Yes, proper etiquette states that you shouldn't host your own baby shower. We had a discussion last week about this.
BUT..women on these boards have absolutely no right telling you whether you can't throw your own or give you a lecture on proper etiquette. Who is to say what you should do with your own situation? People don't realize that family and culture remain different throughout the country. Plus, everybody has a different story.
I like the idea of "meet the baby party." Maybe you can state on the invitation "no gifts necessary" or something to that effect (which pleases etiquette and your husband). Plus, I like a previous poster's suggestions on co-hosting with your mother. That way, you get a lot of the say in the planning process.
I think an ocean/beach theme would be cute. Are you thinking of having it in the summer? Or BBQ with a truck theme. It really depends on what baby boys things you like.
I've always wanted to plan my own shower . I am now 22 weeks and am anxious to start planning . This is my first , Hubby's second . He had a bad first experience and keeps saying he's just going to buy everything on the registry . My mother wants to host . She has wonderful intentions but she worries too much and swears she needs to spend $5000 !! To me that's ridiculous ! I feel I can have a celebration w $500 . Also , I feel I am a great planner and I like having things my way (: . The idea of being "surprised" is nice , but not when I know there's a surprise , I hate that . As the saying goes , if you want something done right , do it yourself ! Any opinions ? I would love an open discussion ! Thanks !
BTW : I'm having a boy , and I don't want the traditional blues , I prefer yellow and orange .
heads up, this doesn't go over well on bump. poor etiquette, blah blah blah. though I'm sure someone's already said it LOL
I have come to a realization that by calling it a Baby Shower , that implies I "want" gifts , and that I should call it a Party to please your ears . I'm glad my family doesn't get hung up on a minor detail of who hosts . I completely understand why its viewed as tacky or gift-grabby , but if I know what my intentions are , then it really doesn't matter how any of you feel about me . All I wanted was opinions , not to go on for 3hrs , because I definitely don't feel the need to "defend" myself to any of you , that's just tacky , and you all must feel like an entitled special snowflake to repeatedly bash me w your negative comments . Go reply to someone else now . Thank you all .
You wanted opinions, and that's exactly what you got. Just because they don't agree with you doesn't make them any less valid.
Yes, proper etiquette states that you shouldn't host your own baby shower. We had a discussion last week about this.
BUT..women on these boards have absolutely no right telling you whether you can't throw your own. That is the point I was trying to get across. Who is to say what you should do with your own situation? People don't realize that family and culture remain different throughout the country. Plus, everybody has a different story.
I like the idea of "meet the baby party." Maybe you can state on the invitation "no gifts necessary" or something to that effect (which pleases etiquette and your husband). Plus, I like a previous poster's suggestions on co-hosting with your mother. That way, you get a lot of the say in the planning process.
I think an ocean/beach theme would be cute. You are thinking of having it in the summer right?
Thank you for your ideas . Yes it will be at the end of July / beginning of August . I didn't really understand the joke when I said I wanted to do a "Meet the Baby in the Oven" Party and others thought it would be funny for a pregnant woman to be sprawled naked on a table . To me that "joke" was immature and rude , and I'm sure most of you are much older than me . I feel comfortable letting my mom host and I can help w minor details and help her stay on track . Which then others say I'm "undermining" my own mother - funny . Lots of people here have unresolved personal issues and feel the need to bash the first newbie they see instead of genuinely wanting to help . Thanks again !
If you accept your mom's offer, you do NOT have any say unless asked. It is rude to throw yourself a gift giving event end of story. It will ALWAYS be rude. If you want to plan a party for the baby, have a meet the baby. Gifts aren't expected like at a shower so it's ok for you to throw your own.
Just a tip, if you want to do well on TB it isn't helpful to stick your fingers in your ears and yell I'm not listening!
I don't think that this thread will go much further really. OP IMO I think it would be best to ask if a moderator could lock this thread since DDing would not help you.
Um, can moderators lock threads on TB?
OP with your thread you have found those that agree with you or want to help give you ideas in this thread. It may be best to talk to them by private message than to continue it in this thread.
Yes, proper etiquette states that you shouldn't host your own baby shower. We had a discussion last week about this.
BUT..women on these boards have absolutely no right telling you whether you can't throw your own. That is the point I was trying to get across. Who is to say what you should do with your own situation? People don't realize that family and culture remain different throughout the country. Plus, everybody has a different story.
I like the idea of "meet the baby party." Maybe you can state on the invitation "no gifts necessary" or something to that effect (which pleases etiquette and your husband). Plus, I like a previous poster's suggestions on co-hosting with your mother. That way, you get a lot of the say in the planning process.
I think an ocean/beach theme would be cute. You are thinking of having it in the summer right?
