Ladies, I'm pretty speechless right now because of an e-mail I received from a good friend of DH and mine. He was actually a groomsman at our wedding and is my best friend's fiance.
Basically, out of nowhere he sent an e-mail saying that he knows we want to have children but we should reconsider because, "Pretty much humans are going to consume and destroy the Earth's natural resources... and eventually cause the decline of the human species." And, "I remember you saying that you wanted to have kids, but I would seriously think that over (I am definitely never going to reproduce) because of what our planet has to contend with such over-population (competition for resources typically leads to wars, famine, pestilence etc.)"
In addition, he adds that my children will likely suffer from migraines like I do and that the brain tumor my DH had was due to pollution and over population.
He ended the e-mail with, "p.s. like I told you guys a while ago, if you guys have kids, don't even ask us to babysit, answer will be an emphatic No, but once we get a pet friendly apt., we'd be way more than happy to Doggy sit!!!!"
My stomach is in knots. WTH? I'm not feeling angry, just hurt.
I just wanted to share because I'm stunned.
Thanks.
Re: Speechless
I'd write back and ask him how much weed he was smoking when he came up with his brilliant ode to Mother Earth.
Honestly, try not to be hurt by it....feel more sorry for your best friend who is marrying him.
This.
That's what I'm going to try to do.
TTC since 3/2011
BFP #1: 11/23/2011 EDD: 8/8/2012 c/p: 11/28/2011
BFP #2: 3/7/2012 EDD: 11/17/2012
I wouldn't doubt that he was smoking weed when writing the e-mail. I'm pretty sure that she knows nothing about this. Sad.
This.
While he had no business talking to you about your choice to have children in the manner that he did, I have several friends who are GINKS (green inclination, no kids), and they are not crazy.
It has become acceptable for mixed-race couples to have children, and single women, and gay couples, and women over the age of 40, and that's all good. Acceptance has been slower to come for the decision not to have children. There's now a fledgling childfree movement, but some who are part of it say they still feel like they're violating a taboo....Real reproductive freedom has to include social acceptance of the decision not to reproduce.which will mean less pressure on women and men who don't feel called to become parents, as well as less of a stigma on people who may have wanted to become parents but didn't get the chance
(From https://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2011/sep/27/not-have-children-environmental-reasons)
Other Info
https://green.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/07/having-children-brings-high-carbon-impact/
ETA-
The migraine and tumor part was just fuvked up, but the other stuff is what I am talking about.
BFP 3/17/10 Missed M/C Confirmed 4/12/10
MIF+Unexplained DX Feb 2012: Femara+Trigger+IUI=BFP
Wow. I just read this to DH and he said "tell him to go put his tinfoil hat back in and go watch "conspiracy theory again". He definitely sounds mentally unstable.
Cooper+Evie=Soulmates
Started fertility treatments 11/2010
Ovarian dysfunction, LPD, male factor
6 failed medicated IUI's
Pregnant 5/2011 - Miscarriage at 6 weeks due to triploidy
Decided to adopt - 6/2012
SURPRISE! Pregnant without intervention - 7/2012
Sweet Baby James Born 3/2013
Decided to be "One and Done"
....OR NOT.
Pregnant 12/2018 despite birth control pills
Here we go again...
Due 8/26/19!
This
wow. this guy's off his rocker! ignore him, he's one of those that like to preach rediculousness and call themselves innovative.
BTW LOVE your last name mrscoffman! That was my maiden name (still getting used to not using it!)
DH: 37
Married: May 24, 2008
TTC #2 since: June 2020
I was thinking the same thing here. I'm a therapist and, without having enough information to diagnose, my first thought would be to determine whether he was having a psychotic break. It can start with small signs of paranoia or weak reality testing.
This! Im totally for people being able to do whatever they want. Have children, dont have them, eat meat, dont eat meat, drive a humungo suv, drive a prius...choices are our own. What I dont like is when people try to convince or push their views on others who obviously have no desire to have those same views. He's entitled to his views (i know a few people with the same one) and she's entitled to her desire for children.
to both these posts. In a random coincidence, I spent part of this evening reading some history of childfree women for a research paper - it was really interesting to me how stigma around this has hardly changed since the 19th century.
And OP, ignore that incredibly rude ranting.
dx: LPD & low progesterone 11/2011
BFP #1 August 23
All of this.
** After 2 1/2 years of Unexplained IF, 2 failed medicated cycles, and 4 failed IUI's - our baby girl came to us through the miracle of Mini IVF! **
Exactly what I was thinking! Although, getting an email like that would upset me too!
Me: 28, DH: 28
Married February 2011
DS born October 2012
TTC #2 since April 2014
BFP February 2015, ectopic/ruptured, right tube removed
RE consult January 2016
Secondary infertility, Severe MFI(double varicocele, low count, 0% morph)
IUI- March 2016, BFN
IVF #1- July/Aug 2016(Antagonist protocol), 30 eggs retrieved, 21 mature,
17 fertilized via ICSI, but 0 made it to blast
IVF #2 in January/February 2017(Long lupron protocol)
Maybe you should forward the email to her. You don't even have to write anything in the message... just send it along as is.
I personally don't mind his decision to not procreate. It's what is best for the world, after all.
What an idiot.
I agree. Don't take anything he says too seriously.
This - woah
This exactly, and be glad that you didn't marry a man with such crazy and judgemental views on life. If having children feels right for you, then that is exactly what you should do.
Our Baby Boy is due September 8, 2012
I am late to this thread, but I totally agree with the bold statement.
The only Easter Bunny I can get behind.
Maxwell Joseph 4/09 Lucy Violet 10/12