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I feel like a crappy mom (whine - really long)
It took almost 2 years and fertility treatments to get pregnant with our son. I had a wonderful pregnancy and enjoyed every minute of it. I couldn't wait to be a mommy and to have him here with us and to start a family.
I have a week and two business days left until I have to go back to work and I still feel just as helpless and incompetent as I did the day we brought him home.
From the get go our little guy didn't sleep much. If we were lucky we could get him to sleep 12 hours in a 24 hour period. Most of this was while we held him. He had jaundice which was stressful and then he was diagnosed with reflux at his 2 week appointment. For the first month of his life I was lucky if I got a shower once every 4 days and if I brushed my teeth before 5:00. I was a walking/crying zombie.
My DH was home with me for a week and then my mom came and stayed with me during the days for another week. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but when she came over she didn't change diapers or let me sleep. She basically was there to keep me company and make me lunch, which was nice. I spent the first 6 weeks sitting in the glider watching tv and holding the baby. DH and I would get about 3 hours of sleep per day.
Things have gotten better, but I still haven't managed to figure out how to get ready if no one is here to watch DS since he doesn't really nap or play by himself in the bouncy chair. I am in awe of the women I see out with their babies who seem so happy and carefree. It just seems so easy and natural; they just continue to live their lives just with a baby along for the ride.
I try to play with DS, sing to him, and make sure I am doing things to help him develop physically and mentally. I am not a go with the flow kinda gal. I am very structured and a bit type A, so adjusting to a little being with no schedule has been tough, but I am trying. I try to follow a feed, play, sleep schedule and it takes every bit of my energy. If I am luck I can get a 30 minute to 1 hour nap. Sometimes I get no nap, and then later he will sleep more than 2. At this point I am unsure of whether I should wake him so he can eat. If I don't his eating schedule is all messed up. According to Babywise mom should decide when naps begin and end. I have no idea if this is a good idea. I just have no confidence in dealing with him or my ability as a mom.
I never want to just sit him in the bouncy chair or swing because he will just stare at the wall. I feel like I should be doing something. This also means that I am constantly trying to entertain and interact with a 10-week-old and I don't feel like I am doing a good job.
Today I just broke down and started crying. I have so much anxiety that I don't sleep well and I worry about leaving DS at daycare. I also worry about having him at home with me the 2 days I work from home since he takes so much attention. I am the main breadwinner so there is no option to not work. But then I feel like the daycare will probably take better care of him because they deal with babies all the time. Then I start to feel like a horrible mom.
I also feel so badly about my appearance. I was about 10 pounds over my ideal weight when I got pregnant and I am still 7 pounds up from that. I have around 100 stretch marks on my belly (no kidding) and still have a gross, giggly, extra skin on my lower belly, Everyone tells me I need to workout to get back in shape. That is nice - when am I supposed to do that. I feel like I am barely able to make it through the day as-is.
Since bringing DS home from the hospital I have been away from him twice. Once DH watched him so I could get a pedicure (1 hour), and then last weekend my parents watched him so DH and I could go to a movie (3 hours). I cried as we left for the movie. Oh, and our 4 year anniversary is tomorrow and I am just to tired to be happy or celebrate. What is wrong with me?
I love my son more than I ever thought I could, but I feel like a crappy, incompetent mom. Especially when he cries when someone hands him back to me and he wasn't crying before.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I just needed to get this off my chest. If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it. I need all of the help I can get.
Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10
TTC #2 since Dec 2011
BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I feel like a crappy mom (whine - really long)
i'm sure everyone will have good answers for you. all i can say is you are being too hard on yourself. being a mom is hard.
to quote Dr Sears: the most your baby is ever going to ask of you is that you do the best you can.
It's really tough, especially with a refluxy and/or high-needs, but it does get better.
Please be careful with Babywise though - https://www.ezzo.info & https://www.ezzo.info/voices.htm
If you want a book that shows a good middle ground between getting a routine down and still meeting your baby's needs, try Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.
it stresses that you find the natural rhythms of your baby's sleep and by doing so, you are able to know when they are tired and can put them to sleep without a fight.
I agree with Rayskit. I think you're being too hard on yourself. Being a mom is really hard and every baby is different.
