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nycnola
member
Wow, I am STILL not over my induction turned section...
nycnola
member
A work friend of DH's just posted her birth story on her blog. She had some complications around 36 weeks (including pre-e) and ended up being induced. She had a "successful" induction (there were other complications), but her CUTE baby came out in 5 pushes! When I got to that part of the birth story, I was genuinely happy for her, but I also felt this pang of anger/regret/sadness/jealousy that I haven't felt in a very long time. Our friend was 36weeks, I was 42, and I had a 44 hour induction ending with a section. She was induced and in a couple hours had a vaginal birth to a healthy baby. Not fair. I am VERY happy for her, don't get me wrong, but this birth has really churned up some feelings I thought had passed.
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Re: Wow, I am STILL not over my induction turned section...
My Blog
I know how you feel. I didn't end up with a section, but I did have a very traumatic birth. Everytime I see a birth on tv, or a movie now, I burst into tears and all of those emotions come flooding back.
I don't have any words of advice, but I can say you aren't alone.
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
Every birth experience, ever doctor, every baby, every Mom is so different. Do not compare your experience to that of another. Cherish what you do have and try to make what you want a reality the next time. We can't change the past, all we can do is accept it and move on.
I was induced 3x. 35 hours, 15 hours and 10 hours. That said, even though they were vaginal - I bet I had just as many stitches as a C-section!! I am thankful for my little girls!!
Honestly, unless you've experienced what the OP went through, it's unfair for you to talk about how everyone is different and accepting the past and moving on. Yes, my son is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. But, the fact that I did not get the vaginal birth that I had always pictured for myself and my LO, will forever upset me.
OP, I was also 42 weeks pg, giving my LO every possible chance to come out on his own. 36 hours after being induced, I was rolled into the surgery room, crying and in disbelief. I am still very much effected by the way things happened with his birth. I certainly would feel similarly to you in that situation.
I was watching a baby show the other day and there were several moms portrayed who had very easy birth experiences. I could not believe how emotional it made me feel and I'm not a very emotional person. I had to change the channel or I would've started bawling. I had an extremely long labor (~32 hours) which was followed by a c-section - exactly what I did not want.
I don't think many people can really understand how traumatic having a c-section can be - not for everyone but for some people. I know before I went through it, I probably would've read this post and said, What a Whiner! You have a beautiful baby.. Just recognize that and be happy.
Well I am happy and love my son more than anything. But there's something deep inside that gets stired when I hear about other people's easy labors. For me, the emotional scar is much deeper than the physical scar on my belly. I'm hoping both will fade with time!
My birth experiences weren't all rosy, happy times. No, I did not have c/s - but things did not go as planned either. I do not care to hash details, but for me, the best thing has been to just accept it.
I don't know if I will ever 100% get over my birth experience. Not a section, but I was induced at 41-1/2 weeks and I got a uterine infection and fever during labor because the OB broke my water and DD didn't come until almost 24 hours later. Because of the fever plus me being GBS+, DD had an automatic NICU admission. And she got stuck in the birth canal and we needed the vacuum, which caused me to hemorrhage. So, I didn't get to hold DD right after she was born, or nurse her for six hours (she got a bottle of formula before they would even let me try to nurse), and I was on IV antibiotics for two days, which made it really hard to see her because I had to be in my room all the time. I am sad that I didn't get to hold her right away or spend a lot of time with her in those first few days. (And I almost wasn't able to nurse - I had to work my freaking ass off in order to make that happen)
But, I think it's okay to not "get over it", as long as we don't dwell on it too much or let if affect our happiness for others. It's not like we aren't grateful for what we do have. I suffered from IF and am soooooo grateful for DD (and ditto pp about feeling a little jealous when people get PG the normal way), but that doesn't mean I don't feel a sense of loss over my birth experience.
This was very well put. I am usually more eloquent but I was really put off by the pp about accepting the past...
People reach acceptance in different ways. It is usually not by somebody telling them to accept...that sounds dismissive and minimizes what they are going through.
Right, that's what's been best for you. But OP was talking about how she has NOT gotten over it. And the rest of the posts have been people who can understand because they've gone through something similar and are still feeling something similar.
I think the worst advice people can give is to say get over it or move on or that's not a big deal or something to that effect. Pain, trauma, sadness, emotions are all relative and if something is upsetting me, I want sympthay, empathy, to hear similar stories, to know that I"m not alone. Not, to hear how someone who had a different experience then me, an experience that is closer to one that I wanted, is telling me to accept the past and move on.
And I would like to add that ordinarily, recovery from inductions with a vaginal birth are tons easier than recovery from a c-section. This is coming from somebody who had an induction with vaginal birth, and knows many women who have had c-sections. You can't even compare. But I certainly don't know the details of your situation. Your comparison just seems unfair.
Fair enough. I did not have a c/s so I don't know what that is like.
I'm jumping over from 3-6 just to say that you deserve some big hugs.
