Reproductively Challenged/husband is not — The Bump
Adoption

Reproductively Challenged/husband is not

We are looking at adoption because i am too reproductively chanllenged. My husband says he's fine with adoption, but no eager or excited. Have any of you sturggled with your partner disappointment over no bio children? Should we wait till he's as excited as I am to adopted? I am afraid that may be never...perhaps he'll only ever be excited at the prospect of bio children and accepting of adopted children.

help!

Re: Reproductively Challenged/husband is not

  • IMO yes, on a certain level you need to wait. Many people have to grieve the loss of a potential bio child, and your H is one of them. It's important he process that.

    FWIW DH was about 6 months behind me in being ready to adopt. But he ended up falling in love with DD at first sight

  • I hear what Dr L says but I'd counter it saying that if your DH is open to learning more, attending workshops, GO!  

    My husband didn't full get it until we had our baby and he couldn't be more in love.

    I think the process is different for men sometimes... so see how he feels about taking first steps.  If he says "fine"... I'd say move ahead but be open to his needs to ask questions. 

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
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  • I used to worry that my hubby wasn't as into our adoption process as I am/was. I did all the research and all the paperwork. Now, he's the one who gets more anxious and excited when we're in a matching situation and waiting for a decision. He tells me not to think about it, then brings it up over and over himself.

    Men show it differently, I think. His giving you the go ahead is a good sign of his willingness to move on, IMO.
  • After we found out and made the decision to adopt, my husband was not against it(he did not like the price) but he did not show much about it.  When we were almost home study approved and went through everything he started getting really excited and now that we can officially adopt whenever a situation comes, he is so very excited and likes to tell everyone.  I think when you first talk about it, it is not a set thing so it is hard for some people to show excitement right away.
    7/18/12-1st RE appointment CD2 blood work taken. Told to move straight to IVF. Starting BC pills and FSH injections plus Lupron. Hopefully doing ET in September Off BCP March 2011 Started TTC July 2011 7 months TTC with no luck an then.... Diagnosed 2/24/12 with 2 Ovarian Cysts. 3/22/12-Lap to remove cysts, look for endo, and see if tubes are clear. 3/22/12-Diagnosed with Severe Endo(tubes are clear). 4/4/12-Post op OBGYN appointment. Told chances of conceiving naturally are very low, but told conceiving in the next few months is our best chance due to being cleaned out during Lap. Referred to a RE. RE said IVF is our only chance to get pregnant. Told only a 20% chance even with two put in. 9/5-Lupron 9/20 Stims(Menopur & Follistim) 9/30 Trigger time 10/2 ER 10/3 fert report-out of 7 eggs retrieved only 2 fertilized. Hello "Thing 1 and Thing 2!" Kinda sad there is none to freeze. Because only 2 we will have 2DT to get them back into a natural envionment 10/4 ET. Found out that only 1 divided. We love you "Thing 2." Thing 1 is now snuggled inside me and we are praying it will be our take home baby! **Did not even make it to my beta, the day before on 10/16/12 I got my F'in period** Such a stab in the heart. Nov 2012-Moving onto domestic newborn adoption! Can't wait for my take home baby. We will try IVF again after 1-2 years of a clear head. Need a break from infertility treatments/issues for my mental sanity! image
  • imagesilliestbunny:

    I hear what Dr L says but I'd counter it saying that if your DH is open to learning more, attending workshops, GO!  

    I think the process is different for men sometimes... so see how he feels about taking first steps.  If he says "fine"... I'd say move ahead but be open to his needs to ask questions. 

    I absolutely agree. In our case I still had to wait. I was VERY excited to take the leap into adoption, and DH flat out told me he was overwhelmed and needed to process not having a bio connection to a child. We agreed that I wouldn't push it, but would bring up any info in books I was reading, and he'd be open to attending info sessions (even if they were online). It still took him a while to fully embrace the idea.

    Definitely ask questions. DH was hung up on how invasive the homestudy would be, and it took talking to SWs at agencies to make him feel more comfortable and get rid of his fear of the unknown.

    GL!

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