Every major hurdle we get through is such a relief. Then when we get to a new step, I obsess about that. Like now, I've had my trigger shot, i cant stop being scared that I will ovulate all my eggs lol. Im obsessing about what if none of them fertilize if they do retrieve them. Geez! I just want my mind to relax!!!!!!!!!!
.
IVF July 2012
Re: Does anyone else do this?
DX: DH (30) severe MFI, severely low count & low motility
Me (32): all clear
Appt with Urologist 5/21/12: exam, ultrasound, bloodwork all normal.
Testicular Biopsy with TESE on 6/8/12. good sperm found! (left side only) froze sperm, failed thaw test
Orientation for IVF/ICSI on 6/13/12. Waiting for the green light following biopsy results...results show adequate sperm production both sides.
2nd SA 6/18/12: sample is "adequate for ICSI"
Plan: IVF/ICSI July 2012!
ER: 7/26/12. 15 eggs retrieved, all mature.
TESE/TESA/aspiration from epididymis, no motile sperm found
froze all eggs, the saga of praying for good sperm continues.
8/3/12: 2nd opinion from MFI uro on biopsy slides. Suspects "partial late maturation arrest."
Plan: more SAs, third biopsy/TESE with frozen back-up either from DH or DS.
SA 8/17/12: Zero sperm
SA 8/23/12: Zero sperm
9/26/12: SPERM FOUND! 15 eggs thawed, 12 survived and were ICSI'd, only 3 fertilized normally. Refrozen as embies and will thaw in Nov. Please survive and grow!
All 3 survived the thaw on 11/15/12!
FET 11/17/12: transferred 2, one 4B, one 4C. Beta 11/30:BFFN
moving on to DS
DIUI#1 2/18/13,50mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta 3/4/13: BFN.
DIUI#2 3/19/13, 50 mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta #1 (14dpiui) 4/2/13: BFP!!!! 150. Beta #2 4/4/13: 420 Beta #3 4/8/13: 2691. Beta #4 4/15/13: 15,086
1st u/s 4/8/13 shows one gestational sac
2nd u/s 4/15/13 shows yolk sac, fetal pole and early heartbeat
3rd u/s 4/25/13: measuring right on track. Heart rate 148 bpm
A/S 7/22/13: IT'S A BOY!!
PAIF/SAIF Always Welcome
[IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/2qmon5u.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd243/laurakat24/turkeybaster-1.jpg"[/IMG]
6/20/11 mc @ 5wks
10/19/11 mc @ 17wks- Trisomy 18
IUI #1 4/26/12 BFN
Moving on to IVF in July
37 with DOR...fabulous
ER 7/14/12 6R 5F, ET 7/17 3 embies, beta #1 7/26: 147, beta #2 7/28: 326, beta#3 7/30: 422...ugh, beta#4 7/31: 607...hopeful, beta #5 8/2: 1280, beta #6 8/7: 7184 and u/s shows 1 possibly 2 sacs! 8/14 2 beautiful heartbeats! 9/24 we are TEAM BLUE!!!!!
I feel the exact same way. I am a manager by profession, and I feel like I try to over-manage my IF to the point of obsession. I have learned that I go from healthy manager to massive control freak when the issue at hand is something that is near and dear to my heart. And having a child is something we all want more than anything else in this world, so it's no wonder we scrutinize every detail of our cycles. I have personally had to make it an cognitive exercise to remind myself that I trust my RE, she drives this IVF ship MUCH better than I ever could, and by stressing out I can actually be harming the process. Thank goodness for acupuncture and guided meditations to try to mellow me out some.
But bottom line, you're right - there is nothing we can really do. And relaxing is a lot easier said than done, but try to take care of yourself and know that I'm sure a lot of women feel exactly the same way. For example, I feel like I'm going to be that random person that Lupron Microdose won't suppress and this cyle will all be ruined. It is totally irrational, but I think it is normal to think of all of the 'what if's" throughout such an important process in our lives. Hang in there!
************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
DH: Severe MFI
12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN
8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
My ovaries are just for decoration
12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts.
2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.
6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d.
11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522 Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373
6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!
Snowflake baby is a girl!
Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!
