Ask a STM+ Thread

tessiesmom26

This is a great place for FTMs to ask questions to those who have been through it before. It's also a place for those transition to multiples to ask questions to those who have gone through it as well. Ask away!

jbdb23

How bad is the pain of childbirth really (specify what method you decided on, How was it, and why did you decide that way)? Has anyone done sterile water injections- do they actually work and are they realistic?

bows22

@jbdb23 This seems to vary by person/pregnancy, but once I had my epidural I was totally fine. I still had control over my body/pushing, but I just didn’t feel pain. I could tell when it was time to push and felt a lot of pressure, but pushing took that away. Of course now I’m terrified that I was just really lucky and this time it will be more painful! 

I will say that I labored at home for 48 hours and was 7 cm when I got to the hospital and that was not ideal. The contractions were pretty intense. I was sent home after 24 hours and was so afraid to be sent home again that I waited too long to go. Hopefully I can meet somewhere in the middle this time. 

tessiesmom26

@jbdb23 I agree with @bows22 that it varies from person to person. My water broke at 3am at home and I went in to get checked. They allowed me to stay since my water had broken, but I was only about 1cm dilated. After about an hour they started me on Cytotec (spelling?) and the contractions got more intense but I was able to breathe through them. (This was about noon time) My plan was to hold off as long as possible on the epidural. Around 3 I asked for the epidural because I couldn't breathe through any more, and started to get the shakes. They told me that the way my labor was progressing that once I got the epidural that things would move fast. They placed it, and all was alleviated except for a pocket right in my leg/hip joint. I could feel EVERYTHING in that one pocket. They called the anesthesiologist and they gave me a bolas shot and I couldn't feel a thing. The dr then came in and said "tell me when you feel like you have to push" and I responded "I can't feel anything" and so he checked me. He said I was ready to go and 20 minutes later, DS came out. 

All that to say, were there moments of pain, yes. Was it anything that I couldn't handle, no. But that is just my story.    

merostomata

@jbdb23 This probably isn't the best to say to an FTM, but for me it was the absolute worse pain I have ever experienced, hands down. However, I did an unmedicated birth, was induced with miso/Cytotec at 41.5 weeks, and had a long labor that lasted over 2 days. I thought that the risks of tearing would be reduced without an epi, and I liked the idea of moving through labor.

The worst was pushing, which apparently lasted 4 hours (it felt like maybe 1 to me). I have a high pain tolerance normally and do long-distance running, and I underestimated what I was in for. I figured I could manage it with hypnobirthing and help from my doula (who was amazing!), but it was seriously next level. Nevertheless, it was still an absolutely beautiful experience and I'm glad it went the way it did. I felt like a superhero and was walking around after a few hours, and didn't tear, fwiw.

I'm really leaning towards the walking epidural this time around though. I just don't think I have it in me to do another birth without pain medication, especially if I have another induction, and I think I was a little misinformed about the risks of an epidural, which are minimal. I'll definitely do a little more preparation with pain management techniques beyond hypnobirthing too-- thinking mental tricks, breathing tricks, etc. 

mckenzc

Third pregnancy & my tummy already hurts if I sleep on it. It’s fine at first, but I wake up with a super sore/hurting belly. IT FEELS TOO EARLY FOR THIS!!! 😅 I’m 6 maybe 7 weeks. But it feels like it does closer to 17 when I’d catch myself on my belly at night. 

Anyone else?

40yroldmommy

Yes, I’m experiencing the same, had to stop laying on my belly a week or so ago. Already struggling with sleep positions, and I know there’s such a long way to go!

alyss0nl

I had epidurals for both of my previous deliveries. I was scared more of getting the epidural than the labor and pushing itself. Each experience was different in regards to the labor but the epidural helped so I could sleep (labored in the middle of the night both times). They do reduce the amount you receive through the IV when it’s time to push so that you can feel when to push. 

wileybliss

Did anyone travel during pregnancy? We're planning on traveling on and off between 20 weeks and 33 weeks the longest period being 29 to 33 weeks for a trip to Colorado... I'm already planning to stop and walk around every couple of hours on the road and not spend more than 2 consecutive days on the road before taking a couple days off. What was your experience road tripping? Any tips? Thank you!

