preparing for child birth

atlb · November 2011

bdcram:
oOSoreVagOo:

Darth,

This is your vag. Please stop having your husband fist me. It hurts.
How would you like being punched in the face over and over again?

TIA,

Your Vag

While this is funny did you really need to make a new user name just to write it? I'm just saying I would want to credit if I came up with it.

Aww, you don't get it. Bless your heart.

pinkiemo · November 2011

TEARING HAPPENS. Not end of world. Scars are cool.

oOSoreVagOo · November 2011

rrcraz7:

dirthvader:
rrcraz7- Do you mind if I messaged you? I would really like to ask a few questions, I know this whole thing is sort of personal so I don't know if you would be comfortable answering here.

You can. I'm an open book though (no pun intended) so ask away. No shame in my game.

RR,

I just spoke to your vag. She wanted me to tell you thank you for making her flapptastic with stretches and not fist punches to the cervix.

atlb · November 2011

bdcram:
atlb:
bdcram:
oOSoreVagOo:

Darth,

This is your vag. Please stop having your husband fist me. It hurts.
How would you like being punched in the face over and over again?

TIA,

Your Vag

While this is funny did you really need to make a new user name just to write it? I'm just saying I would want to credit if I came up with it.

Aww, you don't get it. Bless your heart.

How do I not get it? I think it's hilarious

I don't know... you tell me. Is there anything up there?

atlb · November 2011

bdcram:
atlb:
bdcram:
oOSoreVagOo:

Darth,

This is your vag. Please stop having your husband fist me. It hurts.
How would you like being punched in the face over and over again?

TIA,

Your Vag

While this is funny did you really need to make a new user name just to write it? I'm just saying I would want to credit if I came up with it.

Aww, you don't get it. Bless your heart.

How do I not get it? I think it's hilarious

Why do you edit every.single.post 5 seconds after you post it? Maybe you need to institute a 60-second waiting period before you hit that hot little button.

pinkiemo · November 2011

CatahoulaMom:
So having your 'DS' didn't do it for you enough? It's naughty to lie about having a child already.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/56265574.aspx

It's the last post on the thread.

.

Oooh, now it's been DD. Dum dum duhm!

rrcraz7 · November 2011

bdcram:
oOSoreVagOo:
Darth,

This is your vag. Please stop having your husband fist me. It hurts.
How would you like being punched in the face over and over again?

TIA,

Your Vag
While this is funny did you really need to make a new user name just to write it? I'm just saying I would want to credit if I came up with it.

Really?

She didn't create it for this. Welcome back SV!

Jnmac83 · November 2011

I'd like to thank the universe for putting this thread into my life. I haven't laughed so hard in quite awhile.

Fist pump away, OP!

oOSoreVagOo · November 2011

bdcram:
oOSoreVagOo:

Darth,

This is your vag. Please stop having your husband fist me. It hurts.
How would you like being punched in the face over and over again?

TIA,

Your Vag

While this is funny did you really need to make a new user name just to write it? I'm just saying I would want to credit if I came up with it.

Oh.. I get credit.

I'm just your friendly neighborhood vagina, trying to stop the injustice of vagina abuse everywhere.

sweetgotham · November 2011

pinkiemo:
CatahoulaMom:

So having your 'DS' didn't do it for you enough? It's naughty to lie about having a child already.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/56265574.aspx

It's the last post on the thread.

.

Oooh, now it's been DD. Dum dum duhm!

Wow...I saw it before it DDed....pretty clear that there was a 'DS' she said she had to go 'tend to'.

staycee · November 2011

this is going down in Bump history along with such infamous dumb posts as "fingernail full of feta", "CatPiss" and "Irish Twins".

Yay!

catahoulatte · November 2011

sweetgotham:
pinkiemo:
CatahoulaMom:

So having your 'DS' didn't do it for you enough? It's naughty to lie about having a child already.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/56265574.aspx

It's the last post on the thread.

.

Oooh, now it's been DD. Dum dum duhm!