My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
TTC since 9/10 consult 1/12 All testing came back fine Diagnosed with Unexplained infertility -3 medicated IUI's All BFN IVF - ER 11/14 24R, 15M, 13F ET 11/19, BETA 11/28 BFFN --Next step FET in Jan ET scheduled for 1/24. Beta #1 350 Beta #2 735. U/S Hell. miscarriage D&C at 9weeks. FET #2 ET 5/28 cancelled FET# 2.5 6/26 ET Beta 7/5 302 7/7 Beta #2 632 Everyone welcome
I'm already having panic attacks and we haven't even started our cycle. I was just telling DH this obsessive worrying due to IF is relentless...it's just so much pressure when you are investing so much time, money and energy without a 100% guarantee of a take home healthy baby. But hey, what other options do we have!
Good luck!
Lap&Dye/Hysterscopy Feb 2012: Endo stage 2
April - June 2012: Femera 5 mg & 3 IUIs = All BFN July/August 2012: IVF #1 = C/P
September/October 2012: IVF #2 BFP! Beta 1= 223 Beta 2 = 480 Beta 3 = 11,440
My beautiful daughter was born June 21, 2013
TTC #2 naturally, no luck
IVF #3 April 2015: BFN
IVF #4 July 2015: BFP! Beta 1 9dp5dt = 409, Beta 2 13dp5dt = 1743
"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I"m still looking up."
TTC #1 since August 2011 MFI Diagnosis - April 2012
IVF #1 - July 2012 - Stims start 7/2, ER 7/12, 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 13 fertilized!
ET - 7/17 - 1 blast transferred. Beta - 7/26 273, Beta 2 7/30 - 1143. Beta 3 8/6 - 11,597
12/25 - Santa tells us "IT'S A GIRL!" EDD - April 4th
Our Little Easter Bunny has arrived!
Molly Mildred born 03/31/13
TTC A Sibling....... FET #1 11/14/14, Transferred one beautiful blast
Remaining four frosties arrested due to "embryologist error"
Plllllleasssee stick little icicle.....Beta 11/23...BFN
Starting ALL over with a fresh IVF cycle
Stims start 11/28/14, ER December 10th, 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, only 4 fertilized
1 Blast Transferred on December 15th..... Beta Christmas Eve... Please Santa, bring me a baby!
Beta #1 345.....Beta #2....750/ First U/S 1/13/15/HB 131....EDD 9/2/2015
Me: 29, Mild DOR
DH: 31, SE mostly normal, 1st SE morph 5%, 2nd SE morph 15%...yeah!.
BFP July 2011, Natural MC August 2011.
3 cycles of 50mg Clomid = BFN
*New RE* Feb/Mar 2012 100 mg Clomid + Trigger + IUI = BFN
*3rd RE* April-June -Break Cycles begin prep for IVF by doing 2 Heparin injects daily....fun fun!
IVF #1 - ER 7/19, ET 7/24, 2 beautiful embies transferred. Beta 8/2 = BFN
*New RE...yes again* FET Nov 2012 with our lone ranger = BFFN
RE Suggests Trying IUI Again, Jan. 2013 IUI #2 =BFN
Feb. 2013 IUI #3 = BFP!!!, Beta #1 (15dpIUI) = 90, Beta #2 (17dpIUI) = 210, U/S Scheduled for 3/18
Enjoy life, smile alot, and always be positive!
~*~Married 8/31/08~*~
DX: MFI due to Chemo/Stem Cell Transplant for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. RE said IVF is best option with DH's frozen boys.
IVF #1 April 2012: Menopur and Bravelle; 1 egg retrieved, 0 fertilized. Boo.
IVF #2 August 2012: Gonal-F 300, Menopur 300. Beta #1 9/6: 382... BFPx2!
Our boys couldn't wait to meet us! Colin and Kieran arrived March 26, 2013 at 33w1d.
Make a pregnancy ticker
I bet he's afraid of that, too! Even if he won't admit it ;-) I know my DH is! All par for the course unfortunately. Do you have the option of freezing sperm for back-up? We did that & it took a lot of pressure off DH.
IF is not for the faint of heart!! All the wondering, and what if's would drive anyone a little crazy. And believe me...we have all been there! But as people have said most of it is out of our control. And as hard as it may be you just need to try and not worry because stress never helps any situation!
Good luck with everything!
