I'm sorry, but if you are still not over loosing your perfect dream birth then you need to seek professional help. Especially if you are getting jealous of a mom who got induced at 35 weeks because of pre-e. It sucks that you didn't get your fantasy birth, but very few women do and you need to be grateful that you were able to bring a healthy FULL TERM baby into this world! So what if you didn't get exactly what you wanted, as far as birth stories go, seriously, you had a healthy baby that got to come home with you! Yeah your friend was able to squeeze out her baby in 5 pushes, but it was probably much smaller than yours considering it was 5 weeks early! Get help or get over it and be grateful for what you have, instead of focusing on how one day of your life didn't go as planned! DSame goes to the rest of you who are complaing about having to have a c-section or be induced!
You're a fuucking douchebag.
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Dear lord...the poster was just venting and looking for support about some very personal and very human emotions related to the birth of her child. For the people suggesting "get over it," try getting over your own sense of superiority in how you coped with your own hardships. Way to go. Great sensitivity, there.
I'm sorry that you still struggle with your birth. Mine was pretty traumatic for me - I labored for 20 hours with no progress, got an epi and pitocin, labored for another 9 hours and pushed for 4 hours. I tore twice, the first one being 2 hours before delivering him and lost a lot of blood - my blood pressure bombed and I had to receive a shot of adrenaline after ds was born. I was barely conscious and don't remember much. I wish I did. I really wanted a natural birth too.
I couldn't walk for a few days or sit for over a week. I have a torn rotator cuff. I still and will always have hemorrhoids. The one that haunted me the most was that I suffered some nerve damage and the left side of my left leg was numb.
It took months just to stop having flashbacks. The important thing is to figure out what will help you find closure with your birth. Having a LO helps as does knowing that I'm going to get another chance at giving birth. I did slowly over the past 10 months regain some feeling in that leg and that felt like I was "healing". Find what works for you. I wish you the best.
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I agree. While a healthy dose of perspective is sometimes called for (baby-gaga's "gender disappointment boards" come to mind), we can all feel however we want about a birth experience and separate it in our minds from gratitude for a healthy child.
Wait, you think women who want the life experience of raising a child of a particular gender need perspective, but the women who want the life experience of having a birth method of their choosing DON'T need perspective? I don't understand the difference between these two.
I am neutral. I am just not understanding how "I wanted a vaginal delivery" is different from "I wanted a boy/girl."
A work friend of DH's just posted her birth story on her blog. She had some complications around 36 weeks (including pre-e) and ended up being induced. She had a "successful" induction (there were other complications), but her CUTE baby came out in 5 pushes! When I got to that part of the birth story, I was genuinely happy for her, but I also felt this pang of anger/regret/sadness/jealousy that I haven't felt in a very long time. Our friend was 36weeks, I was 42, and I had a 44 hour induction ending with a section. She was induced and in a couple hours had a vaginal birth to a healthy baby. Not fair. I am VERY happy for her, don't get me wrong, but this birth has really churned up some feelings I thought had passed.
I'm sorry you didn't get the birth experience you wanted. I'm sure if you talk to your friend she will tell you things didn't got the way she wanted them to either, since pre-e is terrifying and usually involves major drugs and NICU time for baby. Even if it didn't, in order for doctors to induce she had to be pretty sick.
Just wanted to put that in perspective. It sucks when things don't go the way we want them to, but they can always be worse.
I almost died before my son was born, via emergency c-section, and I wasn't coherent enough to see him for two days, didn't get to hold him for eleven days, and sat by his hospital bed every day for seventy-five days.
This time around, a c-section is the least of my concerns, I just want a healthy full term baby.
The unfortunate thing about motherhood is that nothing comes as naturally as the world tells us it should. I hope you find some peace.
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A work friend of DH's just posted her birth story on her blog. She had some complications around 36 weeks (including pre-e) and ended up being induced. She had a "successful" induction (there were other complications), but her CUTE baby came out in 5 pushes! When I got to that part of the birth story, I was genuinely happy for her, but I also felt this pang of anger/regret/sadness/jealousy that I haven't felt in a very long time. Our friend was 36weeks, I was 42, and I had a 44 hour induction ending with a section. She was induced and in a couple hours had a vaginal birth to a healthy baby. Not fair. I am VERY happy for her, don't get me wrong, but this birth has really churned up some feelings I thought had passed.
