Last night was a disaster. I held it together all day, but as soon as the house got quiet, I lost it. Of course, my DH was already asleep, so when I woke him up to talk, he was not very supportive. I know he's hurting, too, and he deals in a much different way, but it hurts me even more the way he acts sometimes. I had to leave the house and went for a drive out in the country. I was/am angry at DH, God, my body...everything. When I got home, I was going to sleep on the couch, but I was so lonely. Even though I was beyond pissed at DH, I still needed his presence next to me. I slept fitfully and feel/look like a zombie today.
Sorry that I'm a whiny mess. IRL, I pretend to be a lot tougher than I actually am, so this is kind of my release. Thanks for all of your support. I really need it right now!
Re: My eyes are swollen today
TTC since 5/2010
DX with Diminished Ovarian Reserve - AMH of 1.1 - 7/2011; AMH of .42 8/2012BFP 9/1/10-M/C confirmed 9/8/10-Methotrexate 10/6/10
IUI #1 (w/clomid)-9/5/11-BFN ; IUI #2 (w/clomid)-10/5/11 - BFP - 11/1/12-No sac seen; 11/2/11 and 11/9/11-Methotrexate
IVF #1- ER 2/2; ET 2/5;-Two 8 cell embryos transfered = BFFN
Surprise BFP - 5/7/12
U/S on 6/8/12 - H/B at 128 BPM; U/S on 6/14/12 @ 9wks-No H/B-D&C on 6/17/12
IVF 2.0- ER 10/17; ET 10/20-One 12 cell, one 10 cell and one 8 cell embryo transfered
BFP! 11/16/12 U/S- Two nuggets with perfect heartbeats! EDD 7/10/13
5/31/2013- My miracles arrived at 34w2d! Welcome to the world Harper and Nolan!
My Blog- http://waitingonaangel.wordpress.com/
BFP 1: 3/19/10 Loss: 7/9/10
BFP 2: 12/28/10
My Blog: Losing Sylvia
BFP-2/4/10 EDD-9/27/10 M/C-2/11/10 7w3d D&C and Methotrexate-2/19/10
BFP-11/21/10 M/C-11/25/10
Clomid Cycle #1-BFN
Clomid Cycle #2-BFP-1/18/2011 M/C-1/26/2011
BFP-5/18/11 Riley arrived 2/3/12 8lbs6oz 21.5in
Jenn
3 IUI's all BFN
IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN
Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10
BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11
Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11
my blog
I should add that my DH did say a few things, but I had to drag it out of him. (He does NOT share his feelings). When I told him that I got AF, he said, "Well, at least we can say we tried," but I could tell that he was hurt by it, too. Then (as I was yelling at him for not being supportive), he said, "I just don't see that it is over. Maybe we just need to go a different direction." By that, he means adoption.
I'm completely willing to adopt, but I know that is a long, strenuous process and often very expensive. We make a very modest living, so I don't know how we could afford it. We want to look into private adoption, but the whole thing is super scary.
((((hugs)))) I hate days/nights like those. So much going through your mind and you just can't turn it off. =(
I hope things get a little better with time. We're here for you.
M/C #1 2001 (6w1d); M/C #2: 10/02/10 (4w4d); M/C #3 05/26/11 (4w3d) Clomid BFP #4 7/18/11 @ 9DPO Please baby stick! Beta #1 (11DPO)=51; Beta #2 (13DPO)=170; Beta #3 (19DPO)=2659!! EDD: 03/31/12
"I'm not telling you it's gonna be easy. I'm telling you it's gonna be worth it." -Art Williams
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
Oh sweetie, I've been thinking about you. I'm so sorry it was a rough night and that DH isn't more supportive. It's SO HARD when they don't open up with you and don't want to let you vent, I understand. (((HUGS)))
We're here for you, whenever you need.
TTC#1 since May 2009
PCOS * Hypothyroid
Bean - BFP May 26, 2010. EDD Feb 3, 2011. Natural Miscarriage 8w5d - June 29, 2010.
Pumpkin - BFP Feb 8, 2011. EDD Oct 21, 2011. Natural Miscarriage 6w3d - Feb 28, 2011.
May 2015: IUI#2 - nada.
((((((HUGS))))))
I'm so sorry. I was definitely thinking of you yesterday. I'm sorry DH wasn't as supportive as you wanted him to be, but we're here if you need someone to talk to.
GEAUX TIGERS!!!
1st pregnancy: BFP- 6/28/09 - Found out we lost our little girl on 10/9/09 at 19w 4d - D&E- 10/14/09
June 2010, corrective surgery for Septate Uterus and large fibroids
2nd pregnancy: BFP- 10/18/10 - Slow rising, non-doubling HCGs, no heart beat. Non-viable pregnancy, D&C- 11/12/10
Started Metformin 6/30/11, Started Clomid 7/20/11 - Unsuccessful
HSG and Laparoscopic surgery revealed blocked tubes and lots of scar tissue...IVF here we come!!!
Surprise BFP naturally!!! IT'S A BOY!!!
b2b Injectable IUI #1 7/25/10 & 7/26/10 = BFP beta 14dpIUI = 133 MC 9/14 at 9 weeks
b2b Injectable IUI #2 12/5/10 & 12/6/10 = BFN
IVF #1 ER 3/28/11 ET 3 embryos 3/31/11= BFN
b2b Injectable IUI#3 6/28/11 & 6/29/11 = BFN
PAIF/SAIF Welcome
Submitted Adoption Application on 6/1/2011
Homestudy 7/19/2011
IVF#2 CX due to Adoption Match
We were blessed with our daughter through the gift of adoption
IVF #2.1 ET 2 embryos 2/14/13 7 frosties
BFP#3 - 6/5/11 - DS - 2/10/12
BFP#3 - 6/5/11 - DS - 2/10/12
TTC #1 since May 2010. BFP #1 - 5/31/10; m/c on 7/22/10
Started seeing RE in August 2011
5 IUIs: BFN; IVF #1 - Success! BFP - 7/25/12
Sorry for the rough night, and I can relate to always trying to be the "tough chick". When my MC happened, that day my DH's son (my Stepson who is 11) had a football game. My DH chose to go and leave me just hours after my MC to attend the football game.I was not happy about his choice, but did not have the energy to say anything to him then. Well a few nights ago (after some liquid courage) I chose to explain to him in so many words and tears that him leaving me alone that day hurt me to the core.
I know he never meant to hurt me, and feels bad, but that sadly is the difference between how men and women react/don't react in emotional situations.
Keep staying strong, and remember your DH loves you but sometimes they needs a little extra help from us to know what we need from them emotionaly.
Dx: MFI- 3% morph
IUIs: Gonal-F + Ovidrel + b2b IUI= BFNs
IVF with ICSI= BFP! EDD 11/25/11
3/18- Beta #1 452! 3/20- Beta #2 1,026!! 3/27- First u/s- TWINS!
Our twin boys arrived at 36w5d due to IUGR and a growth discordance
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.