The Great Big Questions Thread - Page 3 — The Bump
October 2021 Moms

The Great Big Questions Thread

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Re: The Great Big Questions Thread

  • @galentine that is the same strategy my SIL and BIL use. It works really well for them. My husband has no strong opinions so I make a list of names I like and he vetos them. Any name he doesn’t veto stays in the list and then we pick a favorite. We dig through the family tree to find baby names so we did that step together, as well.
    Monday confession: I WISH my husband had no strong opinions! Haha! I have a boy name my heart is absolutely set on, and he hates it. But it's so perfect and nothing g else compares for me 😭😭
    chindimples04
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  • @galentine that’s how our girl name was. He hated it and I loved it. I just kept saying it and taught DD how to say it and he totally caved eventually. That’s what happened with DD, too. Her name is Tennyson, which is very out there, and he did not like it, but the more I said it and made nicknames for her, he fell in love. Keep trying!
    TTGP October Siggy Challenge - Pets in Costumes

    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 26

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019 | May '19 BMB

    TTC#2 | June '20-Present

    galentine
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  • @galentine we will just casually say names out loud and say yes or no. It’s so random. DH will be cooking dinner and be like “Oliver?” or I’ll pause a movie we’re watching and be like “Zachary?” And the other person says no, maybe, or I like that! Once we thought of a first name we liked, we thought of a middle name to go with it. 

    And that’s just gone on sporadically over the last year and a half since we started trying 😂 we are pretty set on both a girls and boys name. 100% on the girls and like 80% sure on the boys (I am 100% and just need to keep convincing him it’s perfect) But once we find out the sex we’ll really nail it down and decide. We really like to talk about the baby’s name before the baby is born and get used to hearing it and saying it :) 
    galentinepurplegoldpiratechindimples04
  • bcliffee1bcliffee1 member
    edited April 27
    Edit I commented about nursery’s on the wrong thread LOL #pregnancybrain
    galentinechindimples04
  • Is anyone else’s clinic or practice cutting back on prenatal appointments because of COVID? The cancelled my 16 week appointment all together (I can still opt for a nurses only appointment, but no provider) and rather than a 24 and 28 week appointment, they are only doing 26 week appointments. It really bothers me that they are getting back appointments, especially knowing some of the risks I carry in this pregnancy. Am I the only one?
    TTGP October Siggy Challenge - Pets in Costumes

    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 26

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019 | May '19 BMB

    TTC#2 | June '20-Present

  • @chindimples04, my clinic is still having their usual schedule for pregnant patients. I can see how it would make you nervous to skip appointments if you are high risk. Can you request to be seen on the normal schedule due to your concerns?
  • @chindimples04 I dont think mine is a different schedule but I would be highly annoyed if only because I'm sure they aren't charging less. My provider bills for a whole pregnancy.
  • @chindimples04 no, but I totally wish I could skip the 16 and 24 week ones.  
  • @demimondaine I’m billed per appointment, but I’m only $300 from my deductible so I don’t even care. 🤣 
    @galentine I’m debating asking to do a 24 and 28 week appointment. I’m with @vampirina that skipping 16 weeks isn’t the end of the world as it’s usually just a doppler appointment, but 24-26 weeks was when all hell broke loose last pregnancy. Maybe I’ll call this week and bring up my concern.
    TTGP October Siggy Challenge - Pets in Costumes

    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 26

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019 | May '19 BMB

    TTC#2 | June '20-Present

    galentine
  • @chindimples04 I would definitely want to have the 24 and 28 given what you said about your last pregnancy. 
    My clinic isn’t cutting back. My OB’s office is steps away from the hospital. I have been going every week since I found out I was pregnant and the HG started. My OB bills per appointment/service and not for the whole pregnancy. I’m not sure if that’s just my personal experience with the practice because of my insurance or if they also bill for the whole pregnancy for other insurance?
    The hospital I’m delivering at just opened back up to visitors (on a limited basis) for the first time since the pandemic started. I am excited about this because it means that likely they’ll have an in-person “birthing/learn baby basics” class. It’s my SO’s first so I really wanted to go together to include him as much as I can in this whole process.
    chindimples04galentine
  • My OB has regular appts but you can only bring one support person to the US appointments and have to come alone otherwise, and no kids can come to any appts. I’d definitely be requesting regular monthly appts or getting a Doppler at home, my anxiety would be out of control if I couldn’t confirm the heartbeat every month. 
  • @kitandcat I actually bought a doppler, it should be arriving tomorrow. I panicked at my kidney ultrasound last week a little because he looked so small. Then I remembered he really is that smaller, especially when zoomed out to get a look at a whole bladder or whole kidney.
    TTGP October Siggy Challenge - Pets in Costumes

