October 2022 Moms

Ask a STM+ Thread


Re: Ask a STM+ Thread

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  • @pangolindrome Losing control is a huge trigger for me too. It's why low appetite and food aversions really affect me emotionally because outside of pregnancy food has always been a reliable comfort that I can control. Good for you for identifying that reasoning! Maybe if you have moments of feeling negatively about your body you can say "my body is still beautiful, I just miss having control" 
  • I'm really loving this thread. @krthouse that was beautifully said. 
  • Have any of you STMs gotten extra ultrasounds done outside of your OB office? Currently 13w, my last US was at 6w5d and they’ve told me I won’t have another until the anatomy scan at 18w5d. It’s such a long wait! Just curious if I should ask to have another just because or if I should look at independent US places?
  • @robbinsegg317 this is actually not all that uncommon. A lot of my friends only have maybe two their whole pregnancy if they opt out of the NT scan. Unless they suspect something is going on then they don't tend to do them if everything seems okay. 
     I've had friends go to the independent places. I never have. I would honestly just ask my doctor. I always end up with a lot because I bleed frequently and heavily and because they have to watch the growth etc. I'm having a lot of anxiety this pregnancy so I plan on asking for more frequent ultrasounds/ appointments until I can feel the baby moving for reassurance. 
  • @krysnicole1022 yes I called and asked about another ultrasound for peace of mind and they said they’d do it! It would be out of pocket but I honestly don’t care, I just want that reassurance!
  • I haven’t done a regular ultrasound but there are so many 3D options around town. I did 3D ones with my girls bc my OB doesn’t do them. Some have packages where you can get 2-3 over the course of the pregnancy. The cutest 3D is like weeks 28-34 but you can do others just to see the little alien baby
  • tpecitpeci member
    How do you mamas deal with all the daycare infections? Since getting pregnant I've had COVID, 2 gastros (last one which had me vomiting from 6pm last night to 6am this morning) and 2 colds. I literally catch every thing this kiddo brings home. I'm exhausted and now losing weight on top of already not having gained anything 🤦 I'm hoping with spring around the corner maybe less viruses will circulate and I'll get a break but it's been brutal...
  • To some extent it’s unavoidable. But sanitizing your kids hands as soon as you pick them up and then being super diligent about hand washing as soon as you get home is so helpful. Let’s be honest: how many of us with 1-2+ kids actually head straight to the sink and wash hands? Along with bringing in the bags, the lunch box, your tired kid….but there’s a reason they tell us frequent hand washing prevents illness. 

    We’ve stopped wearing shoes in the house too. Take them off at the door. I wasn’t always strict on this but now I am because you can only control what you can control.
  • tpecitpeci member
    Yeah we don't wear shoes in the house but we have a dog and two cats, one of which spends time outside as well so that probably doesn't help. I've tried always doing handwashing when we get home, it's not perfect but we try. It's just that once he catches something he's glued to me like a monkey so I feel like I literally have no chance to avoid any of these infections. When I wasn't pregnant it was brutal but survivable, but now it's a double hit D: 
  • I homeschool my oldest but my 5 year old desperately wants to go to kindergarten. I sanitize in the car before and after we go anywhere. All three of them just hold their hands out now. That's the best I can do but once they have it watch out. My children do not like cuddling even when they are sick. They just want to be left alone to suffer for the hour they are tired before they are bouncing off the walls again.
  • Asking completely hypothetically and for the sake of my over planning brain, what's been your experience with the age gap between your kiddos? I've seen a wide range in the discussions here and I'm really curious about how it is balancing multiple kids at different ages. Was there an age with your first kid or second kid when you thought "I could take on another one" or is life generally pretty chaotic no matter what? 

    A teeny bit of background, I'm pregnant with my first kid and my husband and I have often talked about having 5 kiddos. Ideally I'd like to have them all by 40 (I'm 26 now) but I don't want to just knock them all out and then basically drown for the next 10 years of my life... I'm also less set on the number 5 and kind of just want to have however many kids come out until we feel like we're done. So that's another question, obviously we're all pregnant here so it's a little bit of a weird question, but is there a point when you know you're done having kids? 

    My apologies for my rambling questions 🤣 the reality of taking care of another human being is kind of terrifying me at the moment. And then my husband made a comment about trying for a kid when this one is a year old and I don't think I've ever shut down a conversation so fast 😬😬😬
  • Honestly I would just see how it goes. I'm on baby number four. My husband was done after our third and I accepted that but last year we both had the urge for another. Our first and second are three years apart. Our second and third are 18 months apart. Our third will be 4.5 years from our fourth. The age difference between our oldest and youngest will be 9 years. I felt like the 3 years was too far (our plan was to have them closer but it didn't work out that way for us) and I love having the little two so close BUT it does a number in your body. They recommend 18 months between pregnancies for a reason. 
  • @wileybliss - honestly, I think it depends on your children and your parenting lifestyle. I have friends that have babies super close & some that have them super far apart. Our first daughter was a miracle & we started trying for a second before she turned 2 and she’s now 4.5. We didn’t know it would take so long & had hoped for a 2nd to come sooner but our daughter is SO excited to be a big sister and we know she’s ready for a sibling so it doesn’t feel like too long. Some kids just aren’t ready for a sibling right away and you don’t know ahead of time that you’d be ready either. 

