Last night was a disaster. I held it together all day, but as soon as the house got quiet, I lost it. Of course, my DH was already asleep, so when I woke him up to talk, he was not very supportive. I know he's hurting, too, and he deals in a much different way, but it hurts me even more the way he acts sometimes. I had to leave the house and went for a drive out in the country. I was/am angry at DH, God, my body...everything. When I got home, I was going to sleep on the couch, but I was so lonely. Even though I was beyond pissed at DH, I still needed his presence next to me. I slept fitfully and feel/look like a zombie today.
Sorry that I'm a whiny mess. IRL, I pretend to be a lot tougher than I actually am, so this is kind of my release. Thanks for all of your support. I really need it right now!