Wow...I saw it before it DDed....pretty clear that there was a 'DS' she said she had to go 'tend to'.

Aww boo. I mean, this is obviously an AE, but at least it's hilariously entertaining.

" mce_src="">

dirthvader · November 2011

sweetgotham:
pinkiemo:
CatahoulaMom:

So having your 'DS' didn't do it for you enough? It's naughty to lie about having a child already.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/56265574.aspx

It's the last post on the thread.

.

Oooh, now it's been DD. Dum dum duhm!

Wow...I saw it before it DDed....pretty clear that there was a 'DS' she said she had to go 'tend to'.

I've never given birth we are raising my nephew who has lived with us since he was 4 weeks old. We are his parents so I refer to him as my son. And about the posts being deleted not sure. I wasn't even the person that started that post if it's the one about pinterest.

atlb · November 2011

LindsRockies:

atlb:

Why do you edit every.single.post 5 seconds after you post it? Maybe you need to institute a 60-second waiting period before you hit that hot little button.

Hey, where do you see where someone edits a post? I edit mine a lot when I misspell stuff.

Almost every time I quote one of her posts, by the time my reply has gone through, there is additional info in the post. It has been annoying the shiit out of me because she does it every.time.

atlb · November 2011

horsetail!

landosmommy · November 2011

argonne:
dirthvader:

I'm not asking this as a joke. DH and I have talked about this often. I've read about massage and other techniques to stretch so I will be better prepared when the time comes. I do not want any tearing that will result in stitches.

Dude...seriously. Tearing is not the end of the world and most women do...no matter what they do to prepare.

Yeah, seriously....

I would WAY rather tear & have stiches (which DID happen with DS) & heal to a normal size than stretch my va-jay-jay out & NEVER get it back to a normal size again. Do you want to have great sex ever again??? I feel sorry for your H!

magdalina.h · November 2011

staycee:
this is going down in Bump history along with such infamous dumb posts as "fingernail full of feta", "CatPiss" and "Irish Twins".

Yay!

Who's making the badge that says I was here for fistpumping anti tearing?

orangedaisy85 · November 2011

After having DS, I'll tell you this - you can make all the plans and preparations you want, but things are going to go the way they're going to go. I don't think a single thing went as planned when having DS, other than having a healthy baby of course.

I don't think fisting is going to do any good...

catahoulatte · November 2011

dirthvader:

I've never given birth we are raising my nephew who has lived with us since he was 4 weeks old. We are his parents so I refer to him as my son. And about the posts being deleted not sure. I wasn't even the person that started that post if it's the one about pinterest.

In the event you are serious, where did you read about being fisted being good for childbirth? And how on board with this is your DH? I think my H's eyes would pop out of his head if I asked him to do that to me.

Like PPs said, do your kegels and perineum massage while KU. Lots of people have babies, survive, and sex is back to normal. No fisting required.

atlb · November 2011

LindsRockies:

Does anyone remember the wine box pee girl? She was going to piss in her co-worker's Franzia.

It's was DD'd, SAD.

YESSS!! Oh, the memories!

copzgirl · November 2011

I just want to know how many newbs just got their husbands off at work by telling them what they had to do tonight for the good of the cause.

staycee · November 2011

serious question to OP - what if you do succeed in fisting to stretch out your vag, and then end up with an emergency c-section?

What a waste of a perfectly good (I'm assuming) vag.

MillerTime13 · November 2011

I hereby institute a new weekly TTGP ritual:

staycee · November 2011

magdalina.h:
staycee:

this is going down in Bump history along with such infamous dumb posts as "fingernail full of feta", "CatPiss" and "Irish Twins".

Yay!

Who's making the badge that says I was here for fistpumping anti tearing?

I don't know how to make badges but here are my suggestions:

I (heart) fisting

DH punches my cervix

I survived fisting - 2011

magdalina.h · November 2011

staycee:
magdalina.h:
staycee:

this is going down in Bump history along with such infamous dumb posts as "fingernail full of feta", "CatPiss" and "Irish Twins".