If you need to take the bouncer in the bathroom with you so you can take a shower, it's ok. If he cries while you take a shower, that's ok too. You need to do those things for yourself, and for your sanity. (that's my opinion anyway, I know there are differing opinions on crying babies)
I really don't have any good advice for you, but please don't be so hard on yourself. And when you need to vent, we're here
I agree with Viula. You're being much too hard on yourself. I know being a "Type A" can be difficult when you're so used to being in control, and suddenly you have a baby who is his own person, and you have to give up some control.
You CAN just sit him in a bouncy chair or swing and let him hang out. To you, an adult, it is just doing nothing, but to a brand new baby, he's learning just by sitting there. He's discovering shapes and light and colors and his body parts...you don't have to be there interacting with him constantly.
The book V suggested is a great book. I highly recommend it. I know that spare time to read is pretty much nonexistent right now, but there are summarized chapters that are quicky reads and can help you a little immediately, until you have time to read more in-depth.
I'm so sorry--I can feel the frustration and desperation in your words. Also, do you think you might be a little depressed? Like beyone the normal baby blues? It might be worth it to talk to someone. I know veronabrit posted something about a free PPD group on the Houston Nesties board. Maybe check it out.
As hard as it will be, I think it will be very beneficial to you to let go of the reigns a little bit. Ease up on yourself. No one is perfect, and you can't expect yourself to be.
(((((Hugs)))))
He's 10 weeks old ... he's really okay to stare at the walls for a little bit. Plus, he doesn't even have 20/20 vision yet, so the walls are blurry and interesting to him more than you think.
Marion is 20 months old and I still feel incompetent at least a few times a week.
Also, I think both of you would really benefit from some mom & baby support groups. I know Woman's Hospital and A Woman's Work both have them throughout the week.
j+k+m+e | running with needles
YES! you need to be around more moms in the same position as you. sit and talk and you will find that your position is not so unusual.
as far as crying, i am more on the AP side of things and not inclined to let my baby cry but i would put him in a bouncy and let him whine while i took a fast shower- often peeking out at him and talking to him the whole time, but i got my shower none the less.
And YES. This. My kids are 3 and almost 5, and I still often feel like I don't know what I'm doing. Much more often than I would have thought!
I am so sorry! It is so hard being a mother. I think you are being too hard on yourself. DH and I read Happiest Baby on the Block (and watched the video) and it really helped us a lot. I am completely anal and a Type A person, but I realize that a baby this young might not be ready for a solid, by-the-clock routine. Our DD seems happiest when we follow her cues for sleeping, eating and playing.
If you want to talk or vent, take a walk or grab some coffee, let me know. (((hugs)))
Mr. & Mrs. est. July 2007 Mama est. April 2010
Let him stare off into space for 15 minutes, it's okay. Take a shower, flip through a new magazine. If Landry is content scoping out her hands and drooling on herself, I'll let her do it. We get plenty of interaction but we both benefit from a little bouncer time.
Thanks, ladies! I really appreicate all of your comments. And you are right, I do need a new mommy support group or something that will get me more involved with moms in my same boat.
I need to relax and go-with-the-flow and I am really going to try. I'm sure Evan and I will both be happier.
My mom bought me the Babywise book since her friend's daughter used it and her baby is perfect (can you hear the sarcasm dripping off the words?), so I thought it might be helpful. I think it just made me feel bad that I can't schedule me baby.
I am going to look into the other books you all mentioned and the biggest thing is I am going to try to give myself credit for trying my best.
DH said that he will take over the night feedings with the bottles I pumped and put in the fridge so I can get some sleep and be refreshed for my long days at home. I think this will help a lot.
Thanks again, and if you have any other suggestions/comments I am totally open to the feedback.
Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10
TTC #2 since Dec 2011
BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12
Giant hugs to you! You're doing the best you can for your son and that's wonderful. Keep at your routine, but take some time for yourself. DD was a HORRID napper, like the most I got until she was 8-9 months was a 30-45 minute nap...which if it's not at least 45 minutes then I don't consider it a nap. One thing I found when it was warm outside was to take DD for walks. It got me out of the house and she passed out. Sure, she screamed sometimes for a bit, but I didn't care...it's not like I was in a church, I was outside in my neighborhood. DD passed out, we walked (so I got exercise) and she'd stay asleep long enough for me to shower when we got back.
I had to really learn to take time for myself. My first year with DD was pretty rough, I felt isolated and like I was never doing enough to entertain her. If you need a break put him in the bouncer in front of the window or sit with him on your patio (assuming you have one) and let him watch the trees move, birds fly and enjoy the warm sun. He's still getting stimulated, but you're hands-free for a bit.