I wanted an all natural, med free, vaginal birth too. I went into labour at around 41 weeks and everything was progressing great until I hit 9 cm's.... DS was being pressed up against my pelvis and couldn't pass through and I couldn't handle the pain anymore. Neither the laughing gas or the epi worked to get rid of the pain I was in. After 2 hours of pushing, they told me that he was absolutely stuck behind my pelvis and that they needed to do a c-section. I bawled. I can still vividly remember them trying to strap my legs down to the operating table and me crying because I couldn't keep my legs straight, down and together... I was having contractions every minute for 45 seconds and feeling EVERYTHING. All I could think about was that I didn't want to hurt my baby by pushing anymore... which was almost impossible by that point.
The horrible thing about it is that the reason why he couldn't get past my pelvis was because of a car crash I was in with my DH a week after we got back from our honeymoon 4 years prior. We were driving home from my grandfather's funeral when a woman ran a red light going 80 kms/hr. I couldn't walk for 2 months afterwards, but they told me I wouldn't have any problems having children. Well they were wrong. The right side of my pelvic opening is collapsed in.
I'm so scarred by the fact that something that was supposed to be such a beautiful experience was ruined by that woman, my injury and those horrible memories.
I've spent many nights crying over what happened.... many people have said "Well all that matters is that he's here now.". That's NOT all that matters. I feel like I wasn't able to give birth to my own son and show him how much I loved him as soon as he arrived... I wasn't even the first to hold him. It's impossible to explain how it feels to someone who has never gone through it...
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
- Robert Munsch
OMG, hugs right back at you! I am devastated for you. Thank you for your message and empathy, it seriously means so much.
Thanks... it's amazing how the memories can come flooding back and take you by surprise!
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
- Robert Munsch
Uh, nope. Not even close. There are hundreds of stitches for a c-section and 5 layers of tissue that is sewn back together.
OP: I get very angry thinking of how my last birth went. My son's birth was somewhat traumatic, being induced and ending up with a csection after only 40mins of hard labor. I was wheeled into the OR on my hands and knees with an O2 mask on and an internal monitor sticking out. I was put under and didn't get to hold DS for several hours after. Because of the emergency situation I in no way wanted to try for a VBAC to avoid what happened the first time. No luck, I had another emergency situation and my daughter had to be flown to a hospital 2 hours away. A few of my friends have had children this year and I get upset every time I see the happy pictures of their little families and holding their babies right after. My daughter will be 1 in a few weeks and I have nightmares about her birth quite often. It's awful.
It is perfectly normal to be upset about it. I have had two previous vaginal deliveries prior to DD2. When I was 35 weeks I found out DD2 was breech. I tried everything to get her to turn. You name it, I tried it. My husband may never be able to get the mental picture out of his head of me 9 months pregnant and inverted on the stairs, panting like a dog.
I tried convincing my OB to let me try a vaginal breech delivery and he said absolutely not. My hospital won't allow them anyway. I cried for days/weeks. I was even a little mad at the baby if you can believe that.
We went in for an ECV, and if that didn't work then a c-section. I was 39 weeks. I still get upset about it. I didn't get to hold her for more than an hour. They finally brought her into recovery because I threatened to get up and walk to wherever she was. But even then I only got to hold her/nurse her for about 20 minutes.
And like a PP, I had never spend a night away from my DD1. I was terrified of the recovery, and how I was going to be able to take care of a newborn and a toddler.
With my DS, I had tearing all the way to my rectum. The stitches were awful, and it was painful, but nothing like a c-section recovery. I even had a relatively easy recovery and it was still awful in comparison. (Better drugs though.
)
It is OK to feel jealous, and upset. I was just reading a post on the Natural board about vaginal breech deliveries, and it made me upset all over again. Kind of like I didn't try hard enough for it.
You don't get to invalidate other's feelings just because you had it "worse".
Just because you have a feeling doesn't make it valid.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you don't get to decide who's feelings are valid, either. You sound bitter.
This...for real! Like I said earlier, everything is relative and subjective and personal. The way something effects me will most likely effect someone else completely different, and that's okay. Just because you think you had a more serious event happen to you, there will always be someone else who had even worse then you and think you are lucky with your story.
I know how you feel, and your feelings are VERY common and completely valid!
My c-section was almost 6 years ago, and I still have those feelings of regret and sadness. I do feel very lucky that my 2nd baby was a successful VBAC, and that has done a lot to help with my emotional healing.
There's nothing worse than when people say "A healthy baby what's important and how it got here doesnt matter, so quit whining about it and be grateful!" As though we would TRADE our healthy babies for the birth experience we had hoped for! That's not the point at all, and you're entitled to grieve for the experience you didnt get to have while still rejoicing the healthy baby that came out of the experience you got.
Wow this has turned into a competition of who had it the worst. I pushed only five times but it was at 30 weeks and didn't get to hold my baby until a week after giving birth.He didn't come home for 7 weeks. Do I win?j/k
Everyone has their own idea of what the perfect birthing experience would be. Does that every really happen? We should all be grateful we have healthy babies at home.
Who's not grateful?
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
Sorry dude, you don't win. My first daughter died.
No one has said we weren't greatful for having healthy children at home. I'm sure every one of us are beyond happy with our children. However, birth is such a personal experience it's not unuseual to be upset that our births ended in major surgery.