someone throwing their own shower

Jackiemkn

An in-law is planning to throw her own shower....I feel like I should tell her that it's a bit tacky....but I am not willing to throw her a shower, so I also feel like I should mind my own business.  Any thoughts?

 

justam0mmy

Honestly when there is no one to throw a shower for you, and you really want one then it's not necessarily tacky. I'd say just let her throw the shower. I played a major role in mine because my mother didn't know exactly what to do, my friends bailed on her when it was time to do the work, and my aunts where not as supportive as they could have been. SO I took things in my own hands and helped. Everyone kept asking why ... buuuut NO ONE STEPPED UP TO HELP! Not that they're obligated to do so but if you're not willing to throw it, then leave her be lol. At the shower I did not do any work but i basically planned it all with my mother, there were no surprises except for the great presents I received which I truly appreciated.

bekah22587@hotmail.com

I agree if your not willing to throw her one then keep quite. Like the pp said some times you just have to take matters into your own hands. I'm a control freak and I wish I'd just done my own bc I would have enjoyed it more.

RoxyLynn

justam0mmy:

Honestly when there is no one to throw a shower for you, and you really want one then it's not necessarily tacky.

No.  It's always tacky.

To the OP, I'd let someone else - her best friend, her Mom, a sister if she has one - take on the responsibility. 

Cstar01

I'd keep quite.

 Cause i know from experience now, that i really want one but None of my friends Not One will do one for me or help So i'm on my own doing one!

Heaps of fun and it gets your mind off other things that are racing around your mind at this time of the pregnancy!

Let her have some fun!

Or join in and help her! You wont regret it it's a lot of Fun!!! 

danilynn17

justam0mmy:

Honestly when there is no one to throw a shower for you, and you really want one then it's not necessarily tacky.

No. It is always tacky to throw your own shower.  We all "really want" various things in life, but it doesn't mean that we are entitled to one.

Stephiehun

danilynn17:

justam0mmy:

Honestly when there is no one to throw a shower for you, and you really want one then it's not necessarily tacky.

No. It is always tacky to throw your own shower.  We all "really want" various things in life, but it doesn't mean that we are entitled to one.

This.  It is in extremely poor taste to throw yourself a party when the main purpose is for people to buy you gifts.  

Mrs.B6302007

danilynn17:

justam0mmy:

Honestly when there is no one to throw a shower for you, and you really want one then it's not necessarily tacky.

No. It is always tacky to throw your own shower.  We all "really want" various things in life, but it doesn't mean that we are entitled to one.

This.  Showers are gifts, not entitlements.  It's no one's responsibility to provide things for the baby except the parents'.

OP - I agree with the others.  If you're not willing to host, it's probably best just to keep quiet.

weddingbells2010

Is she actually hosting her own party or just very involved in the process? Is her name on the invites as the host?  As PP's said, sometimes the guest of honor winds up being involved in the process, but it is paid for and hosted by someone else.  If that's the case, and she's been invited to participate by the host, there's nothing wrong with that (I helped my mom pick the location for my shower).  However, if the invites are going out with her as the host, that's a tacky no-no.

Vincent

I personally think its tacky to throw your own shower, someone should step up.  If you don't want to throw her a shower than I agree with other pp and not say anything about it.

Angel0423

justam0mmy:

Honestly when there is no one to throw a shower for you, and you really want one then it's not necessarily tacky. I'd say just let her throw the shower. I played a major role in mine because my mother didn't know exactly what to do, my friends bailed on her when it was time to do the work, and my aunts where not as supportive as they could have been. SO I took things in my own hands and helped. Everyone kept asking why ... buuuut NO ONE STEPPED UP TO HELP! Not that they're obligated to do so but if you're not willing to throw it, then leave her be lol. At the shower I did not do any work but i basically planned it all with my mother, there were no surprises except for the great presents I received which I truly appreciated.

