Ask A STM+

daisy0322

Just a place to ask questions 💕

*not just for the first timers

daisy0322

@BumpAdmin May we get a pin please? 

mauvelousone

How do I explain a sibling to my 19-month-old? Or do I just not, and then allow her to adapt when the baby arrives?

daisy0322

@mauvelousone mine were 2 years and 4 months apart when my second was born. Starting around 20 weeks we started talking about how there’s going to be a new member of the family! You’re going to have a brother. A brother is like a best friend you live with. You’ll play together, eat together, read together, snuggle with mommy together, etc just whatever I could think of. Then about 32 weeks we got him a baby doll. We treated it like a real baby. I would hold it while we snuggled and watched tv. We would practice kissing baby good night. It ride around in the car seat in the car, sometimes I’d tell him hold on my hands are busy and I’d do something with the doll. Little by little we added the doll in to more stuff. Then when it was “big brother day” and the baby came he visited in the hospital. He helped hold a diaper while we changed his brother. We ate cupcakes to celebrate him being a big brother. And when the baby came home he LOVED the baby and was so happy his brother was finally here. It could not have gone better! Almost two years later they are best friends and they do everything together and get along beautifully. 

After the baby came home we really focused on the whole family got a new baby and it’s really exciting because now your a big brother. Because kids at that age are very inwardly focused you can use that to make the baby an exciting thing to develop empathy and patience. Also I never “blamed the baby” wording is crucial, “my hands are busy” “I’m helping your brother and then I’ll help you next” “will you help me with your brother” never the baby needs me, I’m busy with the baby etc. Focus on the family relationship and foster that. 

I went to a family therapist because my husband and I are both only children and wasn’t sure how to handle it. This is what she told us to do and we couldn’t be happier with the results! Theyre truly great together l, always sharing, very caring of one another, and play all day with each other. 

chelsraec

I have a 19 month old top! Thanks for asking this

daisy0322

daisy0322 said:

@BumpAdmin May we get a pin please? 

@BumpAdmin @BumpCaitlin

marionberry19

Does anyone have a 3 row suv they love? We are going to look at new cars this weekend because my car doesn’t have enough room for our family once this new baby comes. 

KFrob

@maionberry19 Yes! But it’s a monstrosity.  We have a Nissan Armada.  We love everything about it but the gas mileage.  Especially now with prices skyrocketing.  We rode in a family members Highlander and we loved that too.   

iloveaddison

@marionberry19 we LOVE our Honda Pilot and this will be baby #3 for us! 

caseys02

@marionberry19 my bff loves her Acura MDX. They have 4 kids. She used to have three in car seats at the same time and managed well but with the 4th she had to upgrade to a third row. 

chelsraec

Did anyone go from one to two who was cosleeping with first baby? My first is currently 19 months and I’m wondering how I’ll break the habit 

mturner91

Are there any books you would recommend to a FTM? Currently reading Expecting Better by Emily Oster and looking for something to read next. 

chelsraec

@mturner91 if you’re breastfeeding, the womanly art of breastfeeding 

mamachameleon

@mturner91 the wonder weeks book and app for sure

daisy0322

@mturner91 the whole brained child and the science of parenting are my favorites. I’ve read ton of parenting books when I was a nanny because I read any of the books that my families would read so I could have reference and ask questions if needed 

pinkkillersheep

This is a dumb question that I know the answer to but it’s my first pregnancy and the paranoia is eating away at me. Is it normal to feel like your period is imminent? Like that almost tingly crampy type feeling that your uterus is about to be real angry?

ournextadventure

@pinkkillersheep yes. What I've always been told is those little cramps are your uterus expanding. For my first they lasted through my first trimester and then came back in my third. As long as the cramps are mild then there is nothing to worry about. 

Tulips29

Anyone have tips on having 2 kids share a room? Our 2 older kids will be 5.5 and 2.5 when the baby comes so baby will be in their own room and we'll move the older ones into 1 room together. I welcome any tips on making this go as smoothly as possible. 

huckleberrypie

@Tulips29 not an answer but curious, why give the baby their own room? We were planning to put the crib in our room until the baby is much older. We have the extra room available but won't the baby be with you like 24/7 in the first year anyway? And if they cry at night it's so much easier to just reach into the crib right beside your bed. Do most of y'all have separate rooms for a newborn?

marionberry19

My baby is getting it’s own room. Yes, it will sleep in my room for quite a while but I want it’s stuff in its nursery and for it to have an established space. 

Tulips29

@huckleberrypie so with our first 2 kids, they were in the crib in their own room from day 1. It worked well for us, even with going to the room to feed/change/etc. Also, when DH went to work and I was still on leave, I would let him sleep so he could function at work and the baby being in its own room didn't wake him up. We're planning to do the same thing with this baby. Currently my 2 year old is still in the crib, so we'd need to move her out of the nursery by the time baby comes and move her in with her 5 year old brother.

marionberry19

@Tulips29 I shared a room with my brother almost our entire childhoods. He is almost 3 years older than me. I would say the number one thing that kept us from brawling was our mom making sure that we still had our own space. There was a section of the room that was mine and a section of the room that was his. Being three years apart and opposite genders we were still the best of friends but we had drastically different interests, toys, etc… Also, as it was me who was the one encroaching on my brothers territory my mom let him pick which side of the room was his & he got new bedding and stuff to make him feel like he was getting something good out of the deal. 

conni0205

@cheraec no advise on how to break the cosleeping. We also found out we were pregnant with our second around the time our first was 18-19 months. We are still cosleeping with our first, he didn’t wake at all from baby. Hoping to break the habit soon! 

