Unplanned CS moms...how long did it take

valeriej6

For you to grieve not being able to give birth vaginally?

DD's birth story:

My water broke, I was given pitocin after 5 hours of waiting for contractions to start. I was given an epi at 5 cm b/c contractions were one on top of the other. 13hours after the pitocin, I was fully dilated. Baby wasn't low enough and after waiting for her to descend and 2 hours of pushing, it was determined she was occiput transverse. My OB said its likely the shape of my pelvis caused this and a VBAC may not be possible. I get so emotional talking about it or even thinking about it. She's so healthy and happy, I shouldn't care how she got here, but it's still hard. 

How about you? 

desertlady86

Some days it still pisses me off I had to have one. I am looking forward to a c-section with this one though. 

tawillers

desertlady86:

Some days it still pisses me off I had to have one. I am looking forward to a c-section with this one though. 

Ditto this except I feel disappointment rather than anger.  I had an unplanned c/s with my first and a failed vbac with my second.

greeneyed_bride

Honestly, I think I got over it the moment they put DS in my arms. 

I completely understand where you're coming from, and I don't want you to think I'm not sympathetic. DH is an ER doctor, and we had it all planned out that he was going to be able to deliver our baby. My OB thought it was awesome that DH wanted to deliver, so the plan was that she was just going to be there to "help" and for insurance/hospital privileges purposes. I told everyone I knew that DH was going to deliver our baby, and we were so excited about it. Like you, my water broke with no labor in sight. 24 hours after it broke, I was still only 4cm dilated (even with pitocin) and DS's heart rate was dropping after each contraction, so we had to go to a c-section. I cried when we made the decision to follow my OB's recommendation of getting the c-section. I really, really had my heart set on  DH being the first person in the world to hold DS. But honestly, typing that sentence doesn't even make me feel a teeny bit sad. It would've been awesome, but it didn't happen that way, and we have our amazing son, so the rest just seems like details. I am not saying this to make you feel bad for being upset - I'm just saying it because I honestly think that you'll get to that point, too. The timing is just different for everyone.

Keep in mind that at one week postpartum, your hormones and emotions are probably still going a bit haywire. It will get better, I promise.

nosoup4u

valeriej6:

I shouldn't care how she got here, but it's still hard.

It is totally, totally okay to not like how your baby got here, but still love your baby. 

I planned a med-free birth with DS1, and pushed 4+ hours without him coming out before having an unplanned c/s. He was OP/in a bad position, and I was really upset (he was also unexpectedly hospitalized within hours of birth, and I think that really affected how I felt about the c/s). 

I was angry and disappointed for the whole first year. I had a ton of friends who had their first babies that year, and it really upset me when they had a straight-forward vaginal birth with their kids. It wasn't fun at all, but the passage of time did help. I was in a very different place when he turned one, thankfully.

I had a VBAC with DS2, and in all honesty, that's what helped me come to terms and let go of my first birth the most.

I would ask this on the VBAC board, too (even if you're not planning one now!).

Heather2256

I bawled my eyes out when my doctor said I had to have a c/s. I had been on pitocin (was induced) for 13 or so hours & DD's heart rate kept dropping after each contraction. I was terrified of a c/s but knew my baby needed out & I would do anything to make sure she was safe & healthy. When they got her out the cord was wrapped around her neck twice. The first time I saw her all I saw was the top of her head once they laid her on the warming table to clean her. And when I saw her head I said, "Oh my god look at the size of her head! I'm so happy I didn't have to push that out!" Lol! I immediately stopped being upset about the c/s.

You'll start to think of it & look back on it positively some day. Just give yourself time & enjoy being a mother to your LO. 

DisneyFan33

valeriej6:

For you to grieve not being able to give birth vaginally?

DD's birth story:

My water broke, I was given pitocin after 5 hours of waiting for contractions to start. I was given an epi at 5 cm b/c contractions were one on top of the other. 13hours after the pitocin, I was fully dilated. Baby wasn't low enough and after waiting for her to descend and 2 hours of pushing, it was determined she was occiput transverse. My OB said its likely the shape of my pelvis caused this and a VBAC may not be possible. I get so emotional talking about it or even thinking about it. She's so healthy and happy, I shouldn't care how she got here, but it's still hard. 

How about you? 