Isn't this the ONLY reason people throw their own shower?  lol!  Why would that not be tacky?

toadstool

Angel0423:

justam0mmy:

Honestly when there is no one to throw a shower for you, and you really want one then it's not necessarily tacky. I'd say just let her throw the shower. I played a major role in mine because my mother didn't know exactly what to do, my friends bailed on her when it was time to do the work, and my aunts where not as supportive as they could have been. SO I took things in my own hands and helped. Everyone kept asking why ... buuuut NO ONE STEPPED UP TO HELP! Not that they're obligated to do so but if you're not willing to throw it, then leave her be lol. At the shower I did not do any work but i basically planned it all with my mother, there were no surprises except for the great presents I received which I truly appreciated.

Isn't this the ONLY reason people throw their own shower?  lol!  Why would that not be tacky?

Exactly this.

malejos0226

I was actually going to post about this exact problem. This is my second baby, and for my daughter, a friend of mine threw me a shower, but everyone bailed and it ended up being me, the host and two other people. I already asked my mom if she would want to throw me one this time, seeing as the situation is totally different than before, plus i'm having a boy this time so there are things I absolutely need. She didn't say much towards this idea. My friend whom originally claimed responsibility for throwing me a shower, is now going to be going to grad school in Tennessee now so she can't. Another friend of mine said she wanted to throw me one, but I found out yesterday that she'll be in Canada all summer and returning in August at some point. At this point, I don't want to just ask someone else to do it, because I feel like someone should want to or offer to, not me asking them and them feeling obligated. So the only option I really have left is to do one myself, but then I feel like it's selfish. What do I do?

weddingbells2010

malejos0226:

I was actually going to post about this exact problem. This is my second baby, and for my daughter, a friend of mine threw me a shower, but everyone bailed and it ended up being me, the host and two other people. I already asked my mom if she would want to throw me one this time, seeing as the situation is totally different than before, plus i'm having a boy this time so there are things I absolutely need. She didn't say much towards this idea. My friend whom originally claimed responsibility for throwing me a shower, is now going to be going to grad school in Tennessee now so she can't. Another friend of mine said she wanted to throw me one, but I found out yesterday that she'll be in Canada all summer and returning in August at some point. At this point, I don't want to just ask someone else to do it, because I feel like someone should want to or offer to, not me asking them and them feeling obligated. So the only option I really have left is to do one myself, but then I feel like it's selfish. What do I do?

You should not be asking people to throw you a shower.  It is presumptuous and rude.  The shower itself is a gift to you from someone close to you.  It puts people in an awkward position to be asked to host a shower for you if they did not want to/could not afford to do it.  PLUS, if I'm reading this correctly, you've already had a shower for previous children? Maybe I'm more old fashioned than I thought, but I do not believe you get more showers after LO#1 unless the circumstances are special (many years between children, a different father who has no previous children so that his family can shower you, etc...). 

malejos0226

I never asked anyone to throw me a shower except my mother. And as I stated, the circumstances ARE different. Different father, and my first little one was a girl, and this one is a boy, and he has no children this is his first, and my daughter will be 3 right before the LO will be born. So as I stated already I never asked ANYONE, but the two that offered in fact OFFERED.

danilynn17

malejos0226:

I never asked anyone to throw me a shower except my mother. And as I stated, the circumstances ARE different. Different father, and my first little one was a girl, and this one is a boy, and he has no children this is his first, and my daughter will be 3 right before the LO will be born. So as I stated already I never asked ANYONE, but the two that offered in fact OFFERED.

Circumstances are irrelevant.  It is your responsibility (along with the baby's father) to provide for the child. Different father, different sex, etc. are irrelevant. And many people think it is gift grabby to have a shower for a second child- many people believe that showers are to welcome a mother into motherhood.  You're already a mother.

There are very few things that a baby "needs" - clean clothes, a place to sleep (even if it is a pack and play), and diapers and wipes.

