Speechless — The Bump
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Speechless

Ladies, I'm pretty speechless right now because of an e-mail I received from a good friend of DH and mine.  He was actually a groomsman at our wedding and is my best friend's fiance.

Basically, out of nowhere he sent an e-mail saying that he knows we want to have children but we should reconsider because, "Pretty much humans are going to consume and destroy the Earth's natural resources... and eventually cause the decline of the human species."  And, "I remember you saying that you wanted to have kids, but I would seriously think that over (I am definitely never going to reproduce) because of what our planet has to contend with such over-population (competition for resources typically leads to wars, famine, pestilence etc.)" 

In addition, he adds that my children will likely suffer from migraines like I do and that the brain tumor my DH had was due to pollution and over population.

He ended the e-mail with, "p.s. like I told you guys a while ago, if you guys have kids, don't even ask us to babysit, answer will be an emphatic No, but once we get a pet friendly apt., we'd be way more than happy to Doggy sit!!!!"

My stomach is in knots.  WTH?  I'm not feeling angry, just hurt.

I just wanted to share because I'm stunned.

Thanks.

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Re: Speechless

  • Is he a vegetarian? If not, he's a hypocrite. 
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  • WTF? He sounds mentally unstable. I would just ignore it.
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  • Is he off his meds? That 7 billionth child story must've really gotten to him. Nice of him to personalize it to you guys. 
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  • He's very much into eating meat.
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  • Yeah, I think he was reading that 7 billionth child thing. 
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  • image reinstone:
    Is he a vegetarian? If not, he's a hypocrite. 
    This exactly. If you want to talk about pollution and destruction I can give you some sh*t to say to him.
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  • I'd write back and ask him how much weed he was smoking when he came up with his brilliant ode to Mother Earth.

    Honestly, try not to be hurt by it....feel more sorry for your best friend who is marrying him.

     

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  • image Nikko Blue:
    WTF? He sounds mentally unstable. I would just ignore it.

    This. 



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  • image Nikko Blue:
    WTF? He sounds mentally unstable. I would just ignore it.

    That's what I'm going to try to do.

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  • If I was your best friend, I would be embarrassed!  Yeesh.
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  • image FreyaWin2382:

    I'd write back and ask him how much weed he was smoking when he came up with his brilliant ode to Mother Earth.

    Honestly, try not to be hurt by it....feel more sorry for your best friend who is marrying him.


     

     

    I wouldn't doubt that he was smoking weed when writing the e-mail.  I'm pretty sure that she knows nothing about this.  Sad.

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  • He sounds a bit mental... I wouldn't even respond.
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  • image FreyaWin2382:

    Honestly, try not to be hurt by it....feel more sorry for your best friend who is marrying him.

     

    This.  

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  • While he had no business talking to you about your choice to have children in the manner that he did, I have several friends who are GINKS (green inclination, no kids), and they are not crazy.

    It has become  acceptable for mixed-race couples to have children, and single women, and gay couples, and women over the age of 40, and that's all good. Acceptance has been slower to come for the decision not to have children. There's now a fledgling childfree movement, but some who are part of it say they still feel like they're violating a taboo....Real reproductive freedom has to include social acceptance of the decision not to reproduce.which will mean less pressure on women and men who don't feel called to become parents, as well as less of a stigma on people who may have wanted to become parents but didn't get the chance

     (From http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2011/sep/27/not-have-children-environmental-reasons)

    Other Info

    http://green.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/07/having-children-brings-high-carbon-impact/

     ETA-

    The migraine and tumor part was just fuvked up, but the other stuff is what I am talking about.

     

     
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  • Wow. I just read this to DH and he said "tell him to go put his tinfoil hat back in and go watch "conspiracy theory again". He definitely sounds mentally unstable.  

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  • Sounds like somebody needs a good psychiatrist.
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  • Just like Reagan said "I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born" well...everyone who is against reproducing has already been born. What a diickwad!! Seriously, he is disturbed!
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  • image Meow84:

    I am being 100% serious when I ask if he is mentally ill. Sounds like some kind of rant/tirade that someone with delusions or psychotic features would make.

