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December 2013 Moms
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Feeling like a bad person! Sorry its a long one!

Alli1603Alli1603 member
in December 2013 Moms
So I am 27 weeks and 5 days! There are a lot of things that I have loved about being pregnant, feeling the kicks, seeing my little girl in the US, knowing that I will finally get to be a mom. Things like that. I am also feeling extremely guilty a lot. I know that I have by far not had the worst pregnancy but I also know that I have not had the easiest.  My HD has been helpful in some respects but unfortunately if the situation is not one that he has been in before he just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand the back pain, foot pain, or really anything that I am going through. Which is understandable, how could he know. 

The issue I am having is that while I know he can't be empathetic I feel like he should be more sympathetic. Getting him to help around the house is like pulling teeth, whether its cleaning something up or helping set up the nursery! On the other hand though I feel like I shouldn't ask him to help around the house because he is working very hard to support us so that I can get my degree before the baby gets here. Hence the feeling like a bad person. I am torn between should he be doing more since I am having trouble keeping up with housework and school, or am I just being a hormonal whiner!

Also, on a slightly different note, does anyone else's DH not seem to show hardly any excitement? I know my DH is thrilled we are having a baby, it comes out sometimes, but most of the time it seems like he's just "meh" about the whole situation!

Thanks for letting me get this out!
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Re: Feeling like a bad person! Sorry its a long one!

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    hannahlcehannahlce member
    Alli1603 said:

    The issue I am having is that while I know he can't be empathetic I feel like he should be more sympathetic. Getting him to help around the house is like pulling teeth, whether its cleaning something up or helping set up the nursery! 
    Yep. Hubster is happy, but he will not help me with anything. He just doesn't understand. He thinks that I feel normal, just fat. He doesn't get that it is SO exhausting to clean the house, and that doing the dishes makes me super nauseous. He won't take out the garbage unless it's "his turn" and getting help on the nursery is like... Well, it doesn't happen. he painted the walls, but never did the ceiling or trim. I did the trim but I can't do the ceiling due to other injuries pre-pregnancy, and he doesn't give one single shit about decorating or getting furniture in there.

    BUT, I know he loves me. I think men just don't get it a lot of the time. I think everything will be different once he sees the baby. He's still so separate from it I think it's just to surreal for him to have any feelings other than "Oh, Hannah is getting fat and complains a lot" ;)
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    Alli1603Alli1603 member
    That is exactly how my husband is! I know he's excited because he's talked about being able to stay home with the baby when she's first born (his job is seasonal so he will be home her first 3 months). And I love that he's excited about that but I almost need him to show me he's excited now too! Emotionally it just helps for him to show it.

    Just can't wait till Christmas! Then it will all be worth it when I'm holding my little girl!
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    BootsOrHeartsBootsOrHearts member
    DH is pretty good about helping me, in fact, he kind of spoils me sometimes getting me water, picking things up when I drop them, going to get me food when I have a craving. But then he'll say 'what's for dinner?' He gets crabby when he's hungry and I think he forgets, I might not always feel up to cooking. If I don't I just say 'whatever you're going to pick up'.

    Sometimes men have trouble bonding, but once he sees baby for the first thing, things will change!
    **Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
    BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
    BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
    BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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    jamrosjjamrosj member
    DH is helping more this time because he knows how hard it gets towards the end. When I feel like he's leaving it all to I try to be blunt and not exaggerate. Last night I said "the dishes need to be done and my legs are starting to hurt and I feel overwhelmed" (I get circulation issues when I'm on my feet too long) and he eventually got to it. If I'm not careful I know I tend to store up things and explode them on DH:"you never help me and I do everything and I might as well me a single parent!' Not helpful and tends to make him defensive.
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