Throwing your own shower for your second child is very selfish and tacky.  If money is tight, hit up TJ Maxx, outlets, Walmart, garage sales, Craigs List, etc.  

malejos0226

With that being said, times are tough for not only me but for lots of others. My daughter's crib was recalled about a year ago, otherwise there really wouldn't be much that's needed. And I never said that I was GOING to throw myself a shower, I said I had given it some thought. But obviously everyone on this forum seems to not be having money troubles like some of us do, due to the economy.

danilynn17

malejos0226:

With that being said, times are tough for not only me but for lots of others. My daughter's crib was recalled about a year ago, otherwise there really wouldn't be much that's needed. And I never said that I was GOING to throw myself a shower, I said I had given it some thought. But obviously everyone on this forum seems to not be having money troubles like some of us do, due to the economy.

If times are so tough, why did you get pregnant again?  If times are tough, why do you expect your friends and family to shoulder the burden of providing for the child you chose to have?

Money problems and the economy do not excuse greed.

malejos0226

I'm not being greedy. I already stated I didn't ask anyone to buy me anything, I didn't ask anyone to throw me a shower, so how is this being greedy? I never forced anyone to do anything. And for your information I got pregnant on birth control. 

krissy_messenger

malejos0226:

I'm not being greedy. I already stated I didn't ask anyone to buy me anything, I didn't ask anyone to throw me a shower, so how is this being greedy? I never forced anyone to do anything. And for your information I got pregnant on birth control. 

 So you just want to host a party to celebrate your new little arrival and no one should bring gifts? If thats the case, give'r. But if you are expecting presents to help you provide for this child then as many others have assured you, it is very tacky and greedy. Everyone has been though "tough economic times" and thats no excuse for you to feel entitled to have people provide for your BC mishap.

malejos0226

How is it a mishap if I was on the pill and didn't miss one. Obviously there are those of you that don't believe that sometimes birth control just doesn't do the job. But I can also see that all of you seem to share the same brain, so there's no reason I should continue to waste my time when no matter what I say you all think I'm greedy, tacky and selfish. I'd like to see how you all would handle things if you were in a similar situation.

danilynn17

malejos0226:

How is it a mishap if I was on the pill and didn't miss one. Obviously there are those of you that don't believe that sometimes birth control just doesn't do the job. But I can also see that all of you seem to share the same brain, so there's no reason I should continue to waste my time when no matter what I say you all think I'm greedy, tacky and selfish. I'd like to see how you all would handle things if you were in a similar situation.

Not to go all high school on you, but abstinence is the only birth control method that is 100% effective. You already have a child, you know where babies come from and how this all works.

If I was in the same situation, I sure as hell wouldn't expect others to provide for my child.

Lol at everyone here sharing the same brain. I guess we do when it comes to people wanting to throw their own showers and have other people financially contribute to providing for their birth control oops.

dragon_chica

malejos0226:

How is it a mishap if I was on the pill and didn't miss one. Obviously there are those of you that don't believe that sometimes birth control just doesn't do the job. But I can also see that all of you seem to share the same brain, so there's no reason I should continue to waste my time when no matter what I say you all think I'm greedy, tacky and selfish. I'd like to see how you all would handle things if you were in a similar situation.

You're getting mad at the ladies who don't support you and making assumptions that they must never have money problems.  That's why they don't need to worry if someone throws them a shower or not because they are swimming in Benjamins.  What are you?  18?  Seriously!  If I was below poverty level (because that's how you're making your sob story to sound like) I would damn well make sure I doubled up on BC.  BC (pills, condoms, whatever) are NEVER 100% safe.  There will always be that chance you get PG.  So if you know you can't financially support another child you either quit the lovin' or double up on pills and condoms. 

