My eyes are swollen today — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

My eyes are swollen today

Last night was a disaster.  I held it together all day, but as soon as the house got quiet, I lost it.  Of course, my DH was already asleep, so when I woke him up to talk, he was not very supportive.  I know he's hurting, too, and he deals in a much different way, but it hurts me even more the way he acts sometimes.  I had to leave the house and went for a drive out in the country.  I was/am angry at DH, God, my body...everything.  When I got home, I was going to sleep on the couch, but I was so lonely.  Even though I was beyond pissed at DH, I still needed his presence next to me.  I slept fitfully and feel/look like a zombie today.

Sorry that I'm a whiny mess.  IRL, I pretend to be a lot tougher than I actually am, so this is kind of my release.  Thanks for all of your support.  I really need it right now!

Re: My eyes are swollen today

  • I am so sorry hun. That really sucks. IRL I do a lot of pretending also, I know how that is. I am so sorry. I don't really have anything that will make you feel better right now other than to offer a *shoulder*, an *ear*, and a *friend*. :(
    [url=http://lifeasasnapshot.blogspot.com/]~MY BLOG~[/url].....[url=http://www.facebook.com/pages/Face-2-Face-Wichita-KS-area/186784004684082]~F2F FB page~[/url].....[url=http://face2face-wichitaks.blogspot.com/]~F2F Blog~[/url]


    ~THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE.....AREN'T THINGS.

    Married 1/3/04, DD born 3/29/06, DS born 8/4/08
    Live Ectopic Pregnancy, emergency surgery, lost baby & right tube 8/16/10, Miscarriage 6/3/11

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  • I'm so sorry that you are so upset and feeling alone!  I'm definitely thinking about you! hugs hugs hugs!

    TTC since 5/2010
    DX with Diminished Ovarian Reserve - AMH of 1.1 - 7/2011; AMH of .42 8/2012
    BFP 9/1/10-M/C confirmed 9/8/10-Methotrexate 10/6/10
    IUI #1 (w/clomid)-9/5/11-BFN ; IUI #2 (w/clomid)-10/5/11 - BFP - 11/1/12-No sac seen; 11/2/11 and 11/9/11-Methotrexate 
    IVF #1- ER 2/2; ET 2/5;-Two 8 cell embryos transfered = BFFN
    Surprise BFP - 5/7/12
    U/S on 6/8/12 - H/B at 128 BPM; U/S on 6/14/12 @ 9wks-No H/B-D&C on 6/17/12
    IVF 2.0- ER 10/17; ET 10/20-One 12 cell, one 10 cell and one 8 cell embryo transfered
    BFP!   11/16/12 U/S- Two nuggets with perfect heartbeats! EDD 7/10/13

     

    5/31/2013- My miracles arrived at 34w2d!  Welcome to the world Harper and Nolan!Lilypie First Birthday tickers

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  • Big big hugs.  I have been thinking of you, and I am angry for you too.  I'm sorry DH wasn't more supportive, that just makes it harder.
    DS 08/08 Image and video hosting by TinyPic loss at 5 wks 10/07 loss 7/10 at 11 wks another loss 4/11 14 wks
  • Oh honey, I'm so very sorry! This sucks more than words can describe and we're here anytime you need us.
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  • I'm so sorry for everything you're going through.  Please use this board to vent as much as you need to. ((Huge Hugs))
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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    BFP 1: 3/19/10 Loss: 7/9/10
    BFP 2: 12/28/10
    My Blog: Losing Sylvia
  • :::HUGS:::
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BFP-2/4/10 EDD-9/27/10 M/C-2/11/10 7w3d D&C and Methotrexate-2/19/10
    BFP-11/21/10 M/C-11/25/10
    Clomid Cycle #1-BFN
    Clomid Cycle #2-BFP-1/18/2011 M/C-1/26/2011
    BFP-5/18/11 Riley arrived 2/3/12 8lbs6oz 21.5in
  • Sending big hugs your way. I usually go for a drive also

    Jenn

    image 3 IUI's all BFN

    IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

    BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11

    Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11

    my blog

  • I should add that my DH did say a few things, but I had to drag it out of him.  (He does NOT share his feelings).  When I told him that I got AF, he said, "Well, at least we can say we tried," but I could tell that he was hurt by it, too.  Then (as I was yelling at him for not being supportive), he said, "I just don't see that it is over.  Maybe we just need to go a different direction."  By that, he means adoption.

