Nosy Ex-Wife!!! What to do????

pattygrazioso · March 2014

So...both my step-kids came to me today and asked when I was going to tell the world about my pregnancy. They were anxious because they told me their mother keeps grilling them asking them if I was pregnant!!! Both kids live with me and I've never had a problem with her coming into my house and seeing her children. But recently I believe she's gone into my master bath and peeked! I have my prenatals sitting on the counter. My oldest step-son says that he's seen her "wander" through the house (which really bothers me)! How to I ask her to not snoop in my house without throwing the kids under the bus??? Ughhh...it's not that we are hiding it from her, but I had a loss at 9 weeks and I don't want to tell anyone after my NT scan and genetic testing results are back...

Kendrav4 · March 2014

I'm just a blunt person, I would tell her not to snoop around my house. I don't think you need to say what prompted it, just that she needs to not snoop

mbcgirlie14 · March 2014

She deserves a junk punch! That's just creepy to me to think someone was snooping around. I agree with Jalara48 let your DH bring it up. OR.... Leave a little note in your bathroom that says "attention......quit snooping around my house".

pattygrazioso · March 2014

mbcgirlie14 said:

She deserves a junk punch! That's just creepy to me to think someone was snooping around. I agree with Jalara48 let your DH bring it up. OR.... Leave a little note in your bathroom that says "attention......quit snooping around my house".

LOVE THIS IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been with my husband for 14 yrs. Our relationship with her has it's ups and downs. I deal with her the most since I've raised the kids. Never minded her coming into the house to the boys' bedrooms or the bathroom, but the only way she could have known anything about this pregnancy is if she walked up stairs, to my master and gone into my bathroom. There is absolutely no "baby" stuff anywhere! I love the note idea though! Def gonna do this because it lessens the confrontation, leaves the kids out of it and kind of makes her look foolish!

Justabean3 · March 2014

Just tell her you recently installed hidden cameras bc of recent petty theft in your neighborhood , haha

MLE_C2B · March 2014

As irritating as it is it's likely relatively harmless curiosity. I think the bad blood that may ensue if you or DH embarrass her or let her know her kids sided with you may wind up being a bigger pain in your butt. I'd let it go.

kindacrunchy · March 2014

Are you sure the kids didn't let it slip? After all they are talking to you about her. Kids aren't good at keeping secrets. If she is snooping that's not cool and I like the note suggestion from the previous poster.

BabyGibsonsIncubator · March 2014

I love the note idea! lol.

I would either have DH mention something, or put a lock on the door you'd need a key for (depending where your master bath is - i.e. - if its in your bedroom)

mer313131 · March 2014

Although the note idea is funny, I wouldn't do that. IMO that is a very passive-aggressive and kind of immature way to handle it. I agree with a PP that you dont know why she's suspicious. Maybe she sees you wearing more flowy shirts lately? Or one of the kids slipped up somehow? I'd probably let it go, or just be direct with her and ask why she thinks you might be pregnant since there's no evidence to suggest it.

Emerald27 · March 2014

I'm not sure...I think it *could* have been innocent. Like maybe one of the kids was in the downstairs bathroom and she REALLY needed to pee, or maybe one of them said something that, even if they didn't think gave away too much, made her suspect you were pregnant...like if they mentioned you sick a lot or something.

I wouldn't leave a note, but this is a tough one. You want her to respect your privacy but she may be doing that already, and it would be unfortunate to confront her for something she didn't do...could you mention to her that the kids told you she asked if you were pregnant? You could even wait and ask her that when you're ready to share the news and include a "what gave us away?" to see what she says.

archi35 · March 2014

jalara48 said:

Your house your rules!

Honestly, I'd have DH handle it. There needs to be respect for your home and for you. If she can't do that without being monitored then you may need to restrict her visits to one room and be sure another adult is "busy" in the home so she doesn't get too bold!

^^ This exactly!!!

Firemanswife11 · March 2014

That's weird as hell.

You should put the note in your bathroom that says, "SMILE, YOU'RE ON CAMERA!"

What a creep.

flyinmommy · March 2014

My Ex Husband used to do that. Our oldest has a key so he can come in and get things after school when he goes to his dads and it just became a major boundary issue. So I put my foot down and said he couldnt be in my house without myself or my husband there.
It doesnt sound like your situation is quite there yet but you may want to set some boundaries sooner rather than later and help maintain a good relationship.

TinyTRex321 · March 2014

I don't think it's fair to have your kids lie to their mom about your pregnancy. I personally would not have told the kids until you were comfortable with her knowing.

pattygrazioso · March 2014

Thanks for everyone's responses...will be talking to DH after he gets home from his trip tonight. Just to clarify...my stepchildren are older. 19 and 15...they were not asked to lie to their mother; nor could I hide it from them when they saw me sick or not having my wine anymore. Especially when they knew we were TTC. I am not showing by any means (only 10 wks) It was a family decision to not tell ANYONE until we were sure d/t my previous loss and my age. Regardless, it does not give the woman the excuse to wander throughout my house.

TinyTRex321 said:

I don't think it's fair to have your kids lie to their mom about your pregnancy. I personally would not have told the kids until you were comfortable with her knowing.

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