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the all too often asked 3rd child question (particularly WOHM)
We have 2 kids - 3 and 5.5. Things are just starting to get really easy for us. My career is going really well, though I work a lot. DH has somewhat more flexibility in his work, but not a ton. We are debating whether to have a 3rd child. We both really want one, but the logical side seems to be winning out. It could be really difficult on us and on our kids.
WOHM with 3 kids - what are your work schedules like? What kind of help do you have? I know if we have a 3rd, we'll have to get a nanny. DD would be 7 and DS would be 4 when we had the 3rd. They'd be in the same school, so I'm thinking having a nanny at home with the baby and then able to pick the other kids up from school would ease things for us a little bit.
I am wondering if we should just dive in and figure it out, or if I should be more responsible and realize that as much as I want this, it just doesn't make sense for our family. I hate that I chose a career that makes adding to my family a tough decision for us. But I also don't want to disadvantage our current kids in any way. Argh! Can you tell this is a struggle for me?!?! Anyone with 3 kids, I'd love to hear your experiences.
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Re: the all too often asked 3rd child question (particularly WOHM)
I don't have three kids but still feel inclined to answer!
And if you remember any of my responses in these type posts, I normally say "Don't do it! Are you insane?! Why mess with a good thing?!" HOWEVER - that is NOT going to be my response here. And here is why....
"We both really want one"
Seriously. Most times, these posts are "I want one. DH doesn't!" Or "I'm not sure we can afford a 3rd kid!" Or "I'm not sure I even want a third kid but something is saying I should have one!"
This is NOT the case here, seemingly. You both WANT a third child. In that scenario, and I am guessing finances aren't an issue, I think the other stuff will DEFINITELY work itself out and you should have a 3rd kid. It sounds as though you already have somewhat of a plan in place anyway. I think a nanny sounds like a great idea -- and would likely work well for your scenario.
So...you have the official Jodi sign-off. I know that was all you were waiting for!
(Seriously though, good luck on the decision. I know it's not easy but if you think about it, most have all these same fears with #1 and #2. It's just society tells you having #1 and #2 is a must! So we dismiss our fears with them - because, ya know, you are SUPPOSED to have 2 kids! LOL)
I am expecting #3 in a few short weeks and my girls are 3.5 and almost 5yrs. We too were just entering that "it's getting soooo easy phase" so of course we needed to shake it up with the addition of a 3rd
I only work part-time 2 afternoons per week and do the rest from home but it is still a challenge getting everyone where they need to be and on time. My DH has an insane on-call schedule and can be called out at any time day/night/weekends so I have to count him out most times. My mother watches my girls those 2 afternoons at her house but once the baby is here I think we are going to need to re-vamp it all to figure out drop offs, pickups, accomodating the baby's sleep somewhat - it will be crazy but so worth it
If you want a 3rd I say go for it - jump in and figure it all out later
Best wishes!
I am a wahm, (work for myself) currently expecting a big surprise 3rd. We were not quite in your shoes in that we were not even discussing a third, but my IUD failed and here I am expecting. My two others will be 5 & 7, both in school full time when this one arrives, or will be starting school a few weeks after the baby is born and I AM SO EXCITED! I can't wait to see what our life is like, the love my big kids will have for this baby, etc. Everyone I have talked to IRL who has a third, with older big kids says it is so much easier than when the big kids were babies. I am lucky in that most of my work is computer work and I will be able to work around a baby so I won't need a nanny once the big kids are back in school.
I say go for it. You both want one, you seem to be in a financial position to have one, and everyone always says you never regret the kids you have, just the one you didn't have.
Good luck with your decision, it was kind of nice that I didn't have to make the choice, it just took us completely off guard and rocked our world for a few weeks of adjustment:)
My 3rd is a month old. I don't work right now. I left my job because my salary would basically pay for child care. My older two are 5 and 7 years old. So as far as the ages go, it is so much easier than when I had dd and ds was only 2. They can keep themselves busy while I take care of the baby, they aren't jealous at all and they can help me with small things. They love the baby and completely understand that right now he takes more of my time but that it will get better as he gets older.
I say if you can afford a nanny and it doesn't put a strain on finances then go for it. My neighbors have a nanny and it makes things so much easier for them. Especially if both you and dh want another one.
It is a big change having a baby again and a balancing act getting out of the house and to activities, but you figure it out.
Our third is almost 4 months old. He was a total surprise. We used fertility meds to get pregnant with our other two and didn't think we would conceive on our own. Well, 2 weeks after we lost our house to a fire and moved in with my inlaws, we got pregnant. Someone wanted us to have a happy ending to last year!
I was nervous about how it would work with the other two being school aged. Reid turned 6 right before Owen was born and Grace was 4 in June. Reid and Grace are 20 months apart so I feel like they are so close because of that and I didnt know what would happen adding a baby to the mix.
He has made us complete! We are all completely and utterly in love with him!!
At times, I feel bad because I feel like he always just has to go with the flow and maybe miss a nap or sleep in his car seat on the way somewhere but he doesn't seem to care. He adores his big brother and sister and they adore him.
I would say if you and your husband are both on board go for it! You wont regret it, you may only regret not doing it
Good Luck,
Heather
ETA: I work part time 2 nights a week second shift, my husband teaches high school and also college classes, on the nights I work he meets me at the hospital and we switch kids. I am also on every other weekend and holiday but he is home then so no day care is needed.
I have three kids - age 2, almost 5 and 7. I work full-time in a fairly demanding job. My husband travels a lot but when he is home he works from home. When he is home, he handles pick up and drop off, cooks dinner, etc. There are two drop offs in the am but daycare/preschool/afterschool are in one place and they even pick my oldest up for afterschool. Of course, when he is traveling, it gets a lot harder since it is all me. I get to work a bit later and have to leave a bit earlier so I end up doing more work than usual at home at night. And, when someone (or everyone) gets sick, it gets even crazier...I try to stay super organized but sometimes things just fall apart and I try and have a sense of humor about the craziness of it all.
That said, the older they get, the easier it is getting....and time is flying by... I just can't imagine not having all 3. My family really does feel complete. I say go for it!!