After reading (some of) the UO thread, I started thinking about how many women on here have the "traditional gender roles" going in their marriage. I'm raising my hand. Even though I do work full time, I am counting down the days until I get to resign and stay at home with my babies. I happy that my husband is the breadwinner and I am happy with my role in the household (ie make dinner, do laundry, etc.) Yes, my husband lends a hand but the household is my main responsibility and the finances/fixing crap are his. This is no way devalues me as a woman and actually makes me feel like more of a partner in our marriage then I would feel if we had competing salaries and no one was ever home for our son.
Any other current moms or moms-to-be here like me and DH?
Re: Typical gender roles (a thought from the UO)
HOWEVER, I have HUGE respect for women who do all the traditional rolls. I think it's the hardest job a woman could do (stay home & watch the kids, handle all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc). Growing up I had a working mother and I was sooooo envious of friends who had moms who stayed home.
Unfortunately, I think I'm just like my own mother and I don't think I personally would be able to be a SAHM, but sometimes I wish I wanted to be!
This is me, for you: ^:)^ =D>
If things were the other way around, I'd work and he'd stay home.
We both hate cleaning and laundry, but I'm better at cooking.
I think there will always a bit of a divide when it comes to childcare, especially in the early days, simply because women have more of a biological drive to be with their child.
My issue is more with bringing children up to think it HAS to be one way or another. There's a lot of room for flexibility. Men can stay home and clean. Women can go out make the bacon. That's why it drives me nuts to see divided toy aisles with one side sporting kitchens, cleaning toys, and baby dolls in all shades of pink and purple and another side with cars, trains, and monsters all in shades of blue. A not so subtle message that you can only be one thing or another.
Started dating February 6, 2012
BFP#2 7/28/13 EDD 4/9/14 Birthday : 4/10/14 Adalyn Nanette
When I finish school in December and get a job in January it will be full time - which is three 12 hour shifts for me give or take. DH works 4 10s (usually ~11s) so our roles around the house have never been traditional because we don't have traditional jobs.
The only fixed roles we have are that DH does the yard work and I do laundry. I agree with OP, I took resposibility for the laundry because DH would accidentally shrink a lot of my clothes. I have threatened to stop folding and putting away his clothes because most everything he wears ends up in a pile on the floor of his closet. Drives me nuts. As far as other household chores, we both pitch in to do what needs to get done.
We have talked about when the baby comes and that I expect we will both be equal partners in taking care of baby. A few of my friends automatically shifted into the primary caretaker role (even though both work) giving their husbands a lot more free time to hang out with friends and do their own thing.
DS born 4/06/14
MC #2 August 2015
CP November 2015
MC#3 January 2016
BFP 5/11/16 EDD 1/19/17
That being said, I still do the loin's share of the housework and cooking...so I guess that just makes me a chump
If I didn't love my career so much and we could afford it I would be a SAHM in a heartbeat!
Katherine Quinn | 9.16.2012 | 38w4d
Ryan Lanman | 9.12.2014 | 40w
2 Losses | 10/2010 @ 5w | 9/2013 @ 10w4d
Little Sprout Blog
I do love being at home with DD, but I struggle daily with this role I never imagined for myself. I actually have a lot of insecurities about my peers perceiving my current role as "wasting my education" or "ruining my career" although I know that has way more to do with my own mental junk than it does with what others are actually thinking.
It doesn't help that my husband's hours are so ridiculous that it makes household division of labor somewhat of a joke... I do basically everything domestic (love to cook and organize, don't mind terribly doing laundry, but hate deep cleaning and yard work so we outsource it). He's super helpful when he's home, especially with DD, but that's pretty much only an hour in the morning and then weekends. But, honestly, this would be the case even if I were working full time, just as a result of our hours.
I do plan on returning to work after this new LO is 1 or 2 and we move to our "forever city."
I'm all for traditional roles... I don't think it's an unpopular opinion
So true for us as well! Once baby is here I will be a full time SAHM. I completely relate to you when you say you are a bit of a control freak...I am!! I'm super organized and know like the back of my hand how thing work around the house (schedules/ bills/groceries/etc.) I enjoy it. In fact, I love having that responsibility. I am an event planner and a residential/business organizer, so I feel like I have the proper tools to keep the house in working order. My husband is a hard worker, he puts in his day/ travels all over the world and I am always sure to have the house and all that comes with it in order and ready for the next day.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
DH and I both work and love working. If I wanted to stay at home I could, but I have zero desire to do so. High five to those who do it, its hard work, just not for me. I give my kids tons of attn in the evenings and weekends, as does DH. They are happy, we are happy, its awesome. My sister will be watching the kids out of the house, helping with the cleaning and cooking (we are paying her of course, it will be her full time job). I am the main cleaner/cooker/laundry peep and the husband is the lawn/garbage/handyman so in that sense we are traditional. Looking foward to have the extra help my sister though!
POS+April 2009-M/c May 2009, POS+July 2009-M/c Aug 2009, POS+ Novemeber 2009 -Baby Boy Charlie DOB 07/06/2010, POS+July 2011-M/c and D&C Aug 2011, POS+Dec 2011 -Baby Boy Ethan DOB 07/27/2012, POS+Aug 2013-TWIN BOYS! Jack and Miles born March 23rd 2014!!
Awesome for you and your hubby. Sounds like you have what works best for you, and I am a big believer in doing what you feel strongly about..in your case, both holding a job. Kudos to you. I am definitely not on either side of the spectrum here, I think there is a reason as to why every parent chooses to do what they do...I support either end on this debate.
But no doubt what your situation is.. If your a SAHM, working mom, if DH is a SAHD, if both of you work, single mom, etc,
PARENTING IS HARD... No book, movie, or advise will prepare you for all the responsibilities of maintaining home, work, and raising children.
I think we all deserve an award, or at the very least a nap!
DD1- 2009, M/C- 2011, M/C- 2012, DD2- 2012, DD3- 2014
TTC since July 2011
BFP # 1: m/c at 7wks (EDD May 2012)
BFP #2: c/p in Nov. 2012
BFP #3: July 24th, 2013 (EDD April 4th, 2014)
*PgAL / PAL Always Welcome*
My Ovulation Chart
TTC since July 2011
BFP # 1: m/c at 7wks (EDD May 2012)
BFP #2: c/p in Nov. 2012
BFP #3: July 24th, 2013 (EDD April 4th, 2014)
*PgAL / PAL Always Welcome*
My Ovulation Chart
TTC since July 2011
BFP # 1: m/c at 7wks (EDD May 2012)
BFP #2: c/p in Nov. 2012
BFP #3: July 24th, 2013 (EDD April 4th, 2014)
*PgAL / PAL Always Welcome*
My Ovulation Chart
TTC since July 2011
BFP # 1: m/c at 7wks (EDD May 2012)
BFP #2: c/p in Nov. 2012
BFP #3: July 24th, 2013 (EDD April 4th, 2014)
*PgAL / PAL Always Welcome*
My Ovulation Chart
DS #1 born 05/25/2012
BFP#2: 06/12/2013 ---- loss
DS #2 born 4/08/2014
BPF#4: 2/1/2016 --- 2/23/2016 suspected molar pregnancy--- 3/15/2016 D&E - diagnosis MM
BFP#5 - 9/22/2016
* formally bornmommy
I do have to say I always thought having a parent home was better for the child but after seeing many kids who went through daycare and how well socialized they are I think they are pluses and minuses of both.