I know everyone always says that a miscarriage isn't your fault, there's nothing you did to case it, blah, blah, blah. I'm really having a hard time believing this and feel like I must have done something to cause my baby to die...
Is it because of the vitamins and medications that I took? Is it because I bought my husband cheapie vitamins and they messed up his sperm? Is it from lifting DD? Is it because I went swimming? Is it from the paint because we were having some work done on our house? Is it because I constantly had terrifying thoughts that something was wrong with the pregnancy, so it was a self-fulfilling prophecy? Is it because of all of the crappy food that I was eating because I felt so sick? Is it because I didn't eat vegetables because I had a serious aversion? Is it because I had a glass of wine a week after ovulation because I really didn't think that I would get pregnant this cycle? Is it because I've had many x-rays and CT scans in the past (not while pregnant, obviously)? Is it because I hadn't been doing my prenatal yoga? And I could go on, and on, and on.
I realize that it's neurotic and I don't need anyone to tell me it's not my fault because I won't believe it anyway. I think I just needed to vent. And maybe to see if I'm the only crazy person who thinks about this stuff.
1 miracle Earth baby and 5 Angel babies