Would this sit badly with you?

ABColeslaw · October 2011

MaxandRuby:
Yes it would sit badly with me. And I would not be so nice in my response to her. I think I'd babysit very soon and take those items that you want since it doesn't seem like your sister is giving a rat's asss about you, your wants, or your agreement at the moment.

I'm babysitting right now. I'm struggling not to go downstairs and go through everything.

Kitiara5512 · October 2011

Abinormal:
I'd be upset because she'd originally promised to return the outfits and is now going back on her word. Yes, the outfits were gifts and, technically, she can do as she wants with them, but it's still the point of the matter. I have a friend who has been handing down a lot of her daughter's clothes to Tegan. When she first started handing down the clothes, she asked that I give them back when Tegan outgrows them. I've done my best to follow through on my end of the deal and it's been awesome having the clothes. If she continues to be a butt in this situation, then I'd just deal with the loss of the special outfits and by all future outfits with the thought that you won't be getting them back. Also, I'd ask for Asher's special stuff back and make sure to hold onto future special outfits.

Same here. You loaned the boys clothes to her and want them back, plain and simple. The girls clothes, I get where you are coming from, but you may be sol on those, since they were gifts, although I still think its crappy of her.

shelbell1028 · October 2011

I totally get the senitmental side of this. I'm glad I read all the responses b/c my initial thought was "They are just clothes - whats the big deal!!" I keep thinking I probably wouldnt have given any clothes away that were special....then I think that it was your SISTER! I wouldnt think twice about loaning something to my sister. I know she wouldn't think twice about returning clothes she knew were special to me. I think you have every reason to be upset.. There is no reason you should not get back the clothes that you want.

PS - I think its great what you are going to do with your sons walking shoes! Very thoughtful and I'm sure your friend will appreciate it!

MrsMommyQ · October 2011

ABColeslaw:
MaxandRuby:
Yes it would sit badly with me. And I would not be so nice in my response to her. I think I'd babysit very soon and take those items that you want since it doesn't seem like your sister is giving a rat's asss about you, your wants, or your agreement at the moment.
I'm babysitting right now. I'm struggling not to go downstairs and go through everything.

If I were you, I'd definitely be down there already taking what I want.

MrsSR · October 2011

I wouldn't take the girl clothes that you bought as gifts; but I would take back your son's clothing that you gave to help out.

You gave it out as a loan, not to keep.

SuperCuteBenz · October 2011

I am a pretty sentimental person, but I really don't understand this. I bought my niece's flower girl dress, but I have no intention of having my DD wear it. It belongs to my niece, and they can do as the please with it.

I do think she should return your son's clothes. I plan on making a quilt out of my kid's things as well, but I refuse to loan out anything that I plan on using in the quilt, because of the fact that it may get ruined or not returned. My SIL is struggling right now, and would love to borrow some of my DS's clothes, and I really, really want to loan her some. However, I am ANAL about my kid's clothes, and last time I loaned a few things out, they came back with tons of stains. So, I am very reluctant to do so.

You either need to have a private conversation with her and be honest about the few things that you want back. The way it sounds is that you didn't really discuss it with her, but more than your conversation was kind of in passing? Or let it go.

mommybrynn · October 2011

sapgirl76:
I don't think you're being dumb- every one has a right to feel however they want.
That being said, I think it's strange to give a gift with the expectation of getting it back. That's not something I would do, I guess?

This... I feel for ya, but I guess in the end if you didn't want anything to happen to the clothing you should not have given it away. Why would you not keep the really special stuff to begin with?? But I do feel for you... you were trying to be nice, and it definitely stings when that stuff blows up in your face.

sucrets4 · October 2011

MrsMommyQ:
ABColeslaw:
MaxandRuby:
Yes it would sit badly with me. And I would not be so nice in my response to her. I think I'd babysit very soon and take those items that you want since it doesn't seem like your sister is giving a rat's asss about you, your wants, or your agreement at the moment.
I'm babysitting right now. I'm struggling not to go downstairs and go through everything.
If I were you, I'd definitely be down there already taking what I want.

Oh, totally this. Screw her if she's going to ignore you.

numeria11 · October 2011

frlcb:
wife1014:
ABColeslaw:

618mom22boys:
If you wanted the boys clothes back to make a quilt then why give them to her in the 1st place? And what's sentimental about girl clothes that you bought for her when you don't even have a gril?

I gave her my son's clothes because she asked for them and I told her from the get go that it was fine but I wanted them back to make the quilt. Absolutely those were always going to remain mine.