Thank you for your ideas . Yes it will be at the end of July / beginning of August . I didn't really understand the joke when I said I wanted to do a "Meet the Baby in the Oven" Party and others thought it would be funny for a pregnant woman to be sprawled naked on a table . To me that "joke" was immature and rude , and I'm sure most of you are much older than me . I feel comfortable letting my mom host and I can help w minor details and help her stay on track . Which then others say I'm "undermining" my own mother - funny . Lots of people here have unresolved personal issues and feel the need to bash the first newbie they see instead of genuinely wanting to help . Thanks again !
Actually, I was being quite serious. How do you meet someone who isn't there? It's not possible.
Hm , I feel I must've worded something wrong if I'm being perceived like this .. Of course it't not about the colors , I want my family to be comfortable so location and food is also important . Like I previously mentioned , I love the idea of having my mother host it , but she worries too much , and I feel this will be too much pressure on her . I repeat , I am definitely not doing it for the gifts , as my fiance is itching to buy everything today . I have a really big family and just want them near me to celebrate . Maybe someone understands where I'm coming from . Thanks for the opinions .
A shower isn't really about celebrating the baby. He or she isn't even here. Lets be honest: a shower is showering a new mom to be into motherhood hence gifts are given.
Don't host your own shower. Use the money to buy baby things. Either allow your mom to host one and let her do what she wants to do or politely decline. Lets stop with trying to nicely justify why you aren't gift grabby, tacky or ungrateful when u choose to host your own.
Because there are not enough posts on this thread already...
I do think it is midly tacky to throw your own baby shower, only because of the general consensus that it is a gift giving event. This is where I disagree with some of the posters, and IMO, a shower is not soley a gift giving event. The term did not come from "showering a mother with presents" as Wikipedia states. It came from a German immigrant who was capitalizing on the marketing of baby showers, much like Valentines Day, etc. With all that being said, I still think that there are occasions where throwing your own shower is fine, and some where it is just tacky. I think in the original posters case, where her mother has offered to throw her one and she doesn't want the pressure added to her mom and seems to be too controlling, it is tacky and rude to her mom. If she didn't want to do it, she wouldn't have offered, and you should not dictate her idea of the shower that she is giving you. You can have a shower with no presents involved (I have been to a couple) and those I think are fine to be thrown by the parents to be.
Yes, proper etiquette states that you shouldn't host your own baby shower. We had a discussion last week about this.
BUT..women on these boards have absolutely no right telling you whether you can't throw your own. That is the point I was trying to get across. Who is to say what you should do with your own situation? People don't realize that family and culture remain different throughout the country. Plus, everybody has a different story.
I like the idea of "meet the baby party." Maybe you can state on the invitation "no gifts necessary" or something to that effect (which pleases etiquette and your husband). Plus, I like a previous poster's suggestions on co-hosting with your mother. That way, you get a lot of the say in the planning process.
I think an ocean/beach theme would be cute. You are thinking of having it in the summer right?
Thank you for your ideas . Yes it will be at the end of July / beginning of August . I didn't really understand the joke when I said I wanted to do a "Meet the Baby in the Oven" Party and others thought it would be funny for a pregnant woman to be sprawled naked on a table . To me that "joke" was immature and rude , and I'm sure most of you are much older than me . I feel comfortable letting my mom host and I can help w minor details and help her stay on track . Which then others say I'm "undermining" my own mother - funny . Lots of people here have unresolved personal issues and feel the need to bash the first newbie they see instead of genuinely wanting to help . Thanks again !
How are guests going to be meeting the baby? He/she won't be born yet.
After reading through 5 pages of that, I feel like I want to do a little bit of this:
Lol, but no, really. I'm going to ATTEMPT to give my 2 cents on this topic, take it or leave it.
OP, lets be real.. You really cannot care about what internet strangers say about you and your life choices. Yeah, it sucks that you got a response that you received as less desirable, but shrug it off and move on. The more you try to defend your standpoint, the more you are asking for a rebuttal. The way I see it, do what you want. However you "come off" to some of your friends and family is your choice and if you think your life situation is "different" enough, then they should understand if they truly know you. Ya feel me?
To everyone else who is not in agreement or is offended by the OP, you might as well give it up too lol. Seems like you will not be making a huge life change in her personality. People will do what they want to do and coming here to post for validation doesn't always go over real well for anybody.
I am a FTM and my mom insists on throwing me a shower. I am very gracious of that, however, she works 80+ hours a week, is going through a divorce, and her company is downsizing, possibly meaning she could lose her job in the very near future. So, fact of the matter is, I don't think I am being rude by offering some suggestions here and there. No, I will not be making every single decision, nor will I take ANY credit for any of it, but if she asks what theme I want or to make up a guest list, you can bet I'll be helping her as much as I can. Trust me, I would love to be totally not involved and surprised about the whole thing, but thats just not in the cards for my situation.