Me 38 MH 41 - TTC since June 2010 - dx with Severe MFI. Straight to IVF with ICSI. IVF #1 - ER 06/13/12 - 9 Eggs Retrieved - 4 ICSI'd - only 2 fert. 06/15/12 - 2DT - 3 cell & 6 cell with fragmentation. Beta 06/29/12 - IVF #1 = BFN. 07/20/12 - WTF Appt -Told by our RE to quit IVF. Second Opinion from RE is good. IVF#2 - November 2012. Estradiol Pills Started 11/6. Stims start 11/16. ER 11/26 - 7 eggs retrieved - all mature. 4 fertilized with ICSI. ET 11/29 Transferred 3 embryos. Beta is 12/10. 1st Beta 81 2nd Beta 160 and 3rd beta 360!!! First U/S 12/21/12 - We saw one beautiful gest. sac. 2nd U/S is 01/04/2013 - H/B 183 02/05/13 - NT Scan - everything looks good and IT'S A BOY! Aiden was born 08/20/2013.
IVF #2 is in progress. ER was 05/12/14 - 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized with ICSI. ET was 05/15/14 - we transferred 3 embryos as we did on the cycle my son was conceived. We were able to freeze 3 embryos. Beta is scheduled for 05/26/14. 1st beta - 111. 2nd beta - 159 didn't double 3rd beta Friday 5/30) - not a lot of hope left. Beta # 3 is 247 - probably ectopic. Beta # 4 is 813 - possibly vanishing multiple sydrome? 06/05/14 - 5w4days - first U/S - we see a gestational sac and yolk - still have hope! 06/17/14 - 7w1day - U/S and saw and heard the heartbeat - Finally! 06/27/14 - 8w4days - Baby and heartbeat look and sound great EDD 02/01/14 and It's a boy!
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
Yes to all the obsessive thoughts listed--especially this.
TTC since 10/2010
IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
Absolutely - the majority of us do that I am sure.
I do not want to scare you, but during my first IVF cycle, they retrieved 27 eggs. All the nurses were thrilled - talking about how incredible it was. I was on cloud nine when I left my retrieval. It never even crossed my mind that something bad could come out of 27 eggs. Well, I got a call the next morning that not one of my eggs fertilized. I heard the news and just collapsed. (In an effort to make you feel better, the Dr said it was VERY rare and I did fertilize with ICSI next time).
2nd IVF cycle I was terrified ICSI wouldn't work, but we had an incredibly success rate - the news was amazing. I even got a positive pregnancy test, but ultimately miscarried.
Now I am onto my 3rd cycle and the constant thoughts about what else can go wrong are never ending. Unfortunately, I think the honest truth about all of this is that it is an emotionally draining experience, but we suffer through it so that we may have a family. Just know that if something does go wrong - take time to mourn, but pick yourself up and get a new plan with your Doctor. Every time something goes wrong with a cycle - it is a learning experience.
Good luck!
I used to be this really calm, carefree, relaxed chick...
...and then IF happened.
Now I obsess about every little thing. Seriously.
Just last week, I was convinced that my cousin did my trigger shot too low and that it wouldn't absorb properly because it didn't hurt enough. I think I have lost it.
TTC since March 2009 // Me and DH - 28
Testing Summer/Fall 2010 - Unexplained IF
IUIs #1-4 ~ Clomid/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
IUI #5 ~ Femara/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ BFN
IUIs #6-9 ~ Research Study Meds/Pregnyl/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
IVF Consultation, More Testing
Diagnostic Cycle ~ Mucinex/Progesterone/TI ~ BFN
IVF #1 ~ Menopur/Bravelle/Ganirelix/Novarel/Progesterone/Lupron
7R, 6F // 2 transferred // 3 frosties ~ BFN
FET #1 ~ Estrace/PIO/Lupron
3 thawed // 2 transferred // 1 lost // no more frosties ~ BFP!!
Beta #1 - 456 // Beta #2 - 1176 // Beta #3 - 2933 // Beta #4 - 6753
EDD: May 16, 2013
Bedrest for SCH // 6w2d through 10w1d
Elevated TSH and Lazy Thyroid DX @ 10w - Started Synthroid
Finally released from RE at 13w
~~ My IF Blog ~~
This is SO ME!!!!!
************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
DH: Severe MFI
12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN
8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
My ovaries are just for decoration
12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts.
2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.
6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d.
11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522 Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373
6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!
Snowflake baby is a girl!
Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!
My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake