What is your dream "push present"?

caladpi02

No, she was suggesting that somehow her thought process regarding a push prize was more valid than other due to her self described status as "infertile". I find it off putting to tell someone that they are selfish because they have not gone through what you have and therefore they are a bad person, and how dare they enjoy a tangible gift above and beyond the child. She was calling the OP selfish and I do not think that is warranted.

mlangs

caladpi02:

No, she was suggesting that somehow her thought process regarding a push prize was more valid than other due to her self described status as "infertile". I find it off putting to tell someone that they are selfish because they have not gone through what you have and therefore they are a bad person, and how dare they enjoy a tangible gift above and beyond the child. She was calling the OP selfish and I do not think that is warranted.

 

So are you now going to report the chick that just called all the people who don't agree with push presents b*tches?

AND start a new thread to call her out and harass her?

 

caladpi02

mlangs:

caladpi02:

No, she was suggesting that somehow her thought process regarding a push prize was more valid than other due to her self described status as "infertile". I find it off putting to tell someone that they are selfish because they have not gone through what you have and therefore they are a bad person, and how dare they enjoy a tangible gift above and beyond the child. She was calling the OP selfish and I do not think that is warranted.

 

So are you now going to report the chick that just called all the people who don't agree with push presents b*tches?

AND start a new thread to call her out and harass her?

 

Nope, sorry, not trying to harrass anyone. Just totally shocked that someone said that to me on a forum for no reason.

JenniatONU

caladpi02:

mlangs:

caladpi02:

No, she was suggesting that somehow her thought process regarding a push prize was more valid than other due to her self described status as "infertile". I find it off putting to tell someone that they are selfish because they have not gone through what you have and therefore they are a bad person, and how dare they enjoy a tangible gift above and beyond the child. She was calling the OP selfish and I do not think that is warranted.

 

So are you now going to report the chick that just called all the people who don't agree with push presents b*tches?

AND start a new thread to call her out and harass her?

 

Nope, sorry, not trying to harrass anyone. Just totally shocked that someone said that to me on a forum for no reason.

Oh, similar to how I felt when someone told me that I'm using my IF to be superior.... Oh, wow. Who could ever imagine that you said something EXTREMELY hurtful to someone, but throws a fit when someone says something rude right back.

drpayne

caladpi02:

mlangs:

caladpi02:

No, she was suggesting that somehow her thought process regarding a push prize was more valid than other due to her self described status as "infertile". I find it off putting to tell someone that they are selfish because they have not gone through what you have and therefore they are a bad person, and how dare they enjoy a tangible gift above and beyond the child. She was calling the OP selfish and I do not think that is warranted.

 

So are you now going to report the chick that just called all the people who don't agree with push presents b*tches?

AND start a new thread to call her out and harass her?

 

Nope, sorry, not trying to harrass anyone. Just totally shocked that someone said that to me on a forum for no reason.

Uh, it wasn't for no reason.  

JenniD2

caladpi02:

No, she was suggesting that somehow her thought process regarding a push prize was more valid than other due to her self described status as "infertile". I find it off putting to tell someone that they are selfish because they have not gone through what you have and therefore they are a bad person, and how dare they enjoy a tangible gift above and beyond the child. She was calling the OP selfish and I do not think that is warranted.

So now it is wrong to present a point of view different from your own? Reading her post it did not come off as if she held more moral superiority over other women on this board. She was presenting her opinion: that a baby should be a special gift.

And guess what? It is selfish to expect a gift no matter the circumstance! Birthday, graduation, anniversary, giving birth, etc. does not mean you instantly get a gift. If DH decides to get you a gift without prodding and because he wants to make the baby's birth special, then that's great.

SummerOH

caladpi02:

mlangs:

caladpi02:

No, she was suggesting that somehow her thought process regarding a push prize was more valid than other due to her self described status as "infertile". I find it off putting to tell someone that they are selfish because they have not gone through what you have and therefore they are a bad person, and how dare they enjoy a tangible gift above and beyond the child. She was calling the OP selfish and I do not think that is warranted.

 

So are you now going to report the chick that just called all the people who don't agree with push presents b*tches?

AND start a new thread to call her out and harass her?

