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Working Moms
Family Business, no paid leave
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Family Business, no paid leave
A bit harsh, no?
So if he'll have a medical degree (i.e., be a doctor and not something like a paramedic) that means you're 19 and he's about 30, right? Hmmm...
That also means your 30 year old husband didn't have the good sense to put the tax refund in a savings account instead of spending it on a vacation. I'd be more concerned about that than anything.
That is rich.
Listen, you got flamed because this whole post has trainwreck all over it. Great for you that your coworkers treat your office like a day care.
But, presumably you do have work to do. This is absolutely nothing like the Nest. When you have a deadline and your kid needs to be fed, who's going to win? You can walk away from this post for a few hours to file some paperwork or whatever you do because the internet isn't going to die if you walk away from it.
Finally, while everyone is sympathetic to the economic woes, it's hard to sympathize with someone who had 9 months to plan and is just now realizing she needs to scrape together some cash to be able to take a mere two weeks of medical leave. You have to realize that this just sounds insane and irresponsible. And if you can't see that, you need to start growing up - talk to your family, talk to people at church or at school - older, successful adults who can give you some guidance and help you see that what you are doing is reckless, and harmful to both you and your baby.
LOL - yup, they eat kisses, drink air, and poop rainbows. She'll be fine!
I realize that at age 19 you probably aren't thinking strategically about the future. I was in college checking my online banking statement, crossing my fingers that my paycheck would post in time to go shopping at the Gap.
Yes, there are some teen moms who are totally ready for it, and obviously you are married which is a huge bonus but I think you need to see that, despite some of the harsh delivery these girls have given you, they are trying to point out that your questions belie a sense of naivete and immaturity on your part.
I also saw on another post that you are dying for a drink. No problem with that, except that you are 19. I can't believe your nurse told you to go ahead and have one. You are not legally allowed to drink.I am proud of you that you are thinking of the baby's best interest.
In general, though, you just don't seem ready for the responsibility that is about to drop in your lap. That's what has everyone reaciting so incredulously. It doesn't matter how family friendly this company is, bringing baby with you all the time is not a very good solution in the long term. And it's immensely bizarre that you waited until 35 weeks to start planning for this.
Also, paying for a cruise with a tax refund is like paying out of pocket. Do you realize that a tax refund is actually your money? It means that the government took too much away from you and is returning it to you. It's not some special "bonus" check from Uncle Sam.
If you were thinking of getting PG, there is no excuse for not saving it, but that's in the past. Onto the future. You need to think about:
1) Selling anything you can on craigslist/ebay/consigment/yard sale
2) See if DH can pick up a second PT job
3) Move in with family if you need to so that you can get out of rent
4) Sell your second car if you have one
5) Check into programs for food like Angel Care ministries that helps with groceries regardless of income
6) Buy everything generic, from diapers to toothpaste to laundry detergent to cheese.
What kind of medical degree is your DH finishing?
I'm just so enjoying that you think b/c you paid for a cruise with your tax refund, it "wasn't out of pocket." Where do you think your tax refund comes from?
hint: it's from your paycheck. It's your money, you just don't have your withholdings set up correctly, so you let the gov't take too much out. It's not your yearly check from...who ever you think it's from. Yes, it very much is out of pocket.
And what, exactly, did you expect from a message board when you have not done a single bit of post-baby planning and your baby will be here in 5 weeks? You have a gift card to cover "anything the baby needs"? What if that baby needs NICU care? Or you have a c-section? Or there is a complication? Not that I wish those on you by any means, but those generally cannot be paid for with a BRU gift card.
And this is why I wonder every day why financially responsible adults aren't able to easily have children but irresponsible teenagers are. *shakes head* I wish you the best of luck. Sounds like you are going to need it.
Ok, I'm going to try to be objective here. So, some bad choices were made. They're done, there's not much that can be done to change them now (although, I probably would have taken the penalty on canceling the cruise and stayed home).
