I don't even know where to begin....
So this morning started off with a bang when we got a phone call at 5 a.m. to pick up our second order of chicks from the post office (which will ultimately become laying hens for our farm). Upon opening the box 4 of the babies were dead and many of the others were on their way out. I've never had this happen before so I was horrified. I felt like it was a bad sign for the ET.
Anyway, that story could go on for a while but I'll fast forward to ET. We show up early, and have our plan in place... transfer one blast... hopefully we'll have about 6 snowbabies, based on what the doctor said... I go back to the treatment room for a pre-transfer acupuncture session, and DH joins me there once I'm done.
Then the doctor comes in, and says "We have a lot we have to talk about" which is the kind of statement that makes your blood run cold. It turns out my eggs looked a little funny from the beginning (more like a moon than a sun, thanks to vacuoles)... But everything was progressing well on Day 3 with 18 embryos in the "viable" category (normal progression, either good or fair grading.) That's plenty, so they followed the usual protocol and pushed me to a Day 5 transfer.
Between Day 3 and Day 5, apparently, everything went to $hit. We were left with one "fair" pre-blast, and two "poor" compact morulas. Everything else is graded poor and considerably further behind. They will continue to culture them out until tomorrow and nurture them as best they can but there is little hope we will have anything to freeze. We'll get the call on that tomorrow.
My RE, who had told us all along that we'd be transferring one, urged us to transfer all three to have a shot at pregnancy. She used the words "cautiously optimistic" about the outcome if we transferred all three but she also used the words "multiple IVFs" and "egg quality."
But about the three -- MH and I have never had the HOM discussion, the selective reduction discussion, or anything like that. We had jointly agreed to transfer one embryo... and suddenly there we were with a bunch of fallen-behind embies and a doctor telling us to transfer three. (And me, of course, half naked through all this.)
We did what the doctor recommended but there are so many questions now. Why didn't the embryos make it? Why were my eggs crappy? Was it a one time fluke thing? Was it the meds? Was it the sperm? We don't know. And to be honest, I'm terrified of a triplets pregnancy (although I'm not sure which would be worse between that and not being pregnant at all.) Oh! And when the acupuncturist came in for the post-transfer treatment, and told her what happened she said "oh, I had a woman who transferred three embryos and get pregnant with triplets."
DH said it was the worst day of his life. He was really strong, though, until the car ride home when we both pretty much fell apart. I think I've had one day in my life that was worse than this, but I'm still feeling pretty lost right now. All along, I was supposed to be the healthy one! Now suddenly I might be broken too.
We went in with so much hope and excitement (even talking about baby names on the drive down) and left shattered. Pink's "Perfect" came on the radio on the drive home (the IF board theme song!) and I was fighting back tears until MH said to let it out... and we both basically sobbed. We sobbed a couple more times on the ride home.
So... yeah. Any prayers for sticky babies (but not too many sticky babies) would be appreciated. Because these guys might be our only hope. We're trying to stay strong and be positive but it's so hard. We promised them we wouldn't give up on them, and that's what we've done for all of our "farm family" -- nursing chickens back to health when everyone said to give up! So we're not giving up and hoping our little bean(s) stick, even though we're scared.
Severe MFI. Me: supposedly all clear but eggs showed vacuoles.
IVF #1 January 2012, ER Jan 14th: 34R, 27M, 23F. Day 3: 18 embies still strong. Day 5: zero "good," one "fair," the rest "poor." Transferred 3. None made it to blast or to freeze. Jan 28: BFN.
Lucky IVF #2: Transferred two beautiful day three embies on St. Patrick's Day. BFP on HPT 7dp3dt. Beta 1 (14dpER)=106; Beta 2 (16dpER)=140; Beta 3 (19dpER)=264! First u/s 4.17.
Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)
Re: ET Update :( (long)
oh lynda - I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I want you to try to stay positive during your 2ww - but know that you are not alone in this.
I hope limpetfan reads this (shes on vacation) - b/c this sounds exactly like her experience. And a bit like mine as well- I don't want you to be discouraged by our histories. I am also scared to $hit about transferring 3 - but we may do that next cycle.
((hugs))
Let me know if you need anything or want to chat more.
And sending you lots of sticky embie vibes...