    This

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  • wow. this guy's off his rocker! ignore him, he's one of those that like to preach rediculousness and call themselves innovative.

     BTW LOVE your last name mrscoffman! That was my maiden name (still getting used to not using it!)

  • Indifferent I am so sorry! I can't imagine getting an e-mail like that.
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  • image Meow84:

    I am being 100% serious when I ask if he is mentally ill. Sounds like some kind of rant/tirade that someone with delusions or psychotic features would make.

    I was thinking the same thing here. I'm a therapist and, without having enough information to diagnose, my first thought would be to determine whether he was having a psychotic break. It can start with small signs of paranoia or weak reality testing.

  • image Saltylove:
    image Milliways:

     

    I'm all for this kind of movement-everyone has the right to choose, IMHO. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he had no business commenting on OP's choice to have children. As much as others should respect his choice to not have childen for the reasons he gave, his email is disrespectful and insensitive. I don't know about mental health, but some people can be incredibly hurtful when they are trying to push their point of view. Not cool.

    This! Im totally for people being able to do whatever they want. Have children, dont have them, eat meat, dont eat meat, drive a humungo suv, drive a prius...choices are our own. What I dont like is when people try to convince or push their views on others who obviously have no desire to have those same views. He's entitled to his views (i know a few people with the same one) and she's entitled to her desire for children.

     

  • I agree with Milli in that aside from the comments on the migraines and brain tumor, everything else was not that strange. People talk politics and ideologies all the time. You can engage them and find out why they think that way, or just gloss over it.
  • image Saltylove:
    image Milliways:

    While he had no business talking to you about your choice to have children in the manner that he did, I have several friends who are GINKS (green inclination, no kids), and they are not crazy.

    It has become  acceptable for mixed-race couples to have children, and single women, and gay couples, and women over the age of 40, and that's all good. Acceptance has been slower to come for the decision not to have children. There's now a fledgling childfree movement, but some who are part of it say they still feel like they're violating a taboo....Real reproductive freedom has to include social acceptance of the decision not to reproduce.which will mean less pressure on women and men who don't feel called to become parents, as well as less of a stigma on people who may have wanted to become parents but didn't get the chance

     (From http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2011/sep/27/not-have-children-environmental-reasons)

    Other Info

    http://green.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/07/having-children-brings-high-carbon-impact/

     

     

     

    I'm all for this kind of movement-everyone has the right to choose, IMHO. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he had no business commenting on OP's choice to have children. As much as others should respect his choice to not have childen for the reasons he gave, his email is disrespectful and insensitive. I don't know about mental health, but some people can be incredibly hurtful when they are trying to push their point of view. Not cool.

    Yes  to both these posts. In a random coincidence, I spent part of this evening reading some history of  childfree women for a research paper - it was really interesting to me how stigma around this has hardly changed since the 19th century.

    And OP, ignore that incredibly rude ranting.

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  • image bwe1100:
    image Saltylove:
    image Milliways:

    While he had no business talking to you about your choice to have children in the manner that he did, I have several friends who are GINKS (green inclination, no kids), and they are not crazy.

    It has become  acceptable for mixed-race couples to have children, and single women, and gay couples, and women over the age of 40, and that's all good. Acceptance has been slower to come for the decision not to have children. There's now a fledgling childfree movement, but some who are part of it say they still feel like they're violating a taboo....Real reproductive freedom has to include social acceptance of the decision not to reproduce.which will mean less pressure on women and men who don't feel called to become parents, as well as less of a stigma on people who may have wanted to become parents but didn't get the chance

     (From http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2011/sep/27/not-have-children-environmental-reasons)

    Other Info

    http://green.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/07/having-children-brings-high-carbon-impact/

     

     

     

    I'm all for this kind of movement-everyone has the right to choose, IMHO. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he had no business commenting on OP's choice to have children. As much as others should respect his choice to not have childen for the reasons he gave, his email is disrespectful and insensitive. I don't know about mental health, but some people can be incredibly hurtful when they are trying to push their point of view. Not cool.

