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3rd Trimester
Reason!! for no show at shower...cont'd
So....the reason this person is not coming to my shower from what I understand is she works in the morning and has something in the evening so she doesn't really want to be doing stuff all day. I guess I feel like that is kind of a lame excuse when we are expecting our children so close together...
Before you judge me for being spiteful or catty (sp??), please hear me out. She's not a super close friend. BUT, there is an opportunity to get closer with our babies coming within days of each other. But she's also a big talker and her life is always "super busy" to the point that I feel she may not make the friendship a prioirity. I don't really want to start it out with me making the effort she doesn't want to make. It wouldn't be that big of deal, except that her shower is a week before mine...so
I don't think I would make a decision not to go to hers out of SPITE . I think the decision not to go is sort of to protect my own feelings. I have been in friendships in the past where I put more effort forth than the other person. And I'm kind of over that. I want to surround myself with people who will make the effort, and I have plenty of those friends. It takes time and effort to go to someone's shower. And in the end, I don't know that I want to make effort she's unwilling to make for me...I would still get her a gift. Just not spend 3 hours of my day doing the shower thing.
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Re: Reason!! for no show at shower...cont'd
If she thinks her life is "super busy" now, she really isnt going to make the effort after her baby comes. She will actually know what super busy is. I say send your gift and dont waist your time if you think you will get your feelings hurt. Most women drop a lot of superficial friends after they have their babies and stick with a few, true friends who would put effort into being there for you. Weather its a ten minute phone call to listen to you talk about baby blues, or taking time out of thier busy schedule to attend your babies 1st birthday, you will definatley see who your real friends are and who you want around. This seems big now, but maybe you will be thankful when you dont have to deal with all of her excuses later. The fact that she is having a shower too & knows what it is like to hope that people will come, tells me that she isnt worth your time. Maybe your mutual friend is trying to tell you something nicely by telling you not to waist your time.
Good luck, make your decision & let it go
I feel like you are making this into a MUCH bigger deal than it needs to be. It sounds like you are dying to be friends with this girl for some reason??
Don't waste your energy on this in my opinion. Just let it go... I'm sure its nothing personal. Move on.
I'm not sure how far along you are, but I'm just about 33 weeks and would totally avoid having to go to 3 separate events in one day. I would be utterly exhausted. Just because you see an opportunity to be closer with your babies due around the same time, doesn't mean she feels the same way.
As you said, she's not a super close friend. Also, you can't expect that everyone you invite will be able to go to your shower. If you want to go to hers go, if you don't RSVP that you can't go.
I'm just failing to see why this is so dramatic for you. If you don't want to go to her shower, don't go. If she sends a gift to yours, the polite thing would be to return the gesture.
Other than that, I think there are bigger things to focus your time and energy on.
Eh I don't think that is a super lame reason not to go...I know that I cannot commit myself to more than I know I can handle. It sounds like she knows her body and knows exactly what she can tolerate. Personally, I would want to take some time between work and whatever function is later that night to rest.
That being said, with your concerns about her true intentions of the friendship, you might want to just politely decline. Like pp said, if she hasn't made time for you now, she's probably not going to after the baby is born. You might get an occasional play date, but I wouldn't expect more than that.
I'll say the same thing as the last thread - if you want to go GO. If you don't DON'T. I'm not sure that weighing out other people's opinions is going to help you decide that.
Here's the deal with parties - sometimes people want to go to them and other times they don't. You say she's not a close friend, but then are hurt and offended that she doesn't want to go to your shower. She doesn't want to go. Period. Sometimes people don't want to do things. Respect that. She's not trying to hurt you, but you are blowing it way out of proportion.
Again... mountain out of a molehill here. Just let it go and roll with it. It doesn't need to be this dramatic.
Why would you expect her at your shower, if you aren't even close to her? You invited her and are expecting her in hopes that maybe someday you will be a close friend and your babies will be playmates? That sounds pretty pathetic IMO.
Also, do you really expect her to prioritize your friendship over the rest of her life, when like you said, you aren't even that close?
Get over it. Even after hearing your explanation, I still think you are being ridiculous.
Why is her going to your shower "the right thing to do"?? Just because she can't attend doesn't make her wrong or her values different.
And you are already wasting too much of your time thinking about this. You are making this out to be a life or death issue when it really is not.
Wow. I didn't realize I was going to be called ridiculous and dramatic. Wow.
I don't think I'm being dramatic. I'm just trying to guage whether my feelings are legit or not. That being said. I shouldn't depend on other people's opinions to determine that anyway. You aren't me. I'm sure there are things you would think was a big deal that I would think was ridiculous. So...that being said. I'm going to do what I want to do in the situation and not feel bad about it.
I hope someone handles your concerns with as much sensitivity as you handle others. Peace!
ITA....I am 30 weeks and I can't hang all day. At least the person told you ahead of time that she isn't coming. It could've been worse by making you think she is coming & doing a complete no-show without an explanation. Like other pp's have said, I think you are over thinking it and making it a much bigger deal.
I honestly I don't think her reason for declining the invite is lame. She is being honest with you and herself, she recognizes her limits.
You are right. I am not you, and you are not me. Why would you come on here and ask for opinions if you are going to get upset about the honest opinions people give you? It's a baby shower. People will be there, and I just don't see why you would focus so much on one person, who you even said you are not close to.
If you want somebody to be sensitive about your concerns, maybe you should not post this on a public forum of women who are well-known to be blunty honest before considering hurting somebodies feelings first. Just saying.
Thank you to the ladies who offered an opinion without telling me I'm ridiculous. I appreciate your sensitivity, even if you thought I was being silly.