Dx: PCOS and MFI
3 IUIs, 4 IVFs = BFFN
3rd RE: IVF #5/FET = BFP
14dp5dt=1170 16dp5dt=2573
1st u/s=TWINS!
It's a Boy and a Girl!
Born at 34w3d!
5/09- Off BCP, 5/09-9/09- No period, 9/09-9/10- Lots of Tests & accupuncture
10/10 and 11/10- 2 rounds of Menopur + TI= BFNS
12/10-IUI #1 Menopur = BFN
1/11- IUI #2 Menopur = BFP, 2/11 missed mc at 9 weeks, D&C
5/11- Operative Hysteroscopy to remove uterine septum
6/11- IUI #3 Menopur = BFP, 8/11 missed mc at 11 weeks, D&C
1/12- Lap and Operative Hysteroscopy to remove uterine septum (again) & scar tissue
2/12- Stint Removal, 3/12 repeat SHG and HSG- showed scar tissue blocking right tube
4/12- Operative hysteroscopy (again), RE said he can now see right tube (yay!)
5/12- Stint removal, 6/12 repeat SHG and HSG-both tubes are open!
8/12- IUI #4 Bravelle = BFN
9/12-IUI #5 Bravelle = BFN
1/13- IVF #1, micro-flare protocol, 7R, 6F, 5dt of 2 AA embryos, 1 to freeze = BFP
Beta #1: 176, Beta #2: 422, EDD 10/8/13- it's TWINS!
*PAIF/SAIF always welcome*
Oh sweetie
My heart hurts for you right now. I'm so sorry to hear about your chicks...how are the others doing now?
I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now. I am so sorry about the news your RE delivered
I am praying for you! Lots of love and hugs!
Chemical Pregnancy
Lynda, I am so sorry. (((Hugs)))
I will be praying for those little embryos every day.
Started fertility treatments 11/2010
Ovarian dysfunction, LPD, male factor
6 failed medicated IUI's
Pregnant 5/2011 - Miscarriage at 6 weeks due to triploidy
Decided to adopt - 6/2012
SURPRISE! Pregnant without intervention - 7/2012
Sweet Baby James Born 3/2013
Decided to be "One and Done"
....OR NOT.
Pregnant 12/2018 despite birth control pills
Here we go again...
Due 8/26/19!
"I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted what I asked of him." ~1 Samuel 1:27
"Whatever it takes, we walk together." ~Pittsburgh Penguins
My IF-turned-baby blog
MFI: zero sperm (using pre-chemo frozen samples)
9/2011 IUI#1 + 50mg Clomid= BFN
10/2011 IUI#2 100mg Clomid+Trigger=BFN
11/2011 IUI#3 (Last before IVF)100mg Clomid+Trigger=BFN
1/2012 IVF. ER 1/25 (18R 15M 15F) ET 1/29
Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
Lynda, I am so sorry sweetie. What awful news - did your doctor explain what she thought happened with the eggs? Hopefully she has some information for you and DH after going through such a long and expensive cycle.
It sounds like it is just a waiting game now so I am sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers your way. Please let us know how you're doing over the next few days and how things go with your beta. (((Hugs))) In the meantime, try to be nice to yourself and relax as much as you can given the circumstances although I know that's probably pretty close to impossible.
I didn't realize you got acupuncture at PFC. Do you see Sara by any chance? I know she works there, but I go to her private practice. She is an absolute sweetheart.
3 IUIs to get BFP w/baby #2
Lost baby #2 at nearly 12 weeks (D&C on 9/19/14)
Dx PCOS (June 2006, re-confirmed March 2012), Anemia (May 2010-Still fighting to correct it), Fibromyalgia (May 2011)
Initial b/w - normal
HSG (March 2012) revealed right tube open and looking great. Left tube deformed with hydrosalpinx.
Lap (April 2012) Removal of left fallopian tube. Right tube open and viable, but "rather enlarged." NO evidence of endometriosis...Uterus looks beautiful and "very capable" of carrying a pregnancy!
October 2012 - Clomid 50mg + trigger + IUI = BFN
With all factors taken into account, RE is recommending IVF. Planning on moving forward with treatment as a single woman using DS by Summer 2013.