People make such a big deal about these silly showers and just like chicsahm, I have NEVER seen so much hooplah about IRL.. only on the bump. NOW ONTO THE GIFS!
Thank you for understanding both sides . I wish I could've said this myself .
After reading through 5 pages of that, I feel like I want to do a little bit of this:
Lol, but no, really. I'm going to ATTEMPT to give my 2 cents on this topic, take it or leave it.
OP, lets be real.. You really cannot care about what internet strangers say about you and your life choices. Yeah, it sucks that you got a response that you received as less desirable, but shrug it off and move on. The more you try to defend your standpoint, the more you are asking for a rebuttal. The way I see it, do what you want. However you "come off" to some of your friends and family is your choice and if you think your life situation is "different" enough, then they should understand if they truly know you. Ya feel me?
To everyone else who is not in agreement or is offended by the OP, you might as well give it up too lol. Seems like you will not be making a huge life change in her personality. People will do what they want to do and coming here to post for validation doesn't always go over real well for anybody.
I am a FTM and my mom insists on throwing me a shower. I am very gracious of that, however, she works 80+ hours a week, is going through a divorce, and her company is downsizing, possibly meaning she could lose her job in the very near future. So, fact of the matter is, I don't think I am being rude by offering some suggestions here and there. No, I will not be making every single decision, nor will I take ANY credit for any of it, but if she asks what theme I want or to make up a guest list, you can bet I'll be helping her as much as I can. Trust me, I would love to be totally not involved and surprised about the whole thing, but thats just not in the cards for my situation.
People make such a big deal about these silly showers and just like chicsahm, I have NEVER seen so much hooplah about IRL.. only on the bump. NOW ONTO THE GIFS!
Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
Yes, proper etiquette states that you shouldn't host your own baby shower. We had a discussion last week about this.
BUT..women on these boards have absolutely no right telling you whether you can't throw your own. That is the point I was trying to get across. Who is to say what you should do with your own situation? People don't realize that family and culture remain different throughout the country. Plus, everybody has a different story.
I like the idea of "meet the baby party." Maybe you can state on the invitation "no gifts necessary" or something to that effect (which pleases etiquette and your husband). Plus, I like a previous poster's suggestions on co-hosting with your mother. That way, you get a lot of the say in the planning process.
I think an ocean/beach theme would be cute. You are thinking of having it in the summer right?
Thank you for your ideas . Yes it will be at the end of July / beginning of August . I didn't really understand the joke when I said I wanted to do a "Meet the Baby in the Oven" Party and others thought it would be funny for a pregnant woman to be sprawled naked on a table . To me that "joke" was immature and rude , and I'm sure most of you are much older than me . I feel comfortable letting my mom host and I can help w minor details and help her stay on track . Which then others say I'm "undermining" my own mother - funny . Lots of people here have unresolved personal issues and feel the need to bash the first newbie they see instead of genuinely wanting to help . Thanks again !
Unless you are 16, that's a pretty odd assumption, that we are much older than you.
I'm applying for world's oldest mother in the Guinness Book of World Records...
I'm going to disagree with the ladies on here. I really dont understand the big deal about throwing one yourself. (And do I really believe not a single woman on here had a hand in planning her own? No)
My shower is this coming weekend and I did NO planning for it at all. I was told when it would be and that is it. Just because you obviously had a hand in planning yours doesn't mean that everyone does.
As for you OP... Whether you want to believe it or not, you do sound very selfish and gift-grabby. Not only is it bad form to plan your own shower but you are taking away the chance for your mom to get involved and do something special for you and the baby because, you are a control freak. Please stop being a brat.
If you weren't being rude before, then my post obviously excluded you.nbsp;nbsp;Do I feel bad fornbsp;standing up for someone and calling a b anbsp;b, NO.nbsp; If you weren't being one then why are you so offended?nbsp; I read through four pages of insults thrown at this woman just because you disagree with the way she wants tonbsp;plan her baby shower.nbsp;nbsp;That's just no way to act, and saying so isnbsp;not me beingnbsp;like the rest of you, its standing up for what is right.nbsp; Again, learn how to express yournbsp;opinion in a more constructive way, or revert back to the old saying, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.nbsp;nbsp;DON'T, however expect to always get away with treating other people like garbage.nbsp; Some people will call you out on it, and it's pretty hard tonbsp;deny whennbsp;there is a paper trail right innbsp;front of you. nbsp;
Well you haven't had anything nice to say this entire thread, right? So why don't you follow your own damn advice and STFU? Who is treating who like garbage?
The OP has thrown a tantrum, argued and lied throughout this thread, you know, repeatedly. She asks for opinions then gets upset when she doesn't get the answer she wants. I'd say that is treating her audience here like garbage, wouldn't you?