Honestly, I have no remorse or gried about not giving birth vaginally. How it went down for me:

With me, my c-section was not planned, however I DO NOT regret it at all. I was in labor for 22 hours, and went through all the motions of a regular vaginal birth except for pushing. My labor started early Friday afternoon, August 3rd. My bp was through the roof at my dr's appt that morning, so they sent me to the hospital to monitor me and the baby. I started getting contractions shortly after that, and they started me on Pictocin at 8:00 that night. It was a loooong night. I finally asked for the epidural around 4 am. Got no sleep (literally, I dozed for about a minute or two between contractions). Plus DD's heartrate kept dropping after each contraction so there was no relaxing for me.

The next morning, my water had broken and I was dilated to 8 and pretty much stayed there---that was as far as I got. The next time my dr checked me to see if I could start pushing, I was dilated to 7--so I was going backwards. He opted to do the c-section. Honestly, at that point, I was too tired to push anyway and was kind of relieved. Really it was so easy to lie back and relax after all that time, while my dr did the c-section.

I don't have one regret about it and if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change anything. I just have a healthy, happy little girl and that is what I am thankful for.

newly_naugler

It took me quite a few months. I was mad that I had struggled with everything, scary c-section, gallbladder, problems breastfeeding, baby blues. I was also very jealous of those who had an "easy" time (what I viewed as easy). Eventually, I was able to move past this, but it took me longer then I ever would have expected. I totally understand where your coming from.

pumpkinhead4

It took me quite some time to come to terms with my unplanned c/s. I was so disappointed that I didn't have a vaginal birth. I am actually hoping to VBAC this time but know it's not a likely possibility. Anyway! What helped me was talking to other c-section Mom's and going over all the pros to having a c-section. Mostly the fact that our nether regions are still in tact as they always have been! No issues with bladder or feeling loose, can still wear a tampon, my friends who have had vaginal births don't all get to do this anymore! I do feel like i missed out a lot on the birth experience but time does help heal the way you feel and as you grow into the mother role you will realize being a mother is so much more than how your baby is born. Give yourself some time and a break...grieve if you feel you need to but know it gets better

Nakmama

Honestly, it took me a long time (probably a year). I kept feeling like it was something I didn't do (didn't push hard enough, didn't refuse pitocin and let baby come on her own, didn't keep myself physically fit, etc). But in the end I realized it really was best. She was not in a good position (sunny side up) and got stuck in my pelvis. Doc even said her head was starting to swell and I would have been pushing for hours. So I stopped blaming myself and will have a RCS with this one and I'm totally ok with that. 

The_Jen626

Honestly, I have no sadness, grief, remorse, or any of those feelings about my unplanned/emergency c/s.  I was scared during the actual surgery, but as soon as she came out, I was over it.  I had a relatively easy recovery and no complications.

But after 2 years of infertility, a surprise BFP, and going 2 weeks past my due date...I was just ready to hold her, and I didn't care at all how that happened.

I don't even want to attempt a VBAC this time around, I already have my c/s scheduled.

Mystisai

I was having so many complications, that 36+ hours after they started induction, I was more scared that continuing with trying a vaginal birth would cause more harm to the baby, than a c-section would to me.

My water broke at 33weeks and 3 days, while I was already in the hospital trying to figure out if I had preeclampsia (which I did.) At that point, I had been having strong braxton-hicks for 3 weeks that were bad enough I had checked myself in twice already and was sent home. My doctors started steroids and IV antibiotics that day, but wanted to wait until 34 weeks to induce. So at midnight 4 days later they gave me cervidil, and started IV magnesium for the high blood pressure. ~12 hours later, they took out the cervidil and checked my cervix, which they said was about 1cm, and gave me Misoprostol. They checked me every 4 hours, giving me more miso each time, and I showed no progress. That's when they told me that they could use the "balloon" for cervical ripening followed by pitocin, but that the "cons" of this procedure could be that it could take 7+ more hours, that the balloon could introduce infection (4 days after pPROM) and the pitocin could cause fetal distress.

That's when my bf and I discussed it and we wanted our boy out, so that we could both get the care we needed, without my issues causing him any harm. Sure, I was scared of having a major surgery, but tears of sorrow and pain were instantly replaced with tears of joy the moment I heard him scream. He made every moment that I had suffered throughout my entire pregnancy completely worth it. 

brandyleighxx

Well, I'm only 7 days post c-section and I'm ok with it.

nealbl

I never grieved it. I know some do b/c they feel like something could have been done differently. I wasn't forced into anything I didn't agree with, and the decision of csection was mutually made and I don't think anything could have been done differently.

