Just not fair

raven3513

My husband and I have been ttc for almost 6 months with no luck. Each month we get our hopes up only to be let down again. This cycle I was trying not to take the BFN too hard and had actually made myself feel a bit better by thinking of how we have more time to prepare for when it does happen. Then last night I received a call from a friend and the not so wonderful announcement that she is pregnant. First it pisses me off that I haven't heard from her in weeks and then when she calls its almost like she is throwing this is my face. We were really close at one point but seem to have drifted apart over time. I would be happy for her if she was actually doing things the right way. I just feel sometimes things aren't fair. My husband and I have been together 7 years, married for 3, we own a home and are established in our careers, yet no baby for us. Then my friend on the other hand is not married, dating a black guy that she's only known for few months, lives with roommates and is still in school, but she gets to have a baby. NOT FAIR!

Grrrr I know our time will come but it just makes me mad seems like everyone is pregnant except for us. Sorry for the mini-rant, I know its a bit whiney and thanks for listening.

jamielynn53

This is probably not going to go so well....

leanna0127

jamielynn53:

This is probably not going to go so well....

Ha! I was just thinking the same thing.

JBM1204

raven3513:

My husband and I have been ttc for almost 6 months with no luck. Each month we get our hopes up only to be let down again. This cycle I was trying not to take the BFN to hard and had actually made myself feel a bit better by thinking of how we have more time to prepare for when it does happen. Then last night I received a call from a friend and the not so wonderful announcement that she is pregnant. First it pisses me off that I haven't heard from her in weeks and then when she calls its almost like she is throwing this is my face. We were really close at one point but seem to have drifted apart over time. I would be happy for her if she was actually doing things the right way. I just feel sometimes things aren't fair. My husband and I have been together 7 years, married for 3, we own a home and are established in our careers, yet no baby for us. Then my friend on the other hand is not married, dating a black guy that she's only known for few months, lives with roommates and is still in school but she gets to have a baby. NOT FAIR!

Grrrr I know our time will come but it just makes me mad seems like everyone is pregnant except for us. Sorry for the mini-rant, I know its a bit whiney and thanks for listening.

What does that (bolded part) have to do with your string of complaints about your friend? If she was dating a white guy that she only knew for a few months would that have made the situation ok in your mind?

Also, as many women point out here, her getting pregnant has nothing to do with your future. There are not a certain number of babies for the taking.  

One other thought, maybe she was avoiding you for weeks because 1) she didn't want to say anything until she was far enough along or 2) she was worried you might judge her.

gplove94

Oh this will be very well received

bunnymay

What the fcuk is wrong with you? Run. Now.

jamielynn53

I will bring the popcorn

sjp

Are you for real? or just BSC?

KNemo

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

kygirlie113

How is it not fair? How is a friend announcing they're expecting not wonderful news? I haven't participated here lately because I have been taking a break, but I couldn't resist this post. I mean, really, come on. Sounds like you need to grow up a little.

clydeisme

Yup life isn't fair, if it was we would all have our BFPs! 

Mrs.Umm

I would be happy for her if she was actually doing things the right way.

 

 Who get's to decide what the "right way" is? As long as she's not drinking/smoking/doing drugs during her pregnancy, and she's going to raise her child in a healthy, safe way, that IS the right way.

 

 dating a black guy

What does this have to do with anything? I can see some concern that they haven't known each other long, but this? And, just as an example, my BFF met her husband on halloween and got married on new years. They've been together 9 years now.

 

but she gets to have a baby. NOT FAIR!

As hard as it is to see others get what you want, remember that there is not a limited supply of babies. She did not butt in front of you in line and take yours.

kpowers982

MUD

ncbouchard

bunnymay:

What the fcuk is wrong with you? Run. Now.

 This. You're disgusting. 

happilymarried052111

raven3513:

My husband and I have been ttc for almost 6 months with no luck. Each month we get our hopes up only to be let down again. This cycle I was trying not to take the BFN too hard and had actually made myself feel a bit better by thinking of how we have more time to prepare for when it does happen. Then last night I received a call from a friend and the not so wonderful announcement that she is pregnant. First it pisses me off that I haven't heard from her in weeks and then when she calls its almost like she is throwing this is my face. We were really close at one point but seem to have drifted apart over time. I would be happy for her if she was actually doing things the right way. I just feel sometimes things aren't fair. My husband and I have been together 7 years, married for 3, we own a home and are established in our careers, yet no baby for us. Then my friend on the other hand is not married, dating a black guy that she's only known for few months, lives with roommates and is still in school, but she gets to have a baby. NOT FAIR!