I think it is really hard for anyone to say that staying at home for 2 weeks will be enough or not. You're really going to have to wait and see how it goes. If it's a regular birth, then maybe you could, but you're going to be really tired. CAn any of your work be done at home? Can you work alternative hours? Can you get by working reduced hours the first couple weeks back?
If you can't make ends meet for the 2 weeks your home, I would talk to your parents and see if they can help you out. There are no guarantees, it really isn't their responsibility, but there isn't much other choice. Also, if your parents are planning on giving gifts for the baby, I guess I would talk to them now about giving you cash so that you can get by. I'd highly recommend BFing, as it will be much cheaper than formula (that will run you $20-$30/week). If the baby will be with you a lot, you won't need to buy a pump for awhile.
I would really go over your budget with a fine tooth comb and see what you can eliminate for the next 2 months so that you can afford your time off. If you have any debt, possibly you can call your creditors to arrange an extension on time to pay a month or two of your bills. Try not to get behind b/c if your budget is so tight, it will just be harder to pay things back as the bills stack up.
GL!
1. You can cancel a cruise. You might not get all your money back, but ANY money you got back would've gone to your baby instead of going on a vacation you couldn't technically afford
2. Do you think that tax refund money wouldn't have helped you in this situation... allowed you to take more time off after your child was born? Do you think you're only allowed to spend tax refund money on silly shyt?
3. Learn to spell. And I think you misused the term "brown nosed b1tches". What was "brown nosed" about what anyone said?
4. And I think it's cute that you're talking to US about a reality check. Come back here in a few months when you're wishing that you would've made the adult decision and used that cruise money on your child.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Awesome. We've moved on from "I feel worry for your DH's" to "I feel sorry for your kids".
YAY!!!!!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I can't help but wonder how much work actually gets done in an office with a bunch of kids and toddlers running around in it. I'm not surprised that your hours got cut - I'm actually surprised that you still have a job at all, considering how crappy your boss runs the company. I sure as hell wouldn't want to do construction business with an office that looked like a daycare - I'd know that no one was paying very close attention to the actual business.
You have no idea how much work a newborn is, or else you wouldn't have come here asking how feasible it was to return to work at 2 weeks postpartum. Here's a hint - just because you no doubt used to babysit a few years ago doesn't mean that you know how to be a parent...........being a parent is a WORLD different than babysitting for a couple of hours.
So fine, you pre-paid for the cruise and couldn't get a refund........whatever. You had 35 Goddamn weeks to plan and save money, and you did nothing. Nothing at all to prepare for what you KNEW was coming up. What's wrong with you? Did you think that if you just waited long enough, a money tree would magically appear in your backyard? That your boss would suddenly say "hey, we'll let you take 12 weeks off PAID!"? Really, why on earth weren't you and your dipshit husband doing something - anything - to save money for your maternity leave?
Don't waste your sympathy on my child. He has two adult parents who PLANNED for him and continue to ensure that he is well taken care of even without relying on handouts. He will never want for anything, and his parents will always put his needs first. Save your sympathy for your own child, who will be here in about a month and will undoubtedly have a very rough life due to the choices that you and your husband have made and continue to make.
What gets me, and what I hope you'll actually see and do something about, is that you are about to make the same kind of mistake that got you into this mess: risking your family's future working on an assumption that everything's going to be OK without you sacrificing. "Oh, we just have to get through this and DH will get a great job and everything will be OK." Haven't you learned your lesson from this? Things just don't magically get to be OK, you need to sacrifice and make plans. Even he doesn't land the great job right away, then things really will be OK, and if he does, things will be great, but don't bank a future that isn't here yet.
For what it's worth:
1) Why the heck should any of us feel sorry for you that you can't get PTO from a job that you've described as a daycare for employee's kids? All you had to do was be able to make it through your own medical recovery, that's a lot better off than most working women have it as far as planning for children.
2) You pre-paid for the cruise, fine. You still had plenty of time to get your butt in gear and start saving money, working nights, cutting out all frills, getting your financial house in order. And, no, a tax refund is not money from heaven.
