**UO**

[Deleted User]

Re: the MIL in delivery room issue. I only wanted my mom and husband with me because I was more comfortable that way. My MIL bitched a fit because of how unfair it was to her. I felt so much pressure I just said forget it and only had DH with me. Now I'll never have the chance to have my mom with me because of that experience. It makes me bitter.


Tl;dr summary: different strokes for different folks. And I'm sure that people will only comment cuz they feel sorry for me, natch.

L8kissie

Holly_1007 said:

Hyaline said:

LoisLayn23 said:

#whathyalinesaid
I was buckazz naked when I pushed Colby out.  Didn't matter if you were above my head, you would have seen it all.

andplusalso. I have a uh piercing *ahem* down there. My mom doesn't need to know about that, and
neither does my MIL

Really?!? Ouch. How scandalous.

"> =D>

Holly_1007

BettyandCo said:

Re: the MIL in delivery room issue. I only wanted my mom and husband with me because I was more comfortable that way. My MIL bitched a fit because of how unfair it was to her. I felt so much pressure I just said forget it and only had DH with me. Now I'll never have the chance to have my mom with me because of that experience. It makes me bitter. Tl;dr summary: different strokes for different folks. And I'm sure that people will only comment cuz they feel sorry for me, natch.

Has nothing to do with feeling sorry for you, that really blows no matter how you look at it

[Deleted User]

Whatever holly.

BarefootContessa

I'm jealous of all of you with healthy MIL relationships. Do you know the MIL on Everybody Loves Raymond? Imagine that, only less passive aggressive and more bossy. That's mine. I won't lie, it's partially my fault because I'm a complete push over... but when you have that strong of a personality, it's exhausting to figure out which battles to pick. 

She literally thinks she's LO's mom sometimes-- I swear. This weekend we all took a road trip. We stopped to eat. I ordered extra food for him to share and sat down and she had already cut up half her meal (without asking me if it was OK for him to eat) and then PROCEEDED TO SLAP MY HAND AWAY when I tried to get a piece of food out of his mouth. 

redneckmomma25

I would have been so uncomfortable being naked in labor.

BarefootContessa

BettyandCo said:

Re: the MIL in delivery room issue. I only wanted my mom and husband with me because I was more comfortable that way. My MIL bitched a fit because of how unfair it was to her. I felt so much pressure I just said forget it and only had DH with me. Now I'll never have the chance to have my mom with me because of that experience. It makes me bitter. Tl;dr summary: different strokes for different folks. And I'm sure that people will only comment cuz they feel sorry for me, natch.

*hugs* I'm really sorry.

ifwisheswerefishes

MIL ended up being the delivery room by complete accident (thanks to me having an e-section and all of that going from calm to pure panic in about ten minutes flat). It was not my choice, and while I'm glad she was there as she somehow kept me very calm, I would not ask her there again. Ever. 

I cannot talk to my MIL about issues I have with her. I know better. I did it ONCE. It was absolutely horrific and did nothing to better our relationship and nothing changed. I am not doing it again. 

UO: I think that "gender bending" parenting can be a little bit ridiculous, especially when enforced. I have friends that will NOT let their daughter have anything princess-related or Barbies...but their ten year old son asked for a Barbie for Christmas, and he got one, because it was "gender bending" and they were so proud. 

And yes, that's a little judgey. But I feel bad for the kids. 

hmp1

auroraloo said:

I get the comfort level thing, and honestly, I get the not wanting MIL there. I guess I don't understand the "Sorry DH, I know you want your mom there, but I veto" attitude, without even TALKING about it.

If your H doesn't care, then who cares, but if does, I think couples need to sit down and talk about it, not just flat-out say hell no.

DH could talk to me about it until he was blue in the face, it would not change my mind. It's like if DH didn't want me to get an epi. Sorry dude, it's happening no matter what you have to say about it. 