Yes I realize I am opening myself up to other opinions...and that some people don't censor themselves quite as much as I might...or might like them to. Anyway, I do appreciate the opinions...just not the judgey words that accompanied them. But without knowing me, I guess everyone will make their own judgements! Someone was right in saying it's ultimately up to me, so...I think that's the best piece of advice.
You aren't a close friend and she has 2 other events that day. Is it realy a shock or lame that she can't attend? Lame would have been "I have to walk the dog."
It doesn't mean she's setting a tone for the rest of your lives. If you want to go to her shower do so.
This is me. I hardly have energy to get the really NEEDED things in my life done. An aquaintance of mine is due two days before me, and we've had a lot of fun being "pregnancy buddies" during these pregnancies. However, we live over an hour apart, and her shower is the day after a wedding the both DH and I are in. Unfortunately, I RSVP'd that I wasn't going to make her shower. I know I'm going to be exhausted and not feeling like driving there and back, so I figured better to let the host know now that at the last minute.
Cut the girl some slack. Even if you aren't tired yourself, a lot of pregnant women are, and it's hard to push yourself through during those bad times.
Hey! I have 4 dogs and walking them can be an all day event in itself
Life will be really busy when you both get out of high school.
I mean, if that ever happens.
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Alopdx, You sound like a total B*$&H. So I guess I can discredit your opinion too. Good luck with your shower, sweety. I hope everyone doesn't feel the way you do, or you may be the only one there.
LMAO!!! I tend to agree. I tried to walk (or waddle) our two dogs yesterday. FAIL!
Serious question, how old are you SweetAug? You sound incredibly young.
LOL...
So are you asking your hostess for explanations for all invitees who cannot attend your shower?
You are being ridiculous. I cannot fathom why you would write off an entire friendship with a person because they are too busy to attend your shower. The world does not revolve around you. To be honest, if a casual friend over or hyperanalyzed every single event that we did/didn't do I would run for the hills. As a laid back person I avoid drama llamas like yourself.
Fwiw, working all morning and having a previous engagement for the evening does constitute a good reason for a woman in her 3rd trimester of pregnancy. Work is tiring and she probably wants to rest before her evening event. I had to REALLY love a person to put in a full day in my last 10 weeks of pregnancy. My BFF got married when I was 35 weeks and I was her Matron of Honor. I told her point blank that I earned 10,000 brownie points for squeezing my swollen ankles into heels for her. Had it been ANYONE else I would have spent the day on the couch resting.
I choose whether or not to attend showers, birthday parties, weddings, etc based on whether I am free. Not whether they have attended my shower, wedding birthday part, etc. Life is not tit for tat.
While this thread as a whole has gotten out of hand, I do want to comment on one thing. I sort of get what the OP is saying about hoping to have a friendship with this woman b/c she's due so close together. IRL, I think we feel a special bond with other pregnant woman around us, especially when we're due really close and going through the same things at the same time.
I have a not-so-close friend (she's my friend's sister) who has the same due date as I do, and we're both having girls, and I kind of wish we were closer friends because of it. We're both "really busy" though, so we don't hang out and I don't know if we ever will. I'm fine with it, I'm not desperate for new friends, but it just seems like it would be nice to be friends with someone in such a similar situation.
However, if the other person can't be bothered, then let it roll off and move on. I'm not saying that's the case for OP (3 events in one day IS a lot for most pg women), but generally, friendship shouldn't be that one-sided, or that hard.
Why did you post this if you didn't really want to hear people's opinions? They should only voice them if they agree with you? You should have called your mom or something if you wanted to hear you were right.
I don't understand discrediting a friendship because someone can not attend your shower. I also don't understand why you'd feel the need to blow hers off simply because she can not attend yours. That's certainly not going to further the friendship.
Thank you for your opinion. I agree this thread has gotten totally out of hand. It's kind of silly...I didn't realize this would be SUCH a hot button.
I think some of these women are really dishonest about how much it matters to them. Doesn't surprise me though. There are a lot of women like that. And they're mean and tell other women to suck it up.
I didn't think I was being immature. Just trying to guage whether I should expect much from this girl or not. And my gut says no, even though she kind of talks big about being friends. It goes beyond the shower thing. Contrary to what some of these women think...I'm not young, immature or "still in high school." And I'm not desperate for friends. I have a lot of great friends. I'm also not considering friendship with this girl only b/c we are due around the same time OR if she does or doesn't come to my shower.
I am surprised how upset other women have gotten over this. It became way overblown. I just asked a simple question...
Good for you! That obviously means you are a much better person and have it all together! Good luck!
That was meant for Alopdx
Okay, seriously, maybe this is why other women are getting so upset. Just because someone doesn't agree with you does not mean they are being dishonest about their feelings. To some people the world does not revolve around their baby shower and who does or does not attend it.
My favorite color is purple. I guess if you disagree about yours, you are being dishonest and mean.
I expected different opinions, not personal attacks and namecalling. And I do feel more pressure to go to someone's shower when it's a week before mine and they are invited to mine as well. I'm just being honest.
Haha. Well, thanks, ladies. This has officially become a waste of my time! And much more overblown with your help!!
Is it really that hard for you to understand that not all of us have revolved our lives around our baby showers? Honestly, I couldn't have cared less if I had one or not. How's that for being honest about how much it matters to me. I had close family members not make it to my shower, and it didn't bother me one bit, because I KNOW that peope's lives do not revolve around me.
You are making yourself sound even more ridiculous by being so emotional about the responses you are getting on here. Maybe when you get out of high school and join the adult world, you will see that not everything is puppies and rainbows. Believe it or not, people will voice an honest opinion to you that doesn't match your opinion equally.
Again, get over it. You are creating the mess on this thread by getting worked up over some of the responses you have received.
My mom isn't coming to my baby shower.
That b!tch.
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