Then you come out guns blazing chastising and finger wagging for us all to "be nice" or "say nothing at all" all while calling names, giving no constructive advice and generally being disagreeable. So you are then joining the OP in treating the people [who answered your questions and more by the way] like garbage.
So yeah, you telling me that I'm treating the OP like garbage is rich. Can't you see the sheer hypocrisy in your ranting drivel?
I have come to a realization that by calling it a Baby Shower , that implies I "want" gifts , and that I should call it a Party to please your ears . I'm glad my family doesn't get hung up on a minor detail of who hosts . I completely understand why its viewed as tacky or giftgrabby , but if I know what my intentions are , then it really doesn't matter how any of you feel about me . All I wanted was opinions , not to go on for 3hrs , because I definitely don't feel the need to "defend" myself to any of you , that's just tacky , and you all must feel like annbsp;entitlednbsp;special snowflake to repeatedly bash me w your negative comments . Go reply to someone else now . Thank you all .
Yeah, you still don't get it but it is endlessly amusing to have you say you do.
If you don't feel the need to defend yourself, then why have you spent almost 7 pages doing just that? You have yet to acknowledge that you asked for opinions and then complain about defending yourself when people don't respond the way you think they should.
I'll clarify on that: by "not the way you think we should" respond you want is to agree and be all sweetness and light. When we don't then you get all butthurt.
Even now you are demonstrating your complete inability to stop being a control freak. You are ordering strangers on the Internet not to type anymore. On a public message board. in a thread you created for people to have an "open discussion". People can and will keep responding however they like. The discussion is not over just because you want to stick your fingers in your ears. So yeah, don't tell me what to do!
Eh, who the heck cares. If you really want to then do it. If people are offended that YOU threw a shower.... then they don't need to come. It sounds like others want to (your Mom) but you don't trust them? Maybe co shower.... have your Mom as the RSVP person, put her in charge of picking stuff up and helping decorate.... but you plan. I see nothing wrong with that. People need to grow up, throw it if you want to
LOL "do what you want" (basically sounding like a hissy fit) with no regards for etiquette or your guests (buy me stuff!) and the ones telling her not to do it are the ones that need to "grow up". When I read this response all I see in bold, caps is, "if you want it nooooooow, then do it. Who cares if its rude. Its YOUR baby. YOUR party. God!" STOMP STOMP STOMP.
Sounds like bratty, diva, preggozilla behavior. Gross.
Lol, Sorry you feel that way... not a hissy fit, spoiled, STOMP STOMP STOMP. Lol... I feel people should be more concerned about real stuff. Things have evolved, situations are different, most people I know in real life could care less who is throwing a shower....really, I only hear fits about being "gift grabby" on TB. OP do what you want. You know your friends, family, situation etc.
Yes, because having consideration for others (etiquette) is not "real stuff." Sorry, but there is no situation, "evolved" (whatever the fluck that means) or otherwise that makes it okay to throw yourself a party where gifts are the main purpose (a shower). To try and explain it to suit your needs just makes you look like a moron.
If you weren't being rude before, then my post obviously excluded you. Do I feel bad for standing up for someone and calling a b**** a b****, NO. If you weren't being one then why are you so offended? I read through four pages of insults thrown at this woman just because you disagree with the way she wants to plan her baby shower. That's just no way to act, and saying so is not me being like the rest of you, its standing up for what is right. Again, learn how to express your opinion in a more constructive way, or revert back to the old saying, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. DON'T, however expect to always get away with treating other people like garbage. Some people will call you out on it, and it's pretty hard to deny when there is a paper trail right in front of you.
Thank you for being understanding . I too am wondering why it must be so hard for some people to state an opinion without belittling someone just because you don't agree w them .
Here's a clue since you seem so obviously dense. You said "I want to throw my own shower because I want what I want, etc." Everyone else, "No, you can't throw your own shower, it's gift grabby, rude, etc." You: "but I'm speshul, these are my reasons why, yada yada." Everyone else: "Sorry, no, there are no reasons to throw your own shower." You: "but, but, but (insert further stupidity here)."
I'm lurking from 1st tri-soon to be moving over to 2nd, but wanted to give my opinion: I agree with PP that having a "Meet the Baby" party after you are moved into your new home is the best way to go. That way you have control, your fiance can buy the stuff you are going to need right away to get that out of his system, and since you said for family is from all over-well I think it is more considerate for you to do it this way so they can all meet the baby without making an extra trip. JMO. Good luck with whatever you decide.
"If you don't want gifts throw a family BBQ at your home, no mention of gifts or expectation of them, no issues with throwing you own shower. Buy it all yourself instead of spending that money on a party. Or go with whatever your mom is going to throw with a smile on your face, there is never any reason to throw your own. Stop being so type A about one Flucking party"-from my sister a professional party (and biggest control freak I know) who actually gets paid to throw these things for people and hears stuff like this all the time.