But what's done is done and in the end no one is responsible for providing for YOUR child(ren) except for you and your SO.  The fact that you even had the audacity to ask your mom to throw you one is already tacky enough.  You don't need to have asked your mom, friend #1, friend #2, aunt, cousin, and the guy on the street.  The first time you decided it was appropriate to ask ANYONE to throw you a shower is TACKY.  I don't necessarily flame you for wanting to have one or someone deciding to throw you one since like you said different dad and his first child.  But to ask for one makes you look and sound bad.  If you're really that poor than suck it up and find other resources to help you provide for your child.  Like the other pp said, Walmart, craigslist, eBay, garage sales, etc.   There's nothing wrong with providing your newborn with used clothing and equipment.  DH and I aren't hard on cash and yet I rarely buy things at full-price, I'm always searching for coupons, and twice a year I go to a used baby sale held at our local fairgrounds.

Edited for errors and easier readability.

weddingbells2010

malejos0226:

With that being said, times are tough for not only me but for lots of others. My daughter's crib was recalled about a year ago, otherwise there really wouldn't be much that's needed. And I never said that I was GOING to throw myself a shower, I said I had given it some thought. But obviously everyone on this forum seems to not be having money troubles like some of us do, due to the economy.

Okay let's take it down a notch, here.  You are very defensive and that usually happens when people are not willing to admit they're WRONG.  And here's what I don't get- if you're having such money troubles that you can't afford the bare essentials for your 2nd child, how will you throw your own shower? Will your guests not get invites? Will there be no food? No thank you cards? Because that all costs money too.  Skip the sob story and put the shower money toward the things you need, because this baby is coming whether you admit that throwing your own shower is tacky or not.

Also, FYI- Don't presume to know what other people's circumstances are just because their opnions differ from yours.  You have NO IDEA what my financial situation is.  And if we all "share a brain" and have the same opinion, maybe WE'RE not the ones who are wrong... 

weddingbells2010

Also, to OP, sorry we hijacked your original post... but Miss High and Mighty needed a reality check.

Jackiemkn

Um yeah, I think I will let her do what she wants.  Or maybe I should refer her here so you all can let her know what's up?  Thanks for the input. 

Disneygeek77

Jackiemkn:

An in-law is planning to throw her own shower....I feel like I should tell her that it's a bit tacky....but I am not willing to throw her a shower, so I also feel like I should mind my own business.  Any thoughts?

 

You could always give her an etiquette book as a shower gift

justam0mmy

SOOOO am I the only one really reading what you guys are posting. A shower is a gift from someone, but if no one wants to give it to you then you shouldn't have one??? Before I came on this website I'd never heard of the shower being about getting gifts. I don't know if it's my family or where i'm from or what? But a shower is to celebrate the arrival of a new blessing, with great food games and laughs. If not one single person brings a gift the shower would still go on. Why is it pressumed that this woman is throwing this shower JUST TO GET GIFTS??!! I really helped throw my shower to see my family and for us to all enjoy each other and play the games together. Soooo if no one ever gave you a birthday party and you wanted one you wouldn't throw yourself one?? Or if you're getting married and your parents refused to pay you wouldn't have a wedding you'd just let it be?? Like every post on this board is "oh showers are for gifts" if that's the case birthday parties are for gifts and weddings are for gifts and heck any type of celebration we have is for gifts...in what world?? Where did the CELEBRATION go in these events when did gifts become the most important part of a babyshower? Okay maybe some people are ALL about gifts but that's not everyone.Plus it may seem tacky to you all if she throws her own shower but personally speaking I feel if no one else will do it and she wants one to celebrate her blessing then let her plan it and don't bring a gift if you feel that's why she's doing it THAT WILL SHOW HER TACKY!

 The whole gifts being the underlying for a shower idea is the stupidest thing i've ever heard and asking someone to throw you a shower is even more tacky then throwing one yourself.

rhubarb123

justamOmmy...you might want to read a book on etiquette before you spout off.  A shower is totally different then a wedding or a birthday for that matter.  A shower IS a gift giving event...that is WHY it is called a shower (shower the bride-to-be - shower the mom-to-be).  Shower her with PRESENTS!!!!  Actually it is to help set them up either as a new mother or a new bride.  A wedding is totally different and actually people are not required to bring a gift to the wedding or reception.  It is NOT a gift giving event and neither is a birthday party.  A shower is different in that respect.  If you family does not give gifts at "showers" then they really are just parties of celebration...which is fine.  You and your family can certainly call them showers but to 98% of the people in the USA a shower means bringing a gift.