Tulips29

@marionberry19 that sounds great! I hope they can still be civil in one room. Sometimes when she cries at night he complains in the morning that she didn't let him sleep and he heard her crying lol. But sometimes he also has nightmares and comes to us saying he had a bad dream. Did you have a bunk bed or separate beds? I love the idea of a bunk bed but it terrifies me to have a kid that high up. 

marionberry19

@Tulips29 we had bunk beds but my mom separated them into two different beds when my brother started jumping from the top bunk onto me as I was walking by. Also, my brother would get night terrors so him being up high didn’t work. 

Tulips29

@marionberry19 oh man! yea I'm leaning towards separate beds...plus we just got my son his new bed 2 years ago when he moved into the big boy room so it's still like new. Thanks for the feedback! 

daisy0322

My first I actually slept in his room babe first 6 months! It worked beautifully. He’s our better sleeper. My second he had a bassinet in our room for 6 months at night but he napped in our room. He’s almost 2 and still does sleep through the night. This one I’ve not decided yet. 

Our boys share a room because they want to, we have enough bedrooms. They live it but the little one goes to his room if he’s having a rough night 

mauvelousone

My first was pretty late rolling over, we had her sleeping in our room until she could do so and then we moved her to her crib in her room at about 7 months. She'd always napped in her crib so it wasn't a big deal for her to figure it out and soothe herself to sleep.

Maybe I'll skip the cosleeping for #2, but honestly probably not; Getting up and down every 3 hours for feeding/pumping is just easier when the baby is right there.

daisy0322

Bump

pinkkillersheep

My blood pressure dropped quite a bit at my doctor appointment yesterday. The nurse seemed a little concerned but the ob said it’s expected, so I’m not overly worried about it. I know a lot changes with the cardiovascular system during pregnancy but I also was thinking this is a little early (week 14). Anyone else have this happening already either in this pregnancy or a previous one?

KFrob

@pinkkillersheep I haven’t had it drop in a medical setting where it can be measured but pretty often I if I get up too fast I get the head rush, everything turns black for a second feeling. It happens pretty early for me, definitely first trimester. 

shmarpler

Vericose vein question...

Has anyone found a good pair of compression leggings for vericose veins? In my last pregnancy, I got a nasty vein that started at the top of my thigh,  and slowly crept down my leg.  By the time #2 was born,  the vein was bulging below my knee. I wore Preggers leggings under dresses and that alleviated a ton of discomfort. I loved them as they were super comfortable, but they are all sheer and I wasn't comfortable wearing even a tunic with them.This time,  I'd like a little more versatility and less layering.  Does anyone have any compression leggings they would recommend?

ournextadventure

@pinkkillersheep my blood pressure is staying low right now so i'm having to monitor it at  home. I don't feel it much just basically if i stand too fast and I have major exhaustion which they believe is from this. Its my first time dealing with this. With my last i actually had spikes of high blood pressure. They said low is much better than high. As long as you aren't falling or passing out from it. 

binxybaby

I feel stupid for asking this question, but when you start showing, is that part of your belly hard or soft? I feel like I look bigger today, but my belly is still very soft. 

Tulips29

@binxybaby my belly is soft when I sit, but it gets harder when I stand or after I eat

shoarmie99

@binxybaby Where my uterus is, it's soft on top (because I wasn't skinny before pregnancy) but I can feel that my uterus is hard underneath the soft.  After I eat, the top of tummy gets very hard and taut and I think that's just my organs that are squished and now full of food and water and bloat?  

boboprego

I felt the same way in the beginning! Felt bloated, tender breasts, emotionally sensitive and tired often. All the premenstrual systems I would get! It was so weird! 

binxybaby

Moms of two or more boys, what am I in for? 😳

babybump3coming

@binxybaby
Having 2 boys 3 years apart was the best thing for them. They are now 11 & 8 but they were best buds growing up. My oldest was so good to his brother. It helped that I spoke about his brother & changes coming…being the oldest I truly felt he filled his role very well. Preparing them helps get them excited for the arrival & helping with baby with day to day needs. It wasn’t until the baby grew up to be a toddler at 3 did I feel I had my hands full. Because 2nd born tend to be more wild, stubborn & loud. 

Found out I’m having boy #3 with the blood test. Funny cuz I wanted a 3rd boy but then the thought of having a daughter with 2 older brothers grew on me. So much that I cried when I found out because I guess I secretly had my heart set on a girl after this surprise baby entered my life. I had a good cry for a day & I'm back to being excited. The boys are already making him a wish list on Amazon. Of all the cool toddler toys they remembered & want for him. I love being a boy mom. They are my little men & will always have my heart.  

binxybaby

@babybump3coming That is so good to hear! My boys will be about 3 years, 6-7 months apart. I'm trying to prepare my son for having a baby brother, but of course he doesn't totally get it. He does like looking at the babies at daycare though so I take that as a plus! 

I am going to miss out on the whole older brother-younger sister dynamic too. I really would have loved to see it, but I am also extremely excited to see my son teach his little brother how to build towers, play with trucks, and all that. Super gender normative, but my son loves stereotypically boy stuff lol.

Being a boy mom is wonderful. 

KFrob

As I was not sleeping last night I was thinking about what we needed for the baby, but also over thinking some stuff which lead me to think about stuff that you don’t need. I figured some of us moms with a bunch of kids can provide a list of stuff we got and never used, or decided wasn’t worth buying. Thoughts? Should we do it here or a separate thread?