My DH thinks you need to go smoke some weed to chill out on both sides of the issue.
Basic consensus from family, myself and this board: It's tacky, either accept the party your mother wants to give you as a gift or don't have one. It is a gift and you would probably be hurt if someone close to you came in and completely took over something you were doing for them out of the kindness of your heart.
If you weren't being rude before, then my post obviously excluded you.nbsp;nbsp;Do I feel bad fornbsp;standing up for someone and calling a b anbsp;b, NO.nbsp; If you weren't being one then why are you so offended?nbsp; I read through four pages of insults thrown at this woman just because you disagree with the way she wants tonbsp;plan her baby shower.nbsp;nbsp;That's just no way to act, and saying so isnbsp;not me beingnbsp;like the rest of you, its standing up for what is right.nbsp; Again, learn how to express yournbsp;opinion in a more constructive way, or revert back to the old saying, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.nbsp;nbsp;DON'T, however expect to always get away with treating other people like garbage.nbsp; Some people will call you out on it, and it's pretty hard tonbsp;deny whennbsp;there is a paper trail right innbsp;front of you. nbsp;
Well you haven't had anything nice to say this entire thread, right? So why don't you follow your own damn advice and STFU? Who is treating who like garbage?
The OP has thrown a tantrum, argued and lied throughout this thread, you know, repeatedly. She asks for opinions then gets upset when she doesn't get the answer she wants. I'd say that is treating her audience here like garbage, wouldn't you?
Then you come out guns blazing chastising and finger wagging for us all to "be nice" or "say nothing at all" all while calling names, giving no constructive advice and generally being disagreeable. So you are then joining the OP in treating the people [who answered your questions and more by the way] like garbage.
So yeah, you telling me that I'm treating the OP like garbage is rich. Can't you see the sheer hypocrisy in your ranting drivel?
This. I always love these types of posts. You biitches are a bunch of mean biitches.
Further proof that there is more than one idiot up in this village.
First, I was very nice to the person who originally posted. No, I will not be nice to those who immediately jumped her with insults. If that makes me an idiot, then fine.
Also, I saw mention about being "successful on tb." I'd much rather be successful in real life with my family, as a mother, as a friend and in my very successful career, which I've maintained even being the so-called "village idiot" for expressing my opinion. Your colors show through each time you add to this in a negative way.
Yes, proper etiquette states that you shouldn't host your own baby shower. We had a discussion last week about this.
BUT..women on these boards have absolutely no right telling you whether you can't throw your own. That is the point I was trying to get across. Who is to say what you should do with your own situation? People don't realize that family and culture remain different throughout the country. Plus, everybody has a different story.
I like the idea of "meet the baby party." Maybe you can state on the invitation "no gifts necessary" or something to that effect (which pleases etiquette and your husband). Plus, I like a previous poster's suggestions on co-hosting with your mother. That way, you get a lot of the say in the planning process.
I think an ocean/beach theme would be cute. You are thinking of having it in the summer right?
Thank you for your ideas . Yes it will be at the end of July / beginning of August . I didn't really understand the joke when I said I wanted to do a "Meet the Baby in the Oven" Party and others thought it would be funny for a pregnant woman to be sprawled naked on a table . To me that "joke" was immature and rude , and I'm sure most of you are much older than me . I feel comfortable letting my mom host and I can help w minor details and help her stay on track . Which then others say I'm "undermining" my own mother - funny . Lots of people here have unresolved personal issues and feel the need to bash the first newbie they see instead of genuinely wanting to help . Thanks again !
True, they took it a little too far. I am in the "do you want you want camp-who is to say whether you are right or wrong?"
First, I was very nice to the person who originally posted.
So was everyone else. It wasn't until she wanted to argue about why she is somehow the exception to etiquette rules that people got annoyed. Then the lying started and yeah.
sfshorter:
No, I will not be nice to those who immediately jumped her with insults. If that makes me an idiot, then fine.
Actually, it renders your entire post invalid because you are claiming to be better than all the "catty bishes" but are pretty much doing the same thing that you are complaining about. It's hard to try to take the moral high ground when you are right down in the ditch with us swinging and hurling insults, right? I mean, if you are going to act like my mother then you should probably stop name calling and being rude. It would make your argument a lot stronger and make you seem like less of a twit.
sfshorter:
Also, I saw mention about being "successful on tb." I'd much rather be successful in real life with my family, as a mother, as a friend and in my very successful career, which I've maintained even being the so-called "village idiot" for expressing my opinion. Your colors show through each time you add to this in a negative way.