After 17 months of trying, Surprise BFP #1 2.15.2008 | EDD 8.7.2008 | Lost 2.16.2008
After 2 more years of trying, Surprise BFP #2 1.29.2012 | EDD 9.11.2012 | Lost 1.29.2012
Surprise BFP #3 3.27.2012 | EDD 12/2/2012 | Lost 4.1.2012
My Blog Pinterest
Oh no, I'm so sorry hun. Your post made me cry because I can't imagaine how shocked and sad this made you. Especially on a day that should of been so hopeful.
I'll definitely send some prayers your way. Just know I'm thinking about you and pulling for you.
After more than 2 years of fertility treatments, FET did the trick!
IVF March 2012 - BFP! - Severe OHSS = 8 days in the hospital in kidney failure
No heartbeat at 10w6d
FET August 27,2012 = BFP!
It's a boy!
My Blog - 3 Dogs, No Baby
IUI#4 1/23/13 on 75iu x9 Follistim = BFP then chem preg m/c (Feb 2013)
IUI#5 BFN (April 2013)
S/PAIFW , S/PALW
My Blog
10/11: Dx PCOS, 2000mg Metformin
My Blog
April Nesties March siggy challenge: Next Vacation, Anguilla!!
Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant
Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB , 2nd u/s 146bpm
baby girl born 5/10/13
TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28.
IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!! Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!
Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl
I'm so sorry, hon. It isn't over yet. But, I do understand that fear and sorrow. ((HUGS)) Praying that you have one or two stick. Don't give up on them just yet.
If you guys can do another cycle (or two). Don't give up just yet. There is hope. Another former TTTCer had the same problem with vacules in her eggs and poor looking embryos. They added HGH to her third IVF protocol and she ended up with two embryos to transfer. She is now holding twin girls. It can happen.
Keeping you, your DH and your embies in my T&Ps!
~SAIF/PAIF/Everyone Welcome~
Me= 37 and DH = 41
Dx: DOR, Endo, APA+ (really high beta 2 glycoprotein antibody and high everything else tested), heterozygous MTHFR mutation, positive for lupus anticoagulant, high FSH, low AMH and both tubes blocked (per HSG on 3/8/11)
IVF #1 - long lupron (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 4 retrieved, 3 fertilized; ET 2 blasts and 1 frozen = BFN
IVF #2 - a version of antagonist with EPP (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized, 2 blasts and 1 frozen blast transferred on day 5 = BFN.
IVF #3 April was postponed to May, May was canceled. June/July was canceled. Had a cyst aspiration and then began IVF #3 in August. ER on 8/22; ET on 8/24 with AH. +HPT on 9/5. Beta #1 (11dpo) = 3; Beta #2 (15dpo) = 29; Beta #3 (17dpo) = 60; Beta #4 (19 dpo) = 118. Heartbeat at 6 weeks 6 days =132. Lil is here!
TTC#2: Trigger + TI = BFN; Clomid + Trigger + IUI = BFN.
IVF #4: BCP + MDLF + Lovenox = 7R, 1F = Transferred 1 6-cell embryo on day 3 = BFN
IVF #5: MDLF + Lovenox = 4R, 1F = Transferred 1 10-cell compacting embryo on day 3 = BFN
IVF #6: (New RE): Long Antagonist November 2014 (transferred two 8 cell grade 1 embryos and froze one blast) = BFN
FET#1: BFN
I agree with pulga! I was so excited for you when I heard how many eggs you got and I can't believe you are going through this. I am so so sorry sweetie. I am sending lots of T&P your way and sticky embie vibes also!
FSH #1: 10.9 (E2 80.7). FSH #2: 11.8 (E2 72.6). FSH #3: 9.1 (E2 36)
AMH: 2.6. AFC: ranges 9-21. HSG: clear. SHG: normal.
After 3 failed TI cycles, 3 failed IUI cycles, a couple of c/ps, we got our sticky baby on IUI #4 (first with injects).
Feb '12 Clomid/Menopur/Ganirelix/IVIL/Heparin/Acupuncture + IUI #4= BFP!