I was induced at 41.5 weeks. So I was nearing the end of the road and my body just wasn't progressing. I was 0cm dilated. LO was not dropping. Started with Cervadil which got things moving then pitocin, epi and doc broke my water. There was a ton of meconium in it so had we waited any longer to induce my DD's health could have been much worse. Her heart rate then started to decel so much that they said they needed to get her out. I was only 2cm dilated at this point. I was 100% on board with getting her out. My only goal with labor was to have a healthy baby.

I got to hold her while laying on the table within a few minutes of her being born and we were reconnected in the recovery room within 30min and she BF'd like a champ. I had an easy peasy recovery.

I feel like my csection experience was great and we have scheduled a RCS for 10/25. I was never one who was hung up on the type of birth I had. I went into labor with a play it by ear attitude. I didn't think i would end up in C-section but that is how the cards were laid out for me and that is how my DD arrived perfectly healthy and huge!

Zimger

Mine was unplanned. My water broke but he wouldn't descend. On top of that everytime I had a contraction his heart rate would slow down. I was more scared than anything. I don't really think about it too much these days. It was something that had to be done for his sake. He's happy and healthy, which is something that wouldn't have happened without the c-section. I just try to concentrate on the positives.

salt78

I had been in labor for 16 hours and at 10cm for 2 of those hours with DD stuck in my pelvis. I just wanted her out. I cried about it as they were getting me all set up for the c-section, but that was more out of anger that I had gotten all the way to the end and then still had to have the surgery. After I had her in my arms, I pretty much forgot about it.

My c-section experience was really good and I have absolutely zero regrets. I bounced back from it super fast. If we were having another, I wouldn't even consider a VBAC. Nothing is wrong with the way she got here.

mben1119

About an hour and a half. Once I saw DS in the recovery room, I didn't care about the "birth experience" anymore, because I got what was most important: A healthy child. That's ultimate goal, right? 

tawillers

FWIW, my disappointment has nothing to do with wanting a vaginal birth and I am thankful for both of my c/s because they were the best way to deliver my babies.

My disappointment has everything to do with the loss of our family plan (I'm sure some regulars here are getting sick of reading this everytime I post).  I'm not sure we're willing to have a 3rd or 4th c/s, which means we may never have the 3 or 4 kids we always wanted.  So I'm grieving that, not the loss of pushing a baby out.

lovebug33

For me, I was so upset to have the CS, and then I had a panic attack about having one, that I don't remember the birth. I cried from 6:00 when they told me we should do the CS until around 11:30, when I finally got to hold my baby. Now, I am upset at myself for getting so upset because I don't remember much of anything about the birth. If I had calmed myself down, I would remember more than the doc saying, "look at those chubby cheeks." So, I feel disappointed in myself for acting so stupid and a little embarrassed for being so out of control. The docs and nurses must have thought I was an idiot! I hate talking about it because I start crying. So, I feel like the whole thing was very traumatic and not sure how long it will take to get over it. Part of it too was that I feel like I let my baby down. I remember telling DH I felt like I was completely worthless. We had to do IVF to make the baby, then I couldn't even birth her normally, then I found out she was huge (almost 9 pounds). So, I wonder what I did wrong to make such a big baby and that is why she wasn't able to be born vaginally. However, she is just a love and I can't imagine not having her, which could have happened if I had continued labor.

mom0716

I am 6 weeks pp today. I don't regret having one. But I am a little disappointed that I ended up having one. I was so excited to try a med-free/no interventions birth. But I ended up being induced at 40 weeks and had DS 2 days later. His head was turned just the slightest and the nurse and OB couldn't figure out which way. So after 4 hours of pushing; they recommend a c-section. I am happy we are both healthy! If I have another LO I willw definitely try for a VBAC.

CYBURRCHIC

41 hours of contractions/labor before ending up with a c/s.  stubborn LO had cord wrapped around neck twice and Dr said pelvis position might have been an issue.  LO wouldn't descend.  I don't mourn the unmediated plan I had but wish I would have know that it was going to end up there before 41 hours went by.  Did about 21 hours at home before going to the hospital.  Wasn't dilated at all...

 Dr said VBAC isn't likely for me if we have more. 

akayf

I'm still slightly bitter.   I had a wonderful vaginal birth with my first and the easiest recovery.   With my 2nd, I needed to be rushed into the OR after pushing for a few times(baby was having distress before I started pushing and my OB warned me that she was going to let me try to push but to be prepared since she might call for a c-section at any minute..they actually made sure that an OR was ready before I started to push).     I had several crying jags while on the post parturm floor because the recovery was so different and so much harder.    A was born on Tuesday and I remember bawling like crazy on Thursday afternoon because that when I would have been going home if I had delivered vaginally.