    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 26

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019 | May '19 BMB

    TTC#2 | June '20-Present

    cenzosmommakitandcat
  • @chindimples04 as previous posters said, I would go ahead and schedule an appt with the nurse.  They will likely look at the same things as the provider and if something doesn't look right, either pull in a provider or give you an appointment within days.
    chindimples04
  • @chindimples04 I'm still getting all the usual appointments, plus growth scans every month because I'm old and high risk. 😏 Echoing what others are saying, I'd definitely advocate for yourself here, especially having experienced complications last time!
    chindimples04
  • My mom just acted upset because I told her I probably won’t let anybody including her see the baby for a few weeks after she’s born. 
    Am I crazy?? With the virus and babies immune systems being weak when they are initially born I’d rather not take my chances. 
    She also said something about coming to the hospital. I said I will probably want a few weeks to myself to get settled in too. And that I won’t want any visitors after giving birth. 
    Like ??? lol 
    kitandcat
  • @madiirosee if she is vaccinated and willing to wear a mask, then we are allow people to visit. But we are requiring Covid and flu vaccines for those eligible to visit the first few months.
    TTGP October Siggy Challenge - Pets in Costumes

    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 26

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019 | May '19 BMB

    TTC#2 | June '20-Present

    madiirosee
  • @chindimples04 totally! I also just like, hate the idea of giving birth then immediately having visitors. I’m a very “to myself” person and think I’ll want a few weeks to just get settled. Especially as a first time mom!
  • @madiirosee oh, we had visitors 18 hours after coming back from the hospital and I was not having it. It was VERY overwhelming. But, our parents were also able to come to the hospital with DD, and did, A LOT. Probably too much, honestly. After a week at home, I was personally ready for visitors, but not in those first few days.
    TTGP October Siggy Challenge - Pets in Costumes

    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 26

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019 | May '19 BMB

    TTC#2 | June '20-Present

    madiiroseetari_sara
  • cait32cait32 member
    @madiirosee I think it depends on your relationship with your mom and you might change your mind a bunch too. My mom was mad because I told her we weren’t telling anyone when I went to the birth center. So we called her at 3am after DD was born. She got over being mad immediately. And I thought I wouldn’t want anyone around but for some reason my mom was so comforting. I felt more comfortable with her watching the baby on her own while I slept than I did DH. I feel like some switch flipped in my brain that was like “oh she kept me alive so I trust her!” I’m pretty close to my parents so this wasn’t shocking but I’m very much a “to myself” person who didn’t want visitors. I ended up feeling differently about my mom than I did others.
    DSS: March 2006
    DD: July 2017
    DS: February 2019
    BFP #3 TW ended in CP March 2020
    BFP #4 - TW ended in CP August 2020
    BFP #5 - due October 2021
    madiirosee
  • @cait32 sure I could see that too! I think it’s just hard with my mom because instead of asking me. She assumes. Or she immediately starts getting upset if I begin saying something I might want that she doesn’t like. So I go into total shut that shit down mode right away. 
  • cait32cait32 member
    oh yeah totally...similar w/my mom on many issues (though having kids has actually helped that for me -- i know for others its made it worse). I just kept telling her my answer was "i don't know what I will want from you and I need you to understand and give me the space to figure it out" -- she acted hurt/offended, but like, who cares? She made such a big deal about the fact that I told her we weren't telling anyone when I went into labor, but clearly it didn't MATTER in the end because she got a call when the baby had arrived. Why did she need to know when I was at the birth center? lol...it was a fast labor so fortunately I didn't have to endure hours and hours of no one knowing...just five ha

    DSS: March 2006
    DD: July 2017
    DS: February 2019
    BFP #3 TW ended in CP March 2020
    BFP #4 - TW ended in CP August 2020
    BFP #5 - due October 2021
    purplegoldpiratemadiirosee
  • @madiirosee nah, you're not crazy. Even if it were totally safe virus-wise, you'll be recovering, too, and you may not want others around! My rule of thumb this time around is going to be default to no, but if they are providing something I need and are vaccinated, I will probably say yes. With my daughter, I said yes too much and was really stressed out. I could have had it so much easier, and I plan to this time around!
    cait32madiirosee
  • tari_saratari_sara member
    edited April 29
    @madiiirose my mother in law is also asking same but i really would like a week just us as a small family. 
    madiirosee
  • I can't decide what I want to do about my MIL/visitors. Boundaries were not respected with DS. Everyone will need to be vaccinated and have their flu shot. I single out my MIL because she just sold her house and is now out of state, and she'll be staying with DS while we are in the hospital. I may have her stay for a few days and then leave and maybe come back later? She's retired so she has a bit of a better schedule than my mom. But last time we had too many visitors, people bringing things over which was nice, but we were in temporary housing since our house had flooded and I am not doing that this time especially with COVID/flu season.
    madiirosee
  • @madiirosee I think that’s great that you’re setting the boundaries and expectations that are right for what you need. Seriously, it’s pretty insane that people want to come see women and their new babies in the hospital after we’ve just given birth. 