    Yes  to both these posts. In a random coincidence, I spent part of this evening reading some history of  childfree women for a research paper - it was really interesting to me how stigma around this has hardly changed since the 19th century.

    And OP, ignore that incredibly rude ranting.

    All of this. Yes


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  • Wow....I'm sorry. I don't think he's a real friend. He sounds mentally unstable. Wouldn't trust him to watch my pet, nevermind children.....
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  • image Ali&Luke:
    Meh. He sounds like a loon to me, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

    Exactly what I was thinking! Although, getting an email like that would upset me too! 

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  • image mrscoffman091011:

    I wouldn't doubt that he was smoking weed when writing the e-mail.  I'm pretty sure that she knows nothing about this.  Sad.

    Maybe you should forward the email to her. You don't even have to write anything in the message... just send it along as is.

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  • I personally don't mind his decision to not procreate.  It's what is best for the world, after all. 

    What an idiot.

  • image JBM1204:
    image Meow84:

    I am being 100% serious when I ask if he is mentally ill. Sounds like some kind of rant/tirade that someone with delusions or psychotic features would make.

    I was thinking the same thing here. I'm a therapist and, without having enough information to diagnose, my first thought would be to determine whether he was having a psychotic break. It can start with small signs of paranoia or weak reality testing.

     

    I agree. Don't take anything he says too seriously.

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  • image inHindsight:
    Is he off his meds? That 7 billionth child story must've really gotten to him. Nice of him to personalize it to you guys. 

    This - woah

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  • image FreyaWin2382:

    I'd write back and ask him how much weed he was smoking when he came up with his brilliant ode to Mother Earth.

    Honestly, try not to be hurt by it....feel more sorry for your best friend who is marrying him.


     

    This exactly, and be glad that you didn't marry a man with such crazy and judgemental views on life. If having children feels right for you, then that is exactly what you should do.

  • Sounds harsh but cut your loses.. you find out who your real friends are when you get KU... it's sad but true! He obviously won't be a good person to be around much longer.. sorry he's gone off the deep end!
  • image canthardlywait426:

    Wow. I just read this to DH and he said "tell him to go put his tinfoil hat back in and go watch "conspiracy theory again". He definitely sounds mentally unstable.  

    LOL.. Definitely this. Yes
  • Wow! And this is who you guys chose to be in your wedding about a month ago? Did you have any idea that this guy was looney?
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  • image Meow84:
    image JBM1204:
    image Meow84:

    I am being 100% serious when I ask if he is mentally ill. Sounds like some kind of rant/tirade that someone with delusions or psychotic features would make.

    I was thinking the same thing here. I'm a therapist and, without having enough information to diagnose, my first thought would be to determine whether he was having a psychotic break. It can start with small signs of paranoia or weak reality testing.

    I'm a therapist also :) What population do you work with?

    I'm a therapist too and so is his fianc?! I agree with you.
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  • Thank you for all your responses. I really appreciate it. :)
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  • image CityBee:
    What a nut. Sorry you had to hear something so ludicrous from a close friend. I would pay no attention to it or even give it a response. I mostly feel bad for your friend that is going to marry him.
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  • image grahambaby:

    wow. this guy's off his rocker! ignore him, he's one of those that like to preach rediculousness and call themselves innovative.

     BTW LOVE your last name mrscoffman! That was my maiden name (still getting used to not using it!)

    Yay for Coffmans!
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  • image on_a_whim:
    image canthardlywait426:

    Wow. I just read this to DH and he said "tell him to go put his tinfoil hat back in and go watch "conspiracy theory again". He definitely sounds mentally unstable.  

    LOL.. Definitely this. Yes

    I am late to this thread, but I totally agree with the bold statement. 

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