    I'm completely willing to adopt, but I know that is a long, strenuous process and often very expensive.  We make a very modest living, so I don't know how we could afford it.  We want to look into private adoption, but the whole thing is super scary.  :(

  • ((((hugs)))) I hate days/nights like those.  So much going through your mind and you just can't turn it off.  =(

    I hope things get a little better with time.  We're here for you. 

    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
  • So sorry you're having a tough time, its completely understandable though and I don't blame you for being angry at the world. I feel that way a lot too these days. Pretending to be tough is a drain, I know by the end of the work day I'm spent and I have to have a good cry on the drive home, and this is a great outlet, so just vent away my dear, if it helps you get through the day, well that's what we're here for. *BIG HUGS*
    Easter 2010 BFP #1: EDD 12/7/10
    Natural m/c 4/17/10 at 6wk 5days.


    10/6/10 BFP #2: EDD 6/14/11
    Mtx shot 10/15 (5w3d) for cervical ectopic pregnancy


    5/11/11 BFP #3 3rd times the charm!!!
    Beautiful baby boy born 1/10/12 7lb 14oz 21 inches


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  • i know there is nothing i can say to make you feel better but i just wanted to know that i am sending good thoughts to you and lots of hugs---
    Trying to conceive since Oct 2008, missed M/C June 1, 2010, IF treatment Spring 2011, BFP June 2011, Aiden Thomas born Feb 12, 2012.

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  • I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I feel like husbands just don't really know what to say in times like this.  MH said a prayer for us the other night and part of it was that I could "relax" more though this process.  Afterwards, I told him to never tell me "relax."  It was sweet though, but I think they are just at a loss of things to say because they aren't the ones that have to check all the signs for O and then get AF.  They just BD when you tell them to, that's their only job.  Big hugs to you!!
    imageimage
    M/C #1 2001 (6w1d); M/C #2: 10/02/10 (4w4d); M/C #3 05/26/11 (4w3d) Clomid BFP #4 7/18/11 @ 9DPO Please baby stick! Beta #1 (11DPO)=51; Beta #2 (13DPO)=170; Beta #3 (19DPO)=2659!! EDD: 03/31/12
  • I am in tears for you right now.  {{BIG HUGS}}
    Humphrey - the TTCAL mascotimage
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    "I'm not telling you it's gonna be easy. I'm telling you it's gonna be worth it." -Art Williams
    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
  • Oh sweetie, I've been thinking about you. I'm so sorry it was a rough night and that DH isn't more supportive. It's SO HARD when they don't open up with you and don't want to let you vent, I understand. (((HUGS)))

    We're here for you, whenever you need.  

    Suze
    TTC#1 since May 2009
    PCOS * Hypothyroid

    Bean - BFP May 26, 2010. EDD Feb 3, 2011. Natural Miscarriage 8w5d - June 29, 2010.
    Pumpkin - BFP Feb 8, 2011. EDD Oct 21, 2011. Natural Miscarriage 6w3d - Feb 28, 2011.

    Femera started November 2014. 3 rounds, no luck. Moving to IUI.
    March 2015: IUI#1 - nope.
    May 2015: IUI#2 - nada.
    October 2015: IUI#3 - BFP on Nov 2, 2015! *stick baby stick!*

  • ((((((HUGS))))))

    I'm so sorry.  I was definitely thinking of you yesterday.  I'm sorry DH wasn't as supportive as you wanted him to be, but we're here if you need someone to talk to.