 

Nope, sorry, not trying to harrass anyone. Just totally shocked that someone said that to me on a forum for no reason.

I'm shocked that someone showed such insensitivity to a person who has struggled with IF.  You kind of deserved that remark, to be honest.  It clearly says in her siggy something about clomid and IUI.  That's not exactly something someone who ISN'T infertile does for kicks, you know?  Just because she didn't get carried away with every little detail like some women do in their siggys doesn't mean she doesn't have fertility issues.  I can never begin to understand the pain a woman struggling to conceive goes through.  You were extremely rude to her.

MrsWindyCity

caladpi02:

mlangs:

caladpi02:

No, she was suggesting that somehow her thought process regarding a push prize was more valid than other due to her self described status as "infertile". I find it off putting to tell someone that they are selfish because they have not gone through what you have and therefore they are a bad person, and how dare they enjoy a tangible gift above and beyond the child. She was calling the OP selfish and I do not think that is warranted.

 

So are you now going to report the chick that just called all the people who don't agree with push presents b*tches?

AND start a new thread to call her out and harass her?

 

Nope, sorry, not trying to harrass anyone. Just totally shocked that someone said that to me on a forum for no reason.

Pretty sure I'd be totally shocked if I struggled with IF and someone on a forum told me I wasn't infertile.

Lucky2K13

This. Thread. Is. Wow.

 

RissKay

chgibeau:

RissKay:

I just.... I can't help it.

A gift isn't something you should expect or request, especially at a time like this. If someone is going to give you a gift, they should be the ones to chose what it is and not have to deal with you dropping hints or even outright saying what you want. I have read the 5 Love Languages, and it still isn't right to expect a gift from anyone, particularly a specific one. If your SO hasn't figured out what your love language is by now, then you probably should have a talk with them soon. 

My husband KNOWS my love language but doesn't UNDERSTAND what it means because it's not his love language. It's a constant contention in our relationship and has almost led to divorce once. (Mine is personal touch. Even though he's read the book he doesn't know his and I can only guess at what his is.) Most people have a hard time understanding a different love language than there own. I don't completely understand the Gift love language b/c it's near the bottom for me and foreign to my mind. But that doesn't make it any less legitimate. I think my husband is Acts. I don't like doing it, I don't understand it, I don't even think to do them most of the time but then I remember and I do one and I'm uncomfortable but I know it makes him SMILE.

Most of you posting on this board seem to be toward the end of the 2nd trimester so I'm guessing the reason why you all sound like B*itches is b/c of hormones. I can only hope it's b/c of hormones and you aren't that rude your entire life. I hope I don't turn into that in 6 weeks.

Not exactly sure why this had ANYTHING to do with the question at hand, but I'll bite.

I wasn't saying that the love languages weren't valid. I said that if someone doesn't know what their spouse's love language is at this point in their relationship, that they should sit down and talk about it. Just like you may not UNDERSTAND how acts of kindness make him happy and feel loved, he may not understand what your LL is (which, btw, you started out saying that he knew what it was, and then you said he read the book and doesn't even know which one it is). TALK ABOUT IT. You said it's almost ended in divorce,... you really should consider having a talk and making sure you both know what is important to you. I've had this talk with several people in my life, and it's been really interesting to see how well our relationships have progressed since then. I hope the same for you. 

WHAT I SAID, was, that the gift-giver should be the one to decide what gift you get, and if you should even get one. That is all. I wasn't saying that receiving a gift was wrong, I was saying that I didn't think it appropriate to ask for a specific gift/expect a specific gift. 

Also, FWIW, I wasn't being b*tchy. I was stating an opinion based on my thoughts and having read the book that was mentioned. The OP obviously saw that, because she replied to what I said with, "That's true." You, ma'am, are the one who assumed that I was being a b*tch. 

BrittanyDoesDerby

Holy crap, there are some extremely insensitive and privileged people in 2nd tri.

1. Asking for a push present is extremely greedy in my eyes. Accepting a sweet token to hand down to your child is slightly different.