The other stuff I guess you woudln't understand unless you know me. But I am a very sentimental and I might have a girl someday. I'm the type of person that makes purchases that I think may become special. doesn't have to make sense, because my sister and I are close and she absolutely knows that I am like this.

This makes all the difference in this situation. I get it 100%. My sister and I would have no problem doing this. As a sister I am upset for you. I think you should tell her right out which pieces yo want and end it there.

I don't even have a sister and I agree with this. If it was a friend I would say live and learn but quite frankly your sisters response was b*tchy and I would be ticked.

This! I'm an only child but I have a friend who I am incredibly close to and she and I both know each other's quirks and oddities and I know she wouldnt pull crap like that on me. Yeah they are clothes and yeah they may not technically be yours but it's kinda like my mom giving me clothes from when I was a baby and saying hey I would love it if Charlotte wore these but if she doesnt please dont get rid of them they are special to me. Yeah they are mine now but out of respect for her I would never just give them to friends or give them to charity. It's more about respect and trust than anything at this point, she gave her word and is now being silly about it. Yeah you are being sentimental, perhaps overly so to some folks views but that's not really the point of why you're mad its about her failing to listen and respect your view.

Btw. the shoe idea is very sweet and yeah at some point I plan to make a quilt for Charlotte as well from her special cloths.

SimoneSays22 · October 2011

Honestly, I do think it's weird your sister is disregarding your feelings. There are a couple of things that you would like back. Big deal. Why can't she just let you have them back? She's family and she should be understanding. You aren't asking her for a couch back FFS.

I bought my niece several items of clothing. I also felt sentimental about them. She was the first baby in my family and I was really excited about it. My SIL is letting me go through them before she sells them/gives them away in case I have a girl. Even if I don't have a girl, my SIL understands those items of clothing might be special to me. I didn't ask her for this. She offered. Because that's a nice thing to do.

ETA: And you loaned her Asher's clothes. She sure should give those back. My SIL loaned me tons of gender neutral clothes from my niece for my son when he was born. I have given them ALL back.

wildfloweragain · October 2011

Wow. Giving conditional gifts, getting upset over girl clothes when you don't even have a girl, and planning out cousins wearing the same clothes in pictures years apart are signs that you either have a mental disorder or just have had nothing bad or difficult in your life that THIS is what you have to worry about. Most of us have real problems and would be way too busy to think like this.

I don't feel that badly for your sister. She must know what you are like by now - she grew up with you. If she accepted these gifts, I'm sure she anticipated this, said 'yeah" while rolling her eyes and moved on.

Who I really feel badly for is your son's future wife. You'll be a prize of a MIL.

ASmallWonder · October 2011

ABColeslaw:
*tbd*:
ABColeslaw:
doesn't have to make sense, because my sister and I are close and she absolutely knows that I am like this.
This. This is why I think your justified in how you feel. Had it been a random friend or someone your not very VERY close to I would roll my eyes, but their are certain people in my life I expect to just understand me and all my quirks.
Yupp. I have a small handful of people that I expect it from. My sisters and my best friend. And I think in return the have the right to expect that I will understand and respect their quirks. Its called reciprocity. I know for a fact had I given away the maternity coat my sister gave to me instead of giving it back to her, she would have been hurt and world war three would have ensued.
I also know that my best friend who was in need of interim shoes for her son, I loaned her Asher's walking shoes that I'm getting pewtered, I know for a fact that she will return them. And when she does, I'll get both pewtered and give one back to her, because I'm sentimental like no one I've even met and I think its very sweet that both our boys could share something special like that.

The shoes are in good hands and I'm excited to see them bronzed

For everyone saying thinks like you gave them to her, by law they're hers, etc. First I'd like to say that while legally she's entitled to keep them I think we all agree that in lots of circumstances you hope for more than "legally binding" and bare minimum respect from your loved ones. Also, I'd be tempted to pull this card with her: Technically you didn't give the gifts to your sister. You gave them to Kylee. I'd tell your sister that she's "legally" required to let Kylee decide what to do with them

ABColeslaw · October 2011

wildfloweragain:
Wow. Giving conditional gifts, getting upset over girl clothes when you don't even have a girl, and planning out cousins wearing the same clothes in pictures years apart are signs that you either have a mental disorder or just have had nothing bad or difficult in your life that THIS is what you have to worry about. Most of us have real problems and would be way too busy to think like this.

I don't feel that badly for your sister. She must know what you are like by now - she grew up with you. If she accepted these gifts, I'm sure she anticipated this, said 'yeah" while rolling her eyes and moved on.

Who I really feel badly for is your son's future wife. You'll be a prize of a MIL.