    bumping from my phone. please pardon any typos and missing punctuation
  • I don't really have much to add except to say that I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope things begin to brighten up soon.  ((((HUGS))))
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  • Im sorry.  MH is the same way, he doesn't even discuss things with me, he tries to be the rock.  It is tough.  You have every right to be sad right now, just know that you are not making this decision without giving it a lot of thought.  The struggle of this decision is very tough, but you know you will be very happy when you complete your classes.  GL and I wish I could just hug you right now! 
  • We are here for you (((( BIG HUGS))))
  • I'm so sorry you're hurting.  Big {{hugs}} to you.
    <a href="http://nodayalyrene.blogspot.com" target="_blank" title="http://nodayalyrene.blogspot.com">No Day But Today</a>
    BFP #3 3/30/11 - desperately hoping the third time's the charm - EDD 12/10/11
    BFP #2 10/22/10 - confirmed ectopic and methotrexate 11/5/10 - EDD 6/30/11
    BFP #1 7/7/10 - saw the heartbeat 8/6/10 - missed miscarriage and D&C 8/19/10 - EDD 3/19/11
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    Congrats to my TTCAL buddy camdenfaithful on her BFP - stick baby, stick!

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  • I'm so sorry. It really sucks. Its even harder when you feel like your DH is not showing the same emotions. I think a lot of them are like that. They have to be the men, who are strong, but on the inside they are hurting too. I think it's hard for them to share that emotion too. Giant hugs to you. I will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers.
    image

    GEAUX TIGERS!!!

    1st pregnancy: BFP- 6/28/09 - Found out we lost our little girl on 10/9/09 at 19w 4d - D&E- 10/14/09

    June 2010, corrective surgery for Septate Uterus and large fibroids

    2nd pregnancy: BFP- 10/18/10 - Slow rising, non-doubling HCGs, no heart beat. Non-viable pregnancy, D&C- 11/12/10

    Started Metformin 6/30/11, Started Clomid 7/20/11 - Unsuccessful

    HSG and Laparoscopic surgery revealed blocked tubes and lots of scar tissue...IVF here we come!!!

    Surprise BFP naturally!!! IT'S A BOY!!!

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

  • I am so sorry! After my d&c DH bought me an eye mask that you put in the freezer. It really helps with the swollen eyes. (((hugs)))
    June 2010-Lap
    b2b Injectable IUI #1 7/25/10 & 7/26/10 = BFP beta 14dpIUI = 133 MC 9/14 at 9 weeks
    b2b Injectable IUI #2 12/5/10 & 12/6/10 = BFN
    IVF #1 ER 3/28/11 ET 3 embryos 3/31/11= BFN
    b2b Injectable IUI#3 6/28/11 & 6/29/11 = BFN
    PAIF/SAIF Welcome :)

    Submitted Adoption Application on 6/1/2011
    Homestudy 7/19/2011
    IVF#2 CX due to Adoption Match
    We were blessed with our daughter through the gift of adoption
    IVF #2.1 ET 2 embryos 2/14/13 7 frostiesLilypie First Birthday tickers

  • I am just so sorry that you are going through this.  Adoption is certainly an option, but you are right it is not easy either.  This whole thing just svcks!!  ((((hugs))))
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    [url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2906dc]My Chart[/url]

    Off BCP 05/09; TTC 07/09; 4 c/p's and 1 m/c

    DOR; MFI; hetero factor v leiden mutation

    1/10 - BFP - c/p 4w4d

    3/10 ~ BFP - 4/5/10 - u/s @ 7w6d - no hb; m/c 8w3d

    Tried many interventions:

    9/10 - unmedicated IUI (1.4 million post wash) = BFN

    10/10 - unmedicated IUI (4.5 million post wash) = BFP

    11/10 - c/p 4w4d

    12/10 injects+TI cycle (3 follies) = BFN

    2/11 - IVF #1 long lupron w/ ICSI; 1 embryo = BFN!

    7/11 - IVF #2 antagonist w/ICSI - 3dt of 3 grade A embies = BFP

    7/11 - c/p 4w5d

    10/11 - unmedicated IUI (2.5 mill post wash) = BFN

    11/11 - unmedicated IUI (12 million post wash) = BFP

    12/11 - c/p 4w2d

    12/11 - IUI #5 follistim (2.5 million post wash) = BFN

    1/15/11 - IUI #6 follistim (12 million post - woot!)= BFP!!! Praise the Lord!!!

    Beta #1 (12dpiui) 164; Beta #2 (14dpiui) 514!!!

    It's TWINS!!!!

    Two BOYS!!!!