Grrrr I know our time will come but it just makes me mad seems like everyone is pregnant except for us. Sorry for the mini-rant, I know its a bit whiney and thanks for listening.

 

 

Wow, did I really just read that???? Surely this didn't happen!!!

alygoo615

FFS OP.

raven3513

JBM1204:

raven3513:

My husband and I have been ttc for almost 6 months with no luck. Each month we get our hopes up only to be let down again. This cycle I was trying not to take the BFN to hard and had actually made myself feel a bit better by thinking of how we have more time to prepare for when it does happen. Then last night I received a call from a friend and the not so wonderful announcement that she is pregnant. First it pisses me off that I haven't heard from her in weeks and then when she calls its almost like she is throwing this is my face. We were really close at one point but seem to have drifted apart over time. I would be happy for her if she was actually doing things the right way. I just feel sometimes things aren't fair. My husband and I have been together 7 years, married for 3, we own a home and are established in our careers, yet no baby for us. Then my friend on the other hand is not married, dating a black guy that she's only known for few months, lives with roommates and is still in school but she gets to have a baby. NOT FAIR!

Grrrr I know our time will come but it just makes me mad seems like everyone is pregnant except for us. Sorry for the mini-rant, I know its a bit whiney and thanks for listening.

What does that (bolded part) have to do with your string of complaints about your friend? If she was dating a white guy that she only knew for a few months would that have made the situation ok in your mind? No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

Also, as many women point out here, her getting pregnant has nothing to do with your future. There are not a certain number of babies for the taking.  I understand there aren't a certain number of babies or that she is taking mine. I guess I'm just a bit jealous that we have been trying and she's pregnant. I do admit my feelings are a bit childish, but more than anything I want to be a mom.

One other thought, maybe she was avoiding you for weeks because 1) she didn't want to say anything until she was far enough along or 2) she was worried you might judge her.

Shayliz

Oh no! Not a black guy! How dare she.

MeatballEsq

ncbouchard:

bunnymay:

What the fcuk is wrong with you? Run. Now.

 This. You're disgusting. 

alygoo615

raven3513:

No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

So if he was white he wouldn't have a chance of having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit? Seriously?

Since the baby is half black and half white? WTF is wrong with you.

Twinkie0612

Mrs.Umm:

I would be happy for her if she was actually doing things the right way.

 

 Who get's to decide what the "right way" is? As long as she's not drinking/smoking/doing drugs during her pregnancy, and she's going to raise her child in a healthy, safe way, that IS the right way.

 

 dating a black guy

What does this have to do with anything? I can see some concern that they haven't known each other long, but this? And, just as an example, my BFF met her husband on halloween and got married on new years. They've been together 9 years now.

 

but she gets to have a baby. NOT FAIR!

As hard as it is to see others get what you want, remember that there is not a limited supply of babies. She did not butt in front of you in line and take yours.

beckslea

clydeisme:

Yup life isn't fair, if it was we would all have our BFPs! 

This exactly.  And if you are truly her friend, stop throwing a hissy fit and judging her and focus on supporting her-sounds like she may have a long road ahead. 

greeneyed_bride

raven3513:

No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

Ok, I'm just lurking here, but... In your opinion, the fact that some future boyfriends might be willing to accept a white child but not a biracial child is a bad thing?? Frankly, I see that as a positive... it would give her an opportunity to weed out the racist douchebags before entering into a relationship with them. If the only reason a man wouldn't accept a child from a previous relationship is that the child was biracial, he's an a**hole, and your friend would be lucky to know that ahead of time.

Of course, you seem to be racist, too, so I can see why you wouldn't see it that way... 

[Deleted User]

Damn, if only I knew how to use snark appropriately. GRRR

argonne

Wow.  Just...wow.

 

AGlaze

KNemo:

ha!

sgt_ema

Wow, narrow minds lead to narrow conversations.  Get a clue OP!