Oh my goodness. You have no idea. How can you possibly make that assumption about someone you don't know. I can assure you that my son's medical issues alone make my life more difficult than most people's. You're a jerk.

wife1014 · October 2011

wildfloweragain:

Wow. Giving conditional gifts, getting upset over girl clothes when you don't even have a girl, and planning out cousins wearing the same clothes in pictures years apart are signs that you either have a mental disorder or just have had nothing bad or difficult in your life that THIS is what you have to worry about. Most of us have real problems and would be way too busy to think like this.

I don't feel that badly for your sister. She must know what you are like by now - she grew up with you. If she accepted these gifts, I'm sure she anticipated this, said 'yeah" while rolling her eyes and moved on.

Who I really feel badly for is your son's future wife. You'll be a prize of a MIL.

Well, aren't you a freaking peach.

Mama_SAS · October 2011

wildfloweragain:
Wow. Giving conditional gifts, getting upset over girl clothes when you don't even have a girl, and planning out cousins wearing the same clothes in pictures years apart are signs that you either have a mental disorder or just have had nothing bad or difficult in your life that THIS is what you have to worry about. Most of us have real problems and would be way too busy to think like this.

I don't feel that badly for your sister. She must know what you are like by now - she grew up with you. If she accepted these gifts, I'm sure she anticipated this, said 'yeah" while rolling her eyes and moved on.

Who I really feel badly for is your son's future wife. You'll be a prize of a MIL.

You obviously know nothing about ABColey?s life. Fucknugget.

ASmallWonder · October 2011

Mama_SAS:
wildfloweragain:
Wow. Giving conditional gifts, getting upset over girl clothes when you don't even have a girl, and planning out cousins wearing the same clothes in pictures years apart are signs that you either have a mental disorder or just have had nothing bad or difficult in your life that THIS is what you have to worry about. Most of us have real problems and would be way too busy to think like this.

I don't feel that badly for your sister. She must know what you are like by now - she grew up with you. If she accepted these gifts, I'm sure she anticipated this, said 'yeah" while rolling her eyes and moved on.

Who I really feel badly for is your son's future wife. You'll be a prize of a MIL.
You obviously know nothing about ABColey?s life. Fucknugget.

Seriously. I bet OP's own sister, even knowing this whole post is about her, would stand up and say that this was douchy because honestly, the comment is almost comical with how off base it is.

SuperCuteBenz · October 2011

wildfloweragain:
Wow. Giving conditional gifts, getting upset over girl clothes when you don't even have a girl, and planning out cousins wearing the same clothes in pictures years apart are signs that you either have a mental disorder or just have had nothing bad or difficult in your life that THIS is what you have to worry about. Most of us have real problems and would be way too busy to think like this.

I don't feel that badly for your sister. She must know what you are like by now - she grew up with you. If she accepted these gifts, I'm sure she anticipated this, said 'yeah" while rolling her eyes and moved on.

Who I really feel badly for is your son's future wife. You'll be a prize of a MIL.

Hmm

I think this is a bit of a stretch........

numeria11 · October 2011

wildfloweragain:

Wow. Giving conditional gifts, getting upset over girl clothes when you don't even have a girl, and planning out cousins wearing the same clothes in pictures years apart are signs that you either have a mental disorder or just have had nothing bad or difficult in your life that THIS is what you have to worry about. Most of us have real problems and would be way too busy to think like this.

I don't feel that badly for your sister. She must know what you are like by now - she grew up with you. If she accepted these gifts, I'm sure she anticipated this, said 'yeah" while rolling her eyes and moved on.

Who I really feel badly for is your son's future wife. You'll be a prize of a MIL.

Wow! That's perhaps the stupidest comment I have ever seen on here and that's saying a lot. Really did you not see her siggie that says:

"At war with a severe Sensory Processing Disorder and food allergies. Asher Ben is diagnosed with Primary Immuno Deficency Acute Multiple Protein Allergy and Eosiniphilic Esophagitis. Allergic to Diary, Wheat, Eggs, Beef, Casein, Shell Fish, Tree Nuts, Peanuts, Soy, Artifical dyes, And fruits associated with Oral Allergy Syndrome. "

You think she has nothing to deal with on a daily basis? You must be smoking some good sh*t.

wildfloweragain · October 2011

No, I do not know this poster, and I'm sorry if she does have big problems going on or something she has had to deal with. I'm going from what she posted in this post only.

Court0026 · October 2011

I would totally be upset. I am super sentimental about clothes. Even though I am done having kids, I cannot seem to part with so much of it (and I know it is ridiculous). I give lots of stuff to my sister and SIL, but do not give away anything that I want back.

