So as many of you probably remember DH was onboard with TTC for a matter of days before changing his mind. Well a few days ago he announces at lunch with my parents that he's ready to start trying to have kids. I didn't even bring up to him that maybe this should have been a private convo because I'm terrified I'll scare away his change of heart!
I want to be excited, but I'm afraid he'll change his mind again. I even considered secretly TTA for a little while until I can tell if he's Really on board.
I don't want to lie to him, but according to FF my fertile window is coming up and as badly as I want a baby I'll be heartbroken if we succeed and he has decided we should wait.
Any advise?
Re: Temporary Secret TTA?
No shiite it isn't a game. Why do you think I'm bothering with the idea holding out? Because I enjoy wanting a baby but not being able to have one?
I did have a conversation with him about it and he says he "just decided" he's ready. I know that for me it was like a light switch, but seeing as he has been on again off again I'd hate for him to be off again after we have conceived.
I'm sorry you think I'm annoying but this is a board for people with "babies on the brain" so what the helll do you expect? I have babies on the brain, so do many other women on here. It's a generic board that draws a broad range of people.
I'm asking for legitimate advise maybe from someone who has experienced something similar. If making the decision for you and YH was so simple then maybe you just have no advise for me.
I have had a conversation with DH, I've had many. What I'm expressing is that despite all the talking we have done I'm worried... which you have All said is normal when starting TTC... that he may change his mind again. Hence the question.
Believe it or not I don't post because I enjoy being emotionally beaten, I'm searching for answers when I've done the obvious already, like had an adult conversation.
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https://m.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/70603672.aspx
Really. Chill out. Drop the baby game. Grow up. Revisit in 6 months. Post here all you want.
I do know that its ok to wait, even if I don't particularly want to, lol! I'm just wondering if wanting kids can be as easy as him changing his mind overnight. But not just from "not quite yet" to "now"... But from "lets wait a year" to "now".
I'm hoping that made sense.
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I apologize if you feel its the same thing over and over.
Not all of us have been on the baby train very long. Many of us don't even have 1 child yet. So every week is a new experience for us newbies.
My husband announcing he wants to try was a new thing for me. I'm trying to process it and reaching out to ladies in similar positions.
My Ovulation Chart Simple Link: My Ovulation Chart
Word.
To your mother
I will think on this. You present an interesting viewpoint.
My Ovulation Chart Simple Link: My Ovulation Chart
She won't come to TTGP. We're too mean.
"We're" too mean. You have 389 post. I doubt you are considered all of TTGP or a regular yet.
I'm sorry you're going through this - it must be really frustrating. I think the best thing to do is sit down with DH and let him know that you are 100% ready for a baby. If he says he is anything less than 100% ready, I would hold off until he was completely sure. Good luck!
yep
If you are really set on having a child, then speak it through with you partner, but try and have a handy note of all the postive things that having a child can bring, as most of the time when people change their minds its because thet dwell on the negitve. Hope all the best for you xx
This x a million!
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I know! Fake a BFP this month and analyze his reaction!! That will be totally fun.
TTC#1 Chart
TTC#2 Chart
IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09)
med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
$5 says this is the OP's AE.
No bet. I'm right there with ya.
We've all been in the situation of being new to the baby train. No one's flaming you for that.
He's constantly changing his mind; you want to secretly TTA since you're not sure about his feelings. How is this not clear as day to you that neither one of you are ready to have a child? Seriously--I get you want a baby. I'm sure we can all empathize with that emotion. Wanting one and being ready for one are two different things. Your marriage clearly is not in a place where it's ready for one and bringing a child into that kind of situation is not going to end well for anyone involved. Go back on birth control, get your sh!t together, then get pregnant when you're actually ready.
DH is holding firm with wanting to try but has said he is still very nervous about it. I told him that all the back and forth from him has left me feeling unsure if we are in a place where we should be trying right now and that despite his words his past actions can't be undone. Since I would like to try to avoid having a baby in December we decided that we would wait and start trying in April.
This gives him time to become more comfortable with his change of heart and will give me time to trust he won't change his mind again. As a bonus I can get through annual reviews, pay off the last credit card, and potentially snag that promotion too.
Thank you for your harsh words ladies... At least the constructive harsh words. Sometimes I need a kick in the right direction.
Side note, I don't have an AE. When I need to make myself feel better I break into the ice cream instead.
My Ovulation Chart Simple Link: My Ovulation Chart
Nonreading newb FTW!
OP, I don't know if you're still checking this thread or not, but I'll post anyway.
Unless there's some sort of back story that I'm missing, your situation doesn't sound that weird to me (other than your DH's announcement to your parents--which would personally bother me). Trying to conceive is a surreal experience. It's a roller coaster of emotions, and not everyone has the same feelings on the matter. Some people think they know with 100% certainty from the time they are children that they want to be parents but begin question that idea when they begin the process of TTC. Doubt happens.
I understand that you don't want your husband to end up regretting this decision, and unless there's some back story I'm missing, it sounds like you're trying to be very considerate of his feelings.
I suggest sitting down and having a serious conversation about the topic. Tell him how you feel and that you don't want him to end up regretting the decision if you guys end up actually conceiving. If he says he's genuinely ready, then take that as his answer. No more secretly TTA.
(And side note: Although I don't think it's right to lie and secretly TTA, I disagree that it's just as bad as secretly TTC. There's a BIG difference in my book.)