I'm sorry you didn't get the birth experience you wanted. I'm sure if you talk to your friend she will tell you things didn't got the way she wanted them to either, since pre-e is terrifying and usually involves major drugs and NICU time for baby. Even if it didn't, in order for doctors to induce she had to be pretty sick.
Just wanted to put that in perspective. It sucks when things don't go the way we want them to, but they can always be worse.
I almost died before my son was born, via emergency c-section, and I wasn't coherent enough to see him for two days, didn't get to hold him for eleven days, and sat by his hospital bed every day for seventy-five days.
This time around, a c-section is the least of my concerns, I just want a healthy full term baby.
The unfortunate thing about motherhood is that nothing comes as naturally as the world tells us it should. I hope you find some peace.
I totally agree with you about my friend also not getting her ideal birth in this situation. She was pretty sick. Luckily her DD came out healthy and everyone was able to go home together 5 days later. A blessing for sure. My thing is that I am just jealous of her cervix! Why was hers so much more cooperative than mine?? After 44 hours of induction I only got to 6cms. Damn my cervix!
Also, I grew up in Lake Worth, and I went to Santaluces and Dreyfoos School of the Arts. Where do you live?
I'm sorry, but if you are still not over loosing your perfect dream birth then you need to seek professional help. Especially if you are getting jealous of a mom who got induced at 35 weeks because of pre-e. It sucks that you didn't get your fantasy birth, but very few women do and you need to be grateful that you were able to bring a healthy FULL TERM baby into this world! So what if you didn't get exactly what you wanted, as far as birth stories go, seriously, you had a healthy baby that got to come home with you! Yeah your friend was able to squeeze out her baby in 5 pushes, but it was probably much smaller than yours considering it was 5 weeks early! Get help or get over it and be grateful for what you have, instead of focusing on how one day of your life didn't go as planned! DSame goes to the rest of you who are complaing about having to have a c-section or be induced!
You're a fuucking douchebag.
Seriously? Wow.
OP...I am sorry if I came across as harsh. I really am sorry that you didn't get the birth experience you wanted. I was not trying to turn this into the pain olympics which is why I didn't give any of my birth story. I still feel that if you are still having trouble coping with your sense of loss then maybe talking to someone professional may help, just as it helped me come to terms with loosing 14 weeks of my pregnancy. Maybe it was easier for me to get past the loss of my dream pregnancy because I was too busy worrying wether my child would live and when she did that was all I cared about. I'm sorry that not raining rainbows and sprinkles makes me a *** douchebag. I just feel strongly about this. I know too many women who not only lost their dream birth experience, but lost children and weeks of bonding time with their surviving children, not just hours. I'm not bitter, just aware of how amazingly lucky I am to have the children that I do. So yes, it does bother me a lot when I see someone complaining about not getting the birth that they wanted because all I see are the beautiful children that were the result and for that I am happy for you all.
I'm sorry, but if you are still not over loosing your perfect dream birth then you need to seek professional help. Especially if you are getting jealous of a mom who got induced at 35 weeks because of pre-e. It sucks that you didn't get your fantasy birth, but very few women do and you need to be grateful that you were able to bring a healthy FULL TERM baby into this world! So what if you didn't get exactly what you wanted, as far as birth stories go, seriously, you had a healthy baby that got to come home with you! Yeah your friend was able to squeeze out her baby in 5 pushes, but it was probably much smaller than yours considering it was 5 weeks early! Get help or get over it and be grateful for what you have, instead of focusing on how one day of your life didn't go as planned! DSame goes to the rest of you who are complaing about having to have a c-section or be induced!
You're a fuucking douchebag.
Seriously? Wow.
OP...I am sorry if I came across as harsh. I really am sorry that you didn't get the birth experience you wanted. I was not trying to turn this into the pain olympics which is why I didn't give any of my birth story. I still feel that if you are still having trouble coping with your sense of loss then maybe talking to someone professional may help, just as it helped me come to terms with loosing 14 weeks of my pregnancy. Maybe it was easier for me to get past the loss of my dream pregnancy because I was too busy worrying wether my child would live and when she did that was all I cared about. I'm sorry that not raining rainbows and sprinkles makes me a *** douchebag. I just feel strongly about this. I know too many women who not only lost their dream birth experience, but lost children and weeks of bonding time with their surviving children, not just hours. I'm not bitter, just aware of how amazingly lucky I am to have the children that I do. So yes, it does bother me a lot when I see someone complaining about not getting the birth that they wanted because all I see are the beautiful children that were the result and for that I am happy for you all.