merostomata

@wileybliss sounds like fun and like you’ve thought it out well! I traveled a lot through pregnancy up until the last couple of months and everything went well. I didn’t need a lot of extra adjustments, just a little more rest/downtime than I’d usually need. For road trips, just making sure you’ll have lots of options to pee and ample snacks and keep the driving days on the shorter end, if possible.

krthouse

@jbdb23 I found that imagery helped me a lot in labour. Contractions were very much like a wave that comes on fast then slowly ebbs away. If I let myself ride that wave and release into it, rather than tense against it, it was significantly more manageable. One of the mantras that got me through the worst of them was telling myself I could anything for a minute, because contractions are typically no longer than a minute to a minute and a half.

I ended up opting for an epidural not because of the pain but because I had a very long prodromal and then early labour (baby had a very big head that was facing one side) so I just needed the sleep that an epidural would afford me and my midwives wanted to augment my labour with pitocin. That's not to say it wasn't painful, but I was managing it and could have managed it for much longer if I weren't so exhausted. 

My epidural was the ideal for me. I could still move my legs a bit, they weren't all pins and needles, I didn't get shaky, I could feel the pressure of baby moving down, and I could feel where to push, it just took the edge and sharpness out of my contractions. I know not every epidural goes that way, but I was very grateful for mine and for how I felt like myself again when I had it. 

ausfam24

@jbdb23 I had an unmedicated birth and yeah….they don’t exaggerate the pain 🤪 I was actually watching a show with a woman going through withdrawals in a bathtub so she’s in a lot of pain and moaning….it sparked a memory of me being in labor because sitting in the bathtub made me feel better and I was like what did I get myself into again?!? Haha

I was in labor for about 12 hours. My water never broke and I kept being in denial about what was happening so I stayed home. Once I started puking from the pain, I decided to go to the hospital. When I got there, I was already 8 cm dialated 😳 and my daughter came 2 hours later!

what helped me tremendously was prenatal yoga. I learned so many positions and deep breathing. I highly recommend it to any pregnant woman. 

EmilyE13

@wileybliss enjoy the travel! I flew to Edinburgh at the beginning of my 2nd trimester and Barcelona at the end of 2nd trimester with DD2 and it was pretty easy. Getting up and walking around on the plane helps, as well as making sure you stay hydrated. Honestly the worst part was not getting to indulge in all the wine and amazing cured meats in Spain! I did a couple long car trips, too, and they were much tougher to deal with because I couldn’t get up to stretch. 

jcw2018

@jbdb23 I personally have a low pain tolerance, and had decided on an epidural from the beginning being terrified of the entire experience and being my first time, and having twins. I actually was glad I got to feel some contractions and still have a choice to opt out, but I could barely handle that, and didn’t opt out lol All went well however, and my Anesthesiologist was amazing!! I am actually going to ask for him specifically this pregnancy too. I was able to push with no problems, and no pain I was able to have both my boys vaginally and had a pretty quick recovery. (Being 25 at the time with no previous kids helped I’m sure.)

@wileybliss I traveled twice when expecting my twins. The first time I was about 14weeks and I didn’t know any better about a lot of dos and don’ts, so my husband and I went to the smoky mountains on our anniversary which was a great trip overall, we drove and I had zero issues with traveling. I just did a 3-5mile hike and struggled to breathe and keep moving the whole time which was ok bc I was able to stop and rest and had water, but I shouldn’t have made that hike which I later learned while resting in the hotel room feeling so tired and wondering was was wrong with me lol. The next trip I made was a 4hour drive to OK when I was about 26weeks, that trip was fine, minus being in the car for so long. We stopped a few times, but it was definitely uncomfortable after and hour or so. I don’t recommend car travel for long periods of time after about 16-18weeks.

KGETS86

@wileybliss I’ve travelled during all of my pregnancies, including long drives and cross-country flights. Easiest was during 2nd trimester when energy was up. I flew at 34 weeks with my first, which wasn’t terrible. I made sure I had an aisle seat so I could get up and move my legs. That’s one of the most important things to ensure good blood circulation. 

