someone throwing their own shower

Yellow_Daisy

MsManners:

leighzlou:

Just to be clear:

1. The purpose of a shower is to get presents.

2. It is wrong to expect presents at a shower.

 Which way is it because you ladies tell people the same 2 things all the time, which are completely contradictory.

If the purpose of a shower are to get gifts, then it would be tacky to throw your own. But then you can't be pissy when people come on here and say something about expecting to get gifts at their shower.

But if it is wrong to expect gifts, then why can't you throw your own shower? You aren't expecting anyone to bring you a present to your shower.

No, it's not wrong to assume that there will be gifts at a shower since it's a party specifically for giving gifts. It is wrong to assume guests will provide you (general you) with everything the baby will need. That is the kind of entitlement people get annoyed about.

  MsManners. 

weddingbells2010

leighzlou:

Just to be clear:

1. The purpose of a shower is to get presents.

2. It is wrong to expect presents at a shower.

 Which way is it because you ladies tell people the same 2 things all the time, which are completely contradictory.

If the purpose of a shower are to get gifts, then it would be tacky to throw your own. But then you can't be pissy when people come on here and say something about expecting to get gifts at their shower.

But if it is wrong to expect gifts, then why can't you throw your own shower? You aren't expecting anyone to bring you a present to your shower.

I think you're confused.  A shower, by definition, is a gift-giving event.  You should expect gifts at a shower.  What you SHOULD'T expect is that a shower be thrown for you- the shower itself is a gift from someone close to you who wants to help you prepare for parenthood.  If no one chooses to throw you a shower, you do not get to host your own.  You can certainly be involved in the planning, like many people are, but it should be hosted by someone else as a day to honor you, DH and LO.  If you want to host your own event, host a "Meet the Baby" party for people to come meet LO after he/she arrives.  Will some people bring a gift? Probably.  But they don't have to, you can't expect it, and it's completely appropriate to host your own.

Shower board... where did we go wrong?! 

DiademChi

It depends on how it's done.  I've known people who threw their own shower and it was very tasteful.  The married couple were young graduate students, this was not a planned pregnancy, and they were far from home.  To celebrate, they had a big BBQ at their house and invited a bunch of fellow students and friends.  They said no gift was required, but everyone had fun and brought something anyway.  It was a wonderful co-ed event and no one felt it was tacky in the slightest.

lolinshag

According to Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated  by Judith Martin, it is in extremely bad taste to throw for yourself "any event where the express purpose of the event is to provide the thrower with presents". These should always be thrown by someone close to the person.

I liked in the previous post that the young couple didn't throw a "shower", but just had a celebration (which garnered the same results anyway).

Now if I was in bad financial trouble and expecting (oh wait I am) I STILL would not expect anyone to throw me a shower. I have been buying baby furniture and stuff and storing it for the past 3 years. This was so that I could provide everything I needed for my child without having to rely on others. And no, we did not plan this pregnancy's timing as I am still in school and hoped to be finished before starting our family. So if no one is throwing you a shower, suck it up and put your big girl panties on.

Oh! and this past year my 19 y/o niece just had a child. Our side of the family did not throw her a shower b/c we did not want to reward her behavior. She had dropped out of high school at 17, had no job (for over a year), no car, no house (she moved out of her parents house to live with her then boyfriend), was doing drugs, had already been arrested once for shop lifting, and was dating 3 guys at once (one married) when she got pregnant. The family still gave her things, but we did not buy any fancy new stuff. We took her shopping at consignment sales, garage sales, etc. We did not want to give her a "party" to condone her bad behavior, but we did provide her the essentials needed, not the cutesie stuff she wanted. I said all of this to suggest that it could be a situation like that with the OP's family.

Oh and my neice has since had a wake up call, gotten her GED, a job, bought a car, and is starting a technical degree program in the fall at the local community college. What she says was her wake up call? When the family that had previously doted on her, cut her off and made her "grow up".

PunkyBooster

Malejos is cracking me up with her, "but, but but I got pregnant on birth control! Don't you people understand?!" 

Justam0mmy cracks me up with her failure to understand the concept of a shower. 

Emreigh doesn't know how to make paragraphs and says showers aren't about gifts, they're for the love of the child. The LOVE of the child, people!

Did I nicely sum up the responses to this post?

christinaramirez08

So I guess I got screwed because one of my close friends is throwing my shower with the help of my mom and sister, but I'm the one paying for it. How'd that happen?

If the host is supposed to pay for it then should I just plan it myself? It's obvious that all of my friends and family will be buying me gifts (they won't stop talking about it) but if I have to pay for my own shower, shouldn't I be able to plan it then so it's exactly the way I want it to be?