Hypocrisy and short sightedness strike for you again, shorter. Usually truly successful, smart, welladjusted people don't have to trumpet how awesome they are. They let their actions do the talking. I usually tend to give a huge eye roll to people that have to haul out how awesome they think they are IRL in order to try to win an argument. It doesn't work because your arguments in this thread are not convincing or well reasoned. Your actions appear petty, hypocritical and vindictive all the while you [and the OP] try to claim and act like you are the better people because you are "just trying to be nice" or someshit.
You are not better then me just because you claim to be awesome IRL.
You aren't better than me just because you claim to be nice [which you really werent].
WTF is "successful" at TB? You show up and type words. It's not something that you can fail at unless [like you and OP have demostrated] you repeatedly prove yourself to act like illogical twatwaffles.
Everyone else has covered pretty much evrrything, and OP may answer this, but I just wanted to clarify. OP, you have a largish family some/most of which lives a ways away from you and your mom ( yu mentioned them being out of state). You say you want to do a big family get together for you and your child. But you also say that there hasn't been a big family get together in years. You also say that when your family gets together they seem to expect a semi formal suit and tie affair. Sooooo, why exactly do you think they're going to do out of state travel, which even for a Saturday would require at least one day off work and two nights of finding somewhere to stay, for a low key barbque . It sounds more like you want to plan a family reunion based around what's going on in your life, whivh is a little AW ish. And I can understand your mom being worried that the bill would get much bigger than expected and that you would be disappointed if people didn't come. Plus you're then trying to find a date that eill get the most people there, which may or may not be convenient to your mom. I have a huge and close family that most all live in the same small town. They get together every week for Sunday dinner. I see the. 4 to 5 times a year when I go back to my home state and talk to them and we Facebook. I live 2 states away and I doubt even a bare majority of them would be able to make it to a shower if I had one here, tgey have lives anx kids and grandkids and jobs. Most everyone came to my wedding, but they had 8 months notice. I just think assuming people will give up that kind of time to coo over a bump is a bit off and you need to temper your expectations.
TTC #1 since 11/2012 Me-31, H-27 **Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP** **Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25** Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14 SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal. HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall. Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed. 9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014 BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000! U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015 U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
Everyone else has covered pretty much evrrything, and OP may answer this, but I just wanted to clarify. OP, you have a largish family some/most of which lives a ways away from you and your mom yu mentioned them being out of state. You say you want to do a big family get together for you and your child. But you also say that there hasn't been a big family get together in years. You also say that when your family gets together they seem to expect a semi formal suit and tie affair. Sooooo, why exactly do you think they're going to do out of state travel, which even for a Saturday would require at least one day off work and two nights of finding somewhere to stay, for a low key barbque . It sounds more like you want to plan a family reunion based around what's going on in your life, whivh is a little AW ish. And I can understand your mom being worried that the bill would get much bigger than expected and that you would be disappointed if people didn't come. Plus you're then trying to find a date that eill get the most people there, which may or may not be convenient to your mom. I have a huge and close family that most all live in the same small town. They get together every week for Sunday dinner. I see the. 4 to 5 times a year when I go back to my home state and talk to them and we Facebook. I live 2 states away and I doubt even a bare majority of them would be able to make it to a shower if I had one here, tgey have lives anx kids and grandkids and jobs. Most everyone came to my wedding, but they had 8 months notice. I just think assuming people will give up that kind of time to coo over a bump is a bit off and you need to temper your expectations.
Logic and true consideration for your guest for the win!
Just a simple question,
If it has nothing to do with getting gifts than why are you so insistent about having it prior to the baby being born? Obviously you and your FI are financially stable enough to make all the purchases for the baby and he wants to do so,take that into consideration it's his child as well than you all ready have everything you need and want and in the colors or theme you wantI understand that completely I am the same way as you stated your family will bring gifts either way and make it a huge celebration. So if it was me I would invite everyone after the baby has arrived plus how much more exciting to be able to meet the LO,than if they bring gifts that is fine sense you don't expect to receive them anyway. If they ask where you are registered just state you didn't register sense you don't expect gifts but if they would like to bring one its there chose what it is,that also makes it more special sense they will than put thought into it which is what I feel a gift should be about. If you don't like some of the gifts which is normal that's fine seeing as you all ready will have everything you want and need. It's the best of both world you get to throw a party to your liking but because its after the baby is born it doesn't get any negative looks. That's what I would recommend if you are that dead set on throwing it yourself. : hope that helps.
Please dont host your own shower. Expecually if your mom wants to do it for you. Its a gift! Who cares if its not exactly what you would have planned. The day isnt about the decorations or material things, its about celebrating the baby!
Holy HELL. I just broke out in a sweat trying to read most of these. OP, get it together girl. I have a feeling you will be going right on ahead and planning something gift grabby and tacky....the eye rolling behind your back will be epic and you will be top of conversation on the gossip list...but I am sure you will get what you want. Enjoy!