As for the pp who is thinking of throwing her own shower...don't.  Even your own mother is hesitant.  Have you asked her why?  Hopefully someone on the baby's father's side will offer.  I do agree with the pp that said you should not presume to know the financial situation of other people.  Many do not have the means to purchase new baby things...that is why Craigs List, consignment shops, garage sales and moms to moms sales are so important and so well attended.  Besides just because you have a shower does not guarantee you will get a crib.

To the original poster...if you know her mother, sister, best friend, etc. maybe mention that she is thinking of throwing her own shower and to the majority of the population that is tacky.  If they don't step up to the plate then she doesn't get a shower thrown for her.  She still may throw her own but I'm thinking it might not be well received.

Yellow_Daisy

justam0mmy:

SOOOO am I the only one really reading what you guys are posting. A shower is a gift from someone, but if no one wants to give it to you then you shouldn't have one??? Before I came on this website I'd never heard of the shower being about getting gifts. I don't know if it's my family or where i'm from or what? But a shower is to celebrate the arrival of a new blessing, with great food games and laughs. If not one single person brings a gift the shower would still go on. Why is it pressumed that this woman is throwing this shower JUST TO GET GIFTS??!! I really helped throw my shower to see my family and for us to all enjoy each other and play the games together. Soooo if no one ever gave you a birthday party and you wanted one you wouldn't throw yourself one?? Or if you're getting married and your parents refused to pay you wouldn't have a wedding you'd just let it be?? Like every post on this board is "oh showers are for gifts" if that's the case birthday parties are for gifts and weddings are for gifts and heck any type of celebration we have is for gifts...in what world?? Where did the CELEBRATION go in these events when did gifts become the most important part of a babyshower? Okay maybe some people are ALL about gifts but that's not everyone.Plus it may seem tacky to you all if she throws her own shower but personally speaking I feel if no one else will do it and she wants one to celebrate her blessing then let her plan it and don't bring a gift if you feel that's why she's doing it THAT WILL SHOW HER TACKY!

 The whole gifts being the underlying for a shower idea is the stupidest thing i've ever heard and asking someone to throw you a shower is even more tacky then throwing one yourself.

Since you asked, here is the actual definition of a baby shower.

https://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/dictionary/DictionaryResults.aspx?search=baby+shower

https://dictionary.reference.com/browse/baby+shower

Yes, of course, a baby shower is to celebrate the new baby and family, but the purpose of a "shower" by definition is to shower the mom-to-be with gifts.  Have you ever been to a shower, wedding or baby, where gifts were not given?  Probably not.  While you may not like the idea most people know this and that is why when we all attend a shower, we bring a gift.  Are you saying that in your circle you don't give gifts at showers?  I think not, nor would you dare show up at a shower without a gift.

As for throwing other gift giving events for yourself, no I've never thrown a party for myself birthday, wedding, graduation, etc.  Nor do I expect gifts for any of those events, but they are usually involved.  This is just common sense.  If I wanted one of these parties and no one offered to throw me one I wouldn't ask someone else to do it and if no one offered I just wouldn't have one.  It's not the end of the world sometimes in life we don't get everything we want, that's just life.  

I'm not surprised that people feel that they can throw themselves a shower or ask others to do it though, we live in a very entitled society where people think that if someone else gets something they are also entitled to get it.  A sense of entitlement to have what others have does not make it right, less rude or less tacky.  Go ahead throw your own party and by virtue of doing so ask people to buy you presents, but it's still tacky no matter how you spin it.

