Do you know what comment pisses me off the most? — The Bump
2nd Trimester

Do you know what comment pisses me off the most?

"Were you trying??"

Umm.. Why does it matter? Really? 

This is our 2nd and we are younger (24) but my HUSBAND and I are VERY excited to be expecting another little guy. UGH.. I've had quite a few people ask me this and I want to punch them in the face! 

 

Vent over. Thanks.

DS #1 - 11.25.09 DS #2 - Due 11.2.11

Re: Do you know what comment pisses me off the most?

  • Yes! We got this a lot in the beginning too! Its so bizarre because we are in our LATE twenties and have been married for 3 years!
  • I get this A LOT from people that barley know us, it's annoying because my husband and I have grown up together (we met when we were 9) and dated since high school, and married for a year, now almost 2, erm yes we were trying! And just because we are younger doesn't mean we can't handle it, we are more "settled" then most older people I know! It's just annoying first it was "you're so young to get married" and now it's "you're so young to be parents, don't y'all still want to have fun?" Well first off our idea of "fun" is family time, things like camping and fishing and horseback ridding, and guess what? We plan on continuing that.... Plus how much more "ready" do we need to be? I mean we have a nice house out in the country and support ourselves very well thank you.
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  • Yes so annoying. We both graduated from college, my husband is in his career (I stay home) & we own our home that we are raising our family in.. SOOO, I don't get why people give a crap and especially have the balls to ask!

    Glad people have been in the same boat because today when I got asked I almost exploded.

    ETA - today was like the 100X! UGHHH

    DS #1 - 11.25.09 DS #2 - Due 11.2.11
  • I got this comment from a woman who I had just met through a mutual friend. Turns out that she and her BF (now DH) had a bit of a surprise baby a year before. She followed up with a light hearted "Darn you people who get pregnant on purpose!"

    Her question was out of line but it was hard for me to take it too personally.

  • i find the question kind of amusing because it tells me who hasn't been paying attention enough to know i'm not married to a man.

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  • imageInfamousQBert:
    i find the question kind of amusing because it tells me who hasn't been paying attention enough to know i'm not married to a man.

    Hahaha, that's funny. But until you said that, I never noticed that your "husband" had breasts until now, lol.

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  • Must be an age thing then because I'm in my late 30's and no one has ever asked me that! I guess they assume  I must be racing against the clock! LOL! Instead I get the, "You're not thinking of going for a third baby, are you?" as if it would be a bad thing if I had a third baby since I'm almost a senior citizen! Ha! 

    Bottom line, people say the stupidest things to pregnant women and think it's okay.  

  • imageInfamousQBert:
    i find the question kind of amusing because it tells me who hasn't been paying attention enough to know i'm not married to a man.
    I absolutely love this! I have to tell my moms (yep plural) this, they'll think it's hilarious!
  • imageInfamousQBert:
    i find the question kind of amusing because it tells me who hasn't been paying attention enough to know i'm not married to a man.

    ROFL!!!

     Seriously though, what an ABSURDLY IMPERTINENT question!! I, personally, have not been asked that one, but that may be because I'm very free with the information that we got pregnant "on accident" when I forgot my birth control when we went on vacation. We had planned on waiting a few more months before starting to try, and we decided, what's a few months in the scheme of things? Plus, vacation sex rocks. ;) 

    It's like asking someone how many times they had sex before you got knocked up. Is that really something you want to know?!  

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  • MY BOSS ASKED ME>>>>>>mind you we are not especially chatty..I said..well we weren't exactly NOT trying.

    ummmmmm, too personal

    OTOH I am a teacher with a Dec EDD and I think she was tying to figure out if I was being a "good catholic" (we go to the same church) or trying to weasel time off in the middle of the year (she perfers babies born in summer..duh...)

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  • imagemistyandnathan:

    imageInfamousQBert:
    i find the question kind of amusing because it tells me who hasn't been paying attention enough to know i'm not married to a man.

    ROFL!!!

