Ferber + pick up??...

LimaD

I'm thinking of starting the Ferber method soon, but was curious if anyone successfully did the Ferber method with the exception of picking up their LO to help calm them?  If I try to just pat/rub my DD's back and talk to her it does absolutely nothing, maybe even makes it worse. I want to be consistent in my approach, so was just curious if anyone has tweaked the Ferber method and still had success?

opaque1997

There is a different method "pick up put down" - or a lot of people do ferber extinction if their LO gets too worked up with check ins

BabyMakes 3

I don't know much about the Ferber method. I just know enough to know that I couldn't do it. What I do is let LO cry for ten minutes. Assuming I know he isn't hungry or in a dirty diaper. I then go in, pick him up, and rock. Usually when I lay him back down he wakes right back up. So I leave and give him 15 minutes before I go in and do the same. Usually that's all it takes. I've never had to let him CIO for more than 15 minutes.

ShaunaT25

I do this. First I just put the soother back in DS's mouth, and he holds my hand to his face. If that alone doesn't soothe him and he's still really worked up, I will pick him up and rock him for around 30 seconds until he calms down, tell him it's time to go to sleep and put him down again. I haven't read any of the books, just kind of doing what I feel is right and it seems to be working. We are down to no more than 10 min of crying now and we've only been at it for a week.

Good luck! 

gnomemom

We do not pick up. The purpose of your presence isn't exactly to calm them down, but to reassure them that you are still there. But don't worry if LO doesn't stop crying when you come in and fall asleep. LO still needs to learn to do it on her own.

We just go in, rub his back a little bit, whisper something that sounds encouraging/soothing, make sure he has a paci in the crib that he can reach if needed, and leave. I only stay for about a minute.

You're right to want to be consistent! That is the only way it will work. I would try Ferber w/o picking up first, and if it isn't working after a week, try another sleep training method that might suit your LO better.

kateraid

BabyMakes 3:

I don't know much about the Ferber method. I just know enough to know that I couldn't do it. What I do is let LO cry for ten minutes. Assuming I know he isn't hungry or in a dirty diaper. I then go in, pick him up, and rock. Usually when I lay him back down he wakes right back up. So I leave and give him 15 minutes before I go in and do the same. Usually that's all it takes. I've never had to let him CIO for more than 15 minutes.

 

This is the Ferber method... but instead of picking them up he suggests you pat their back, sing to them etc to calm them and then try again. 

dmhrn13

nope. if you want to pick up, ferber probably isn't for you. read the book & it will explain. before i did ferber rubbing her back made her more pissed too, but soon you shouldn't have to anyway.

minervacullen

I was wondering too. DD stands and rubbing her back isn't possible. She stands in the corner and pathetically stares at the door crying. I have to pick her up to lay her down. I can't just break her heart by lifting her and her thinking "yey my mommy is here to rescue me!" And just put her down. Sigh.

LimaD

gnomemom:

We do not pick up. The purpose of your presence isn't exactly to calm them down, but to reassure them that you are still there. But don't worry if LO doesn't stop crying when you come in and fall asleep. LO still needs to learn to do it on her own.

We just go in, rub his back a little bit, whisper something that sounds encouraging/soothing, make sure he has a paci in the crib that he can reach if needed, and leave. I only stay for about a minute.

You're right to want to be consistent! That is the only way it will work. I would try Ferber w/o picking up first, and if it isn't working after a week, try another sleep training method that might suit your LO better.

Yeah, I know the point isn't to stop her crying...but at the same time, she gets very intense.  Arms and legs flailing, screaming bloody murder, and she's too busy crying/screaming that she doesn't swallow so she starts coughing/choking. It's horrible...thought picking her up might at least help her get to the point where she can actually calm herself down.  I don't know!

Sarah226

LimaD:

gnomemom:

We do not pick up. The purpose of your presence isn't exactly to calm them down, but to reassure them that you are still there. But don't worry if LO doesn't stop crying when you come in and fall asleep. LO still needs to learn to do it on her own.

We just go in, rub his back a little bit, whisper something that sounds encouraging/soothing, make sure he has a paci in the crib that he can reach if needed, and leave. I only stay for about a minute.

You're right to want to be consistent! That is the only way it will work. I would try Ferber w/o picking up first, and if it isn't working after a week, try another sleep training method that might suit your LO better.

Yeah, I know the point isn't to stop her crying...but at the same time, she gets very intense.  Arms and legs flailing, screaming bloody murder, and she's too busy crying/screaming that she doesn't swallow so she starts coughing/choking. It's horrible...thought picking her up might at least help her get to the point where she can actually calm herself down.  I don't know!

I agree--try w/o picking up first.  Having said that, I would occasionally pick up when DS got out of control, hyper-ventilating type crying.  I would just hold long enough for him to calm down and then put him down and back-rub.  He would cry again, of course, but at least it wasn't so bad.  Also, it took a while of back-rubbing before that became something that was soothing to him, so give it a chance before deciding that it doesn't work.

aliciak316

I used the Ferber method with success and I did pick my daughter up and let her nurse for a couple mins after the recommended time. I think it worked great and most nights my daughter goes down no problem maybe one min of crying.