The Great Big Questions Thread

bkjade

Hi all, let's keep all our general questions in one place. That way you can look back in this thread to see if your question has already been asked/answered instead of trying to search back in weekly threads that may get lost.

@BumpAdmin please sticky this thread!

bshell44

Hello! I’m new here as of today! Tested positive yesterday and still so early, but happy to be here. Quick question for anyone who has had multiple pregnancies... Because of my job, I’m hoping to keep this private for as long as possible. I’m just scared that it won’t be for very long since it’s my 3rd pregnancy. My first two were much closer together (over five years ago), but I was showing by about 10-11 weeks with my second. Yes, I realize it was just bloating, but it was super obvious to those who knew me. I’m so curious how it’s going to be this time around. Really hoping I can wait until at least January to share the news. 

Any thoughts or experience with this?

daisy528

@bshell44 I hear ya! I’m on my 3rd pregnancy, and I also want to keep it under wraps. I’ve been stocking up on a lot of looser sweaters since they are in style right now to hide any potential bloat/bump. 

bshell44

@daisy528 Good idea! I need to organize my closet, see what I have, and then start stocking up on some things!

cjjr21

@bshell44 I'm in the same situation. This is my 3rd. My youngest is 5, so it's been a little while since I've done this. But I showed earlier with him than my oldest.  I'm also hoping to able to hide it until January. 

kfry22

@bshell44 Plus 1 for the same situation. This is baby #3 after my husband and I were adamant and have always told anyone that asks that we were not having anymore. He got me to change my mind and I could not be more excited or happy about it. However we are going to have a lot of shocked friends and family. Almost no one knew that we were even trying. I don’t have my first appointment until 11 weeks on December 11 and didn’t want to announce anything until after Christmas. The bloat is real and I typically show early due to my body shape. I’m getting nervous about showing and getting questions. 

This kind of segues me into my question. I work as a school bus driver, the custodian of the bus garage, and a high school music secretary during the school day. I clean the bus garage with some heavy duty disinfectants but wear a mask (cloth face mask thanks to covid) and gloves. I know I could call my doctor and ask, but does anyone know the risks of being around chemicals such as those? I could talk to my boss and tell her I’m not comfortable to clean anymore but just started this job in august and she and the rest of the bus garage are so happy with how I clean that I don’t want to disappoint them. But at the same time I don’t want that third job in a day anymore. Conflicted.... 

hamhamler

@kfry22 if it were me I’d find the SDS for the exact product(s) you are using, read it yourself to figure out what chemicals are in there, and send the document to your doctor to get their opinion. I think most common household cleaners/disinfectants are pretty safe (to a chemist, obviously everyone’s tolerance to this varies) but commercial cleaners are often not. Found this link on the CDC https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/topics/repro/disinfectants.html

bshell44

@cjjr21 My youngest is five also! I feel so out of the loop. 

bshell44

@kfry22 Yes!! We have been the same way. Adamant we wouldn’t have another... Until one day a few months back we decided we did! My other two (7 and 5) are getting older so we felt like it was now or never. Needless to say, we are going to have a few shocked friends and family members! I think you’re a couple weeks ahead of me, so you’ll have to keep me updated on how it goes! 

I agree with @hamhamler to look into the ingredients and pass them on to your doctor. I work around kids too. I’m a little bit nervous about working around so many kids during flu/Covid season. Hoping to stay healthy these next few months. 

bkjade

@bshell44 - my third daughter was born with a big gap between her and her older sister and I was able to keep it under wraps until 6 months. I was due in May so a lot of my early pregnancy was in the winter which meant less revealing clothes which helped. Agree with pp on loose fitting clothing!

bshell44

@bkjade That’s great to know! Hopefully since there’s been a big gap for me too, I’ll be able to keep it under wraps for a little while! Thanks for the info!

daisy528

There seems to be a lot of us with other kids (especially with age gaps of 4+). How is everyone planning to tell their kids?!

karacc18

@daisy528 My oldest is 6 and

*TW* when i miscarried in May I was at 11 weeks and had already told him we were having another baby, so having to tell him the baby went to heaven was one of the worst moments. He still talks about having another baby and I am so excited to tell him. I think we will wait until after the first ultrasound at 7 weeks. Part of me wants to wait until after the 12 week scan, but that will be after Thanksgiving when we plan on telling the rest of the family (I'm a dead giveaway if I'm not drinking wine at Thanksgiving dinner) so I don't want him to hear it peripherally. 

kfry22

@hamhamler Thank you for the help! I didn’t know that I could look it up on the CDC site. I did and everything I use is currently not safe for pregnancy. So I talked to the bus boss the morning and I am going to clean as normal but use safe products. Then at the end of the day the mechanics will spray disinfectant on all the surfaces I normally disinfected. Makes me feel a lot better. 

