TTCAL August 2020 — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

TTCAL August 2020

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage, selective termination due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? 

What is something that you are struggling with this week? 

What is going well for you this week? 

R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

April Sig Challenge- Social Distancing 


Re: TTCAL August 2020

  • I haven't been in this thread for a very long time (pretty much just stuck to the IF thread). I hope it's OK for me to rejoin. 

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 early losses (5 weeks in December '18, CP July '19) Diagnosed with unexplained IF and RPL.

    Status: WFAF (quasi-benched last cycle prepping for IVF) I am 12dpo (I think) so hopefully CD is tomorrow or Monday.

    How are things going? I am doing OK. Job searching has been a distraction. I do worry quite a bit that we won't get any viable embryos out of IVF and that is making me very anxious. 

    What is something that you are struggling with this week? the arrival of August reminds me that I should be celebrating my first angel's first birthday soon. Instead, we're still struggling with IF and have no answers about our losses. Both were too early and there was nothing they could test. 

    *TW LC mentioned*

    I'm also constantly worried that my SIL is going to call any day to tell us she is KU. I honestly have zero basis for this fear other than the fact that her son is a year and a half old, so it would make sense if they were TFAS. I don't even know if she wants more children. It's just a constant fear that she'll have two before we can even have one. I know it's not a competition but still, it sucks. 

    What is going well for you this week? Hopefully I can start IVF injections soon and I'll feel like we're actually making progress toward our rainbow.

    R/R? DH is being super sweet right now. He wants to drive me to all my ultrasound and blood work appointments so I don't feel like I am doing anything alone. He doesn't care that he can't come in the building because of COVID restrictions, he said he'll sit in the car and listen to the radio while he waits. I think he's also trying to make up for the fact that he forgot to submit the paperwork for the PGS testing for IVF and we had to redo it last week!  :D  

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope. We finished all our IF/RPL testing a year ago, hence the "unexplained" diagnosis. I do worry that there may be issues with my egg quality because both losses were CPs, but there's really no way to test that.


    TTGP July Signature Challenge: Popular Things the Year You Were Born

    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day
    BFP 7/1/19, CP confirmed 7/3/19
    First RE consult 5/2019
    Hycosy: All clear!
    Unexplained IF/RPL/AMA
    IUI#1 November '19: BFN
    IUI#2 February '19: Cancelled (ovaries went rogue)
    IVF March '20: Cancelled
    IVF Take 2! July/August 2020
    "You can build me up, you can tear me down,
    You can try but I'm unbreakable.
    You can do your best, but I'll stand the test.
    You'll find that I'm unshakable.
    When the fire's burnt,
    When the wind has blown,
    When the water's dried, you'll still find stone.
    My heart of stone."



  • Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. - Early MC at 7 weeks Nov, 2019 and TFMR for T21, cystic hygroma, hydrops and a heart problems at 16 weeks July, 2020. 

    Status: WFAF- hopefully soon. FX

    How are things going? Things are going ok. It’s been 3 weeks since I had my loss and I’m doing my best to move forward. I have good days and bad days, but overall I have been dealing with it a lot better then I thought. 

    What is something that you are struggling with this week? I miss my son so very much! I just struggle with each Thursday that goes by cause I would have been 19 weeks along this week and I would have had my big 20 week ultrasound coming up next Tuesday aug 4th and I was sooo looking forward to that one cause it’s very detailed and get to see so much. Sadly I’ve never ever made it that far yet. 

    What is going well for you this week? Well, I decided to POAS on Weds to see if my HCG hormones were going down and we’re down low enough to show the preg test negative. I was expecting to still see 2 lines on it but I was shocked when the test was negative. Yay! It’s only been 2.5 weeks at that point and my HCG has gone down that low so it no longer registers that I was PG. Never thought I would be soo happy to see a BFN. This means that my period should then start up again soon which I’m happy to get going quickly and restart my body and cycles. 

    R/R? I live in Canada and we have a long weekend this weekend Yay! Time off work. My DH and I have booked a mini vacation away alone together for a few nights. We leave tomorrow to a place called “ Whistler” it’s like a 3 hour drive from our house. It will be nice to get away together after all we have been through. We booked the executive suite at the Hilton hotel so we will have an in suite jetted jacuzzi tub 😉 alright lol. Going to drink some wine and champagne and go swimming and soak in the tub. We might go horse backing riding too. I’m looking forward to the distraction.  Rant: I love my SIL and BIL but they just had a baby girl in Jan and she’s 6 months old now and they keep sending me pictures and videos of her learning to roll over etc and I just can’t even open their texts anymore or watch of the videos. I love my niece so much and she’s adorable but after losing my son 3 weeks ago, it just hurts my heart to see that right now. They don’t even have any idea what I’ve gone through lately or that I was pregnant. This sucks 😢

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope nothing! 