Yay!

Who's making the badge that says I was here for fistpumping anti tearing?

I don't know how to make badges but here are my suggestions:

I (heart) fisting

DH punches my cervix

I survived fisting - 2011

I survived fisting is my favorite

catahoulatte · November 2011

staycee:

I don't know how to make badges but here are my suggestions:

I (heart) fisting

DH punches my cervix

I survived fisting - 2011

Oh man, the crying at work starts again. And my favorite is 'I survived fisting 2011'

MillerTime13 · November 2011

LindsRockies:

Who remembers this one? Saying she comes to the TTGP board to make herself feel better about her morning sickness.

Ah yes, that was a gem.

greeneyed_bride · November 2011

I haven't read any of the responses yet, but the original post just made me spit out the shredded wheat I was eating, so thanks for that!!

amykins1283 · November 2011

Seriously, fisting?? Yikes. That's commitment.

You really don't need to go that far. Like others have said, do kegels religiously and it will help a lot. FWIW, I gave birth to an 8 lb 5oz baby boy after 4 hours of pushing and got a second degree tear and what was happening to my vagina was the absolute last thing on my mind. I got sewn up and and I'm all back to normal now. If you tear, you tear, and the doc can fix you up just fine.

elfitche · November 2011

This definitely made my Friday! I am so glad I waited for my co-worker to leave the office before I LOL'd at this entire post!

shearluv13 · November 2011

I've never heard of this, but my advice would be to keep things down there tight as long as possible, no need to loosen up before needed! Good luck though.

President Camacho · November 2011

HEY DIRTH, CALL ME!

rrcraz7 · November 2011

atlb:
LindsRockies:

Does anyone remember the wine box pee girl? She was going to piss in her co-worker's Franzia.

It's was DD'd, SAD.

YESSS!! Oh, the memories!

But but but they were drinking her wine!!!

btaylor19 · November 2011

rrcraz7:
atlb:
LindsRockies:

Does anyone remember the wine box pee girl? She was going to piss in her co-worker's Franzia.

It's was DD'd, SAD.

YESSS!! Oh, the memories!

But but but they were drinking her wine!!!

I don't remember this one, but ewwwww

btaylor19 · November 2011

rrcraz7:
atlb:
LindsRockies:

Does anyone remember the wine box pee girl? She was going to piss in her co-worker's Franzia.

It's was DD'd, SAD.

YESSS!! Oh, the memories!

But but but they were drinking her wine!!!

I don't remember this one, but ewwwww

[Deleted User] · November 2011

The user and all related content has been deleted.

dirthvader · November 2011

rrcraz7:
atlb:
LindsRockies:

Does anyone remember the wine box pee girl? She was going to piss in her co-worker's Franzia.

It's was DD'd, SAD.

YESSS!! Oh, the memories!

But but but they were drinking her wine!!!

I sent you a message, let me know if it went through.

Jnmac83 · November 2011

staycee:
magdalina.h:
staycee:

this is going down in Bump history along with such infamous dumb posts as "fingernail full of feta", "CatPiss" and "Irish Twins".

Yay!

Who's making the badge that says I was here for fistpumping anti tearing?

I don't know how to make badges but here are my suggestions:

I (heart) fisting

DH punches my cervix

I survived fisting - 2011

::dead::

BEST. LINE. EVER.

advb0921 · November 2011

LindsRockies:
NeverKnew:

I feel this thread going bye-bye very soon, but before it goes:

The stretching that goes on during childbirth is infinity-times more preferred than living a life walking around with a saggy vagina. Like, stop stretching it out. Please.

Her vagine is going to hang like sleeve of wizard.

BHAHAHAHAHA

I'm dying from laughter, there was an actual tear shed

btaylor19 · November 2011

BrazilianPeach:

OMG!!!!! That one made me laugh out loud at work. Just couldn't hold it in anymore. Best thread EVER

MillerTime13:

I hereby institute a new weekly TTGP ritual:

I adore you MT. Just sayin'

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