@daisy528 my boys are 3 and 5 and constantly ask for a baby. I am going to have their elf on the shelf bring them a present Christmas Eve when we get home from great wolf lodge. It will have matching shirts for them and a onsie for the baby as well as an ultrasound picture for them to open. 

karacc18

@kfry22 I loooooove that idea from Elf on the Shelf!!! If I can squeak by Thanksgiving without him finding out I would love to try and do that.

daisy528

@kfry22 I also LOVE the elf idea! I have a 5.5 and 4 year old, and we are telling the rest of the family at Christmas. I’m just nervous my kids will spoil the secret ahead of
time, even if I tell them Christmas morning lol like I can see them walk into my parents house and just immediately announce we are having a baby😂

tiggywiggles

I also love the elf idea.  Super creative!  Our kids are 7, 5, 2.  We are going to wait until it physically obvious before we tell our kids.  I'm going to let my mom know at Christmas but otherwise we are going to keep it under wraps until we cant.  
I'm excited to tell my daughter, she wants a sister so badly but I'm nervous to disappoint her with another brother.  

bkjade

I think we will wait to tell our 4 year old until after it's obvious too, but I've been warming her up to the idea (or trying to lol) by talking about siblings in general, babies, baby animals, etc. My other two kids are in college so that's an entirely different thing lol.

*TW*I had and have a very similar situation @karacc18! I've already spilled the beans to my partner's parents bc I didn't want them to stock up on wine for Thanksgiving  but told them that my kids don't know yet so fx that everyone can keep it on the low for the week.

nopegoat

@daisy528 my boys are 10, 8, almost 6, 4, and 1. We will be waiting to tell them for a bit because they can't keep a secret for anything. We probably won't be doing anything special, just a, "hey you're getting another sibling" because after 5 kids I think the magic has worn off for them ha!

@kfry22 I refuse to do the elf, but I LOVE that idea!! 

kfry22

@nopegoat you would appreciate the shirts I think. I have a tshirt with a gate on it that says “professional gate opener”. It’s a joke at our house that I always get asked to open the gates and my husband owns a fence company so it’s a very fitting shirt for me. The onsie and the boys shirts all say “future gate opener” 

nopegoat

@kfry22 um. That's sounds freaking adorable! How perfect! 

canucklehead123

Hey all!  Would you recommend upgrading to a double stroller if LO will be 3 years old already when new baby arrives?  I can't decide if it will be worth it or not... thoughts would be appreciated!!

nopegoat

@canucklehead123 it really depends on how often you use a regular stroller right now. If you use or have used a stroller often then go for it. Personally I hate strollers especially double strollers. They are huge and any place I would actually use one (Dr's office, museum, zoo) they barely fit and are awkward to maneuver around people. My kids are 10, 8, 5, 4, and 1. A small umbrella stroller, a baby carrier, and a backpack for all our crap are all I've ever used. 

canucklehead123

Thanks @nopegoat - we rarely use our stroller anymore but we rarely go anywhere anymore either so it's hard to say!

kfry22

@canucklehead123 I second @nopegoat above. We were not big stroller people. We do have a folding wagon that I use still with a 5 and 3 year old that I love. It is a radio flyer collapsible wagon, maybe something like that could be an option for you, after this little one can sit up unassisted. 

nopegoat

@canucklehead123 if you plan on baby wearing, tend to pack light, and your oldest does OK walking beside you/holding your hand I wouldn't worry about it. 

wanderlustsoul

Ok @canucklehead123 I had the same question. Except my LO will be 22 months. I wore him for the first 6 months as a baby but will I want the double option? Stroller/baby wear is our main form of transport as we don’t use a car. We either bike, walk, or take the tram. 

canucklehead123

@AKuzReve If it were me and I mainly walked/used public transport for transportation I would definitely opt for a stroller! 

navete

@canucklehead123 We actually got a stroller that could turn into a double stroller with our first in hopes of having 2 eventually, and I’m thinking we might not even need that feature. Our son will be almost 2.5 in July and I don’t see him being interested at all in being strapped in a stroller at that point. However, I’m glad to have the option (I would just need to order some extra parts to convert it). Is there any way to add a kickboard or something similar to your current stroller? 

DuchessOfCambridge

@canucklehead123 I think it depends on your kid too. Mine are 3 and 1.5, my younger doesn’t walk yet but even the 3 yo opts to sit often. I’ve made the mistake of not bringing a stroller and it’s resulted in carrying two children and very sore shoulders. The Zoe double is a very lightweight option that can be used from birth and you could always put a diaper bag or something if your older kid only wants to walk. 