    With my daughter, my mom came, my dad/stepmom/three siblings, my ILs, my BIL/SIL/their two kids... all to the hospital! And I can’t get out of freaking bed because I’ve just had a csection, I’m in pain, I’m exhausted and want to sleep, I’m trying to breastfeed, I’m worried and anxious about my son at home, etc. It makes no sense to have all these people come see us (regardless of a pandemic!) when we’re in those beginning moments. And I think that it’s just always been that way, so we continue to let it happen, when more of us want to just to be alone but are too scared to say anything. Seriously, I think it’s really cool that you’re speaking up for what you know you need! I am not grateful for a pandemic, obviously, but I am grateful that no one can come visit us in the hospital. 

    And when we get home, I think our vaccinated parents and siblings coming will be okay ... but I have several friends who came to visit last time at our house within the first week that I’m definitely going to wait on this time. And unvaccinated visitors are just a hell no. 


    galentinemadiirosee
  • At least for the hospital, visitation policy right now is one person per 24-hour period. So unless my husband goes home and commits to not coming back for at least 24 hours, no one else is getting in to see me. As long as that's in place, the hospital will do my gatekeeping for me. 👍
    purplegoldpirategalentinechindimples04madiirosee
  • @noprobalo oh wow! My clinic is two visitors total and once they leave, they can’t come back! So unless my mom is hanging in the waiting room all of labor and delivery, it will just be DH and I.
    TTGP October Siggy Challenge - Pets in Costumes

    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 26

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019 | May '19 BMB

    TTC#2 | June '20-Present

    madiirosee
  • @noprobalo @chindimples04 I don't know what the policy was when DS was born, it was just DH and I. But as of last summer it was one person in delivery and mat ward in general. Hoping it stays that way, and if it doesn't I may have a little white lie for family members who want to visit us in the hospital.
    madiiroseemac-n-cheesychindimples04
  • So glad I’m not the only one who feels this way!! I mean I kind of expected it honestly- things are clearly tighter now because of the virus and obviously going into the winter season I’ll want to be careful. 
    My mom is not vaccinated but says she will before our daughter is born. 
    But yes, I think even leaving out viruses and health- I just want some friggin time alone! Lol. Change has always, my entire life been incredibly overwhelming and difficult on me. And although this will be a beautiful life change, it also will be a LOT to take in. I just am not someone who has a lot of energy to give at all times. I’m very insular. I’d rather dedicate it in that first week or two, to my daughter and DH. 
    Everyone else can wait! 
    kitandcatpurplegoldpirate
  • noprobalonoprobalo member
    What has everyone's experience with childbirth classes been like? I signed up for the one through the hospital because I want to know what their specific practices are. The coordinator emailed to confirm and also told me to bring a blanket and two pillows. I'm like, uhh, I thought this was just going to be a classroom format. The description didn't say Lamaze or anything like that, so now I'm wondering what I've signed up for. 😂
  • vampirinavampirina member
    @noprobalo ours was mostly learning about labor and delivery, discussing certain choices with our spouses (nursery or no?) And then we'd practice laboring techniques (walk?? Bounce? Stretch?) or other wellness exercises in general that are good for pregnancy for the last 15-20 minutes. 
    noprobalo
  • @noprobalo @vampirina ours was the exact same. I think it was 4 or 6 classes. We ended up doing that as opposed to Saturdays since it was summer. There was also a lot of talk about different types of pain management. We needed a blanket and pillows for different breathing techniques, I think they just want you to be comfy. They ended ours with a big tour of the maternity and L&D ward which was nice. We always had an ice cream date afterwards so it was fun to look forward to.
    noprobalo
  • noprobalonoprobalo member
    @gingermama46 That sounds likely. Though the curriculum includes "supportive coaching techniques", so I'm a little nervous my husband is going to have to practice holding my leg up or rub my back while I crouch on all fours...with an audience. 😂😂
    A tour would be nice, but their policies are still so restrictive, I wonder if that will open back up before August when the class is scheduled for.
  • pizzaplzpizzaplz member
    @noprobalo I actually didn't do any classes. I did some reading on different methods and techniques, of course, but my doctor just told me what to do and when, and I was fine with that. So that's another option! 😏
    mac-n-cheesy
  • This was asked recently, and I looked in a few threads but can't find it. What are you all using/recommend for stretch marks? 
  • jtayl962jtayl962 member
    @gingermama46 I am using the Palmers coco butter
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