Re: Host My Own Baby Shower .. ?
Yes, proper etiquette states that you shouldn't host your own baby shower. We had a discussion last week about this.
BUT..women on these boards have absolutely no right telling you whether you can't throw your own or give you a lecture on proper etiquette. Who is to say what you should do with your own situation? People don't realize that family and culture remain different throughout the country. Plus, everybody has a different story.
I like the idea of "meet the baby party." Maybe you can state on the invitation "no gifts necessary" or something to that effect (which pleases etiquette and your husband). Plus, I like a previous poster's suggestions on co-hosting with your mother. That way, you get a lot of the say in the planning process.
I think an ocean/beach theme would be cute. Are you thinking of having it in the summer? Or BBQ with a truck theme. It really depends on what baby boys things you like.
Congratulations by the way!
Lol , thank you , I got the memo .
You wanted opinions, and that's exactly what you got. Just because they don't agree with you doesn't make them any less valid.
Thank you for your ideas . Yes it will be at the end of July / beginning of August . I didn't really understand the joke when I said I wanted to do a "Meet the Baby in the Oven" Party and others thought it would be funny for a pregnant woman to be sprawled naked on a table . To me that "joke" was immature and rude , and I'm sure most of you are much older than me . I feel comfortable letting my mom host and I can help w minor details and help her stay on track . Which then others say I'm "undermining" my own mother - funny . Lots of people here have unresolved personal issues and feel the need to bash the first newbie they see instead of genuinely wanting to help . Thanks again !
Just a tip, if you want to do well on TB it isn't helpful to stick your fingers in your ears and yell I'm not listening!
Um, can moderators lock threads on TB?
OP with your thread you have found those that agree with you or want to help give you ideas in this thread. It may be best to talk to them by private message than to continue it in this thread.
Actually, I was being quite serious. How do you meet someone who isn't there? It's not possible.
Since you brought up age, how old are you?
A shower isn't really about celebrating the baby. He or she isn't even here. Lets be honest: a shower is showering a new mom to be into motherhood hence gifts are given.
Don't host your own shower. Use the money to buy baby things. Either allow your mom to host one and let her do what she wants to do or politely decline. Lets stop with trying to nicely justify why you aren't gift grabby, tacky or ungrateful when u choose to host your own.
Because there are not enough posts on this thread already...
I do think it is midly tacky to throw your own baby shower, only because of the general consensus that it is a gift giving event. This is where I disagree with some of the posters, and IMO, a shower is not soley a gift giving event. The term did not come from "showering a mother with presents" as Wikipedia states. It came from a German immigrant who was capitalizing on the marketing of baby showers, much like Valentines Day, etc. With all that being said, I still think that there are occasions where throwing your own shower is fine, and some where it is just tacky. I think in the original posters case, where her mother has offered to throw her one and she doesn't want the pressure added to her mom and seems to be too controlling, it is tacky and rude to her mom. If she didn't want to do it, she wouldn't have offered, and you should not dictate her idea of the shower that she is giving you. You can have a shower with no presents involved (I have been to a couple) and those I think are fine to be thrown by the parents to be.
How are guests going to be meeting the baby? He/she won't be born yet.
Thank you for understanding both sides . I wish I could've said this myself .
I'm applying for world's oldest mother in the Guinness Book of World Records...
My shower is this coming weekend and I did NO planning for it at all. I was told when it would be and that is it. Just because you obviously had a hand in planning yours doesn't mean that everyone does.
As for you OP... Whether you want to believe it or not, you do sound very selfish and gift-grabby. Not only is it bad form to plan your own shower but you are taking away the chance for your mom to get involved and do something special for you and the baby because, you are a control freak. Please stop being a brat.
Well you haven't had anything nice to say this entire thread, right? So why don't you follow your own damn advice and STFU? Who is treating who like garbage?
The OP has thrown a tantrum, argued and lied throughout this thread, you know, repeatedly. She asks for opinions then gets upset when she doesn't get the answer she wants. I'd say that is treating her audience here like garbage, wouldn't you?
Then you come out guns blazing chastising and finger wagging for us all to "be nice" or "say nothing at all" all while calling names, giving no constructive advice and generally being disagreeable. So you are then joining the OP in treating the people [who answered your questions and more by the way] like garbage.
So yeah, you telling me that I'm treating the OP like garbage is rich. Can't you see the sheer hypocrisy in your ranting drivel?
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I was hoping to find a hidden gem in this post, because there is no way 150+ replies over a freaking baby shower.
I agree with dh13 and chicsahm all the way. Holy hell.