But why can't someone feel a sense of loss for an experience they'd hoped to have, while SIMULTANEOUSLY being grateful and thankful and happy that they have a healthy baby?
If someone said that all you went through with having a preemie was no big deal because you got to bring home a healthy baby in the end, you'd probably set them straight. Because YOUR experience was traumatic and scary and I'm sure you wish things had been different. But just because your baby thankfully DID pull through doesnt mean you aren't entitled to your VERY PERSONAL feelings about your experience, because in the end, the feelings are yours.
People deal and grieve in many different ways and on different timelines. And, what may be a big deal to one person may not even be a blip on the radar for someone else.
You dont have to understand or even agree with the way someone might feel, but what right do you have to tell someone that what they feel about their own personal experience is wrong, simply because it's not how you think YOU would feel?
The bottom line is that some people had a strong preference for they way they hoped their birth to go. That preference and subsequent feelings of sorrow for what didnt happen have NOTHING to do with the *baby* itself.
But why can't someone feel a sense of loss for an experience they'd hoped to have, while SIMULTANEOUSLY being grateful and thankful and happy that they have a healthy baby?
If someone said that all you went through with having a preemie was no big deal because you got to bring home a healthy baby in the end, you'd probably set them straight. Because YOUR experience was traumatic and scary and I'm sure you wish things had been different. But just because your baby thankfully DID pull through doesnt mean you aren't entitled to your VERY PERSONAL feelings about your experience, because in the end, the feelings are yours.
People deal and grieve in many different ways and on different timelines. And, what may be a big deal to one person may not even be a blip on the radar for someone else.
You dont have to understand or even agree with the way someone might feel, but what right do you have to tell someone that what they feel about their own personal experience is wrong, simply because it's not how you think YOU would feel?
The bottom line is that some people had a strong preference for they way they hoped their birth to go. That preference and subsequent feelings of sorrow for what didnt happen have NOTHING to do with the *baby* itself.
I'm sorry, but if you are still not over loosing your perfect dream birth then you need to seek professional help. Especially if you are getting jealous of a mom who got induced at 35 weeks because of pre-e. It sucks that you didn't get your fantasy birth, but very few women do and you need to be grateful that you were able to bring a healthy FULL TERM baby into this world! So what if you didn't get exactly what you wanted, as far as birth stories go, seriously, you had a healthy baby that got to come home with you! Yeah your friend was able to squeeze out her baby in 5 pushes, but it was probably much smaller than yours considering it was 5 weeks early! Get help or get over it and be grateful for what you have, instead of focusing on how one day of your life didn't go as planned! DSame goes to the rest of you who are complaing about having to have a c-section or be induced!
You don't get to invalidate other's feelings just because you had it "worse".
I completely agree. I was in labor for maybe 8 hours and thought everything was going fine until my baby ended up in distress. An emergency c-section followed, but I had to be knocked out because I could feel the first cut due to my epidural being done incorrectly. While I am grateful for a healthy baby, and I know that is the most important thing, it still makes me sad to think of how it ended up. I didnt have a birth plan or didnt have any expectations, but would I have loved to remember my own daughter being born? Of course. I just think its something you will have to live with forever, however your birth experience was, wonderful or not. It didnt help that I my delivering doctor was sitting next to us in church on Easter morning. It brought back a lot of feelings, and I think that it is completely normal. Telling people to "get over it" is a little ridiculous because its not something you are ever going to forget.
Re: Wow, I am STILL not over my induction turned section...
You're a fuucking douchebag.
I'm sorry that you still struggle with your birth. Mine was pretty traumatic for me - I labored for 20 hours with no progress, got an epi and pitocin, labored for another 9 hours and pushed for 4 hours. I tore twice, the first one being 2 hours before delivering him and lost a lot of blood - my blood pressure bombed and I had to receive a shot of adrenaline after ds was born. I was barely conscious and don't remember much. I wish I did. I really wanted a natural birth too.
I couldn't walk for a few days or sit for over a week. I have a torn rotator cuff. I still and will always have hemorrhoids. The one that haunted me the most was that I suffered some nerve damage and the left side of my left leg was numb.