3) Did you have to take time off to take the cruise? Perhaps you could have saved that up to have more time when the baby comes? If you're down to every day counts, any little bit would have helped.
You need to start getting your hands on money NOW!
1. Sell everything you can on Craigslist or a garage sale. It doesn't matter if it's a prized collection of autographed baseballs or a bunch of old clothes. You need to seriously start selling everything.
2. Cancel cable. Cancel any book clubs or health clubs or anything with monthly dues.
3. Sell one of your cars if you have two cars.
4. Buy anything else you need for the baby at garage sales. (cheaper than resale shops). The only thing you need to buy at regular stores is food and personal hygeine items. Buy only cheap and generics. Forget soft drinks/sodas and switch to water.
5. Stop all manis, pedis, expensive hair coloring appintments, expensive hair cuts, etc. It's Supercuts time for you.
6. Stop using credit cards to buy things you probably don't need.
7. Make all your meals at home. No more dinners out, no more lunches out, no more ordering pizza to your home. No more Starbuck's.
8. Look into using a cheaper electric company.
9. No more going to movies or renting movies (yes, even the $1 ones). The only movies you need to see are the free ones on free TV (again, no cable).
10. Change your tax deductions with your employer. You had too much money taken out and that's why you got a big refund. You need that money to live on now.
11. Turn down the thermostat and wear more layers of clothes around the house. Take shorter showers.
12. Quit smoking and drinking. They are waaay too expensive.
13. If you need something, see if you can borrow it from someone else before buying it.
14. Cancel internet access at home. Afterall, you can use it at work.
15. Cut our caller ID, 3 way calling, or any extras you may have on your home phone. Or, if you have cell phones, cut out the home phone altogether.
16. No more vacations, no more travel.
17. Forget having someone mow your lawn. Do it yourself.
There's many more ideas like this, but you get the idea. Time to live very, very, very cheaply. Luxuries and fun things are now gone. And, if you think "I can't live like that!!", yes you can. We live like that everyday and we're just fine.
To the OP:
There is some really good advice in this thread and people took time to write it. I'm sure you're pissed and defensive right now but I hope you take the time to read it.
Aaaand you need to start doing this yesterday. You could literally have your baby any day. Babies don't have any sense of timing, especially when you're already 36 weeks... Get it together pronto, and pray that kid will wait as long as possible before making his/her debut.
I agree because if it were an actual doctor of medicine degree, she would know that he's also not going to be making much $$$ until AFTER the residency, not after the actual degree. Most residents I know with kids are making money similar to a young teacher's salary.
I am honeslty getting ammusement out of this. I get on to ask for some ideas and women rant about how im not ready for a kid. OK, I do have money saved up but because of the jump in utility bills things have gotten tighter. I have $$ in the bank so if i go into labor lets say now I will be fine for a few weeks, everything IS curent so nothing will get shut off anyway. FYI I dont read your posts unless your positive. I know getting pregnant wasnt smart and I wasnt planning on it for another year or so but accidents happen and who is so say I wasnt "protected". Protection is always keeping kids away. I rufuse adoption because I am ready for a kid I just wanted to be in a better spot before I was but it happend and I am fine with that. I have spent 9 months getting a room together for my kid and making a bunch of aragments. I SUPER EXCITED. I know what I am in for and I am ok with it.
How about I refrease what I ment on the first post. Does anyone know any programs or orginizations that can help you out with utilites or having them not want the full payment when time is due? I dont have a thing I dont need. I don't have cable or anything usless. My real issue is if my water breaks tomorrow I dont know that the bills look like and they are going up again so I was hoping someone knew something better when it came to them. I have a whole month and a half before I have to worry about the next set being due and I can pay it when it comes but I was hoping there maybe was some way that I would have to worry about the following month right away so I can take the time if my body needs it.
What funnier is people telling me to get everything for the baby because she will be here any day like I am unaware and have no clue. I go to my doctor appointments and know exactly whats going on.