I guess I'm the sucker here. I don't get to plan it (which I love do to), but I have to pay for it all. Oh well

EmreighsMommy

I am very new to this site and I must say, of all the other boards on here, some of the ladies on this board are just flat out rude and ignorant. Not all, but some. there is no reason to belittle people the way some of you are. Maybe I didn't put spaces in my response to create paragraphs. So what? Does that give you the right to belittle me or anyone else. No. And to think that some of you actually are or are going to become parents. I'm starting to see how the traits of ignorance continue through generations. I'm in no way trying to be rude, but this is ridiculous.

novlove11

Ok here's a view point on throwing your own shower, most likely I will have to throw my own. Sounds tacky, and not my first choice, but truth is its my first baby, and hubbys family out of state and my mom, family, and friends won't do it, but would love to show up if I threw my own...so needless to say we are putting that my hubby is throwing the shower for me. After all, it's our first kid & it'd be nice to have a shower, even if others don't care.

Just another view point. For me its not all about gifts, its about knowing people care enough just to show up and celebrate with you. 

novlove11

EmreighsMommy:

I am very new to this site and I must say, of all the other boards on here, some of the ladies on this board are just flat out rude and ignorant. Not all, but some. there is no reason to belittle people the way some of you are. Maybe I didn't put spaces in my response to create paragraphs. So what? Does that give you the right to belittle me or anyone else. No. And to think that some of you actually are or are going to become parents. I'm starting to see how the traits of ignorance continue through generations. I'm in no way trying to be rude, but this is ridiculous.

 

Thank you EmreighsMommy, my thoughts exactly. Very hurtful that the people here don't try to understand that each other have different circumstances & be respectful of each other as women.

The name calling and hurtful behavior on this board is wrong. 

danilynn17

novlove11:

Thank you EmreighsMommy, my thoughts exactly. Very hurtful that the people here don't try to understand that each other have different circumstances & be respectful of each other as women.

The name calling and hurtful behavior on this board is wrong. 

No one's circumstances make it okay to throw your own shower. The definition of a shower is to shower one with gifts.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

malejos0226

novlove11:

Ok here's a view point on throwing your own shower, most likely I will have to throw my own. Sounds tacky, and not my first choice, but truth is its my first baby, and hubbys family out of state and my mom, family, and friends won't do it, but would love to show up if I threw my own...so needless to say we are putting that my hubby is throwing the shower for me. After all, it's our first kid & it'd be nice to have a shower, even if others don't care.

Just another view point. For me its not all about gifts, its about knowing people care enough just to show up and celebrate with you. 

 

 

 

My situation is somewhat similar regardless to what others have said about my previous posts. My DH has no family in this state. NONE, otherwise I'm sure that they would help out with things, since this is his first child, and everything. My mother was hesitant to throw one solely based on the fact that she is unemployed. I don't expect my friends to throw me one, and if I do throw one for myself, I don't EXPECT gifts. I have literally not seen any of my friends since finding out I was pregnant, so we have not gotten to celebrate it by any means. So for anyone to say that I am trying to make excuses for me to throw my own, and people by things just goes to show that they are being rude and judging people without knowing all the information present. 

A baby shower ESSENTIALLY is to celebrate a new life being brought into the world. Are you saying someone who has all the money in the world and bought everything already still wouldn't have a baby shower? That they would not celebrate their family bringing in someone new? No, they still would.  

JuneMagnolia

malejos0226:

novlove11:

Ok here's a view point on throwing your own shower, most likely I will have to throw my own. Sounds tacky, and not my first choice, but truth is its my first baby, and hubbys family out of state and my mom, family, and friends won't do it, but would love to show up if I threw my own...so needless to say we are putting that my hubby is throwing the shower for me. After all, it's our first kid & it'd be nice to have a shower, even if others don't care.

Just another view point. For me its not all about gifts, its about knowing people care enough just to show up and celebrate with you. 

 

 

 

My situation is somewhat similar regardless to what others have said about my previous posts. My DH has no family in this state. NONE, otherwise I'm sure that they would help out with things, since this is his first child, and everything. My mother was hesitant to throw one solely based on the fact that she is unemployed. I don't expect my friends to throw me one, and if I do throw one for myself, I don't EXPECT gifts. I have literally not seen any of my friends since finding out I was pregnant, so we have not gotten to celebrate it by any means. So for anyone to say that I am trying to make excuses for me to throw my own, and people by things just goes to show that they are being rude and judging people without knowing all the information present. 

A baby shower ESSENTIALLY is to celebrate a new life being brought into the world. Are you saying someone who has all the money in the world and bought everything already still wouldn't have a baby shower? That they would not celebrate their family bringing in someone new? No, they still would.  

