Woke my baby up....long vent

Ryanswifey619 · September 2013

I have to vent here cause DH and my mil are kinda one-sided with the issue. My bil likes to watch his porn. He used to watch it down at our house in the living room for some unknown reason. We all kept walking in on him so he stopped. He's been going down to his moms now. In her living room now. She's got 2, a front and back living room. I took dd with me to her house to do the update on my phone-she has wifi there- and when we came in, she was talking away, her carrier was making noise with the toy on it etc. basically he could hear us come in. I started the update and dd fell asleep on my lap. While she's sleeping, I hear moaning coming from the other living room. Loudly. Dd is sleeping ok, then suddenly, one of the damn moans woke her up screaming. So I yelled at him to take it to the bedroom or put it away now. I told mil and DH, they said would talk to him but I don't think they have. Should I tell him it needs to stay in the bedroom now with dd here or just let them handle it? It really frustrated me that he woke her up with that..downside is that he does live with us but I don't want J to walk in on that when she gets older. Not sure how to approach this situation. When i vent to DH, he just says he will handle it...but I don't think he really does.

megaroo64 · September 2013

Yeah- that is totally ridiculous! Seriously, who does that? You are not unreasonable at all- that is disgusting and really a grown man shouldn't have to be told that watching porn in a public area if someone else's home is inappropriate.

Ryanswifey619 · September 2013

kari5186 said:
How in the world does his mother live with that???
Anyway, MIL's house means MIL has to make the decision to speak to him. I'd have H speak to her about how incredibly inappropriate his brother's behavior is (on so many different levels) and say that your LO will not be visiting until the situation is resolved.

He usually does it when no one is home. I just had to run down there for my phone update. The biggest thing that frustrates me is that a.) that belongs in the bedroom and b.) that J is going to be at both houses, she does not need to see that. He doesn't seem to realize there's a baby here now. That he needs to think now with her here now. I'll let them handle it but it just doesn't seem to get done.

kmkaull2 · September 2013

Omg. I can't even. . .

I guess call ahead?

LaBellaVida · September 2013

Is this real??

This is really weird.

I don't get it- ya'll are just sitting there minding your own business, while he is in a common area of the house- watching porn with the volume up, and he's just beating it...and his mother is fine with the situation? That sounds a little dysfunctional IMO.

Then to just openly jerk off in your living room, and you guys walk in on him?

WTF? If this was my BIL- his ass would be kicked out to the curb along with all his porn. This is so disgusting.

So so weird....

Good luck with all that!

ETA: I am curious, since you say your hubby, and his mom are one sided with this issue- what do they think about it?

BLT20051 · September 2013

Uh yeah, something is weird here. I'd tell him to put it away before I cut it off and put it away for good.

sheacox · September 2013

this can't be for real... I refuse

ilovemarfa · September 2013

This.Is.Bizarre.

JessicaKS · September 2013

Uhhh no comment.

kaleyandjason · September 2013

Um what?! That's absolutely disgusting. How could you sit there and listen to that anyway? Let alone long enough for it to wake your sleeping child. It sounds like he needs an intervention and I wouldn't be going back until you are assured the problem is taken care of!

HeartLikeMine3 · September 2013

I agree with pp this is revolting! I would never allow a man to do this in my home. You need to remove the nasty situation ASAP. What kind of sicko would do this around his family especially with a new LO.

peachnectarine · September 2013

That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. If my BIL did that in my house, he would never be allowed back again. I can't even imagine why your DH and MIL are taking his side!! Gross!

flerlgirl · September 2013

KellenHi21 · September 2013

This is so weird/gross on so many levels. U need to have major talks with your family. ASAP. My bil won't be aloud to live with us if this happened.

Now I feel weird. Ewwwwww

Ryanswifey619 · September 2013

sheacox said:
this can't be for real... I refuse

I know this sounds fake or mud, but believe me, it's not. DH and mil are onesided on the fact that since I met my bil, he's always gotten on my nerves so they think I'm just pissed at him again. As long as I've been with DH, he's told me bil likes his movies, but it's just been a recent thing for him to be in the living room when no ones home. We've just come home early is why we've walked in on him.
I talked to DH more about it today and he said he'll take care of it, especially when I got upset today. The down side is that DH has always been super protective over his brother.
It wasn't on long before it woke dd up so it wasn't like I was sitting there listening to it. I yelled at him after she was awake. It's just a weird situation I hate. I think the reason he goes to the living room when were gone is that he has no tv in his room. Like I said, I know this sounds unbelievable but I just needed some outsider input on this and how to approach it. I've never been in a situation like this. Sorry ladies.

sheacox · September 2013

Ummmmmmm masturbating in a public living room is disgusting. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but I'm side eyeing the crap out of your family, and you for sitting there while it was going on. Why would you not get up and leave?!? I would have left the second I heard. This is just too gross

natalie115 · September 2013

Hell to the no.....keep it in your bedroom or get the eff outta my house, period. It doesn't matter if no one is home it is sooooo not ok to do it in a family space. Your husband needs to nip this in the bud and realize your daughter is going to grow up soon and would he really want her walking in on that?