Baby girl born at 34 weeks on 10/16/12
<a href="http://s36.photobucket.com/albums/e42/cnickis/Nicki Wedding/?action=view
First RE appt 10/11
Me- 29; DX- Stage II Endo & hydrosalpinx
DH- 34 w/ "borderline morph"
12/2011, 1/2012, & 3/2012- tamoxifen+TI= BFNs
Lap- 4/11/12- removed ovarian cyst, adhesions, and repaired twisted tube
IVF#1- BFN
IVF#2- ER 10/14; Transferred 3 beautiful 8cells on 10/17; BFP! 10/29 beta#1- 152, beta#2- 378, beta#3- 755
~ S/PAIF welcome ~
IVF #1 with ICSI - ER 1/20 (16R, 12M, 10F), ET 1/23 (1-10 cell and 1-8cell transferred), BFP on 1/31 Beta #1 on 2/3 = 68, Beta #2 on 2/6 = 261 EDD 10/12/12
Jalara thanks so much. I'm gonna send you a PM in a few mins once I get through responding
As for your questions --
Yes, the embryologist and RE both spoke to us for the better part of an hour. They don't have any answers right now but I imagine we'll talk more if we get to the point of a WTF appointment.
And we could hypothetically afford to cycle again, partly because we (THANK GOD) chose the package deal. So if this doesn't work and there are no embies to freeze, we get 80% of our money back. I am so, so glad that we did this... although I wish we went for the "multiple IVF cycle package" instead of the "1 fresh, infinite frozen for a year" package. But oh well. We obviously couldn't have foreseen this.
We still had 14 chicks (out of 25) at last count but DH is going out to check on them again. I hope that some of them pull through... just like my embies!
Severe MFI. Me: supposedly all clear but eggs showed vacuoles.
IVF #1 January 2012, ER Jan 14th: 34R, 27M, 23F. Day 3: 18 embies still strong. Day 5: zero "good," one "fair," the rest "poor." Transferred 3. None made it to blast or to freeze. Jan 28: BFN.
Lucky IVF #2: Transferred two beautiful day three embies on St. Patrick's Day. BFP on HPT 7dp3dt. Beta 1 (14dpER)=106; Beta 2 (16dpER)=140; Beta 3 (19dpER)=264! First u/s 4.17.
Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)
Thanks so much Hootie. Isn't it awesome to be the "special case" (out of all of the special cases)?!? The doctor was talking about how this is just so very unusual... sigh.
In a way maybe it was easier that we were in shock when we decided to transfer three... than to have to consider it and think about it rationally for a longer time period. But yeah, holy cr@p, it is a crazy decision.
Thanks again.
Severe MFI. Me: supposedly all clear but eggs showed vacuoles.
IVF #1 January 2012, ER Jan 14th: 34R, 27M, 23F. Day 3: 18 embies still strong. Day 5: zero "good," one "fair," the rest "poor." Transferred 3. None made it to blast or to freeze. Jan 28: BFN.
Lucky IVF #2: Transferred two beautiful day three embies on St. Patrick's Day. BFP on HPT 7dp3dt. Beta 1 (14dpER)=106; Beta 2 (16dpER)=140; Beta 3 (19dpER)=264! First u/s 4.17.
Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)
We totally felt this way too. Like -- even having that one piece of information ahead of time would have made today a tiny bit better... because then we wouldn't have been totally blindsided, thinking that everything was going perfectly. I understand that they only look at the embryos on the morning of Day 3 and morning of Day 5 so they wouldn't have known how many would arrest -- but they at least could have told us to prepare ourselves.
Severe MFI. Me: supposedly all clear but eggs showed vacuoles.
IVF #1 January 2012, ER Jan 14th: 34R, 27M, 23F. Day 3: 18 embies still strong. Day 5: zero "good," one "fair," the rest "poor." Transferred 3. None made it to blast or to freeze. Jan 28: BFN.
Lucky IVF #2: Transferred two beautiful day three embies on St. Patrick's Day. BFP on HPT 7dp3dt. Beta 1 (14dpER)=106; Beta 2 (16dpER)=140; Beta 3 (19dpER)=264! First u/s 4.17.
Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)
Honestly in the chaos of the appointment I can't 100% remember my acupuncturist's name but I think it was Sara... is she the one with the practice in W. Marin? If so, she was totally wonderful and such a calming influence on a really awful day. Say hi for me -- she'll remember me as the Sonoma farmer who gave her eggs!
Severe MFI. Me: supposedly all clear but eggs showed vacuoles.
IVF #1 January 2012, ER Jan 14th: 34R, 27M, 23F. Day 3: 18 embies still strong. Day 5: zero "good," one "fair," the rest "poor." Transferred 3. None made it to blast or to freeze. Jan 28: BFN.