Hope this helps a bit!
Since you've said you tend to be Type A, I'm sure the lack of a schedule drives you bonkers. I can't remember where I read/heard this (maybe Baby411 among other places?), but most babies really can't be "scheduled" before 3 months or so, and then, their own patterns start to emerge. I can tell you this was certainly the case with Cameron!
And even then, it's not a perfect thing - from week to week, there is definitely variation. Or maybe it's evolution. A month or so ago, he was doing 2 naps a day - a shorter one in the morning, and then usually a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. A few weeks ago, it was 3 naps a day - usually a 90-minute one in the morning, about 2 hours mid-day/early afternoon, and then an hour or so in the late afternoon. And now we're back to 2 naps of roughly equal length (in the 2-2.5 hour range). The first one tends to happen about 2-2.5 hours after he gets up in the morning, and the second one generally happens 2-3 hours after he gets up from he first nap (feeding off his cues). If you're patient, a pattern will probably start to emerge soon!
I agree with the others that you are being way too hard on yourself. Babies are hard work and being a mom is tough. Don't feel guilty letting him entertain himself by staring at whatever (DD gets to stare at me in the shower from her nap nanny all the time) so you can get a shower or whatever in. You clearly want the best for your son and it's not like you aren't providing ample love, attention, and interaction for him. You don't have to entertain him every waking second so don't feel bad.
((HUGS))
Trust me, everyone else's baby is perfect when it comes time for Grandmas to talk!
j+k+m+e | running with needles
I'm a fan of Babywise, but you have to take it with a grain of salt. For me, it was more if an "okay, I'm the parent" kind of thing. No way in heck I could set a clock and go by it. I just used it as a guide of "okay, we should try eating now"...
Cut youself some slack. Take a shower. Even if he cries for 3 minutes you'll be okay. I would just put him in the bouncy in the bathroom (love the rainforest one with the activity bar).... Take advantage of some swing time and eat a bowl of cereal.
Luca never napped (okay 1 time) longer than 45 minutes his entire first year of life. He just wouldn't do it. Some kids just aren't nappers. It's okay to be jealous of the mom with the kid that sleeps forever (God knows I am), but it doesn't mean that anything is wrong. Try to go with the flow... Keep the rotation (sleep, eat, play) and see where it takes you. Unfortuantly, babies are not an exact science....
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but know that you're not alone. (Honestly, at risk of getting flamed, I wonder if IF moms have Gotta Be Perfect Mom syndrome more than women for whom pregnancy came easily. I mean, we not only tried for a baby, we spent years and tens of thousands of dollars trying for a baby - now we have to prove to ourselves that we're the mother we were dying for the opportunity to be, you know?)
Anyway, I have so been there and still have days where I *am* there. I spend 90% of my day interacting with O in one way or another and feel guilty if I pop on the internet to check my email before he goes down for his nap, or if my eyes stray to Regis and Kelly while he's playing on his own. I know it's ridiculous to feel guilty - if he's quiet and appears happy, it's a good thing that I'm not right on top of him - but I feel it anyway. And if your baby is high needs at all (which O certainly was/is) it adds tenfold to the insanity of being a mom.
Being a SAHM can also be immensely isolating. It can be such a lonely place. You're spending all your time with someone you love more than anything, but that someone isn't able to talk to you, listen to you, etc. Even at this age, when Oliver is so aware and fun and sweet, it's really a 1-way "conversation", and talking to someone who isn't listening is so hard - even harder than talking to no one at all.
But all of that said, it WILL get better. I am much easier on myself now than I used to be (although I have a ways to go). And there are even days where I manage to look like I know what I'm doing...and maybe sometimes I actually do! Just know that nobody is the perfect mother you're striving to be, no matter what Grandma tells you.
Hang in there. It only gets better from here.
Amber
TTC since March '06
MFI, LPD, possible PCOS
3 chem pgs * m/c identical twins at 9w 10.06
IVF w/ICSI #2 - beta - 187! (9dp5dt), beta - 367! (11dp5dt)
IVF w/ICSI #3 - it's a girl!
My IF Blog: Between the Lines
My Parenting Blog: Letters From Your Mama
This is an interesting point. My sister, who also is an IVF mom, feels the same way. And she's not even Type A at all.