2. Why the hell would you question anyone who says they are infertile?

3. Blaming everything on other people's hormones is a pathetic way of "dealing" with people who have differing opinions.

kfarmer92

I think both parties were in the wrong here. She shouldn't have said anything about IF since it is such a sensitive subject, but that didn't warrant a "f you" both ladies should just move on and stop checking on the thread. You'll never know each other in real life, so dont let random person get you down.

BallSox

This thread is full of win. 

To the self-righteous infertility flaunting friend, Congrats!  Just because we don't put everything in our siggys doesn't make it any less valid.  DX pcos and mfi, ttc for 2+ years, one m/c and one miracle later, I feel ya.  After all of that, a healthy baby was very much all I wanted. 

..... Doesn't mean I didn't gleefully and gladly accept the chocolate milkshake I got when I was cleared post c/s and the delicious chips and guacamole my friends brought me the next day (I wasn't avoiding it during pregnancy, they just knew I loved it). 



To the other posters who felt "bad" because they aren't being strict to the letter about not eating sushi, drinking an occasional glass of wine, eating subway, etc...you're not a bad mom, don't let them make you feel like that!  If you decide that the potential risks are worth it to you (and speaking personally, I did all of three of those things and drank an occasional cherry coke) then by all means, enjoy.  

 

To the nit----er---poster who suggested that people speaking their minds was b/c of hormones, oh build a bridge and get over it.  I'm not pregnant and I still think that demanding a present is unnecessary and making a mockery of someone's infertility struggles is heartless.  I guess I'm just rude then.  They may be hormonal, but in approximately 20 weeks, their hormones will be normal again and you will still be making excuses for yourself.

synchrosally

MollusksWrangler:

I got a cheeseburger and a milkshake last time, it was heaven. I pick that.

But I'm not a jewelry girl.

Mmmm. I got McDonalds. Way better than the dog food covered in glue the hospital tried to serve me.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

LovinTim912

I got pizza from this AMAZING pizza place by the hospital with DS.  I will SO take that again!!!!!!

MollusksWrangler:

I got a cheeseburger and a milkshake last time, it was heaven. I pick that. But I'm not a jewelry girl.

jkg0527

Bliss+Berry:

BallSox:

This thread is full of win. 

To the self-righteous infertility flaunting friend, Congrats!  Just because we don't put everything in our siggys doesn't make it any less valid.  DX pcos and mfi, ttc for 2+ years, one m/c and one miracle later, I feel ya.  After all of that, a healthy baby was very much all I wanted. 

..... Doesn't mean I didn't gleefully and gladly accept the chocolate milkshake I got when I was cleared post c/s and the delicious chips and guacamole my friends brought me the next day (I wasn't avoiding it during pregnancy, they just knew I loved it). 



To the other posters who felt "bad" because they aren't being strict to the letter about not eating sushi, drinking an occasional glass of wine, eating subway, etc...you're not a bad mom, don't let them make you feel like that!  If you decide that the potential risks are worth it to you (and speaking personally, I did all of three of those things and drank an occasional cherry coke) then by all means, enjoy.  

 

To the nit----er---poster who suggested that people speaking their minds was b/c of hormones, oh build a bridge and get over it.  I'm not pregnant and I still think that demanding a present is unnecessary and making a mockery of someone's infertility struggles is heartless.  I guess I'm just rude then.  They may be hormonal, but in approximately 20 weeks, their hormones will be normal again and you will still be making excuses for yourself.

::::::applause::::: 

Why are you applauding this? You stated that you pretty much expect it from your husband. Not only that, but she is for Jenni and against the girl you were sticking up for earlier.

::::::::::::::::::::  

kac831

Ohh, My dream push present would be Diamond earrings too! except I want big ones, like a 2ct. total weight 1ct. per ear! You said to dream!

RachaelMarieB

My DH bought me this last time https://www.willow-tree-angel.com/willow-tree-our-gift-figurine.html

My son was born 5 days before my birthday and we got home the day before my birthday, so it was given as a birthday/ new mom gift. I love it !

I didn't expect anything and was pleasantly surprised !

kellyrn9956

I could really give two flying craps about push presents. But the ignorance that flies around about infertility annoys me to no end.

Infertility does not mean sterility.

People who are infertile can get pregnant with help, or even no help (in my case).

People who are sterile cannot get pregnant or get their SO pregnant at all.