SimoneSays22 · October 2011

wildfloweragain:
No, I do not know this poster, and I'm sorry if she does have big problems going on or something she has had to deal with. I'm going from what she posted in this post only.

Ahahahaha. Seriously? So from the brief number of posts she made in this thread, you determined her sister rolls her eyes at her, she doesn't have any big problems in her life and she's going to be a bad MIL?

Wow, you SO good at reading people!

ASmallWonder · October 2011

wildfloweragain:
No, I do not know this poster, and I'm sorry if she does have big problems going on or something she has had to deal with. I'm going from what she posted in this post only.

If you had gone by what she posted only then you would have answered that she was off base or that she was justified in wanting her sister to honor the verbal agreement. Disagreeing would have been fine because everyone is entitled to their opinion. But to jump to some assumption that you pulled out of your ass that she has nothing better to do than worry about this and that she's going to be a bad MIL is completely wrong.

ABColeslaw · October 2011

SimoneSays22:
wildfloweragain:
No, I do not know this poster, and I'm sorry if she does have big problems going on or something she has had to deal with. I'm going from what she posted in this post only.

Ahahahaha. Seriously? So from the brief number of posts she made in this thread, you determined her sister rolls her eyes at her, she doesn't have any big problems in her life and she's going to be a bad MIL?
Wow, you SO good at reading people!

The even funnier part is that I'm going to be an AWESOME MIL! I was a foster child, so I'm very good at accepting new non blood people as family : ) And the people I love, I love fiercely.

wife1014 · October 2011

wildfloweragain:
No, I do not know this poster, and I'm sorry if she does have big problems going on or something she has had to deal with. I'm going from what she posted in this post only.

I'm all for being honest not beating around the bush, but whether you know her or not what you said was ridiculously rude and b!tchy. You now look like the jerk, not her.

shopgirl78 · October 2011

Would you use a flowergirl dress again? Is it one that can be used for church or something else special? Cause I'd totally blow that and use it and an excuse to SHOP!

Mama_SAS · October 2011

wildfloweragain:
No, I do not know this poster, and I'm sorry if she does have big problems going on or something she has had to deal with. I'm going from what she posted in this post only.

What she posted here is that she is upset about something that maybe wouldn?t upset you.

From that you made huge assumptions about her life- past, present and future.

ABColeslaw · October 2011

shopgirl78:
Would you use a flowergirl dress again? Is it one that can be used for church or something else special? Cause I'd totally blow that and use it and an excuse to SHOP!

No I wanted to save it for my niece to be honest. Kylee was an infant when I got married. And it would be perfect for her to have if she decided she wanted to christen a baby of her own or if we could make something out of it.

peakboo5 · October 2011

I am very sentimental so I get where you are coming from. Plus it's your sister so I think that makes a difference as well and you told her when you gave her the clothes. Maybe try talking to her again and say that you are hoping to have a girl someday and would love to have some of the outfits for her that you got your niece and she wore. Just tell her that you know she might not understand but it means a lot to you. GL!

ougrad1 · October 2011

I would be upset erring on pissed off. My SIL has passed many things down and made it perfectly clear she wants it back. She purchased it, it's hers and she is being kind enough to let my girls barrow it. End of story.

mamainseptember · October 2011

I have been on both sides of this situation. I worked for a lady who had 2 boys and a girl and when I found out DS was a boy she gave me boxes and boxes and boxes of clothes. There were 3 outfits that she SPECIFICALLY said could you please give these back to me once DS outgrows them because they are sentimental. I no longer work for this lady and I still went out of my way to MAIL these 3 outfits to her because she asked me to. I had no ties to her, will probably rarely see her and I still felt obligated to do this because she did not need to give me the amount of clothes she did. On of the flip side, I had DS in August 2010, a friend of mine had a baby boy in March 2011. I gave her a garbage bag full of clothes for her son and I only wanted one outfit back because DS had Christmas pictures taken in it. (she had commented how much she loved the outfit, that's why I gave it to her). Right after her son outgrew it she dropped it off at my house since I asked her for it. If this was agreed in advance, she is being extremely rude for not giving them back to you.

J+MS · October 2011

I understand. My SIL is having a girl and i gave her all of Izzys clothes but I did say i would need them back if we were to have another girl.

wildfloweragain · October 2011

I'm not normally a raging biotch, but I can be a little harsh. I'm sorry that I offended.