When driving, we made sure to stop frequently. We did a 7-hour drive when I was 30 weeks pregnant with both my 2nd and my 3rd. We stopped 3-4 times for both me and the kids.

KGETS86

I’ve been induced twice for gestational hypertension, and had an epidural for all 3 of my deliveries. Pitocin contractions are rough, and I tried to hold out until 7cm with my first, and my nurse reminded me that my labor wouldn’t stall since I had the pitocin, so I got it at 6cm instead. Within 45 minutes I was fully dilated, and only pushed for 20 minutes. 

After my 3rd, the worst pain was after delivering the baby. Post baby contractions get worse with each kid according to the pp nursed I’ve talked to. 

shortstack930

@KGETS86 yes! I tell all of my patients that the post baby contractions get worse with each birth because it’s not something a lot of women know. 

hotmessexpress89

@jbdb23 this will be my 4th child (5th pregnancy) if lil bub sticks.  I have only had c sections thus far so I can’t speak to labor. I can say for c section recovery my 2nd one was breeze but my 3rd was quite a bit more difficult of a recovery due to scare tissue they discovered. I was going to try for a vba2c this past pregnancy but little man decided to stay comfy past my scheduled date and I developed PreE so we needed to go ahead.  

bows22

I’m a STM but feel like a FTM because it’s been so long - I fell asleep with DD last night and when I came back over to our room at 1:30 I couldn’t sleep because my stomach was empty, making me feel nauseous, but I was too tired to go to the kitchen. What are we keeping on our nightstands for these moments? Crackers?

shortstack930

@bows22 either crackers or pretzels are usually good for me!

mckenzc

My first pregnancy was lemon Luna bars 🤪 second pregnancy I didn’t have this extreme nausea. I’m back to the same feelings as you with the third  @bows22— wake up so nauseous is hurts but most anything sounds gross. 

Trying to increase protein late in the day and eat a “second dinner” before bed. And unisom helps me not wake up starving! But if I have to eat— lemon Luna bars, cereal, bananas 🥴

krthouse

@bows22 lightly salted popcorn, dried apple chips and water with a bit of grape or apple juice in it are my heros when nausea hits. Sometimes pretzels or veggie thins crackers

tpeci

STM here and yikes. The fatigue is real. How do you keep your toddler(s) entertained when your eyes are barely open? It's been brutal here! 

EmilyE13

@tpeci I’ll confess Disney+ has been a serious crutch over here. 

jen_third22

@tpeci
The Octonauts show got me through the other day with my 2&4 year olds when my fatigue was bad. I am not a SAH mom and I do not understand how anyone who is gets through the first trimester with kids at home all day everyday. Independent play is important too, so just remember that if you’re not feeling the best during this time.

mckenzc

@tpeci
i have an (almost) 4 & 2 year old. I try to limit screen time unless I’m waving the white flag. It’s just a parenting choice for us. Though we do allow it & it’s slipping more since I’ve been feeling miserable.  

Yesterday I painted my daughter’s nails bc i could drag it out, it’s low energy from me & she loved it. The same daughter is obsessed with art so I will pull out paints or stickers to entertain her for hours. Also subscribed to an art crate subscription. She’s not a messy kid so I have the patience to allow her to play with paints. 

My youngest is excellent at independent play & will play with a babydoll or her play kitchen for hours. So I just encourage independent play and don’t feel guilty. They need it. New books from the library & rotating toys (or doing a swap with friends) keeps their interest alive! 

Other things— we have a swing set in the backyard and while “usual me” is actually hands on, playing WITH them, when I feel drained I just sit on the patio and watch them play. Their ages help bc they have a play mate in each other. 

A note on screen time: if I’m comfortable with some screen time that day and they ask, I’ll say “I’m setting a timer on Alexa, when you hear it, we can have some screen time” and they know they have to play (and play NICELY together) until the timer goes off. Most days I get lucky and they end up playing so well that I go whisper to Alexa to “stop timer” and they end up playing for a long time and forget all about a timer!!🤣 mean mama. 