    Any other STM+ feel baby yet? I had a vivid dream about it last night and can honestly feel something but with all the gas it’s hard to trust myself 😂
  • I can feel swishing and sime very distinct movement but nothing hard like a kick. I'm 13 weeks with my fourth. 
  • @wileybliss we started trying right when DD turned one and it took us over 3 years, multiple tests and procedures, and 4 IUIs to conceive this baby, when we got pregnant with DD relatively easily. I can’t say that I’ve ever really felt “ready” for another, but I’m glad we started trying when we did since we had so many issues. So I guess what I’m saying is, I think planning for a certain age gap is useless because you really don’t know what’s going to happen. 

    Also, we will see how I feel in the future but right now I do feel like this is our last baby. I’ll be 39 when the baby is born so I think that might be contributing to that feeling but I do feel really at peace with it. 
  • @cfranx I also have a twitching/fluttering feeling at times but I don’t trust it. I’m 13 weeks 
  • @wileybliss I think there’s a lot to consider. From a physical/recovery perspective, I’ve found 2 years to be a good gap. I had 18 months between my 1st and 2nd, and I’d never suggest it to anyone. My second pregnancy was SOOOO much harder than my first because my body hadn’t fully recovered. I also felt worse postpartum. I had 2 years and 1 week between my second and third, and it was a lot easier for me. I’ll have a little over 2.5 years between my 3rd and 4th/final, and so far I’ve felt pretty good. 

    Another thing to consider is that every kid is different. My 1st was a super easy baby (hence his sister being born so quickly after him) but now has other things that have made him more challenging. My 2nd was not the most fun infant, and is my “most” child. Most caring, most infuriating, most talkative, most everything. My 3rd is a bull in a china shop. 

    My husband had felt done after 3. We had talked about how many kids we wanted before we got married. I wanted 4 and he wanted 2, so we settled on 3, but he never closed the door on a 4th. Over the past year we hard started talking about it more seriously, and decided to go for a 4th. We’re done after this because I’m 35, and the women in my family have a history of a lot of complications with pregnancy later in life, and 4 seems like the max of what we can handle from a financial and mental capacity standpoint. I’ve found that around 6-12 months postpartum baby fever hits, and that I need to ignore it then. If it continues after a few months, then I’m not as likely to be done. I know other women that have felt the same way, and then when they get to 18-24 months it fades and that’s how they know they’re done. 
  • @KGETS86 reading that is like reading my own story. 🤣🤣🤣
  • mckenzcmckenzc member
    edited April 2022
    You truly won’t know until you have kids!! The number will shift for your family. As far as age gap goes, don’t overthink it. My first two are 19 months apart (second baby was a surprise) and I absolutely love every bit of their gap. Has it been hard some days? Absolutely. Do moms with 3 year gaps say it’s been hard some days? Absolutely. So the difference is just something we all deal with and there’s pros/cons no matter the split. So when you feel ready mentally & physically, you go for it! Took me so much longer to come around to the idea of baby #3 so the gap is 3 years between the youngest two. Literally double the gap. But that’s what felt right. Will it be hard some days? Absolutely.

    as far as number for me PERSONALLY— I always wanted 4 or 5, too. But there are days I look at my two girls and I have this overwhelming feeling of contentment. I’m so freaking happy with the two girls I have to the point I question why I’m getting greedy having a third. I literally have the 2 best kids in all of the world that it’s just this feeling of completeness. For every baby I have after of course I’ll feel so excited and happy. But nothing is “missing”. I felt before I got pregnant with #3 that if I couldn’t get pregnant I wouldn’t be rock bottom devastated. I love my kids. I do also feel like the more I have the more I’ll be spread thin and not as stellar as a mom (again, ME, personally). Idk if I’d be as patient and gentle 😆 and uh…I don’t even get me started with financial load of adding +1 +1 +1 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’ll end there. 

    TLDR: it’s personal & it is not a decision you make now. Love your life, love your babies and things fall into place for your family. 
  • Absolutely agreed. It's when "winging it" comes in handy. I do get baby fever once babies stop looking like babies but I'm getting my tubes tied during my c section this time so there will be no more from me. 
  • EmilyE13EmilyE13 member
    edited April 2022
    @mckenzc everything you said rings so so true with me, too. I have so many of those same feelings looking at my 2 girls. My first two are 2 yrs 4 months apart, and my 3rd will be 2 yrs 9 months younger than my 2nd. We had talked about stopping trying and being totally content with our 2 once I turn 40, but as it turned out I got pregnant pretty quickly once my period finally came back. It was even more dramatic with baby 2–she was the product of literally my first cycle back after having my oldest (who was the product of IVF!). 
  • Thank you all so much! It's been really comforting reading through all your experiences and I feel so much better about just taking it one day at a time. I get really excited about planning that I don't enjoy the present moment, so I'll do better with that before this one comes around so I can savor those moments with the 1 more. 
  • Exactly that @wileybliss - enjoy right now & then enjoy your baby. It goes so incredibly fast, you have to stay present 🖤 it’ll fall into place naturally without you forcing! 
  • pangolindromepangolindrome member
    edited April 2022
    I think I felt something yesterday morning. FTM, 16w6d, anterior placenta.
    It wasn’t anything so distinctive as movement/flutters or such, but it was more like a general awareness on my uterus, I guess? 