October 2013 March Siggy Challenge: Favorite Easter Candy
TTC Nov 2012|BFP 1/27/13|EDD 10/9/13|1st u/s 2/20/13
Team Green x2 - Can't wait for our twosome to arrive
Yeah, you still don't get it but it is endlessly amusing to have you say you do.
If you don't feel the need to defend yourself, then why have you spent almost 7 pages doing just that? You have yet to acknowledge that you asked for opinions and then complain about defending yourself when people don't respond the way you think they should.
I'll clarify on that: by "not the way you think we should" respond you want is to agree and be all sweetness and light. When we don't then you get all butthurt.
Even now you are demonstrating your complete inability to stop being a control freak. You are ordering strangers on the Internet not to type anymore. On a public message board. in a thread you created for people to have an "open discussion". People can and will keep responding however they like. The discussion is not over just because you want to stick your fingers in your ears. So yeah, don't tell me what to do!
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Omg I love you so much! Beautiful synopsis.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
"If you don't want gifts throw a family BBQ at your home, no mention of gifts or expectation of them, no issues with throwing you own shower. Buy it all yourself instead of spending that money on a party. Or go with whatever your mom is going to throw with a smile on your face, there is never any reason to throw your own. Stop being so type A about one Flucking party"-from my sister a professional party (and biggest control freak I know) who actually gets paid to throw these things for people and hears stuff like this all the time.
My DH thinks you need to go smoke some weed to chill out on both sides of the issue.
Basic consensus from family, myself and this board: It's tacky, either accept the party your mother wants to give you as a gift or don't have one. It is a gift and you would probably be hurt if someone close to you came in and completely took over something you were doing for them out of the kindness of your heart.
First, I was very nice to the person who originally posted. No, I will not be nice to those who immediately jumped her with insults. If that makes me an idiot, then fine.
Also, I saw mention about being "successful on tb." I'd much rather be successful in real life with my family, as a mother, as a friend and in my very successful career, which I've maintained even being the so-called "village idiot" for expressing my opinion. Your colors show through each time you add to this in a negative way.
Hahah. You crack me up!!!
There's been so much backpedaling by the OP it makes my head hurt.
OP -- I asked you once and I'll ask you again, how old are you?
True, they took it a little too far. I am in the "do you want you want camp-who is to say whether you are right or wrong?"
Feel free to pm me.
So was everyone else. It wasn't until she wanted to argue about why she is somehow the exception to etiquette rules that people got annoyed. Then the lying started and yeah.
Actually, it renders your entire post invalid because you are claiming to be better than all the "catty bishes" but are pretty much doing the same thing that you are complaining about. It's hard to try to take the moral high ground when you are right down in the ditch with us swinging and hurling insults, right? I mean, if you are going to act like my mother then you should probably stop name calling and being rude. It would make your argument a lot stronger and make you seem like less of a twit.
Hypocrisy and short sightedness strike for you again, shorter. Usually truly successful, smart, welladjusted people don't have to trumpet how awesome they are. They let their actions do the talking. I usually tend to give a huge eye roll to people that have to haul out how awesome they think they are IRL in order to try to win an argument. It doesn't work because your arguments in this thread are not convincing or well reasoned. Your actions appear petty, hypocritical and vindictive all the while you [and the OP] try to claim and act like you are the better people because you are "just trying to be nice" or someshit.
You are not better then me just because you claim to be awesome IRL.
You aren't better than me just because you claim to be nice [which you really werent].
WTF is "successful" at TB? You show up and type words. It's not something that you can fail at unless [like you and OP have demostrated] you repeatedly prove yourself to act like illogical twatwaffles.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
Logic and true consideration for your guest for the win!
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
If it has nothing to do with getting gifts than why are you so insistent about having it prior to the baby being born? Obviously you and your FI are financially stable enough to make all the purchases for the baby and he wants to do so,take that into consideration it's his child as well than you all ready have everything you need and want and in the colors or theme you wantI understand that completely I am the same way as you stated your family will bring gifts either way and make it a huge celebration. So if it was me I would invite everyone after the baby has arrived plus how much more exciting to be able to meet the LO,than if they bring gifts that is fine sense you don't expect to receive them anyway. If they ask where you are registered just state you didn't register sense you don't expect gifts but if they would like to bring one its there chose what it is,that also makes it more special sense they will than put thought into it which is what I feel a gift should be about. If you don't like some of the gifts which is normal that's fine seeing as you all ready will have everything you want and need. It's the best of both world you get to throw a party to your liking but because its after the baby is born it doesn't get any negative looks. That's what I would recommend if you are that dead set on throwing it yourself. : hope that helps.
1) thanks for the afternoon entertainment.
2) if you want to be considerate to your mother, then just decline. a shower is not a requirement.
3) don't you have friends who can throw you a shower?
4)shower is not a wedding. plan your own wedding. Let someone else do the shower; regardless of how awesome your party planning skills are.