JulesDiane

My mom wanted to be in the room with me. I did not want her in there! I was actually relieved in one sense when I found out I was having a c-section because then I didn't have to tell her I didn't want her in the labor room. She wasn't allowed in the room for my c-sections.

jbBeans

TheAnne said:

auroraloo said:

BettyandCo said:

Re: the MIL in delivery room issue. I only wanted my mom and husband with me because I was more comfortable that way. My MIL bitched a fit because of how unfair it was to her. I felt so much pressure I just said forget it and only had DH with me. Now I'll never have the chance to have my mom with me because of that experience. It makes me bitter.


Tl;dr summary: different strokes for different folks. And I'm sure that people will only comment cuz they feel sorry for me, natch.

I get the comfort level thing, and honestly, I get the not wanting MIL there. I guess I don't understand the "Sorry DH, I know you want your mom there, but I veto" attitude, without even TALKING about it.

If your H doesn't care, then who cares, but if does, I think couples need to sit down and talk about it, not just flat-out say hell no.

Also, don't assume you get to do xyz because you have a boy/girl. I hate mother/son, father/daughter, first dance etc crap at weddings. So we did a first dance for half a song, had our wedding party join for the second, and we were done. Party open to all.

I have no issue vetoing anyone that DH wants to have watch me birth a baby. 


***

If MH really wanted his mom there, I would have had a discussion about it. But ultimately, I still feel that my comfort trumped all (well, other than baby's safety).

MarisaKathleen

@knitsmagee:  Where exactly do you have a tattoo?  I get have that area pierced, but I can't figure out where you'd have a tattoo in that general vicinity. 

thebanich

knitsmagee said:

LoisLayn23 said:

MarisaKathleen said:

@knitsmagee:  Where exactly do you have a tattoo?  I get have that area pierced, but I can't figure out where you'd have a tattoo in that general vicinity. 

I just almost spit out my drink.

I just snorted coke through my nose.


And now that I have typed that out I realize how it comes across. The coke went out...not in.

hmp1

auroraloo said:

hmp1 said:

auroraloo said:

I get the comfort level thing, and honestly, I get the not wanting MIL there. I guess I don't understand the "Sorry DH, I know you want your mom there, but I veto" attitude, without even TALKING about it.

If your H doesn't care, then who cares, but if does, I think couples need to sit down and talk about it, not just flat-out say hell no.

DH could talk to me about it until he was blue in the face, it would not change my mind. It's like if DH didn't want me to get an epi. Sorry dude, it's happening no matter what you have to say about it. 

BUt wouldn't you sit down and explain WHY you wanted the epi? Same principle. Explain WHY MIL won't be in the room is all I'm saying.

My point is more that when we have State of the Marriage conversations or serious discussions, we are open to compromise and coming to an agreement. In either of the examples above, I am not open to comprise. It is going to be my way no matter what. I'm mature enough not to stomp my foot and say no without an explanation but it is not up for debate because there is no changing my mind.

LuvSD

I never realized that there was a debate out there about having additional people in L&D until I came on TB. No one that I know has had their mom, MIL, sister, friend, etc in the room with them. I guess I am glad that it was a non-issue but if it would have been I would not want either my mom or my MIL with us. I love them both but I felt really vulnerable at the time. I ended up needing an emergency C-section and I know my DH was really scarred so I sort of wish he would have had someone with him for support but on the other hand he looks back with really fond memories of the first few moments he had with our daughter, just the two of them, while I was being stitched up. It is a really special moment for him, one that he wouldn't have experienced if is mom would have been there with him. I should also add that he had strict instructions from me that NO ONE was to see/hold her before I was able to.

LuvSD

What is an e-section?

LuvSD

auroraloo said:

LuvSD said:

What is an e-section?

a typo? or emergency c-section?

I think you're right with emergency C-section. Good call.

LuvSD

Afunky6 said:

BettyandCo said:

Whatever holly.

Oh.

My thoughts exactly.

Hyaline

hmp1 said:

auroraloo said:

I get the comfort level thing, and honestly, I get the not wanting MIL there. I guess I don't understand the "Sorry DH, I know you want your mom there, but I veto" attitude, without even TALKING about it.