MaxandRuby · October 2011

OK - here is the deal. The two of you had a verbal agreement if your sister meant it or not that you would get the clothes back. She is being a little snotty biitch IMO. And I seriously would at least take the girl's outfits that I wanted while I was babysitting. Is she even going to MISS them?

And as for loaning clothes and the people calling it conditional gift or whatnot. 1. I don't loan clothes that I don't want ruined or that I intend to keep for whatever purposes (like if I was making a quilt or something). 2. When I LOAN clothes the other party is aware that it is a LOAN and that they are to be returned. 3. I only loan clothes to friends that I think will not only not pitch a fit about returning them, but will take decent care of them.

Obviously I am very selective to whom I give my kid's clothes to. I don't think there is anything wrong with this situation giving the OP a bad taste in her mouth. There was an understand and now her sister is wanting to renig. And her whole argument of possibly not having another boy is ludicrous. It could happen it couldn't happen. The sister should honor the OP request to give the clothes back. You just don't offer someone else clothes that were lent to you without getting the ok from the original owner of the clothes.

Heather R · October 2011

wildfloweragain:
p>
Who I really feel badly for is your son's future wife. You'll be a prize of a MIL.

Lol, there's a new one.

Temp937723687505543 · October 2011

FWIW, I totally understand what you're feeling, and I don't think that you're overreacting at all.

My SIL sent me a ton of outfits from my niece, several of them really nice (Strausberg, Janie and Jack, etc.). It was always, always known that she would get those back. Fast forward about 2 years, and my friend is having a little girl. I went through Anna's clothes, pulled out anything that might possibly have been SIL's, and set it aside for her to go through. Then I asked her specifically if there was ANYTHING else that she gave me that she wanted back. SIL and my brother are now divorced and she may never have any more children- but that's utterly beside the point. They were special clothes that are staying in the family.

Also, when I gave my friend the clothes, my only condition was that if there was anything that she didn't want, that she give it back so I could donate it.

MCC1010 · October 2011

wildfloweragain:

Wow. Giving conditional gifts, getting upset over girl clothes when you don't even have a girl, and planning out cousins wearing the same clothes in pictures years apart are signs that you either have a mental disorder or just have had nothing bad or difficult in your life that THIS is what you have to worry about. Most of us have real problems and would be way too busy to think like this.

I don't feel that badly for your sister. She must know what you are like by now - she grew up with you. If she accepted these gifts, I'm sure she anticipated this, said 'yeah" while rolling her eyes and moved on.

Who I really feel badly for is your son's future wife. You'll be a prize of a MIL.

This is funny Wildflower since I feel sorry for anyone related to you. You are an idiot. You can take your "real" problems and shove them up your arse. Better yet STFU.

MCC1010 · October 2011

wildfloweragain:
No, I do not know this poster, and I'm sorry if she does have big problems going on or something she has had to deal with. I'm going from what she posted in this post only.

Yea, this just reinforces you being an idiot.

etude de la vie · October 2011

my sister has two sons and got pg with a girl. I have DD and got pg with a boy (same time as she was pg). We decided to swap clothing but I still pulled out very sentimental outfits (coming home, baptism, outfit DH bought..so on).

Even though she is done having kids and I am not sure we decided she would hold all boy clothing and I will hold all girl clothing and if we have another we can borrow again.

I sent back the boy clothing but still pull out some boy clothing which is sentimental.

I would be upset if I were you. Maybe ask if it can stay within the family and not go to a friend?

kcisthebombdotcom · October 2011

MrsMommyQ:
ABColeslaw:

MaxandRuby:
Yes it would sit badly with me. And I would not be so nice in my response to her. I think I'd babysit very soon and take those items that you want since it doesn't seem like your sister is giving a rat's asss about you, your wants, or your agreement at the moment.

I'm babysitting right now. I'm struggling not to go downstairs and go through everything.

If I were you, I'd definitely be down there already taking what I want.

YES. I hope you did this!

shopgirl78 · October 2011

ABColeslaw:
shopgirl78:
Would you use a flowergirl dress again? Is it one that can be used for church or something else special? Cause I'd totally blow that and use it and an excuse to SHOP!
No I wanted to save it for my niece to be honest. Kylee was an infant when I got married. And it would be perfect for her to have if she decided she wanted to christen a baby of her own or if we could make something out of it.

Isn't that her mom's job to save HER special outfits? No offense, but you are almost sounding like a participant on hoarders ; )

I don't have a sister so i don't understand the relationship but you do seem to be trusting/expecting a lot (conditional gifts). I agree with the pps, let this be a learning lesson. Don't loan out stuff you want back. I am in the process of getting rid of all things baby. I wouldn't dare hand out something special or that I wanted back.

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