You are definitely being too hard on yourself. The transition to mommyhood is rough! Getting out is important - and mom's groups help so much! Get out for a walk. Your baby benefits from seeing other places and other people, too. I used to feel so guilty with DS1 if he would cry in the car seat or bouncer. I feel it some with DS2 but to a lesser extent - as I know some of it is just inevitable.... they are babies. I sometimes wonder if DS1 picked up on my stress... DS2 has been a much happier baby, but maybe I just got lucky. Maybe he will be a terror of a toddler, though! I think that letting them have some time to themselves is good. You don't want them to always need you to entertain them. If your baby won't let you put them down, have you tried a sling or Moby? Also, just going for a drive to get them to sleep sometimes is not going to hurt them... you have to do what you have to do.
You have to find what works for you, whether that is Baby Wise, AP, or somewhere in between. I cosleep part time usually the second part of the night (but sometimes all night), and that is what works for us. I get the sleep I want and can roll over and feed him if needed. I didn't think I would do it again, as I struggled with transitioning DS1 - but it just ended up being what works for me. Don't feel like you have to fit into some mold.
First, I agree with the others you are being way too hard on yourself. You're not incompetent, you're new. I think it's Dr. Sears that says, remember no matter what, you are the best mama your kid has ever known! Or something like that.
Second, I'm going to be blunt and opinionated. Throw the book out, throw the rigid schedule out. Honestly, any book that tells you this is THE way to raise children is a crock. There is no one true path. If something doesn't work for you and your baby then try something else. It's all trial and error. Just because it worked for someone else doesn't mean squat.
If he will sit in a bouncy seat and stare at the wall and not fuss, then let him sit and stare at the wall while you shower, brush your teeth, do your hair or hell read a book. It's ok. Tell yourself he's learning about geometry, planes and angles, if it makes you feel better.
You are being way too hard on yourself! Being a mom is hard work! It's a learning process and very much trial and error. And to make that even harder, you have a baby that has reflux! If he doesn't get upset in the bouncer (or wherever else you can set him down), then let him be there and do something for yourself. Dylan would hang out in the bouncer almost every day while I showered and got dressed in the mornings (or sometimes afternoons as I was so busy). There is nothing wrong with that. He's exploring and learning by being alone for a bit. Dylan still sits in his bouncer sometimes while I'm getting ready in the bathroom or he'll play in his jumperoo or on the floor by himself. I think that's fine for a baby to have some alone play time even if it doesn't appear that he's playing much.
As far as Babywise goes, my friends recommended it to me too. I read it, but I just couldn't get on board with a lot of it. I'm all for the eat-wake-sleep routine but the cry in out and wake time being on my schedule just didn't work. We do more of a Baby Whisperer routine but it's all led by Dylan and that's just the routine he happened to fall in to.
I agree that just getting a little more sleep will make all the difference in the world. Let DH take half of the feedings at night and you sleep a nice long stretch while he sleeps the other stretch. That will help a ton!
And on a note about his reflux, are his meds seeming to help? Have you ruled out any allergies/food intolerances? Just wondering because once we got Dylan on hypoallergenic formula, his sleep improved drastically. His reflux went away as well. I know all babies are different, but just mentioning it in case it's not something you've tried.
Hang in there! It will get easier, and you're doing a great job!
BFP with no treatment!
**hugs**
I had a horrible time with both my girls as newborns -- those first 3 months are hell and have you questioning everything. I was SO looking forward to putting Elena in daycare so the "baby experts", ie: the daycare employees, could get my baby on a schedule and eating at least every 3 hours instead of 2, etc etc. (imagine my shock when I immediately lost my job and it all really did fall to me!) I share all that to show that we ALL have those 'I'm not the mom I expected to be" feelings.
But I will go with what one other poster mentioned -- you really need to consider if you might have a bit of Postpartum depression. It really isn't talked about much but I think a lot of moms will admit after they get a year out that "hey, maybe it was so dang hard b/c of PPD?" And I've known at least one that got medicated after her 2nd, but not after her 1st, and had a totally different experience. She's a big advocate of getting help now. So you might consider calling your ob/gyn or regular doctor or just someone.
and YES on getting out with people or even just for a walk around the neighborhood. that helps SO much.
But hang in there -- your baby is growing and you will soon - so very soon! - be out of this hardest of times.
6-yr-old Elena and 4-yr-old Julia.
My Blog! All about my girls and quilting
I think this is pretty true. Even at the beginning when I was crying daily over the stress of breastfeeding (or lack thereof), my DH would point out how hard we tried to get him and to enjoy it. The fact that we went through so much definitely loomed over my head and made me harder on myself.