    @emeraldduchess girl!! Of course you can rejoin us here. Always ❤️ Sorry you are struggling with the arrival of August my friend. it’s tough.*hugs* I do hope you get some good viable embryos out of IVF. I have faith and hope you will. That’s so cute that your DH has been very sweet to you and wants to drive you around to your appts. Also, I’m sorry your worried about your SIL getting KU again and giving you a call about it. Family pregnancy announcements are the worst especially after you have had multiple losses and have no LC. It does suck. I agree and I don’t blame you for having that fear. I would too. Luckily I don’t have to hear that news anytime soon as my SIL just had a baby this Jan. I’m hoping you don’t get that dreaded call anytime soon. 

    April Sig Challenge- Social Distancing 


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  • @mindyb2019 your long weekend sounds wonderful. Drink ALL the champagne and enjoy that jacuzzi tub, girl.

    My heart hurts for you having to deal with all those texts from your SIL and BIL. We were in a somewhat similar situation after our first loss. Putting it in a spoiler because *TW* LC mentioned.
    Our first loss was two days after our nephew was born. DH called his parents when we got back from the emergency room because he just needed to talk to them about it (they didn't know I was pregnant yet, obviously). So they knew what we were going through but kept texting us pictures of everyone smiling away holding our nephew because they thought it would "cheer us up". DH finally had to call his dad and ask him to PLEASE stop. It was really hard for DH to do because he was afraid of hurting his parents' feelings, but they apologized and stopped. They meant well, but it was obviously a HUGE misfire. 

    TTGP July Signature Challenge: Popular Things the Year You Were Born

    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day
    BFP 7/1/19, CP confirmed 7/3/19
    First RE consult 5/2019
    Hycosy: All clear!
    Unexplained IF/RPL/AMA
    IUI#1 November '19: BFN
    IUI#2 February '19: Cancelled (ovaries went rogue)
    IVF March '20: Cancelled
    IVF Take 2! July/August 2020
    "You can build me up, you can tear me down,
    You can try but I'm unbreakable.
    You can do your best, but I'll stand the test.
    You'll find that I'm unshakable.
    When the fire's burnt,
    When the wind has blown,
    When the water's dried, you'll still find stone.
    My heart of stone."



    mindyb2019
  • Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

    One loss, TFMR at 22 weeks about 6 weeks ago. Story in spoiler if you are interested, but definite trigger warning. 

    Everything had been going fine until we found out at 21 week scan that she had several major malformations of her brain, face, and heart that were not compatible with life after birth. We were completely blindsided as everything had been going fine until then, we had a normal early US and normal NIPT results. We had to make the awful decision to terminate, but also learned that even for medical reasons it is not legal where we live. Ended up having to travel halfway across the country in a pandemic, and even where it is legal it can't be done at a hospital, so you are awake for everything. To make it all so much worse, due to COVID you have to go in alone. 

    We hadn't yet said anything on social media, but everyone we knew in person knew I was pregnant. I was showing for 2 months, so even any patients I saw at that time knew. I constantly have to explain to people that we lost the baby, and that really just sucks.

    I'm trying really hard at this point to hold my life together, but I miss her so much. Sometimes I still feel like I can feel her moving.

    Status: WTO, but I think I will be self-benching this month.

    How are things going? Trying to pick up the pieces of my life and be optimistic.

    What is something that you are struggling with this week? I don't know what to wear. I gained about 20 lbs during the pregnancy and I have only lost about 7 so far. I won't wear maternity clothes anymore because it makes me too sad, but I can't fit in most of my pre-pregnancy clothes yet. I have to go in to work every day in business casual and I only have 4 shirts that fit. I know it is such a dumb thing to be worried about, but it just seems like yet another reminder about what I lost. 

    What is going well for you this week? I am getting better at talking about everything without crying. I am working with a therapist which has been really helpful and I am finding more often that I am able to feel genuinely happy about things. 

    R/R? I made some really delicious Indian food that was actually low enough in points that I can have it on weight watchers. Food has a definite ability to make me happy. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? The condition she had has about a 20% recurrence rate if it is not chromosomal, and we recently learned that it was definitely not chromosomal. The next round of genetic tests was supposed to be back already and it is not. The likelihood that these results would change what we do is low (the only result that would stop me from trying to conceive naturally is if this is something that we can test for in advance, in which case we would switch to IVF with preimplantation genetic testing), but I can't in good conscience try naturally until we have the results. This is why I'm probably self benching unless the results come back this week.  

    @mindyb2019 I am so sorry that you also had to go through this. I also had my weeks change on Thursdays, and it is really hard to stop counting them. I haven't taken a test yet, but I know I should just to be sure. I think I have been assuming that by 6 weeks it would definitely be down enough. I hope you have a good time at Whistler! I love it there, though I have only ever been in the summer. 

    @emeraldduchess I know I am late to this but I am so happy that you get to move forward with IVF! If I remember from around January you were worried that it wasn't going to be covered? I apologize if I am confusing that but either way I am glad that IVF is now in the works!


    emeraldduchess
  • @fitzfizz I am so, so sorry for all you are going through. I don't know if you shared your story on here before, but this is the first time I've read it. Life is so incredibly unfair sometimes. Sending you  <3!