Spruce14

raven3513:

My husband and I have been ttc for almost 6 months with no luck. Each month we get our hopes up only to be let down again. This cycle I was trying not to take the BFN too hard and had actually made myself feel a bit better by thinking of how we have more time to prepare for when it does happen. Then last night I received a call from a friend and the not so wonderful announcement that she is pregnant. First it pisses me off that I haven't heard from her in weeks and then when she calls its almost like she is throwing this is my face. We were really close at one point but seem to have drifted apart over time. I would be happy for her if she was actually doing things the right way. I just feel sometimes things aren't fair. My husband and I have been together 7 years, married for 3, we own a home and are established in our careers, yet no baby for us. Then my friend on the other hand is not married, dating a black guy that she's only known for few months, lives with roommates and is still in school, but she gets to have a baby. NOT FAIR!

Grrrr I know our time will come but it just makes me mad seems like everyone is pregnant except for us. Sorry for the mini-rant, I know its a bit whiney and thanks for listening.

 

Sounds like your friend needs to run fast and re-evaluate who her friends are...! Also- I would refrain from opening your mouth if this is the type of stuff that comes out. 

app1e3

AGlaze:

KNemo:

ha!

Love this.

angelsnight

alygoo615:

raven3513:

No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

So if he was white he wouldn't have a chance of having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit? Seriously?

Since the baby is half black and half white? WTF is wrong with you.

Sweet!  MH has past debt and bad credit, but he is white.  Do you know who I can contact about getting this fixed, since obviously someone made a mistake?

MissGOP

Jessii266:

Damn, if only I knew how to use snark appropriately. GRRR

Love it!

raven3513

greeneyed_bride:

raven3513:

No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

Ok, I'm just lurking here, but... In your opinion, the fact that some future boyfriends might be willing to accept a white child but not a biracial child is a bad thing?? Frankly, I see that as a positive... it would give her an opportunity to weed out the racist douchebags before entering into a relationship with them. If the only reason a man wouldn't accept a child from a previous relationship is that the child was biracial, he's an a**hole, and your friend would be lucky to know that ahead of time.

Of course, you seem to be racist, too, so I can see why you wouldn't see it that way... 

I'm not at all racist. I just am realistic. By having a child with this man she is placing herself and the child at a disadvantage. I just don't agree that she is knowingly doing this. I am very open minded and have friends of all races so I definitely amthe last person that would be a racist.

shellb1978

raven3513:

greeneyed_bride:

raven3513:

No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

Ok, I'm just lurking here, but... In your opinion, the fact that some future boyfriends might be willing to accept a white child but not a biracial child is a bad thing?? Frankly, I see that as a positive... it would give her an opportunity to weed out the racist douchebags before entering into a relationship with them. If the only reason a man wouldn't accept a child from a previous relationship is that the child was biracial, he's an a**hole, and your friend would be lucky to know that ahead of time.

Of course, you seem to be racist, too, so I can see why you wouldn't see it that way... 

I'm not at all racist. I just am realistic. By having a child with this man she is placing herself and the child at a disadvantage. I just don't agree that she is knowingly doing this. I am very open minded and have friends of all races so I definitely amthe last person that would be a racist.

Riiiiiiight    

KdgTeacher

raven3513:

greeneyed_bride:

raven3513:

No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

Ok, I'm just lurking here, but... In your opinion, the fact that some future boyfriends might be willing to accept a white child but not a biracial child is a bad thing?? Frankly, I see that as a positive... it would give her an opportunity to weed out the racist douchebags before entering into a relationship with them. If the only reason a man wouldn't accept a child from a previous relationship is that the child was biracial, he's an a**hole, and your friend would be lucky to know that ahead of time.

Of course, you seem to be racist, too, so I can see why you wouldn't see it that way... 

I'm not at all racist. I just am realistic. By having a child with this man she is placing herself and the child at a disadvantage. I just don't agree that she is knowingly doing this. I am very open minded and have friends of all races so I definitely amthe last person that would be a racist.

Are your friends aware of your....opinions?

 

MissGOP

raven3513:

greeneyed_bride:

raven3513:

No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

Ok, I'm just lurking here, but... In your opinion, the fact that some future boyfriends might be willing to accept a white child but not a biracial child is a bad thing?? Frankly, I see that as a positive... it would give her an opportunity to weed out the racist douchebags before entering into a relationship with them. If the only reason a man wouldn't accept a child from a previous relationship is that the child was biracial, he's an a**hole, and your friend would be lucky to know that ahead of time.

Of course, you seem to be racist, too, so I can see why you wouldn't see it that way... 

I'm not at all racist. I just am realistic. By having a child with this man she is placing herself and the child at a disadvantage. I just don't agree that she is knowingly doing this. I am very open minded and have friends of all races so I definitely amthe last person that would be a racist.