     Seriously though, what an ABSURDLY IMPERTINENT question!! I, personally, have not been asked that one, but that may be because I'm very free with the information that we got pregnant "on accident" when I forgot my birth control when we went on vacation. We had planned on waiting a few more months before starting to try, and we decided, what's a few months in the scheme of things? Plus, vacation sex rocks. ;) 

    It's like asking someone how many times they had sex before you got knocked up. Is that really something you want to know?!  

    This is like us. I went off of my birth control to let my cycle regulate for a few months (I'd been on it without break for 8 years) and we were using a diaphragm. Only oops I got prenant within three weeks. lol
  • This is the single most irritating question that people ask!  And, I'm with you...why does it matter?!?

    FWIW...I'm 34, DH is 39 and we've been married for over 11 years and we still get asked this question.  I just want to say we decided to try getting pregnant instead of preventing it to "spice up" our marriage.  Indifferent  Sheesh!

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  • I got this only from my sister in law who is a jerk anyway...she happens to be pregnant at the same time as me and meant it to be snarky.
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  • I got a comment similar to this from my own mother. She said "I just don't understand how you can find yourself pregnant with all the contraceptives you have access to these days". Umm actually mother, we actively tried for this baby but thanks for the information. We were very young when DD was born (DD is a 5 and a result of the Nuva Ring properly taken, but God had other plans, but my mother apparently is the person that thinks BC is 100% effective).
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  • I usually say that I had to do something to save my marriage.
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  • it never bothers me...

     but maybe because we weren't trying? Although people assume we were since my 2 bff's are knocked up too!

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  • The only people who have asked us if we were trying was MY family... we're not married... so to them... UNFORGIVABLE!  My parents have come around but my sister still isn't talking to either of us.  She wouldn't even let me talk to my nephew on his 6th birthday... NICE.  We were trying... unmarried... so I guess that calls for my family to shun us forever.  Whatever!
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  • imagehoneybee #1:
    imageInfamousQBert:
    i find the question kind of amusing because it tells me who hasn't been paying attention enough to know i'm not married to a man.
    I absolutely love this! I have to tell my moms (yep plural) this, they'll think it's hilarious!

    LOL.  This whole thread had me LOL.  This is awesome.  My friend and her wife had invitro for their sons and she tells a hilarious story about how, during her pregnancy, she was being measured and the doctor she saw that day (obviously not HER doctor) kept trying to tell her that she as wrong on her conception date due to how the baby was measuring.  My friend kept insisting that she knew exactly when it happened and the doctor began to lecture her on how "it's often miscalculated and people think they ovulated at certain times and had sex at certain times, etc..." 

    My friend got so annoyed she goes, "Have you not even looked at my chart?  I'm gay.  I think I pretty much know the exact MINUTE my wife and I conceived through INVITRO!" 

    Needless to say she hasn't seen that doc sense, and the story cracks. me. up.

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  • imageKBBH:

    imagehoneybee #1:
    imageInfamousQBert:
    i find the question kind of amusing because it tells me who hasn't been paying attention enough to know i'm not married to a man.
    I absolutely love this! I have to tell my moms (yep plural) this, they'll think it's hilarious!

    LOL.  This whole thread had me LOL.  This is awesome.  My friend and her wife had invitro for their sons and she tells a hilarious story about how, during her pregnancy, she was being measured and the doctor she saw that day (obviously not HER doctor) kept trying to tell her that she as wrong on her conception date due to how the baby was measuring.  My friend kept insisting that she knew exactly when it happened and the doctor began to lecture her on how "it's often miscalculated and people think they ovulated at certain times and had sex at certain times, etc..." 

    My friend got so annoyed she goes, "Have you not even looked at my chart?  I'm gay.  I think I pretty much know the exact MINUTE my wife and I conceived through INVITRO!" 

    Needless to say she hasn't seen that doc sense, and the story cracks. me. up.