Lucky IVF #2: Transferred two beautiful day three embies on St. Patrick's Day. BFP on HPT 7dp3dt. Beta 1 (14dpER)=106; Beta 2 (16dpER)=140; Beta 3 (19dpER)=264! First u/s 4.17.
Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)
Oh Lynda, I am so incredibly sorry. I cant even begin to imagine the emotions you and your DH are feeling right now - my heart goes out to you both.
You and your DH will be in my thoughts and prayers. I am hoping that one of those embies stick around for the long haul.
(((HUGS)))
8 IUIs - 3 Cancelled cycles - 1 Ectopic Pregnancy with Left tube removal = A broken heart
IVF #1 : Fall 2012
15R - 13M - 13F w/ICSI - Transferred 2 day 5 blasts = BFP!!!
8 Frosties!
Beta #1: 135, Beta #2: 312, Beta #3: 996
10/21: Saw one beautiful flickering heartbeat! EDD: 6/12/13
?S/PAIFW?
IUI #1=BFN
IUI #2=BFP! Beta#1:87 Beta #2:1050
~It's a GIRL!~
"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."
**PAIF/SAIF Welcome**
TTC #1 March 2010 - Nov 2012
Me: 29, PCOS (anov), Hashimoto's Disease // DH: 30, normal SA
3 Clomid, 1 Clomid/Menopur, 1 Menopur w/ TI (CX 4x's due to cysts) - All BFN
1 Clomid/Menopur, 2 Menopur, 1 Follistim w/ IUI - All BFN
RPL & Karyotype testing normal
IUI #5 (12/1/12) --> Follistim + 1/3 hCG Trigger = BFP! EDD: 8/23/13
Betas --> 61 (13dpo) // 156 (16 dpo) // 223 (18dpo) // 656 (21 dpo)
U/S --> 5w0d - sac seen // 6w0d - hb detected // 7w0d - hb seen and heard, measuring 6w6d!
8w6d - wiggly baby! // 9w3d - wiggly baby with fingers!
Baby boy born 8/24/13
My Blog: Searching for Lucky Socks
This really makes me want to go into the fetal position and have a good long cry. I am so shocked and saddened by this turn of events. I don't even have words to describe it. I'm so sorry that things turned out this way for you.
I just went to the mandatory IVF meeting yesterday, which was mostly a waste of time, but there were a few things I learned. One was that our lab freezes embryos at two different stages. Either immediately after it fertilizes normally, and/or at the blastocyst stage. Anyone who has over 10 embryos has some frozen early because they survive the freeze/thaw process at a much higher rate. Then the remainder are cultivated, the best one(s) put back, and any remaining of good enough quality are frozen. If you have to do it again, perhaps ask about this so at least they don't go to sht all at once. I'm still in disbelief.
You're still not out as poor looking embies can survive just fine! Hold onto hope! We are all rooting for at least 1 sticky bean!
IUI#3 brought us our dragon baby Z
TTCAL January 2015 Siggy Challenge: Animal Snow Interactions
TTC#1 since 5/2010 (charting, AO)
2/2011: DX: PCOS, hypothyroid (1700 mg Metformin, 50 mcg Synthroid)
8/10/2011: First RE appt.
9/2011 & 10/2011: Clomid + Ovidrel + TI = BFN
11/2011: Femara + Ovidrel + TI = BFN
1/2012: Femara + Follistim + Ovidrel + TI = BFP! (Praise the Lord!)
?3/23/2012: Graduated from the RE... moving on to a regular OB!?
?10/29/2012: Our precious baby boy was born via emergency C-section. 5 lbs, 13 oz; 18" long ?
TTC since March/April 2010
DX: MFI - less than 1 million sperm, 26% motility
DH put on anastrozole to increase counts
June/July 2011 100 mg Clomid + TS IUI#1 & IUI 2 - BFN :-(
Forced break due to DH getting spinal surgery in August 2011
IVF - January 2012: BFN
FET in April 2012 - BFP at 6dp5dt! Beta #1 at 9dp5dt: 82.5, Beta #2 at 12dp5dt: 352 Beta #3 at 19dp5dt: 6000, saw heartbeat and one little bean at 5W6D!
After nearly 3 years of waiting our LO was born December 18th 2012!