If your H doesn't care, then who cares, but if does, I think couples need to sit down and talk about it, not just flat-out say hell no.

DH could talk to me about it until he was blue in the face, it would not change my mind. It's like if DH didn't want me to get an epi. Sorry dude, it's happening no matter what you have to say about it. 

Yeah, there are some things I think a birthing mom gets veto power on.  That doesn't mean you can't be sensitive to what DH needs--if he wanted his mom there to support him, I'd suggest that she chill in the waiting room and he check in every hour or so.  If he wanted her to meet her grandkid right away, I'd happily have her come right afterward.  But I think that during the process of birth, a woman does have the right to a veto on things that directly impact her comfort and ability to get the job done.

pharmer78

PenelopePond said:

Serious (dumb) question: will I (deserve) to be judged pushing my almost 4yo in a stroller at Disney this weekend? I never realized it was judge worthy (although the 6yo thing I understand).

NO YOU WILL NOT! I brought an umbrella stroller to Disneyland for my then 9 month old and my 3.5yr old spent way more time in it than he did. 

[Deleted User]

LuvSD said:

Afunky6 said:

BettyandCo said:

Whatever holly.

Oh.

My thoughts exactly.

Okay? Do either of you have a problem with the way I spoke to Holly?

[Deleted User]

My response is because I don't need Holly's fake ass bullshit pity comments directed towards me. In fact i would be perfectly content if she never spoke to or about me again.

LuvSD

BettyandCo said:

My response is because I don't need Holly's fake ass bullshit pity comments directed towards me. In fact i would be perfectly content if she never spoke to or about me again.

Your entitled to your opinion and I obviously don't know the underlying issues here but from how I read it Holly's remark didn't seem fake and your response seemed a little rude. So I was confused.

[Deleted User]

If a different person had said the same shit about me that Holly has, then yes they would get the same response from me.

[Deleted User]

LuvSD said:

BettyandCo said:

My response is because I don't need Holly's fake ass bullshit pity comments directed towards me. In fact i would be perfectly content if she never spoke to or about me again.

Your entitled to your opinion and I obviously don't know the underlying issues here but from how I read it Holly's remark didn't seem fake and your response seemed a little rude. So I was confused.

-----------------------
Trust that her response was 110% fake.

LuvSD

SpoofLeJones said:

BettyandCo said:

My response is because I don't need Holly's fake ass bullshit pity comments directed towards me. In fact i would be perfectly content if she never spoke to or about me again.

Is it something against Holly, or would anyone be subjected to that same treatment if they said they were sorry? I was this close || to saying something, and then I kept scrolling down and saw what you wrote to Holly, and decided not to say something.

------ You obviously missed the thread that shall not be named.

I think I definitely missed it.

Holly_1007

BettyandCo said:

LuvSD said:

BettyandCo said:

My response is because I don't need Holly's fake ass bullshit pity comments directed towards me. In fact i would be perfectly content if she never spoke to or about me again.

Your entitled to your opinion and I obviously don't know the underlying issues here but from how I read it Holly's remark didn't seem fake and your response seemed a little rude. So I was confused.

-----------------------
Trust that her response was 110% fake.

-----
trust. there was absolutely nothing fake about my response. I meant it very sincerely, but you clearly know me better than i do. oh wait.....

[Deleted User]

lol. Oh Holly.

eshee8198

I only read the last few pages, and I love my mil, but I feel like if my DH needs his mom in the delivery room, our marriage has bigger problems than communication.

Nita2603

@1fish2fish soft pants are like sweatpants. They are frowned upon on TB. Or so I have heard. Like pouches.
Fwiw, my kids rarely wear something else.

Nita2603

To the mil in the delivery room discussion: I'd rather have her than my mother there, but really, DH and I wanted to be alone.
I am with the ladies who feel they can make that decision or veto their husbands though.
Also, I don't get why anybody but SOs need to be in the room at all. Labour is not a spectator sport.