Two questions:

1). If you don't agree that she "knowingly" did this, are you saying she shouldn't have the baby?

2). What decade (or century) do you live in?

scgirl89

gplove94:

Oh this will be very well received

This what I was thinking....

sgt_ema

raven3513:

greeneyed_bride:

raven3513:

No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

Ok, I'm just lurking here, but... In your opinion, the fact that some future boyfriends might be willing to accept a white child but not a biracial child is a bad thing?? Frankly, I see that as a positive... it would give her an opportunity to weed out the racist douchebags before entering into a relationship with them. If the only reason a man wouldn't accept a child from a previous relationship is that the child was biracial, he's an a**hole, and your friend would be lucky to know that ahead of time.

Of course, you seem to be racist, too, so I can see why you wouldn't see it that way... 

I'm not at all racist. I just am realistic. By having a child with this man she is placing herself and the child at a disadvantage. I just don't agree that she is knowingly doing this. I am very open minded and have friends of all races so I definitely amthe last person that would be a racist.

Did you just use the "I have black friends so I'm not racist" card??  Lame! 

greeneyed_bride

raven3513:

greeneyed_bride:

raven3513:

No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

Ok, I'm just lurking here, but... In your opinion, the fact that some future boyfriends might be willing to accept a white child but not a biracial child is a bad thing?? Frankly, I see that as a positive... it would give her an opportunity to weed out the racist douchebags before entering into a relationship with them. If the only reason a man wouldn't accept a child from a previous relationship is that the child was biracial, he's an a**hole, and your friend would be lucky to know that ahead of time.

Of course, you seem to be racist, too, so I can see why you wouldn't see it that way... 

I'm not at all racist. I just am realistic. By having a child with this man she is placing herself and the child at a disadvantage. I just don't agree that she is knowingly doing this. I am very open minded and have friends of all races so I definitely amthe last person that would be a racist.

People who are racist often feel the need to talk about how many friends they have of other races. Are your "friends" of other races aware that you consider them more likely to be criminals than your white friends? Or that you think they would be placing a white person (and any future children) at a disadvantage if they chose to procreate with them?

MeatballEsq

raven3513:

greeneyed_bride:

raven3513:

No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

Ok, I'm just lurking here, but... In your opinion, the fact that some future boyfriends might be willing to accept a white child but not a biracial child is a bad thing?? Frankly, I see that as a positive... it would give her an opportunity to weed out the racist douchebags before entering into a relationship with them. If the only reason a man wouldn't accept a child from a previous relationship is that the child was biracial, he's an a**hole, and your friend would be lucky to know that ahead of time.

Of course, you seem to be racist, too, so I can see why you wouldn't see it that way... 

I'm not at all racist. I just am realistic. By having a child with this man she is placing herself and the child at a disadvantage. I just don't agree that she is knowingly doing this. I am very open minded and have friends of all races so I definitely amthe last person that would be a racist.

If you weren't a racist, you wouldn't have thought it to be important to point out what color he was. If your issue was his credit or responsibleness, you would have left it at that. Stop talking. Claiming you have "black friends" does not clear you from being a racist.

Edited for moronic mistake.

gplove94

raven3513:

greeneyed_bride:

raven3513:

No, if she had been dating a white guy I would still feel that it wasn't okay. I personally don't agree with children outside of marriage. I just feel with her dating this particular guy it opens her up to lots of other issues. The chance of him having other children, past debts, a criminal record, bad credit. Also if this relationship doesn't work out it may be more difficult for her to start another relationship where someone would be willing to accept this child.

Ok, I'm just lurking here, but... In your opinion, the fact that some future boyfriends might be willing to accept a white child but not a biracial child is a bad thing?? Frankly, I see that as a positive... it would give her an opportunity to weed out the racist douchebags before entering into a relationship with them. If the only reason a man wouldn't accept a child from a previous relationship is that the child was biracial, he's an a**hole, and your friend would be lucky to know that ahead of time.

Of course, you seem to be racist, too, so I can see why you wouldn't see it that way... 

I'm not at all racist. I just am realistic. By having a child with this man she is placing herself and the child at a disadvantage. I just don't agree that she is knowingly doing this. I am very open minded and have friends of all races so I definitely amthe last person that would be a racist.

Really?  Please re-read your OP and then the other comments you made.