    Oh, wow that's hilarious. I bet the doctor was really embarassed! I'll have to tell the moms that one too.
  • This bugs me too!!  The question makes me think that the person asking thinks that we shouldn't have been trying.  Excuse me but if I wasn't "trying" and wanted you to know, I would probably say, "yeah it was a pleasant surprise!"  Is it just me, or is it only strangers who ask this?
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  • I am 26 and I get this question ALL THE TIME.    When someone asks, I tell them " No, we weren't trying" because its true lol.  I then get the response "Oh well this must be quite a shock for you and your husband... are you sure you are ready for this?"  (mind you this is coming from people who dont know us).  I respond "Well we are ecstatic because we were told we would never be able to have a LO of our own and we are very capable of handling our LO"

    It irks me a little when people say that but all that matters is that my DH and I are very ready for LO planned or not :D

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  • I get this on a daily basis.  Mine will be 11months 3weeks apart and people just roll there eyes these days.  I'm not a young chicken ya know lol.  Granted this baby was a BC baby but I wouldnt change how things turned out.  People just piss me off these days I guess Smile
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  • I think this question goes beyond personal. ALL oof my inlaws asked this and I was mortified again and again while my DH explained that it was a honeymoon baby! Ugh! Next time I will video the conception and distribute copies to all interested parties! Is it just me, or is pregnancy becoming way too much of a spectator sport? I was born in the wrong era. I would be happier in the olden days being homebound and people would whisper that I was "in the family way."

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  • I hate this question too! Luckily, both my parents and my husband's took the hint and never asked again when I wouldn't answer. I had a friend from college though who asked me six times, in a row, and WOULD. NOT. just let it go, even after I explicitly told her I wouldn't be answering the question. We were trying, but that's not anyone's business, and since my husband won't be around for the birth it opens me up to a lot of uninvited criticism about timing, and my decisions about working and grad school. I just tell everyone we're happy about it, and that's all that matters.
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  • My "favorite" is "So are you done yet?"
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  • I agree - hate this question! I'm always tempted to say something like "nah, broken condom" or "yes, now please tell me about your sex life!" but I never have enough guts.
  • The only people who asked us were his parents and my mom - all of whom had been asking us when we were planning on having a baby for years.  When my mom asked I straight up told her that was an inappropriate question to ask.
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  • imageColoradoAlly:
    I usually say that I had to do something to save my marriage.

    I LOVE this and will be stealing it from you!  We are married, in our late 20's, and own our home.  I don't understand why we would get asked this silly question so often.

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  • A close family friend asked this, he's DHs best guy friend, and my friend as well. Instead of getting angry or upset, I asked him this back, "why, did you want to know what positions we used or what?"

    He was shocked, and said no... It was so worth the look on his face.
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  • I get this question A LOT b/c my LOs will be only 14 mos apart.  To which I typically respond, "Well, I know how babies happen." 

    We weren't trying not to, lol.  We wanted to be pregnant by the end of this year and I've had a miscarriage in the past and wasn't sure if the m/c was a fluke or the healthy happy baby was, so we started thinking about another baby early. 
    We ended up getting pregnant in January and my mother's response when I told her we wanted to get pregnant sometime 2011:
    "Well, you know there are 11 more months in the year!"  Lol.  Thanks, Mom.  I'm an engineer, I can do math.

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  • I will never understand why my sex life automatically becomes everyone's business when I get KU. So what if we were trying? So what if it was a happy surprise? Why does this person need to ask? What business is it of theirs?!

    Yes, I was trying, but does it mean anything to anyone but us. If it was a surprise I would still be just as happy about it. I don't get it...

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  • The question irritates me too. When I broke the news at work, a lot of people and even customers asked me if we were trying. We weren't activley trying but we would accepting if we got in the heat of the moment and the result was a baby.I just tell them it happened a little earlier than expected, but we're still very happy and excited.

    What drives me crazy is why would they want to think my baby was a mistake if we weren't really trying? Babies are blessings not mistakes, whether you were trying or not.

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  • I was asked this by an elderly woman at church.  We are older and have been married over six years.  Yeah....still clueless why she thought to ask and why she thought it was any of her business. 
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  • imageHazelBee22:
    I agree - hate this question! I'm always tempted to say something like "nah, broken condom" or "yes, now please tell me about your sex life!" but I never have enough guts.

     This.  Why do people think just because you're pregnant that it is appropriate to ask about my sex life?  Just because I am blessed with being pregnant, doesn't mean I'm going to tell you about super personal things! 

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