Hang in there. I’m feeling pretty damn miserable right now. Just reminding myself that I’m growing a human and also growing an entirely new organ for that human. Once that placenta is here, we should feel better 🤞🏻

mckenzc

Omg!! How can I forget!!

there is a book called “horizontal parenting” and it is an entire book with 50 games you can play with your kid as you lay down 🤣🤣🤣🤣 

my kids personally love to play “school” which includes nap time at school so I tell them to be teacher and I’ll be student: y’all read to me like the teacher and put me down for a nap. Ha! Works for my kids 

KGETS86

@shortstack930 that’s my biggest fear now. This is my 4th (and last) and I’m dreading how bad the cramping will be this time. 

tpeci

Hahaha man I love all the suggestions, thanks mamas! This little fellow really isn't very good at independent play but it's been improving; no choice haha. I sometimes let the cats take one for the team too as he chases them around the house. Luckily they're faster than him haha
I try limiting screen time to one episode of Dora or puffin Rock but man is it ever tempting to give in to that autoplay sometimes. 
I've tried horizontal parenting but it usually results in me getting jumped on or CPR'd so I can revive and play 🤣 not a big fan especially with the boob pain. 

kricron

@wileybliss Yes! I traveled for work a LOT in my previous three pregnancies. With each I was flying on about 3 trips per month until week 35 or 36. 

My suggestions:
- compression socks
- drink lots of water on the plane - bring your own water bottle to keep filling
- stand up and stretch each hour and walk the aisle 
- comfortable shoes
- I liked the x-ray in security better than the 3d scanner thing. Pre-check makes this easier you don’t need to remove your shoes then either.
- have snacks on hand (including hard candy) for nausea 

krthouse

Has anyone been able to gear baby's heartbeat via doppler as early at 10w+1d before? Seeing my midwife in person tomorrow and it's a bit earlier than when I went in with my first. Baby's heart rate was reading slow at my first ultrasound so I'm hoping to get that reassurance, even though I know you sometimes don't hear it that early.

shortstack930

@krthouse I think 10 weeks is the absolute earliest they can hear it on Doppler so don’t be discouraged if it’s hard for them to find it. Last pregnancy they heard it on Doppler around 11 weeks but it took like over 10 minutes to find it and I was mentally freaking out. 

krthouse

@shortstack930 Yep, it was too early. My first trimester screening scan is in two weeks so I'll have to hold out til then.

hotmessexpress89

I’m drowning in exhaustion! I don’t remember being this tired ever with my past pregnancies. Also can I just say F you RLP I’m 8 weeks for crying out loud! Gahhh haha it is going to be a long… pregnancy I think 😅

krthouse

@hotmessexpress89 OMG yes the RLP is starting so early this time! I'm 10 weeks and noticed it so much these past few days. Definitely didn't have it this early last time

bows22

@hotmessexpress89 I’m so exhausted it’s unreal. I definitely wasn’t like this last time either. And I can’t even blame it on taking care of DD because she’s pretty low maintenance. I’m just a tired mess 

EmilyE13

@hotmessexpress89 @bows22 I’m feeling exactly the same! By the afternoon I can barely keep my eyes open, and feeling sooo much pulling and stretching. 

joyy-02

My apologies if this is a commonly asked question on here and I just failed to look for responses. But any tips for getting through nausea and vomiting? FTM here, so I haven’t experienced this before and know what foods are better than others when nauseous or other things to help ease it a bit. Haven’t been able to hold anything down the past two days and no food sounds appealing but I know I should be eating. 

pangolindrome

Bestow upon me your wisdom!!!
Which is better for summer, maternity bottoms with the tall sleeve or lower ones?

I am average size, size 8/medium, evenly distributed, at the time slim waist. No idea what I’ll look like 😂 

mckenzc

I always prefer the full belly panel. I guess it could be hotter but I just didn’t like the way bottoms without the full panel cut into me. Try both. Ask a mom group if anyone has clothes they don’t need or visit thrift shops. Additionally— old navy sells maternity online but NOT in store. So if someone returns an online maternity purchase to the store, it goes straight to the in store clearance rack— pro tip. 

In the summers I honestly preferred dresses over bottoms. Felt cuter and comfy for sure. 

bows22

+1 for fully belly panel