My vote is get a double bc I am a BIG BABY about carrying children. I don’t mind baby wearing when they’re tiny but honestly after that no matter what carrier I’m using, my shoulders and back hurt after a while and I’m sore for days 

bkjade

@canucklehead123 agree with a lot of others here, I’d skip the double stroller - but I rarely use strollers anyhow. I’d prob babywear the 👶  and use your current stroller for the big kid if you want to. I am 💯 with @nopegoat about double strollers not working anywhere well, maybe a stroller board as a smaller option? All of this said I think it really depends where you live, how you get places, and how much you use a stroller. 

marikkita12

I hate strollers and I’m 1000% for babywearing. I’ve done days at Disneyland (pre covid obviously) with my toddler and my tula. He napped in it and it allowed me to keep him contained in lines and stuff. I still wear him now (at 4 years old and 45 lbs) although we don’t really go anywhere 

canucklehead123

DS was carrier-averse!!! We tried EVERY carrier, ergo, baby bjorn, soft wrap style carriers, soft t-shirt style carriers, the ring-slings... omg he WAILED in all of them until about 5-6 months.  I'm committed to just sticking this new babe in the carrier from the get-go and going with the flow - don't know how we will survive without!  Hoping whoever they are, they are a bit more laid back when it comes to carriers and devices (DS also hated the swing, the mamaroo, and the car seat... he was honestly only happy when he had room to be freeeee - early crawler/walker and will now take off immediately if there is any type of open space available to him.... I think they call that *spirited*, this mama calls it a nightmare)!!  The wagon is a great idea for trips to the zoo etc.. I think he would prefer to sit in something like that if he gets tired than a stroller and bonus it can haul all of your crap easier! LOL.

DuchessOfCambridge

@canucklehead123 wagon is a great idea! We have one of those too and both kids love it. And yes - it holds alllllll my stuff 😂

marikkita12

baby bucket or convertible car seat from the beginning? We loaned all the bases (we have 3) of our baby bucket to my sil for when my nephew was a baby. We were planning on asking for them back but we just found out she’s pregnant and due 18 days after me. I would be fine with a convertible seat since I hate strollers and basically baby wear always but husband is saying he wants the bucket. I don’t want to have to replace all the bases but he says it’s no big deal except for the fact that I’m furloughed from work and they are both still working full time 

riansmommie

@marikkita12 with my 4th I only used the bucket for 3 months. With this baby we will probably skip it all together and just go straight to the convertible.

daisy528

@marikkita12 ooh good question. My bucket from my previous two kids is now expired, so I need to figure out what we will do. I love the bucket for the early months, but can’t justify spending the money when this is like your last child. If I can get a decent deal on Black Friday on a bucket I might just do it though.

wanderlustsoul

@marikkita12, if you won’t use the stroller then convertible. For us we don’t use a car so the infant seat is necessary if we want to click it into the stroller. 

canucklehead123

@marikkita12 we loved our bucket for the cold climate we live in - it made it easy to keep baby warm from house to car - when we switched to the the convertible with ds it was a huge annoyance (still is) to bundle to get to the car, then unbundle to be safe in the seat, then bundle back up when we got where we’re going.... can’t imagine doing that with a newborn and a toddler!!

kfry22

I don’t know what to do about a car seat or stroller either. This is baby 3 and the last baby. We said number 2 was it and got rid of all the baby stuff about two years ago. So I’ll have to start over with everything. I see the infant car seat being helpful with a 5 and 3 year old to go places. But can also see how we could get away with the convertible seat and baby wearing. Not big stroller people but can also see how it would be helpful. Also don’t know if life will be back to pre covid status next year in the summer to have places to go using a stroller.  Husband has no clue and told me to do what is best 🤷🏼‍♀️

karacc18

I am team bucket seat all the way. Especially easy if you have other kids when getting out of the house in the morning, etc. You get the baby situated and in their seat so you just click them in after the big kids are all set (that way you aren't leaving an infant in the convertible alone in the driveway while you get all the other crap and kids in the car. And even though these kiddos will be born in the middle of summer, the cold weather creeps in by October so i agree on the bundling issue. 

Speaking of carseat expirations - this might be a FFFC but do they really expire? Like, I know there is an expiration on the seat, but if it was well taken care of do you still need to replace? Mine is expired by about a year by the time July rolls around. I mean, I'll prob snag a new one on Black Friday. Do you think the deals will be better if I wait for a target buy back for the old one? Will most likely go with another Chicco KeyFit 30 because I have all the bases. But the spoiled brat in me wants an UppaBaby Mesa to match my stroller.