BFP with no treatment!
This!
We have never used a schedule and we do just fine. Even at daycare, when we first dropped her off they asked if she was on a schedule and we said no, they were fine with that. When she is hungry, she eats. When she is tired, she sleeps. That makes her happy, which in turn makes us happy.
I do have one suggestion for you, if it is a possibilty. Since you have not spent much time away from him and it was hard on you when you did, if you can have someone (maybe your mom) watch him the first week you go back to work, the transition to sending him to daycare will be easier.
Hang in there. I'm sure you are a great mom and you are doing just fine.
Hugs! I agree with everything the others have said. I could have written your post almost word for word a couple years ago, except that I didn't go back to work right away. Rena had jaundice, lost too much weight, had reflux, wouldn't nap, and didn't sleep more than 2-3 hour stretches at night. I also felt like a walking zombie and cried all the time. DH works really long hours and I felt so isolated. I'm also a Type A personality and it drove me crazy that I couldn't schedule my baby and my life. I learned to slowly let go and try not to worry so much about the small stuff. I let Rena whine/cry/scream for 10 minutes in her bouncy seat because I was determined to take a shower everyday.
I remember posting about how I couldn't BF and felt like a failure and how my child wouldn't nap and I was so jealous of anyone who seemed to have an "easy" baby. I still remember what rayskit told me- this is just a small blip in the radar and things will get easier with time. And that is definitely true- things get so much easier as they get a little older. It took awhile, but Rena sleeps 11-12 hours at night and naps at least 2 hours a day. So hang in there, it definitely gets better!
You have received so much good advice from everyone here. I hope it helps to know that you're not alone.
After I first had W, I needed to get out of the house by myself sometimes. One Sunday, a friend came by to visit, took one look at me, and said, "I'm taking you to get coffee." We were probably only gone an hour, but that hour was so rejuvenating to me. Take those opportunities to get out when they arise. I always feel like a better mom when I get back from doing stuff for me.
I too had a tough time showering at first, but I finally started to play peek-a-boo with him through the shower curtain and sang lots of songs. I felt refreshed, and he did just fine. Sometimes he fussed a little, but that's OK.
I also always felt like I had to be in my child's face teaching them something. Now I realize that they do learn by watching, and they need some time to look around and take the world in. Don't feel a bit guilty if you want to check your email or get something done.
Things will get better!
My mom has always said she felt this way. She was married for thirteen years and was actively trying for at least eight before she had my sister. Way back in the 70s there weren't a lot of choices but she did everything available at the time. She says she didn't feel like she was "allowed" to say "wow, this mom thing sucks sometimes" because she'd spent so long trying to get there. So definitely, give yourself permission to admit that it's hard and you aren't perfect.
I am so glad I am not the only one to feel this way! I feel like we wanted our little guy for so long and now that he is here I should be better at this than I am.
Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10
TTC #2 since Dec 2011
BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12
Last night was a little worse in the sleep/reflux departments, so DH took the morning off and is watching Evan. We called the doctor to see if his meds are correct since he seems to be back sliding a bit.
I have also wondered if I had a bit of PPD since it seems to come and go. DH was wondering if it is hormones since I was like this last month around the same time. I plan on calling my doctor this afternoon.
I have a new goal to get out of the house at least once a day - even if it is just a walk in the neighborhood.
All of your comments and support help so much more than you know.
Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10
TTC #2 since Dec 2011
BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12
This EXACTLY! Zantac didn't help Dylan. Prevacid made him worse. He would have tummy pain about an hour after taking it and would be inconsolable. Dairy or soy was the problem. Hypoallergenic formula made our waking up from gas pain/screaming while passing gas baby totally different. Definitely something to consider.
BFP with no treatment!
First of all you are not a bad mommy. Being a new mom is by far the hardest thing I have done.
I am a type A and am a big planner and the first few months were very difficult b/c my anxiety became overbearing because I did not know what was going to happen from one day to the next and it drove me insane.
Our son only slept 2 hours at a time for the first month and then after that we were lucky to get 4 hours straight for the next month of sleep.
I should of been resting and napping while he slept but I was so overwhelmed and anxious that I could not settle down enough to do so and I would clean house like a mad woman to keep me sane.
Thankfully though he started sleeping 6 hours straight and now he sleeps through the night.