Infertility means inability to conceive after one year+ of trying. Get it straight before you start attacking someone.

And if a little "Eff you" shocks you, you haven't been on TB long enough to know any better. Attacking someone for wanting a push present - whatever. Expected. But attacking someone and doubting their infertility is a low blow. And in my opinion, deserves a good "eff you". And now I will probably be reported...

MrsT1108

Who ever attacks anyone regarding their infertility issues, deserves more than a swift kick to the lady junk.

Team Jenni

mommajewels87

This is the first I've ever heard of this. And honestly, it seriously gets under my skin to hear grown adults "wishing" for presents.. let along specific presents. But, to each her own, I suppose. I'm just not a materialistic person at all.

As for me personally.... jewelry, DSLR camera, a new car, etc would be NIL in comparison to the brand new life in front of me, that my husband & I created together. And the love he shows me, the way he praises me verbally and affectionalely after watching me bring our child into the world, is all the "gift" I need or want.

Jbosarge85

Maybe I'm wrong but I always thought the best part of a gift was that it was unexpected. I love getting surprise things that are just a "I thought of you today" thing and usually I'm happy with a flower or candybar. I never expect presents or ask for them, I think that takes away from it.

a13049

JenniatONU:

caladpi02:

JenniatONU:

Bliss+Berry:

MrsT1108:

firefly2013:

Gknauff79:

lovelyday39:

I really hate this expression and cringe when I read it.

You're not the only one.  Seriously - holding my LO in my arms is the only present I want or need.

That is very sweet. And of course we all just want a healthy baby but I like the tradition of having gifts on special days. They tell a story and sometimes can be passed down.

Sounds like a brat to me!

Sounds like jealousy to me! 

So, your baby isn't a special gift?

 

Damn, maybe it's  just my infertile mind thinking here, but that sounds selfish to me. There is no greater gift in the world for me than a baby. And, I doubt anyone here is jealous that you and the OP want your husbands to go out of their way to buy you a gift for doing something you chose to do.

And yeah, the idea that she must 'get gifts on big days!' sounds extremely selfish and spoiled to me.  Because, we always need gifts to show our love or appreciation. Did you give your husband a present for producing the sperm? I mean, conception is the second biggest day in pregnancy....

First off, per your siggy you are almost 30 weeks, so no, you are not "infertile", and I find it reprehensible that you are somehow suggesting moral superiority over someone else because you call yourself "infertile".

The statement was that the poster liked the concept of gifts to mark big days, whether as a recipient or a giver. I agree. Easter, graduations, milestones, etc are nice to commemorate with a gift. There is nothing wrong with that at all. Finally, the concept of the gift is about a thank you for changing diet, suffering phyiscal discomfort, possibly permanent changes to the body, etc. It is a chance to honor the power that women have to create and carry life.

I think it is very sweet of a man to honor his wife and acknowledge the amazing abilities that we share as women-whether it is jewelry to adorn, spa treatments or food.

While the term "push present" may be icky, I welcome gifts to honor and celebrate new life and the power of the female.

Oh, my bad. My body can not get pregnant on it's own.  I thought that was the definition of infertile. I guess I'm wrong though. Thanks for schooling me...... I'm SO glad to have had you to teach me the ways. I hope to god you never have to deal with infertility, let alone people like you. Seriously, F*CK YOU!

wth you brought up the fertility issue, then you want to complian? This was supposed to be a lighted hearted post, get over yourself 

 

 

oops I quoted the wrong one, I was referring  

Unknown

This content has been removed.

a13049

jkg0527:

Bliss+Berry:

BallSox:

This thread is full of win. 

To the self-righteous infertility flaunting friend, Congrats!  Just because we don't put everything in our siggys doesn't make it any less valid.  DX pcos and mfi, ttc for 2+ years, one m/c and one miracle later, I feel ya.  After all of that, a healthy baby was very much all I wanted. 

..... Doesn't mean I didn't gleefully and gladly accept the chocolate milkshake I got when I was cleared post c/s and the delicious chips and guacamole my friends brought me the next day (I wasn't avoiding it during pregnancy, they just knew I loved it). 