Nita2603

Afunky6 said:

Nita2603 said:

@1fish2fish soft pants are like sweatpants. They are frowned upon on TB. Or so I have heard. Like pouches.
Fwiw, my kids rarely wear something else.

Why the hell are pants frowned upon? And pouches?! Stupid Bump.


Because people clearly don't have real problems to worry about.

Nita2603

IndigoVader said:

Nita2603 said:

@1fish2fish soft pants are like sweatpants. They are frowned upon on TB. Or so I have heard. Like pouches.
Fwiw, my kids rarely wear something else.

My kids wear sweat pants, eat pouches, rarely wear shoes, and I named them Youneek names, clearly I break all TB rules.

Yeah, I'd fucking wet myself in excitement if the boys would eat a pouch. But nope, they just make messes with them and nothing ever goes in their mouthes.
They wear sweatpants or cotton pants unless it's some kind of occasion. Then they wear the only jeans I have for them.
And Alastair hates socks and shoes and barely to never wears any. Except outside.
Aidan likes shoes. To chew on them. That counts?!

Holly_1007

Wait. I'm confused? I'm playing the victim? by trying to say something nice after a different comment of mine was taken the wrong way? *scratches head*

BPer

Holy shit.  How did I miss UO the MIL edition?  My MIL just showed up in the delivery room, and got what I would imagine was a rather unpleasant view of my vag when I had to get on all fours to get DD to move off the cord.  She stayed in the waiting room for the rest of the time.

BPer

cheeseandrice said:

BPer said:

Holy shit.  How did I miss UO the MIL edition?  My MIL just showed up in the delivery room, and got what I would imagine was a rather unpleasant view of my vag when I had to get on all fours to get DD to move off the cord.  She stayed in the waiting room for the rest of the time.

Maybe you should plan it where she walks in on you and H... maybe that would enforce some boundaries.

Two summers ago, FIL was helping to build us a new deck.  He would drop by unannounced on the regular.  Well, one Sunday morning, back when we had time/desire for morning sex and didn't feel like zombies, we were having some pretty intense (read: loud, dirty) sex.  And then we heard whistling outside our bedroom window...

Holly_1007

BPer said:

cheeseandrice said:

BPer said:

Holy shit.  How did I miss UO the MIL edition?  My MIL just showed up in the delivery room, and got what I would imagine was a rather unpleasant view of my vag when I had to get on all fours to get DD to move off the cord.  She stayed in the waiting room for the rest of the time.

Maybe you should plan it where she walks in on you and H... maybe that would enforce some boundaries.

Two summers ago, FIL was helping to build us a new deck.  He would drop by unannounced on the regular.  Well, one Sunday morning, back when we had time/desire for morning sex and didn't feel like zombies, we were having some pretty intense (read: loud, dirty) sex.  And then we heard whistling outside our bedroom window...

that is awesome! but equally embarassing. My MIL used to walk in our house unanounced. One day she walked in while I was peeing with the bathroom door open. She rings the doorbell now.

ifwisheswerefishes

SpoofLeJones said:

cheeseandrice said:

BPer said:

Holy shit.  How did I miss UO the MIL edition?  My MIL just showed up in the delivery room, and got what I would imagine was a rather unpleasant view of my vag when I had to get on all fours to get DD to move off the cord.  She stayed in the waiting room for the rest of the time.

Maybe you should plan it where she walks in on you and H... maybe that would enforce some boundaries.

Two summers ago, FIL was helping to build us a new deck.  He would drop by unannounced on the regular.  Well, one Sunday morning, back when we had time/desire for morning sex and didn't feel like zombies, we were having some pretty intense (read: loud, dirty) sex.  And then we heard whistling outside our bedroom window...

--------- Omg. That's awesome.

I think I'd die. Oh wait, that happened. Except that we were in a hotel room next to MIL/FIL at a conference (had no idea they were THERE!) and had loud crazy monkey sex. And then walked into the hallway to get ice. And found MIL standing there looking pissed as hell. We were married at the time, btw, so she had no reason to have bunched panties. 

Nita2603

Reading all of the crazy makes me so so thankful for my ils.