag · October 2013

melody921 said:

LoisLayn23 said:

MRoxy0628 said:

tonir319 said:

KellersPrag said:

And for the delivery room thing. I can understand only wanting your own mother there for support. But there were a lot of examples that came up during our pregnancies that made no sense to me. I can't imagine saying yes to one and no to the other.
Besides the fact that their demeanors are COMPLETELY different, I'll just go with the obvious. My mom has seen my vagina, my MIL has not and (hopefully) never will.
Amen! Also, I asked my mom, she didn't ask me. I also asked my H if he minded, which he did not, because I think he wanted that extra support.

Exactly. In the form of his mother.

I don't understand why DHs need the extra support at all. They're not doing any of the hard work. Man up.

You don't think that it's an incredibly emotional time for your husband, too?

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