To the other posters who felt "bad" because they aren't being strict to the letter about not eating sushi, drinking an occasional glass of wine, eating subway, etc...you're not a bad mom, don't let them make you feel like that!  If you decide that the potential risks are worth it to you (and speaking personally, I did all of three of those things and drank an occasional cherry coke) then by all means, enjoy.  

 

To the nit----er---poster who suggested that people speaking their minds was b/c of hormones, oh build a bridge and get over it.  I'm not pregnant and I still think that demanding a present is unnecessary and making a mockery of someone's infertility struggles is heartless.  I guess I'm just rude then.  They may be hormonal, but in approximately 20 weeks, their hormones will be normal again and you will still be making excuses for yourself.

::::::applause::::: 

Why are you applauding this? You stated that you pretty much expect it from your husband. Not only that, but she is for Jenni and against the girl you were sticking up for earlier.

::::::::::::::::::::  

 

she isn't expecting it in a if I don't get it ill be mad way, but b/c she knows her husband it will most likely happen. It doesn't make her selfish, and I bet if there is no gift on the day, she won't think twice about it 

saturdaynightdoubletree

With DD my request was King Sized Reese's Cups, haha, I was induced and didn't eat for basically 36+ hours. I got my candy and a diamond bracelet. With DS I got chocolate cookie dipped in white chocolate and sprinkled with peppermint sticks, and a gorgeous diamond necklace even though I didn't technically push him out. I'm hoping for a pair of earrings like the ones you pictured this time to complete the set but honestly candy would work too, I have such a sweet tooth!

MrsRustyGriswold

BallSox:

This thread is full of win. 

To the self-righteous infertility flaunting friend, Congrats!  Just because we don't put everything in our siggys doesn't make it any less valid.  DX pcos and mfi, ttc for 2+ years, one m/c and one miracle later, I feel ya.  After all of that, a healthy baby was very much all I wanted. 

..... Doesn't mean I didn't gleefully and gladly accept the chocolate milkshake I got when I was cleared post c/s and the delicious chips and guacamole my friends brought me the next day (I wasn't avoiding it during pregnancy, they just knew I loved it). 



To the other posters who felt "bad" because they aren't being strict to the letter about not eating sushi, drinking an occasional glass of wine, eating subway, etc...you're not a bad mom, don't let them make you feel like that!  If you decide that the potential risks are worth it to you (and speaking personally, I did all of three of those things and drank an occasional cherry coke) then by all means, enjoy.  

 

To the nit----er---poster who suggested that people speaking their minds was b/c of hormones, oh build a bridge and get over it.  I'm not pregnant and I still think that demanding a present is unnecessary and making a mockery of someone's infertility struggles is heartless.  I guess I'm just rude then.  They may be hormonal, but in approximately 20 weeks, their hormones will be normal again and you will still be making excuses for yourself.

I PPH you, Balls!

SittinUnderAPalmTree

amcourt09:

I just want a healthy baby and a glass of wine LOL

 

Just a glass?!  Screw that, I want a whole bottle!

Cellis

saturdaynightdoubletree:

With DS I got chocolate cookie dipped in white chocolate and sprinkled with peppermint sticks

This sounds soooo good!!! Peppermint and chocolate are delicious together. 

elizabethnseanny

Andindria:

I couldn't imagine asking DH for a thing after this. If anything I should be getting him something for dealing with my aches amp; pains, my mood swings, my forgetfulness amp;my late night food cravings where he's drove over 30 minutes to a Walmart to get me a craving.
The fact that henbsp;has been willing to put up with thisnbsp;and has not complained once and the fact that he is willing to do whatever I need and want him to do make me think hes the one deserving of the gift.
Once it is all said and done there will be no gifts given. Our "gift" to each other will be a donation into our kids college fund anyway [:]
nbsp;
nbsp;

This! I owe him big time :

LaurelBee

mommajewels87:

This is the first I've ever heard of this. And honestly, it seriously gets under my skin to hear grown adults "wishing" for presents.. let along specific presents. But, to each her own, I suppose. I'm just not a materialistic person at all.

As for me personally.... jewelry, DSLR camera, a new car, etc would be NIL in comparison to the brand new life in front of me, that my husband & I created together. And the love he shows me, the way he praises me verbally and affectionalely after watching me bring our child into the world, is all the "gift" I need or want.