However, I think most of my bitterness is from all the complications.   I basically crashed the night before I was supposed to go home and wound up in CCU instead.   I was in the hospital for a month.  A got sent home without me.  So by the time I got home, A wasn't a squishy little brand new new born anymore.   There are still days a year later that I get upset over all this.   

annabelle.27

I would get a second opinion and not take your OBs word for it if a vbac is important to you next time around. OBs are notorious for claiming that a woman's pelvis is inadequate without real proof. A good friend of mine recently had an OB tell her that her pelvis was obviously misshapen as she couldn't push out her first baby. She told her OB that she had already had a vbac with her (bigger) second baby, an 11 pounder, in a short four-hour labour, so clearly her pelvis was just fine, but the OB insisted it wouldn't be possible. Lo and behold, she had her third in a super short and uncomplicated hbac. I had a similar experience myself- three hours of pushing with #1 led to c-section, but I vbac'd my second with a two hour labour from first contraction to birth.

hang in there. To be honest I didn't grieve my c-section at all, and although some vbac-ers/natural birth-ers don't understand this at all, I did "grieve" my successful, all-natural, home waterbirth vbac. It was a lot more painful, and recovery was a lot worse, than I expected it to be (not easier than my c-section recovery at all, and six months later I still don't feel 100%). So I sort of understand what you're feeling, in a way, but the grass on the other side of the fence isn't necessarily greener.

LindsayNY

I didn't grieve at all. The only kind of birth I wanted was a healthy delivery for LO with the least amount of pain for me During my pregnancy and even before pregnancy I didn't care how I delivered. LO's health and safety was the only thing important to me.

 Next time I get pregnant I will plan an RCS. I have no desire to even try for a VBAC. The section was so easy and my recovery was a breeze and pain free. I had a much easier recovery than my friends who delivered the regular way. 

skio

Don't be hard on yourself. The "at least you have a healthy baby" thing doesn't do shitt for feeling the loss of the experience you wanted. Some people don't feel that loss, and that's great for them, but it doesn't mean you're not supposed to feel the way you feel. It can be very emotionally tolling, I know.

Here are some good articles on the subject:

https://www.skepticalob.com/2011/08/i-had-c-section-and-all-i-got-was.html

https://www.nurturingheartsbirthservices.com/blog/?p=1429

My c/s was unplanned and I labored for 23h, pushed for 3.5h before consenting to surgery. I was a horrible, horrible wreck going into the OR. It took me a good year to stop being upset about it, but the first 6 months were the hardest. After that, the grief and feelings of inadequacy ebbed and I have been able to move past it and accept that whatever happens next time will happen, and I'll be okay with it. There was nothing I could do to feel better faster, nothing anyone could say to make it better. The heaviness of it slowly lightened, and it will for you, too. Hang in there and congrats on your beautiful girl.

salt78

lovebug33:

then I found out she was huge (almost 9 pounds). So, I wonder what I did wrong to make such a big baby and that is why she wasn't able to be born vaginally.

I was crazy healthy my entire pregnancy, very conscientious about eating well and exercising and then DD was born just shy of 8.5lbs. Some people just have bigger babies and there's nothing wrong with that and I'm sure you did nothing wrong to make that happen. Really by comparison to other people's kids the 8-9lbs range isn't even all that huge. One of my good friends had a c-section for her 11lb baby...now THAT is a big child.

elfinali

I was really upset (as in crying about it daily) for about 2-3 weeks. Then, I just sort of "got over it". I still wish I could have delivered vaginally, but I'm not sooo upset about it anymore. I hope you feel better soon, too!

Dncr251

It didn't bother me I guess. Both DS's and my heartrate dropped and during labor, so I was up for whatever would get us both through the process safe and healthy. He came out looking great and I was just happy for that.

RumbleLina

In regards DS birth it took almost a year to accept his birth(general anesthesia c/s) but in general I still cannot accept it which is why my next child I am going to VBAC and I give a big "f you" to the doctors who labeled me with CPD. I couldn't push out a 6lb baby BUT I do not believe that means I cannot vaginally deliver in general.

jb2rn

Just recently I would say I became ok with it. I had a long labor with a vertex baby that was presenting oddly - even with pit to augment my labor (I wanted med free and got lots of interventions) I dilated slow and baby would not descend. I got 9cm and developed a fever. A c section was the right call at that point but I regret all the interventions. I was sad for a long time and felt like I failed my son but I think I have finally talked enough about it to others that I have come to terms with it. Big hugs - you aren't alone!

lbwsimpson

I didn't really grieve because it was either have a c-section or go through induced labor for up to 36 hours, when I was told would probably end up resulting in a c-section anyway. I was totally planning on a natural birth, but my dear child wasn't descended and I was dilated a week after my due date. There were no signs of him coming so we sent in the search and rescue team.