KentuckyKate · September 2013

I'm over here can'ting too. I just can't can't can't all day.

Doesn't this man have a computer or a smart phone or something not in his mom's living room? He has to use the family DVD player? What?

Also, I have never done anything with a dude that made him moan loud enough to wake a baby.

KentuckyKate · September 2013

Sctiger makes a really good point. That's truly disturbing and I am legitimately concerned now for your daughter. That dude sounds like a sex offender waiting to happen.

LaBellaVida · September 2013

JessicaKS · September 2013

@kentuckykate @sctiger52408

I also agree that the BIL sounds like a whack job or sex addict, but I strongly disagree that sex addicts/weirdos/whatever the BIL is are all pedaphiles. I wouldn't want my kid to walk in on him jerking off, but not because I would be afraid of him hurting her. I don't want my child seeing that because its inappropriate. Calling him a pedaphile or sex offender seems a bit unnecessary in my book. He is totally gross but what he is doing is a far cry from illegal!

PinkPuffyHeart2 · September 2013

Ew.

KentuckyKate · September 2013

I agree that not all sex offenders are pedophiles. However I wouldn't want my daughter around any kind of sex offender. I also wouldn't want my daughter around drug dealers or wife beaters, or just people that plain old make me feel uncomfortable.

P.S. I'm not calling OP's BIL a sex offender, although he seems to be made from the same cloth. I'm just responding to JessicaKS.

Ryanswifey619 · September 2013

amtobey said:
My child would no longer be going over to Grandmas house. Plain and simple.
It's disgusting that a GROWN MAN cannot control his urges until guests have left.
You need to sit your husband down and seriously explain to him what your BIL is doing is waaaay wrong.

Thanks everyone for the input. I talked to DH about it more and he's gonna sit down and talk to him. I made sure to let him know it needs to be tonight.
Sorry this came out sounding like mud. Maybe not the best vent to post on here, I was just blown away and frustrated. Thanks for all the advice/input

KentuckyKate · September 2013

As far as it being a far cry from illegal... I've been to enough annual HR inservices at work to tell you that what he is doing would be considered sexual harassment at the least if he was aware people were there, in earshot, and knew what he was doing.

ilovemarfa · September 2013

How old is this guy? I would never a allow somebody who does that to live with me, especially with a child in the house. It sounds like he has a sex addiction or something like that to be doing this everywhere at multiple
Houses. It is also disgusting that the entire family knows about this and condones this type of behavior.

Murphie82 · September 2013

Def agree with all the pp's but also wanted to add that from your original post, you said you were making plenty of noise when you came in...the fact that he should've heard you were in the house didn't stop him? Ew

sparklemotion86 · September 2013

?

costa2011 · September 2013

Ok, I'm going to say it... is he slow in the social development area? This doesn't sound right for a grown man at all.

mommakristydawn · September 2013

That is just fucking NASTY! I agree I wouldn't go over there and your BIL sounds like a freak. If my husband brushed off this behavior I would be pissed. This in no way is normal behavior. I am not saying master bating or porn is bad but there is a time and a place and a freaking living room isn't the place. That dude needs a girlfriend bad.

I feel I need a shower after reading this. GROSS!

Ryanswifey619 · September 2013

CarolynL8 said:
@ryanswifey619
Was he just watching porn or also shhwacking it??
I didnt see anything about him touching himself in your OP but i also didnt see you say that he wasnt touching himself.
Not that i think its normal to just sit around in a common area watching porn but if he was in fact touching himself then that is gross on a whole nother level!!

I talked to DH this morning. He and mil talked to bil. He says he wasn't doing anything, just watching the movie. I didn't go into the living room, only heard it. As soon as I heard it, I yelled at him to turn it off. From what DH said, he didn't think anything of it since nobody was there and he wasn't doing anything. They told him that it needs to stay in the bedroom now, especially since J is here, which he agreed to. This is the first incident we've had to deal with, and from what DH said, bil says he honestly didn't think anything of it since nobody had been home. I'm honestly not sure what his thinking is on this, but DH promised that he would stop it now.

GraceInCA · September 2013

I don't understand this. I especially don't understand the response from the OP. I'd never let him do that in a common area. I'd get my iPhone out and record him, and let him know that if he ever took care of himself in any location other than a locked bedroom or bathroom, I'd post that video to a few choice porn sites and share the link with all family and friends.

flerlgirl · September 2013

GraceInCA said:

I don't understand this. I especially don't understand the response from the OP. I'd never let him do that in a common area. I'd get my iPhone out and record him, and let him know that if he ever took care of himself in any location other than a locked bedroom or bathroom, I'd post that video to a few choice porn sites and share the link with all family and friends.

I'm glad you're back, @GraceInCA

Woke my baby up....long vent

Re: Woke my baby up....long vent

"No one will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside." -Unknown

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