It was very hard to go back to work as well and I was so scared that I made the wrong decision and that I was a horrible mom for doing so but I have to work for our family.
I can say that I had several people that I could turn to if I needed a break and I had a hard time asking for help but when I did it made a difference.
Please know that your a wonderful mom and don't beat yourself up and take time for yourself.
Hang in there! You're doing great, and it will get easier. This time is just so hard and having a baby that doesn't feel well makes it that much worse. This too shall pass though!
BFP with no treatment!
Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10
TTC #2 since Dec 2011
BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12
I hate to tell you this, but soy could also be a culprit. I can only imagine how difficult it is to have to cut out those things to try and see if he gets better!
BFP with no treatment!
I haven't had time to read the replies so this may already been said.
1) Don't be so hard on youself! Your baby is doing sooo well and his well checks reflects that!
2) If he's not crying, then he's happy and content...so just leave him alone in the swing or whatever you have him. I was worried that I need to teach Emmy everything when she was a newborn and I was a horrible mom if I left her on the floor for more than 10 mins...but in the end...I just had to do it to have time for other things and she's a very happy bright girl. And honestly...a baby can get overstimulated if you don't let them relax and "chill".
3) At 2 months...there's no set schedule yet. But you'll be amaze that it seems like overnight (around 2.5-3 months) you can see that they set it themselves.
4) If financially possible, try to outsource things (i.e. cleaning, yard work, cooking, etc...)
5) I don't know how you can deal with the weight because I'm going through that right now and trying to figure it out. I honestly just want to get healthy so I can live longer for my family...it's not even about looks anymore for me, as long as my husband loves me and thinks I'm beautiful, which he does. So I just got a 20 min workout video mailed to me yesterday, I'm figuring...I have to have at least 20 mins to work out a day! We'll see how that goes...
6) I promise that things will get a lot easier as they get older...but I guess harder in other ways..
7) I cried one night after coming home from work and felt soooo overwhelmed, there was no way for me to be supermom and I felt horrible. I got over that pretty quickly and honestly am just doing the best that I can as a mom. Kids are happy and smart...so I did something right??
I didn't read all of the responses and I'm on limited time BUT here is my take:
First, go a little easier on all three of you! The first three months are so hard. Babies are unpredictable and just when you figure one thing out, 5 change. Keeps you on your toes. Plus, they do stare at the wall! I went through that phase and cried that I didn't read enough books or play with Cooper because I used the time to fold laundry or take a shower. Then I realized that a happy mom = happy family.
Also, remember something my dad told my mom when I was a baby: "We're the smartest people she knows." Meaning as a baby, I thought they were awesome and even if they screwed up, what did I have to compare it to?
I haven't read the responses so I'm sure I will repeat most of what everyone has said.
You are not doing anything wrong. Not at all. I have felt (still feel) everything that you listed above. Cam was not a sleeper when i mean not a sleeper, he was up at least 3-4 times a night and would not go back to sleep until I held him. He just only within the last two months sleeping through he night. Did I say he's 19 months old.
I still haven't lost my baby weight and I don't know that I'll even be able to try until later this summer since work is so crazy. I've set a goal for 6 months from now and I'm sticking by it. We'll see what happens, but that's all you can do.
Give yourself some credit. He is loved and doted over by you. That is really all any baby wants.
I know I had to be able to tell myself that I'm doing everything that I can do. Is/ was it perfect? Probably not by many standards, I know reading the great stories other people had on the Nest made me feel worse. But I had to keep telling myself I'm doing the best I can do. You are doing the best you can do and it's probably much better than you even think.
Hang in there. HUGS
i took mathis to a homeopath and she was able to tell me where he had food issues. it costs about $200 but the change it has made has been exceptional! i don't know if that is too much $ or too new agey (lol) for you, but i would be happy to give you her info. she is in the heights and specializes in food intolerances.
there could be other, subtle things- gluten, corn, onion. i do NOT suggest doing a total elimination diet, tho. at some point your own health has to come first. point is, the homeopath can kind of point you in the right direction...
HUGS!
Everyone has given some great advice. It will get better. Whenever I felt overwhelmed with A as an infant my Mom always told me exactly what Kreeper's Dad said ... Just remember - you are the smartest person that baby knows!
I think getting out of the house at least once a day is a wonderful idea. A walk around the block and some fresh air can do a lot of good for you and for him.
You're doing the best you can and that's certaintly good enough for him!
Collin Thayne 10.11.2010