Ms.Jade

justam0mmy:

SOOOO am I the only one really reading what you guys are posting. A shower is a gift from someone, but if no one wants to give it to you then you shouldn't have one??? Before I came on this website I'd never heard of the shower being about getting gifts. I don't know if it's my family or where i'm from or what? But a shower is to celebrate the arrival of a new blessing, with great food games and laughs. If not one single person brings a gift the shower would still go on. Why is it pressumed that this woman is throwing this shower JUST TO GET GIFTS??!! I really helped throw my shower to see my family and for us to all enjoy each other and play the games together. Soooo if no one ever gave you a birthday party and you wanted one you wouldn't throw yourself one?? Or if you're getting married and your parents refused to pay you wouldn't have a wedding you'd just let it be?? Like every post on this board is "oh showers are for gifts" if that's the case birthday parties are for gifts and weddings are for gifts and heck any type of celebration we have is for gifts...in what world?? Where did the CELEBRATION go in these events when did gifts become the most important part of a babyshower? Okay maybe some people are ALL about gifts but that's not everyone.Plus it may seem tacky to you all if she throws her own shower but personally speaking I feel if no one else will do it and she wants one to celebrate her blessing then let her plan it and don't bring a gift if you feel that's why she's doing it THAT WILL SHOW HER TACKY!

 The whole gifts being the underlying for a shower idea is the stupidest thing i've ever heard and asking someone to throw you a shower is even more tacky then throwing one yourself.

I don't know where you're from, but the definition of a shower is to SHOWER the new mother with gifts. It is a longstanding custom of a community sharing the financial cost of large events like weddings and babies. Just because the people you personally know don't understand that, doesn't change the fact or the tradition.

justam0mmy

rhubarb123:

justamOmmy...you might want to read a book on etiquette before you spout off.  A shower is totally different then a wedding or a birthday for that matter.  A shower IS a gift giving event...that is WHY it is called a shower (shower the bride-to-be - shower the mom-to-be).  Shower her with PRESENTS!!!!  Actually it is to help set them up either as a new mother or a new bride.  A wedding is totally different and actually people are not required to bring a gift to the wedding or reception.  It is NOT a gift giving event and neither is a birthday party.  A shower is different in that respect.  If you family does not give gifts at "showers" then they really are just parties of celebration...which is fine.  You and your family can certainly call them showers but to 98% of the people in the USA a shower means bringing a gift.

As for the pp who is thinking of throwing her own shower...don't.  Even your own mother is hesitant.  Have you asked her why?  Hopefully someone on the baby's father's side will offer.  I do agree with the pp that said you should not presume to know the financial situation of other people.  Many do not have the means to purchase new baby things...that is why Craigs List, consignment shops, garage sales and moms to moms sales are so important and so well attended.  Besides just because you have a shower does not guarantee you will get a crib.

To the original poster...if you know her mother, sister, best friend, etc. maybe mention that she is thinking of throwing her own shower and to the majority of the population that is tacky.  If they don't step up to the plate then she doesn't get a shower thrown for her.  She still may throw her own but I'm thinking it might not be well received.

 

An etiquette book wouldn't have to tell me that her going to her mom to say she's giving her own shower so that the mom would volunteer wouldn't be tacky. Okay so if its given a different name then it doesn't mean i'm doing it all for gifts. Well just tell you inlaw to call it a celebration of her daugther being born before she's born, then she won't be tacky for throwing it or seem gift grabby :-).(AND SHE'LL PROBABLY STILL GET GIFTS!) Tell her to drop the word shower and call it something else then she won't be tacky for planning it. Like I said in some people out here in this world the word baby shower may not mean bring me gifts, it actually may mean come spend a day with me and celebrate my child's impending birth. But I guess we all think alike in this world don't we??? 

 

PS Proper etiquette also is to NOT ask someone to throw you a shower if they have not offered or volunteer.

justam0mmy

You ladies are a bunch of nimwits who seem very entitled to me. Oh yeah go ahead tell her its tacky to plan her own shower, then when no one gives her one because they're not able to and she really wanted one oh well she'll get over it. She shouldn't have one because no one wants to give her one. Im saying this from the POV of a person who is on her second child didn't have a shower the first time because no one helped and (it's not their OBLIGATION TO EITHER!) No one is obligated to give anyone a shower, no one is just like you're not obligated to buy her a gift or even attend for that matter! So I feel if she really wants one instead of being a self centered twat and demanding someone to do a shower for her and someone must throw it, she wants to do it for herself then let her do it. If you're not willing to plan it keep your trap shut and don't attend if you feel it's so tacky.

