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Conflicted emotions

katt3233katt3233 member
in Snarky and T-TTC
Everyone knows that pregnancy announcements to IFers suck and hurt. Well my sister is starting to TTC. Ugh! She texted me that they want to start but she feels guilty that she may have a baby before me.

I love my sister to death! For her to get pregnant easily and without any of the heartache I endured would be so great! However for her to be a mom before me, or her to be a mom and me never achieve that, really really sucks!

I realize its very, very likely that she'll get pregnant long before me, and while its what I want her to have for her life, it will hurt.

I hate you, infertility!
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Re: Conflicted emotions

  • Jenny829Jenny829 member
    Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. ((Big Hugs))  That is so incredibly hard. You have every right to feel conflicted. IF is pure hell. I pray with all my heart that you and your sister both get to experience your dream.
    TTC #1 Dx: severe MFI
    IVF with ICSI #1: BFP
    TESE for DH 08/09/09
    ER 08/09/09; ET 08/14/09; Beta #1 08/23/09: 150; Beta #2 08/25/09: 267
    TTC #2: FET #1: BFP
    ET 06/16/11; Beta #1 06/25/11: 282; Beta #2 06/27/11: 777
    First u/s: Twins! Baby A stopped growing @ 9 weeks, forever in our hearts
    TTC #3: FET #2: c/p lost at 4 weeks
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  • AnasaraAnasara

    ((hugs))

    Yup.

    My sister got pregnant 2 mos after getting married.  My nephew is now almost 5 mos old.  If I had her kind of luck, I'd have an almost 4 year old right now.  Sh!t, I'd have 2 kids by now!

    Thankfully, she's super awesome & motherhood hasn't changed her one bit but it's still hard.  I'm kind of thankful we'll likely be having ER or ET around Christmas so I can have an excuse to be on bedrest because I don't want to deal with all of the  "BABY'S FIRST CHRISTMAS!!!" crap.  I mean, it's not her fault my ladygarden sucks, but it doesn't make it any easier.

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  • ExcitedtostartExcitedtostart member
    I'm sorry sweetheart. I hope with everything I've got your FET will be successful, whenever that is. 
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  • katt3233katt3233 member
    imageAnasara:
    hugs
    Yup.
    My sister got pregnant 2 mos after getting married.nbsp; My nephew is now almostnbsp;5 mos old.nbsp; If I had her kind of luck, I'd have an almost 4 year old right now.nbsp; Sh!t, I'd have 2 kids by now!
    Thankfully, she's super awesome amp; motherhood hasn't changed her one bit but it's still hard.nbsp; I'm kind of thankful we'll likely be having ER or ET around Christmas so I can have an excuse to be on bedrest because I don't wantnbsp;to deal with all of the nbsp;"BABY'S FIRST CHRISTMAS!!!" crap.nbsp; I mean, it's not her fault my ladygarden sucks, but it doesn't make it any easier.

    I just KNOW this is going to be me! And honestly I know it's not fair to her to put her life on hold because I can't get KU and stay KU, but dammit it's just not fair!! I'm older, I've been married longer and I've been trying longer. I should be first! :[
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  • shotzieshotzie member
    ((Hugs))
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  • SerendipitieSerendipitie member
    Word.
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  • gidgegidge member
    :(
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  • HazelEyes730HazelEyes730 member
    ((HUGS)) IF sucks on so many levels. I don't have a sister, but my cousin is like my sister. She grew up couple houses from ours. She was married 4 years after me and pregnant within the first couple months of being married. I was just in the thick of IF. It sucked. I was happy for her, but couldn't help being sad at the same time. I'm sending lots of prayers your way.
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    After 22 cycles and tube removal our IVF miracle has arrived! Detailed IF and IVF info in bio.


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  • JzylaJzyla member

    Ohhh this sucks katt3233. The one positive is that you and your sister are close enough that she addressed it immediately with you and shared her feelings. Some families would never have talked about the elephant in the room. It might sound terrible, but I think people should feel at least a little guilty or awkward if they are close to someone with IF and they conceive easily. I know when we thought we were pregnant the first month (the beginnings of 2.5 yrs of problems) I felt guilty thinking it was easy for us when it's so hard for some people. Little did I know I would be one of those 'some people'.

    It's such a crappy heartbreaking situation. It sounds like the only thing you can do is maintain that honest communication and separate yourself when you need to.

    Take care!

    30 yrs, healthy & TTC since April 2010 
    DH 32yrs & healthy
    *unexplained infertility* 

    Regularly access alternative medicine to supplement a lack of resources in our geographical area.
    • Three rounds of clomid (50mg days 3-7) were useless.
    • IUI#1 w/clomid & HCG in May 2013, BFN.
    • IUI#2 w/clomid & HCG on July 23rd. BFN.
    • IUI #3 in August cancelled last minute, due to lab error.
    • IVF#1 - Started Gonal F stims October 13 2013 for IUI. Over-responded with too many follicles, so converted to IVF. Retrieval October 29th - got 5 eggs, 4 fertilized. Had 2 perfect little embryos transferred on day 3 (Nov. 1). The remaining 2 didn't survive to freeze. Got our BFN on November 13th 2013.
    • IVF#2 - Started stims August 21st. Triggered with Suprefact, started on dostinex due to risk of OHSS. Retrieval September 5th - got 27 eggs! 21 embryos on day 3. Embryos deteriorated quickly. ESet 5day blast on Sept 10. No embryos high enough quality to freeze. BFN came Sept. 22.

    Reserved a semi-known proven donor in August .

    Waiting for consult/screening and protocols with estimated fresh cycle timing in October



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  • superMillersuperMiller
    Preach it!!  Seems like EVERY ONE of my single friends (not in committed relationships, I should say) has gotten pregnant in the past year.  And today I heard about ANOTHER one!  I'm just sick about it.  But I just smile and congratulate them and wish them the best...hopefully my day is coming soon. 
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  • Michelle3081Michelle3081 member

    Totally understand your situation. From family to friends who have announced they are pregnant.  DH and I have gone through this for 6 years now. 

     Have you tried the free known donor registry? https://knowndonorregistry.com/  If you do try it or have tried it, let me know how it worked for you. 

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