    TTGP July Signature Challenge: Popular Things the Year You Were Born

    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day
    BFP 7/1/19, CP confirmed 7/3/19
    First RE consult 5/2019
    Hycosy: All clear!
    Unexplained IF/RPL/AMA
    IUI#1 November '19: BFN
    IUI#2 February '19: Cancelled (ovaries went rogue)
    IVF March '20: Cancelled
    IVF Take 2! July/August 2020
    "You can build me up, you can tear me down,
    You can try but I'm unbreakable.
    You can do your best, but I'll stand the test.
    You'll find that I'm unshakable.
    When the fire's burnt,
    When the wind has blown,
    When the water's dried, you'll still find stone.
    My heart of stone."



  • @emeraldduchess No, this is the first time I had mentioned it, it is all still fairly new. Thanks  <3
  • asf0613asf0613 member
    @emeraldduchess i hope IVF is super successful for you.  i'm sure the timing is tough too with that anniversary to think about. but nice to hear YH is being very supportive
    @mindyb2019 weird to be wishing for AF right? and i know you have so many milestones youll have to get through over the next 20 weeks.  hopefully AF comes and TTC again can be a sight distraction
    @fitzfizz thank you for sharing your story.  im sure it is so hard to talk about, and while it wont feel better, it helps to be able to get through it without crying.  well at least not crying every time.  i still cry about it depending on who the conversation is with.

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC December

    Status: currently WTO (or i think today is O)

    How are things going? overall okay.  last cycle i just completely gave up because DH was worn out and i O'd later than expected.  this time around, i was hoping to have more of a sense of urgency, but ive been so caught up in work i hardly do.

    What is something that you are struggling with this week? work.  ive been feeling overwhelmed because even as i try to delegate, i have to jump in at the final hour to fix things. i try to teach but i think they struggle a bit.  i guess its true what they say, if you want something done right...

    What is going well for you this week? ive been getting a TON of sleep.  this weekend i slept in both mornings which was nice.

    R/R? DH and i got a bowflex! put it together yesterday and i am excited to start working out.

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? doc will be testing my progesterone after confirmed ovulation.  so im looking forward(?) to that i guess.  CD3 labs were fine which is good though

    Me: 29 | DH: 40 
    Married: June 2014 
    TW*
    TTC #1 Since: August 2019
    BFP: November 1, 2019 | EDD: July 11, 2020
    MMC: December 26, 2019
    TTGP AUGUST SIGGY CHALLENGE: SWIMWEAR FAILS
    babes bathing suit GIF by Cheezburger
  • akorosakoros member

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: TFMR at 15 weeks for T21 and progressive cystic hygroma in Dec 2019; MMC also at 15 weeks in July 2020, so far unexplained. I guess I have a 15-week curse. 

    Status: WFAF, had a D&C (or E?) just about two weeks ago, and I think the bleeding finally stopped (or, at least, is so light it only pops up when I'm physically active)

    How are things going? Ok? Seem to have more good/neutral moments than bad. In a way it feels like the most recent pregnancy and loss were just a good, then terrible, dream. There's a lot of bad things that happened since mid-June (miscarriage was just the rotten icing on the sh*t-cake), so it's going to take time to truly process it all.

    What is something that you are struggling with this week? I need to work out, and have zero motivation to do so. It doesn't help that it's boiling outside with 90% humidity every d*mn day, so the last thing I want to do is do something like a walk. I'm generally not great an exercising, thinking up all sorts of excuses to skip it, but I hate my body (partially loss-related, but mostly I'm lazy and perpetually have 15-20lbs to lose) and need to do something to help me like it again. 

    What is going well for you this week? Weekend was nice, we finally invested in some games so we have something to do together that isn't watching TV. Also finally got our Nest thermostat installed (one of the wires going to the old thermostat was disconnected, so we needed someone to come out and figure out how to reconnect everything), we've had the crappy one hanging out of a hole in the wall for 4 months. Now we have a nice, new one hanging out of a hole in the wall until my husband gets around to fastening it to the wall. 

    R/R? Rants -- this weather. It looks so lovely out, but as soon as you walk outside it just saps everything out of you. At the same time I'm dying to get out of the house.

    Raves -- My dad's a-fib seems to have mysteriously resolved itself, he's been out of it for almost two weeks now. Hemoglobin levels are also looking up, so he can probably restart the CML medications soon. Regarding our loss, all the doctors seem to be communicating very well with each other (my usual OB/GYN, the one who did the D&E, and then the MFM). They're across two different medical systems, so I know that it is sometimes a struggle to get them to communicate. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Karyotype on our most recent loss came back completely normal, including indicators for any sort of swapped/shortened chromosomes that he would have inherited from us. Getting a bunch of blood drawn to test for my hormones, infections, etc. when I go for my follow-up on Wednesday and then get results in a week or two to go over with the MFM. 

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