 

And i'm done on the shower board because you guys are a bunch of repetitive drones who share one brain!!!

dragon_chica

justam0mmy:

rhubarb123:

justamOmmy...you might want to read a book on etiquette before you spout off.  A shower is totally different then a wedding or a birthday for that matter.  A shower IS a gift giving event...that is WHY it is called a shower (shower the bride-to-be - shower the mom-to-be).  Shower her with PRESENTS!!!!  Actually it is to help set them up either as a new mother or a new bride.  A wedding is totally different and actually people are not required to bring a gift to the wedding or reception.  It is NOT a gift giving event and neither is a birthday party.  A shower is different in that respect.  If you family does not give gifts at "showers" then they really are just parties of celebration...which is fine.  You and your family can certainly call them showers but to 98% of the people in the USA a shower means bringing a gift.

As for the pp who is thinking of throwing her own shower...don't.  Even your own mother is hesitant.  Have you asked her why?  Hopefully someone on the baby's father's side will offer.  I do agree with the pp that said you should not presume to know the financial situation of other people.  Many do not have the means to purchase new baby things...that is why Craigs List, consignment shops, garage sales and moms to moms sales are so important and so well attended.  Besides just because you have a shower does not guarantee you will get a crib.

To the original poster...if you know her mother, sister, best friend, etc. maybe mention that she is thinking of throwing her own shower and to the majority of the population that is tacky.  If they don't step up to the plate then she doesn't get a shower thrown for her.  She still may throw her own but I'm thinking it might not be well received.

 

An etiquette book wouldn't have to tell me that her going to her mom to say she's giving her own shower so that the mom would volunteer wouldn't be tacky. Okay so if its given a different name then it doesn't mean i'm doing it all for gifts. Well just tell you inlaw to call it a celebration of her daugther being born before she's born, then she won't be tacky for throwing it or seem gift grabby :-).(AND SHE'LL PROBABLY STILL GET GIFTS!) Tell her to drop the word shower and call it something else then she won't be tacky for planning it. Like I said in some people out here in this world the word baby shower may not mean bring me gifts, it actually may mean come spend a day with me and celebrate my child's impending birth. But I guess we all think alike in this world don't we??? 

You just described a Welcome Baby party, which the parents can throw after the baby arrives and no faux pas has been committed.  And I know you GBCBS an all but in the case that it was a fake GBCBS you are being a bit dramatic here.  People can do whatever they want to do but etiquette is etiquette.  And even though things vary from region to region from group to group there has been one thing I've seen that has been pretty much the same.  YOU DON'T THROW YOUR OWN BABY SHOWER.  So no matter how you try to spin it, it's tacky if you throw your own baby shower.  No one is obligated to provide for the child YOU choose to conceive.  No one put a gun to your head and said "have sex and create a child!" And really, people coming to a shower and not bring a gift?  That's a bunch of BS. 

Edited to add:

You may want to bookmark dictionary.com because you clearly don't know what "entitled" means.  You're entitled if you think you deserve a shower no matter what the cost.  A majority of the people here don't think anyone is owed a shower, therefore, making them NOT entitled.

danilynn17

WTF is a "nimwit"? Lol.

Justamommy's posts make no logical sense whatsoever and are next to impossible to read. The gist of what she's saying appears to be that it's okay to throw your own shower, because showers aren't really about gifts. Um, no. 

She also appears to be bitter because no one threw her one for her first child so she's totally on board with doing it for herself this time around. Classy.

AnneShirleyBlythe

I think we need a sticky post at the top of the board that defines the word "entitled". 