 What I AM a little miffed about is how I was actually the FOURTH person to hold him. Not even the first or second. My DH was first, of course. My parents were in the hallway and when they were wheeling DS down the hall, the doctor stopped to let them hold him. So yeah...I was FOURTH in line. But hey, what am I gonna do about it now? Nothing. Might as well let it go and enjoy life with DS in it.

teacherjess

It is perfectly normal to feel sad about this. I am having a c-section this time but had a very long and traumatic vaginal delivery with my first (hence the c-section this time). For a long time after her birth, I was so sad that delivery had been 100% different than I had imagined and really just awful overall. I felt that I had been cheated over even being able to enjoy her being with me in the hospital because I was so torn up. I also felt that a huge part of why we couldn't breastfeed was because my recovery was so difficult, so I had bad feelings because of that, too. It took time to get over. I would allow yourself time to mourn what you wanted. I don't think there's anything wrong with being disappointed that what you imagined didn't happen. 

Teresa and Family

Still bitter.  I got to 8 cm after 36 hours and got told I was having an emergency c/s.  I never really got asked and I had to be put out for it so I missed the first two hours of her life plus I didn't know what I was having, so I had to ask the nurses what I had. 

emberlee3

DD was breech.  We were supposed to try for a version, but when I got the epidural my blood pressure and DD's heart rate dropped.  We went straight to c/s.  I was disappointed, but after a few days I started to feel better.  For me, what helped was that I had less pain post-c/s than I had after my vaginal delivery (3rd degree tear) with DS. 

Kie310

I honestly never thought about it. Now that I'm pregnant again it's all I think about. I'm hoping for a VBAC. I want to get the experience(s) I missed!

MrsAshCain

Mine was not planned and I don't feel bad about it. My water broke and I went into labor on my own. Long story short, my bp started to elevate and by the time I asked for an epidural I was only 4cm after 15+ hours of labor, they told me I couldn't have one because my platelets were too low. I said "Then cut this f-er out of me!" I never really felt like I would have him naturally anyway. I had to be put under general and woke up about 2 hours later my son was all clean and ready to nurse and cuddle. It didn't bother me one bit and never have I had regrets about not doing it vaginally. 

Worcbride

didnt grieve at all--had a beautiful, healthy baby in my arms which was exactly what I wanted

ave1012

I think it was at least a good month that I was not completely upset about it. I had an emergency C/S under general anesthesia. I was upset about the C/S but not as much as what I missed out on. This was my first pregnancy and it was great. I had the birth plan written out and had this birth envisioned. My husband could not be in the room because I had to be have a breathing tube placed because of the medication I was getting. There was no cutting the cord, no skin to skin right after and no immediate breastfeeding. I do not think that I held my daughter for awhile because I was so out of it. The only thing I remember is laying on the surgical table and then my husband asking if I could here my daughter crying. I barely remember the 24 hours after the birth, I remember pieces and parts. My blood pressure spiked and blood levels dropped so when I was sent home, I could not do anything and could not have the stress of visitors for over week. I felt so helpless from not only the birth but that I could barely take care of my daughter because I was sick.The day after discharge I was back at the hospital due to a severe allergic reaction. It was a rough time and I had a rough time initially with breastfeeding. I am 4 months PP and now feel comfortable with my "old time" birth and movie baby (baby was completely clean like in the movies when I finally saw her). I also do not know what labor feels like which some would say that I should be happy about but I never felt a contraction, nothing. Sorry for the ramble but hopes this helps.

byrne15

With ds #1, I had an emergency c-section after 16 hours of labor and had to be put under general anesthesia.  To be honest, I never "got over" it.  

With ds #2, I had a scheduled c-section and didn't have the same emotions as I did the 1st time.  I was actually quite pleased with how this "birth" turned out.

mrsmklynch

I have never grieved the missed opportunity to push a 9lb 5oz baby out of my hooha. The only part that I actually get emotional about was missing the first few hours of his life while I was in recovery and not being the first person to hold him.

starlettedir

I was grateful for mine. I was on 36 hours of induced labor with about 30 minutes of pushing and a HB scare in the middle of the whole thing. I wanted it f'n over.