This gift is something I actually expect. I expect Dh to be loving, encouraging, affectionate, and above all else fall deeply in love with the life we created. I wouldn't have married him, let alone have 2 children with him if he wasn't the sort of man to do this on his own accord.

But, if he wants to show his love, affection, and gratitude in the form of a gift, what is wrong with that? I say whatever works for each couple is fine with me. I have enough to worry about in my own relationships to worry about whether or not someone on the internet is being materialistic or not.  

Kingston54

I honestly don't have one.  Most of the things I want are reasonable items.  I'm not into jewelry or anything extra expensive!  I guess if we had money to burn I'd get a Porsche SUV. 

wells2010

I'm going to ignore the drama on this board and just say that I've "requested" I have a giant bowl of cinnamon toast crunch after baby comes. I have diabetes and cereal spikes my blood sugar too much. For now, I abstain from the tasty treat so I don't hurt LO. Once she's out, I will take the BG hit to enjoy this post-labor snack.

RissKay

wells2010:

I'm going to ignore the drama on this board and just say that I've "requested" I have a giant bowl of cinnamon toast crunch after baby comes. I have diabetes and cereal spikes my blood sugar too much. For now, I abstain from the tasty treat so I don't hurt LO. Once she's out, I will take the BG hit to enjoy this post-labor snack.

I so don't count food as being a "push present." I consider that meal to be the last of the pregnancy cravings. Well, those few days after. Cause, lets face it, your hormones are still crazy.  

buttaflly227

I would def want a spa gift certificate; massage/facial OR even better but mildly unrealistic right now, is a vacation for us to Anguilla or Paris Ahhh, just bring the baby in a moby!  

ChevyFam717

I want a Nikkor 50MM AF-S DX f/1.8 G lens for my camera. Then I can take beautiful photos of our new baby.

Also like the small tiffany bracelets that I can wear with my pandora, or a special charm for my pandora bracelet.

osirismama

Heartstrings13:

osirismama:

For my SO to quit the smoking this time, before would be better, but hey.

Yup.  He even stopped taking Chantix and is smoking about a pack a day again... I don't let him near me after he comes back inside.  The smell is more atrocious now than it ever was and I don't want it anywhere near the baby.

 

Mine can't do the Chantix, but he is down to a pack over 2-3 days. He smokes outside, will wash his hands and brush teeth before doing anything with me and our son afterwards. I just would like him not to be doing any at all so that it would just be overall healthier.

izzyjenni

lovelyday39:

firefly2013:

StarBe:

I love the idea of "push presents" but I HATE the term. It should just be a small token of your SO's appreciation for you going through child birth...

That said I think spa gifts are good, a beautiful new photo frame for baby's photo, a hoagie (sub/deli sandwich for those not eating deli meat), dinner out shorty after baby, get the house/bathrooms professionally cleaned, or a new necklace with baby's birth stone.

I personally want a healthy baby and maybe a nice dinner with DH

 

I first heard the term on FB when my friend posted about her push present - earrings. I thought it was a gross term. But I don't know what else to call it!  

Maybe we should come up with a poll to brainstorm a better term? I have no problem w/sentimental gifts for special occasions (truth be told, I've suggested an engraved silver locket that I could put the kids pic in wouldn't be a bad idea ) The term PP is just so incredibly gauche.

I think some people need to take their own advice and not click on a link if it is insulting or ridiculous to you! Seriously ladies...I am a teacher and some of my students are not as "touchy or quick to insult" as you people. Get over it! I don't do the push present either but have long heard of the term as far back as 10 years so deal with it. Some husbands like the idea of getting something to acknowledge their significant other for their enduring labor and bringing their baby into the world. For me, some flowers or a nice card or just verbal affirmation would really be sweet. But I don't care either way. I think the OP was just asking a question for those that wanted to answer it. If you don't, then don't. But holy moly, chill out. i think some of you come on here just looking for a fight.

Amiller13x

MrsT1108:

Who ever attacks anyone regarding their infertility issues, deserves more than a swift kick to the lady junk. Team Jenni

 

 

Can we get t-shirts made?