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  • I am so so sorry for what you are going through right now.  There is nothing to say that hasn't already been said, but know that you have tons of support, hugs, thoughts & prayers coming your way!
    BFP#1 - 6/06 - DD - 2/07 BFP#2 - 7/30/10 - missed m/c 9w5d - D&C 9/15/10 @ 11w1d
    BFP#3 - 6/5/11 - DS - 2/10/12
  • I am so so sorry for what you are going through right now.  There is nothing to say that hasn't already been said, but know that you have tons of support, hugs, thoughts & prayers coming your way!
    BFP#1 - 6/06 - DD - 2/07 BFP#2 - 7/30/10 - missed m/c 9w5d - D&C 9/15/10 @ 11w1d
    BFP#3 - 6/5/11 - DS - 2/10/12
  • Im so sorry for you! I know its hard to hold it in all day, its just that we all need to release it somewhere! Hope you have a better day today and a restful sleep tonight!
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers image ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TTCAL.buddies.with.LilMags.and.mundayem~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DS1 10/10/09, Angel Baby 9/19/10 (12 weeks), DD 11/11/11, DS2 11/12/12
  • I'm so sorry you had such a rough night.  You are not alone and we are here for you.  I hope you and DH feel better soon.  
    imageimage
    TTC #1 since May 2010. BFP #1 - 5/31/10; m/c on 7/22/10
    Started seeing RE in August 2011
    5 IUIs: BFN; IVF #1 - Success! BFP - 7/25/12 Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Sorry for the rough night, and I can relate to always trying to be the "tough chick". When my MC happened, that day my DH's son (my Stepson who is 11) had a football game. My DH chose to go and leave me just hours after my MC to attend the football game.I was not happy about his choice, but did not have the energy to say anything to him then. Well a few nights ago (after some liquid courage) I chose to explain to him in so many words and tears that him leaving me alone that day hurt me to the core.

     I know he never meant to hurt me, and feels bad, but that sadly is the difference between how men and women react/don't react in emotional situations.

     Keep staying strong, and remember your DH loves you but sometimes they needs a little extra help from us to know what we need from them emotionaly.

    TTC since 8/30/09
    BFP 9/12/10 - Natural MC 10/2/10 (6w3d)
    BFP #2 4/15/11 - Baby Nicholas
    Born 12/24/11
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  • I am so sorry hun ((((hugs))))
    * PAL/PgAL Bumpie & NBC-Twi Nestie * imageBloggity Blog BFP #1 in 2001 ? natural m/c @ 9w4d ? TTC our first since 2009 ? BFP #2 on 8/25/2010 ? natural M/C @ 7w6d on 9/25/2010 Clomid cycle #1 @ 50mg = BFP #3 on 1/1/11 ~ EDD 9/14/2011!!! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • big big hugs and sending lots of good thoughts your way!
    [url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/314463]
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    TTC since June 2010
    BFP #1 July 2010 missed M/C at 6 1/2 weeks D& C
    TTCAL since November 2010
    Me= 27, everything normal-HSG all clear
    DH= 27, normal

    Unexplained infertility

    June 2011 50mg Clomid + Ovidrel = BFN
    July 2011 Femara + Ovidrel = BFN
    August 2011 Break d/t having HSG completed (all clear)
    September 2011 increased Femara + Repronex + ovidrel = BFN
    October 2011 Repronex only = cancelled due to overstimulation

    Looking for new RE due to poor staff

    December 2011 femara + menopur+trigger+IUI= BFN
    January and February 2012 break to gear up for IVF
    March 2012 IVF#1 transferred 2 beautiful day 5 embryos= BFN
  • Hugs!!!
    m/c 7/17/10
    Dx: MFI- 3% morph
    IUIs: Gonal-F + Ovidrel + b2b IUI= BFNs
    IVF with ICSI= BFP! EDD 11/25/11
    3/18- Beta #1 452! 3/20- Beta #2 1,026!! 3/27- First u/s- TWINS!
    Our twin boys arrived at 36w5d due to IUGR and a growth discordance

    FET: Medicated FET moved up to 5/23 due to ovulation
    Transferred a 6BB hatched blastocyst- genetically normal female embryo
    BFP! 5/28- 5dp6dt      
    6/1 Beta #1- 223! 6/3 Beta #2- 567!

    image

    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
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