Attachment parenting controversy — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

Attachment parenting controversy

I am sure like everyone i had ideas of how i would parent while i was pregnant (baby sleeps in bassinet and crib at night, naps on her own in crib, etc) but then once I had DD my ideas changed. I was really just doing what worked for DD and I. I held or wore her for all her naps and at about 3 months i started sharing my bed with her some of the night. Rest of the night DD slept in a bassinet next to my bed. She is now 9 months and sometimes starts the night in her crib (only if i am able to lay her down asleep and have her stay asleep) but always ends up in my bed. She sleeps best when laying next to me. I love it too.  I also let her nurse whenever she wants it and for however long she wants. I nurse her to sleep. It breaks my heart if she cries, so i have not done the ferber crying method. Anyway I was starting to feel like the way i was parenting was wrong. It seemed to be working for DD, DH and I but seemed like everyone i talked to had their opions and disaproving looks or advise. I would hear things like, "you need to let her cry it out", "a baby should never sleep in your bed it is very dagerous", "you are causing her to be too clingy with you and have seperation anxiety", "you shouldn't hold DD for her naps", don't nurse her to sleep she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own". I was feeling frustrated until one day i was researching online about sleep training and i came across attachment parenting. I had no idea what i was doing actualy had a name. I am proud to say that i attachment parent. Although other women that i have talked to seem to think i am wacky 

Re: Attachment parenting controversy

  • I know what you're talking about! I am proud of it too; however, sometimes I don't bother getting into things with those who have differen't views.
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  • Hi
    I am the same. Thought baby boy would be in his room from 6mth,thought i would stop breastfeeding by 6 mths and didn't i would hold him every time he fussed but once he arrived it broke my heart to attempt to let him CIO so i didn't, he has slept with me in bed since 4mth he is now 14mth and we are still going strong on the breastfeeding front. People also have said i have made a rod for my back but they also comment on what a happy content baby boy he is so must be doing smthg right. Once i discovered what i was doing was AP and that lots of others parent the same and actually its just responsive parenting that others cultures have practiced without a 2nd thought for centuries i felt reasured and proud of my choices. Happy baby and family life can't be a bad thing :
  • Good for you! I "discovered" that I was an attachment parent in much the same way. The criticism is rough, but when you realize how happy, secure, and independent your LO is, it is obvious that they are proven wrong. Kudos on following your instincts! 

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  • You are not crazy for doing what you're doing... you're just doing what feels natural to you.  If you're bringing your baby in bed with you, it is ok as long as you are doing it safely.  I feel the same way, and held DD pretty much anytime she cried (even now), bf her pretty much totally on demand and recently bring her into bed with me.  For the longest time I rocked her to sleep every night and for all naps.  Now she's starting to be able to fall asleep on her own, I can put her down drowsy and I just need to rub her back for a few minutes.  She is the nicest, sweetest baby I've ever been around, and I constantly get comments from everyone how happy she is.  If that's attachment parenting, then I'm proud of how I've been raising her!  
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  • I am currently 26wks with my first...and I plan on doing what feels right to me, which is a lot of attachment parenting methods, but I'm not going to stick to "one parenting style" I think everyone develops their own and what works for them like you did.

    I come from a huge family and all my siblings have big families and they all baby wear and nurse and hold their babies to sleep and they all turned out just fine ;). I think people "train" their babies much like you would a pet, which is really weird to me. What you are teaching your child by nurturing it when it is crying is that you will always be there for them. I totally disagree with the negativity. I don't even have a baby yet, and people already tell me what I plan on doing isn't "right" because it's not what they did...then they go on to tell me how they still can't sleep because their two year old screams all night. Well, I think I'll just try "my" way and see how that goes lol!

    So good for you! Fight the power ;) 
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  • This is what happened to me, too!  My views didn't really change much from when I was pregnant, but they were certainly different than pretty much every mom I know.  And I felt "weird", but not like I was doing something wrong.  I didn't realize I had a "style", either, and was very excited to learn about attachment parenting.  Cool how you can naturally fall into the category without trying to.  I definitely heard about it when my son still wasn't sleeping through the night and was still nursing back to sleep and was "way too old", etc.  You'll hear that they need to cry it out, constantly.  I was getting so frustrated, I just learned to stop mentioning it.  They don't get it anyway, so even venting to them about things just makes me feel worse.  I constantly get compliments about how good and sweet my boy is, and I know that my parenting style has a huge impact on his demeanor.  So stay proud!  You're doing a wonderful thing for your baby.  Just ignore the bad comments. =]
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  • P.S. My son is not only very happy, but independent and smart as well! =]
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  • I feel the same way!  I had no idea that I'd want to sleep with him in particular.

    You know what I'm sick of?  The condescending smile from other moms that is followed by "you'll let him cry eventually"... Um, no thanks, I prefer to respond to my babys needs.  You do your thing. 

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    Missing my little one lost at 9 weeks on 2.24.13. brokenhearted but not broken... 

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    MMC discovered 10/2/2013, TWINS... d&c 10/7/2013.  I still miss you, little ones. 

    Surgery December 2013 to remove a 10+cm fibroid... Open myomectomy. Benched for 3-9 months... 
    Will TTC summer Summer 2014 we hope!

    Dear God, Since I couldn't hold my little one in my lap and tell him about you, could you hold him in your lap and tell him about me? 

    PgAL and PAL always welcome...

  • I have to say, I don't have kids yet, but just because society does something a certain way right now, doesn't mean it's right or that everyone won't change their minds.

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