 

 

Angel0423

AnneShirleyBlythe:

I think we need a sticky post at the top of the board that defines the word "entitled". 

 

 

maybe also one that defines "shower" as this term is also confusing

MsManners

Angel0423:

AnneShirleyBlythe:

I think we need a sticky post at the top of the board that defines the word "entitled". 

maybe also one that defines "shower" as this term is also confusing

 

leighzlou

Just to be clear:

1. The purpose of a shower is to get presents.

2. It is wrong to expect presents at a shower.

 Which way is it because you ladies tell people the same 2 things all the time, which are completely contradictory.

If the purpose of a shower are to get gifts, then it would be tacky to throw your own. But then you can't be pissy when people come on here and say something about expecting to get gifts at their shower.

But if it is wrong to expect gifts, then why can't you throw your own shower? You aren't expecting anyone to bring you a present to your shower.

EmreighsMommy

This is simply my own opinion here. It doesn't matter to me what others do, etc. As I am kind of in the same situation... kind of. This is my second child. They are both girls. I had a shower for my first that my mother threw for me and I am having a shower for this one that I am throwing. Why? Shouldn't I have these things? No, I shouldn't, because my daughter is 12 years old. I never thought I'd have another child. In my circumstance, my bf's mother offered to throw me a shower I guess. Or so she says. All she did was bombard me with when, where, who, from the minute I found out I was pregnant. She never once said she was interested in hosting it. So, until the other day when I mentioned it, I had no idea that she had any plans to host. My bff came out of the wood work AFTER i sent out my invites and said she would throw me one if no one else would. I never asked anyone. My mother is helping greatly. She rented the church, she's helping figure things out, etc. However, I made my invites, I filled them out, I sent them out, etc. Nowhere on my invite does it say "hostess name" so I guess no one will really know who the hostess is... that wasn't intentional at all. I only realized it when I was reading all the replies to this post. Where Im from, I have never heard of someone else "throwing" someone a shower of any kind. If you want/need one, you do it/start it and ppl will pitch in. That's just how it is. Also, like a PP said, it's not about the gifts at all. I am having a cookout/BBQ at my church pavilion for close friends and family, co-ed, to celebrate the life that God has given us. If ppl want to bring gifts, great. If not, don't. I have already provided most of what i need. We have a crib, bassinet, etc and I purchased it all myself. I wasn't going to make a registry because of the idea that it's a celebration but everyone told me I should because ppl like to buy for babies. So I did. There are just simple things on it. I figured ppl will buy what they want if they want to buy. So basically, I guess I see nothing wrong with it. That's just how it is here. And if ppl are so rude and snooty as to say that someone is tacky to throw a shower for themselves, then they should just not go to the shower if that's how they feel. Some ppl don't have family or in-laws, etc to throw them things. For instance, my mother is disabled. She gets a whole 600 a month. I wouldn't let her do much even though she wants to. My bf's mother doesn't have much money either after suffering a devastating divorce and trying to pick back up. My bff recently lost her job. I won't let her do much either. So am I really being tacky by not wanting ppl to spend THEIR much needed money on a shower for me? I don't think so. All of my friends and family insisted on a shower. No one can really afford it. I'm doing this for them, not for me, because they all really wanted us to have one. And it's not for gifts at all. It's for the love of the child. 

MsManners

leighzlou:

Just to be clear:

1. The purpose of a shower is to get presents.

2. It is wrong to expect presents at a shower.

 Which way is it because you ladies tell people the same 2 things all the time, which are completely contradictory.

If the purpose of a shower are to get gifts, then it would be tacky to throw your own. But then you can't be pissy when people come on here and say something about expecting to get gifts at their shower.

But if it is wrong to expect gifts, then why can't you throw your own shower? You aren't expecting anyone to bring you a present to your shower.

No, it's not wrong to assume that there will be gifts at a shower since it's a party specifically for giving gifts. It is wrong to assume guests will provide you (general you) with everything the baby will need. That is the kind of entitlement people get annoyed about.