I HAVE EVERYTHING FOR MY CHILD. From sleeping to food, she is taken care of. I didn't post "OH NO IM 30+ WEEKS PREGNANT WIT NOTHING" I said I need some help on making my leave last longer on a tight budget. I dont blow $$ on cable and mags, and clothes. I have a room mate to make things easier and I have known her forever, shes a great friend not a stranger. People quit getting so excited about what other peoples posts are and read what I said about having everything for the baby and needing ideas on a longer leave. I dont want to be out of work for more than two weeks but I will if i have to and I know there are programs out there that help, besides goverment i DONT qualify, I just hoped someone knew them.
Do you have any idea how expensive pediatrician visits are? And that's for well babies - do you have $5,000+ saved up in case he/she needs more serious medical care?
I don't think most doctors offices accept Babies R Us gift cards.
Did anyone else have to read this sentence over several times to figure out what "refrease" meant?
and to the OP: Call the Utility company and ask about a budget billing plan.
Well THANK GOD that you have a room ready! You don't know how you'll pay your bills while you're recovering from childbirth, but by golly that baby will have a cute room to sleep in!
Again - you have messed up priorities. Your baby could sleep in a pack-n-play in the corner of your bedroom for a few months, and the money you spent on putting a room together could have been better used paying for your utilities/bills while you're not bringing in an income.
Here's something helpful - if you don't qualify for Medicaid or any other welfare programs, chances are you won't qualify for any emergency bill-paying programs either. You could check the Salvation Army and you could even call your utility providers to see if they offer any programs/assistance. But if your income is too high for Medicaid, you're probably not going to qualify for much help.
He just got this last semesters student loans about a month back and he used it towards school first (which has to cover 2 semesters and books) and the rest helped with baby items.
He just got this last semesters student loans about a month back and he used it towards school first (which has to cover 2 semesters and books) and the rest helped with baby items.
What kind of school is he in that there's plenty left over for baby items??
Wow girls, hold the phone. You're saying love and a cute nursery isn't all you need to have a baby?! And a tax return isn't free money?! Wow, why doesn't anyone ever teach you these things... so strange. Here I was thinking the Beatles were right and love was really all you needed. No wonder DH works and makes me have a job to "plan for our future". Crazy.
Again with people not reading. I said a room ready, what does a babies room need, HUM. A bed, sheets, clothes, diapers, etc. I NEVER said "it has pretty paint and this and that".
HAHAHA you guys are so funny, you go straight to conclusions EVERY time, no questions asked. I dont have the room painted, and it's so plain. The only thing on the walls is the wall stickers my girlsfriend bought me from the dollar store so it wasn't SO bland. I said I have a room ready meaning I HAVE what a baby NEEDS.
ROFLMAO. you guys are good.
The problem is that you're using student loans to pay for baby items, which means you'll be paying interest on your baby items. I thought you said earlier you made enough to cover all of those things, but in reality what you meant was you were racking up even more debt over the course of your pregnancy to be able to afford your baby even less.
Are they brand new clothes? I hope not because babies grow out of clothes pretty quickly and based on your financial situation you should have been borrowing baby clothes from other people or buying them second hand.
I never said pleanty left over, dont read TO into it. He used what was left for a crib mattress and a few other things. For whatever reason there is $$ left over after the school takes its cut. I don't make the rules when it comes to the loans I just know what happens with it.
You have a roommate? Do you live with your husband too?
Do you belong to a church? Have you talked to them about support for new teen mothers? Perhaps there's some volunteers that can help out.
I have heard people recommend Angel Food Ministries for free food, and I don't think there's an income requirement.
In the meantime, you need to start saving, big time. If your job is cutting your hours, you need savings in case your hours keep going down, you find you cannot physically work, or they decide you can't bring your kid to work.
Your husband may want to think about taking a break from school for a bit and working more hours.
If you need student loans to pay for your baby, and yet you claim to make too much to qualify for government assistance, then you are doing something wrong with your money. I suggest writing up a budget of all your income and expenses and posting it on the Money Matters board. You might get some more flames, but the girls there are excellent at finding ways to save money and to give you an objective perspective on how you can scrape together more cash.