If I had everything I needed for the baby, there would be no need for a SHOWER. I'm trying really hard to understand why you can't grasp the concept that a SHOWER is for gifts. You don't expect gifts, you don't throw a SHOWER. You can do a "meet the baby" party after the baby is born, and plan that yourself. Otherwise, just like everyone else has tried to tell you, there is no way to twist throwing your own shower into good etiquette.  

colliebabe

malejos0226:

I was actually going to post about this exact problem. This is my second baby, and for my daughter, a friend of mine threw me a shower, but everyone bailed and it ended up being me, the host and two other people. I already asked my mom if she would want to throw me one this time, seeing as the situation is totally different than before, plus i'm having a boy this time so there are things I absolutely need. She didn't say much towards this idea. My friend whom originally claimed responsibility for throwing me a shower, is now going to be going to grad school in Tennessee now so she can't. Another friend of mine said she wanted to throw me one, but I found out yesterday that she'll be in Canada all summer and returning in August at some point. At this point, I don't want to just ask someone else to do it, because I feel like someone should want to or offer to, not me asking them and them feeling obligated. So the only option I really have left is to do one myself, but then I feel like it's selfish. What do I do?

Right here you said you asked your mom if she would want to throw you a shower - so how is it that you didn't ask anyone to throw you a shower?

malejos0226

JuneMagnolia:

malejos0226:

novlove11:

Ok here's a view point on throwing your own shower, most likely I will have to throw my own. Sounds tacky, and not my first choice, but truth is its my first baby, and hubbys family out of state and my mom, family, and friends won't do it, but would love to show up if I threw my own...so needless to say we are putting that my hubby is throwing the shower for me. After all, it's our first kid & it'd be nice to have a shower, even if others don't care.

Just another view point. For me its not all about gifts, its about knowing people care enough just to show up and celebrate with you. 

 

 

 

My situation is somewhat similar regardless to what others have said about my previous posts. My DH has no family in this state. NONE, otherwise I'm sure that they would help out with things, since this is his first child, and everything. My mother was hesitant to throw one solely based on the fact that she is unemployed. I don't expect my friends to throw me one, and if I do throw one for myself, I don't EXPECT gifts. I have literally not seen any of my friends since finding out I was pregnant, so we have not gotten to celebrate it by any means. So for anyone to say that I am trying to make excuses for me to throw my own, and people by things just goes to show that they are being rude and judging people without knowing all the information present. 

A baby shower ESSENTIALLY is to celebrate a new life being brought into the world. Are you saying someone who has all the money in the world and bought everything already still wouldn't have a baby shower? That they would not celebrate their family bringing in someone new? No, they still would.  

If I had everything I needed for the baby, there would be no need for a SHOWER. I'm trying really hard to understand why you can't grasp the concept that a SHOWER is for gifts. You don't expect gifts, you don't throw a SHOWER. You can do a "meet the baby" party after the baby is born, and plan that yourself. Otherwise, just like everyone else has tried to tell you, there is no way to twist throwing your own shower into good etiquette.  

 

And you are still missing MY point along with a few others, a shower does not HAVE to be about gifts. Not everyone's intentions are for gifts. 

RoxyLynn

novlove11:

Ok here's a view point on throwing your own shower, most likely I will have to throw my own. Sounds tacky, and not my first choice, but truth is its my first baby, and hubbys family out of state and my mom, family, and friends won't do it, but would love to show up if I threw my own...so needless

There is no "have to."  You are making a decision that you want a shower and it doesn't matter how rude it is to host your own.  You don't "have to" have one.

neems1982

EmreighsMommy:

I am very new to this site and I must say, of all the other boards on here, some of the ladies on this board are just flat out rude and ignorant. Not all, but some. there is no reason to belittle people the way some of you are. Maybe I didn't put spaces in my response to create paragraphs. So what? Does that give you the right to belittle me or anyone else. No. And to think that some of you actually are or are going to become parents. I'm starting to see how the traits of ignorance continue through generations. I'm in no way trying to be rude, but this is ridiculous.

So true

Antigone1984

*Malejos0226*  In other parts of the country it doesn't seem appropriate to throw a shower after the first child.  You are in the south, and I (being from TN also) know that it is perfectly acceptable and people usually expect for you to have a shower with all of your pregnancies here.  It is a southern thing.  I am sure someone will gift you with a shower! 

Weezergrl

I know people look down on throwing your own shower but sometimes there is no one to throw it for you.  If someone really wants one and no one is stepping up to throw one then I think it's ok. 

malejos0226

Antigone1984:

*Malejos0226*  In other parts of the country it doesn't seem appropriate to throw a shower after the first child.  You are in the south, and I (being from TN also) know that it is perfectly acceptable and people usually expect for you to have a shower with all of your pregnancies here.  It is a southern thing.  I am sure someone will gift you with a shower! 

 

 

Well thank you. Lol. I never quite think I'm in the south, but I guess I must lol. Good ol' Texas. In any case, I finally heard back from my friend and she did state she was still planning on throwing me a shower after she got back from Canada and before school starts so in any case it's fine now. I also had two more friends state that they would throw one for me as well, in which I suggested maybe all three co-planning together that way it's easier and not just ONE person coming up with everything. But we will see.