It took months just to stop having flashbacks. The important thing is to figure out what will help you find closure with your birth. Having a LO helps as does knowing that I'm going to get another chance at giving birth. I did slowly over the past 10 months regain some feeling in that leg and that felt like I was "healing". Find what works for you. I wish you the best.
Wait, you think women who want the life experience of raising a child of a particular gender need perspective, but the women who want the life experience of having a birth method of their choosing DON'T need perspective? I don't understand the difference between these two.
I am neutral. I am just not understanding how "I wanted a vaginal delivery" is different from "I wanted a boy/girl."
I'm sorry you didn't get the birth experience you wanted. I'm sure if you talk to your friend she will tell you things didn't got the way she wanted them to either, since pre-e is terrifying and usually involves major drugs and NICU time for baby. Even if it didn't, in order for doctors to induce she had to be pretty sick.
Just wanted to put that in perspective. It sucks when things don't go the way we want them to, but they can always be worse.
I almost died before my son was born, via emergency c-section, and I wasn't coherent enough to see him for two days, didn't get to hold him for eleven days, and sat by his hospital bed every day for seventy-five days.
This time around, a c-section is the least of my concerns, I just want a healthy full term baby.
The unfortunate thing about motherhood is that nothing comes as naturally as the world tells us it should. I hope you find some peace.
I totally agree with you about my friend also not getting her ideal birth in this situation. She was pretty sick. Luckily her DD came out healthy and everyone was able to go home together 5 days later. A blessing for sure. My thing is that I am just jealous of her cervix! Why was hers so much more cooperative than mine?? After 44 hours of induction I only got to 6cms. Damn my cervix!
Also, I grew up in Lake Worth, and I went to Santaluces and Dreyfoos School of the Arts. Where do you live?
Holy shitstorm.
:backs out of post:
Seriously? Wow.
OP...I am sorry if I came across as harsh. I really am sorry that you didn't get the birth experience you wanted. I was not trying to turn this into the pain olympics which is why I didn't give any of my birth story. I still feel that if you are still having trouble coping with your sense of loss then maybe talking to someone professional may help, just as it helped me come to terms with loosing 14 weeks of my pregnancy. Maybe it was easier for me to get past the loss of my dream pregnancy because I was too busy worrying wether my child would live and when she did that was all I cared about. I'm sorry that not raining rainbows and sprinkles makes me a *** douchebag. I just feel strongly about this. I know too many women who not only lost their dream birth experience, but lost children and weeks of bonding time with their surviving children, not just hours. I'm not bitter, just aware of how amazingly lucky I am to have the children that I do. So yes, it does bother me a lot when I see someone complaining about not getting the birth that they wanted because all I see are the beautiful children that were the result and for that I am happy for you all.
But why can't someone feel a sense of loss for an experience they'd hoped to have, while SIMULTANEOUSLY being grateful and thankful and happy that they have a healthy baby?
If someone said that all you went through with having a preemie was no big deal because you got to bring home a healthy baby in the end, you'd probably set them straight. Because YOUR experience was traumatic and scary and I'm sure you wish things had been different. But just because your baby thankfully DID pull through doesnt mean you aren't entitled to your VERY PERSONAL feelings about your experience, because in the end, the feelings are yours.
People deal and grieve in many different ways and on different timelines. And, what may be a big deal to one person may not even be a blip on the radar for someone else.
You dont have to understand or even agree with the way someone might feel, but what right do you have to tell someone that what they feel about their own personal experience is wrong, simply because it's not how you think YOU would feel?
The bottom line is that some people had a strong preference for they way they hoped their birth to go. That preference and subsequent feelings of sorrow for what didnt happen have NOTHING to do with the *baby* itself.
Absolutely this.
I completely agree. I was in labor for maybe 8 hours and thought everything was going fine until my baby ended up in distress. An emergency c-section followed, but I had to be knocked out because I could feel the first cut due to my epidural being done incorrectly. While I am grateful for a healthy baby, and I know that is the most important thing, it still makes me sad to think of how it ended up. I didnt have a birth plan or didnt have any expectations, but would I have loved to remember my own daughter being born? Of course. I just think its something you will have to live with forever, however your birth experience was, wonderful or not. It didnt help that I my delivering doctor was sitting next to us in church on Easter morning. It brought back a lot of feelings, and I think that it is completely normal. Telling people to "get over it" is a little ridiculous because its not something you are ever going to forget.