    Kinda like this:

    Does that make sense to anyone?
    I know that my anterior placenta means it can take a long time to feel anything. It definitely didn’t feel like gas or bowels in general, I’m really in tune with those sensations due to some past/intermittent health issues.
  • @pangolindrome I've had anterior placentas every time and it honestly didn't make a difference. I had definite movement by 16 weeks with my first and an anterior placenta. Full blown kicks by 17 weeks with my second. My husband could feel kicks by 17 weeks with our third. Granted he was a massive beast that already weighed 4.5 lbs by 21 weeks.
  • @mckenzc is this your first? I’m 16+5 and haven’t felt anything although I know I’m going to regret rushing it at week 32+ when I’m wide awake at night! 🤪
  • @mcclanna no this is babe #3! I believe I was closer to week 19 with my first. Posterior placenta with all of 3 
  • I’ve been feeling movements this week, which is probably the earliest I’ve ever felt them (13 weeks with baby 4). Mostly “swooshing” feelings, if that makes sense. With my first I was about 18 weeks, and had an anterior placenta. I had an anterior with my first two, and posterior with my 3rd. I think the biggest difference was seeing the body parts move across your abdomen. It seemed more pronounced with my posterior placenta. We shall see in 4 weeks where this one is. 
  • libra_lillylibra_lilly member
    edited April 2022
    FTM here at 14+1 and have a couple of questions.. 
    1) a friend of a friend recieved her epidural too early and by the time baby was ready to come out, it had worn off and they couldn't give her anymore epidural.. is this true?? How do i know when to ask for it so that I'm not in the same situation? Is there a limit on how much or for how long you can stay on it?
    2) i saw a tiktok today about leaking at 17 weeks.... I had to think a lot about what that leaking was and I think the tiktok implied breast milk? Is this true??? A new fear has been unlocked 

    3) i pick up new worries at each stage of my pregnancy... The topic of worry this week has been an insufficient cervix .. i have been experiencing light cramping that is on and off and not too consistent throughout the day.. also have been experiencing terrible back pain, and I did not have any back pain prior to the pregnancy... While I've read that these are all normal symptoms.. I'm also just overly anxious about everything.. my first appt witht my OB isn't until week 20.... The only way to find peace would be to go to the emergency but I'm also dreading the 8 hours+ wait at the hospital and the pain is not THAT bad.... Does it progress in terms of level of pain? Or do you just know something isnt right...

    I am completely new to this and still googling my way through acronyms on this app, apologies if any of these have been answered here already. 

    Thanks in advance fellow mamaz <3
  • @libra_lilly hey there!
     1) I had a continuous epidural that could be adjusted. It was a blessing because I had two emergency c sections and that made it so they could get the baby out faster. Now with my planned c section the spinal block (not the same as epidural) wore off and I could literally feel them sewing me up but I couldn't move. It was terrible. 
    2) you can leak colostrum not breast milk. This does not happen to every woman. Breast milk comes in after the baby is born. It can take a few days for that to happen.
    3) cramping is your new frenemy. So is back pain. Your body is doing some real internal gymnastics to make room for your expanding uterus and it's buddy. I don't think I've stopped cramping since conception. My bigger worry is why you don't see your OB for the first time until 20 weeks? That's not the standard of care. You should have had 2-3 by now. 

  • @krysnicole1022 thank you for the detailed response! Is there anything you could've done or would plan ahead and ensure if you were in a similar situation for the spinal block? 
    Its weird here, I'm from Toronto area and I called around, no OB was willing to see me before 18 weeks at the earliest unless i was "high-risk" so then i i just went with the one nearest to home and the hospital of choice with positive reviews
  • @libra_lilly I actually ended up needing a bladder repair during the c section which is why it wore off. The actual c section part went smoothly except for having to call in extra nurses to heave my 10lb+ baby out of my very stretched out uterus. 🤣🤣🤣 I'll bring it up with my doctor this time before my c section. I'm having my tubes tied so I don't know if they will do something else. I will say that post spinal block I was able to hold my baby as they wheeled me out of the O.R. I couldn't do that after my c sections with the epidural because it made me cold and shaky. They had to put me in this full body heated tent I was so cold.
    That's crazy. I'm in the states and they have you come in between 6-8 weeks and then a month later and then usually a month after that. Did the hospital do an ultrasound when you went?
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