Updates (separate thread in case it's triggery for some folk)

kboydbowman

When I got up to pee at 4:00 in the morning I passed what appeared to be a significant portion of my mucus plug. When I got up again at 7, I passed even more.  Was also mildly crampy. Put a call in to the doctor and they told me to go to labor and delivery and get checked out.

 At the hospital they put me on a fetal monitor and contraction longer. Fetal monitor showed good heart tones and no evidence of any contractions.  They were going to just monitor me for a bit and send me home, but I asked them if they would please check my cervix since I was pretty sure I had lost my plug. They were thinking it was just some minor discharge.  But given my history they did agree to do the check.

It was a good thing they did, because it turns out my cervix was like 3 cm dilated and apparently I have some sort of rare condition where my uterus is partially prolapsed through my cervix. 

 So that immediately turned into you are not leaving this hospital until the baby is born and that might be very soon. And complete and total bed rest.  The neonatal adjust came and talked to me about odds and percentages which unfortunately I know. Basically if we can make it at least another week and a 1/2 odds start getting pretty good but right now odds are not very good.

So the plan became to check and see if I was leaking any amniotic fluid and if not to do a cerclage. However it does appear that I am leaking some amniotic fluid, although how much is unknown.

 So now I'm in the hospital for days, weeks, or months until the baby is born one way or another. Hooked up to about a zillion monitors and I have a bunch of medicine dripping into me.  I'm not allowed to get up even to pee. so now I have a Foley and bowel movements will be with a bedpan. Yuck.

 Trying to stay optimistic, but I'm also realistic. Will see how things look in the morning. Heart rate is still good. Still no contractions, just the partial dilation and some degree of sac rupture. Baby is at 500 grams per  ultrasound,  which is good. 

Her name is Clementine Justice,  by the way.  Don't think I had posted that here yet. 

animalandplantrescuer

Thanks for the update. You have been on my mind since I read your post. I am still sending good thoughts your way. I hope she can hold off as long as possible. 

Also, I know it’s virtual, but please let me know if I can do anything to help. Even if it’s to pass the time. I will be happy to connect elsewhere on social media if that helps any. 

morethanamama

I truly truly hope that Clementine can just stay in there just a bit longer and that you can stay as optimistic as possible. Thank you so much for the update. Really glad you advocated and got checked. Keep us posted

profmcgonagall

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’ll be keeping you and Clementine (beautiful name btw) in my thoughts. 

Hopefully they are able to put in a cerclage and keep her in a bit longer. 

coldbrew

I am so sorry you are going through this. Praying she stays put as long as possible!!

mckjacks

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I am sending all my good thoughts your way and hoping Clementine (love her name) stays in as long as possible. 

anitamargarita_82

Thank you for updating us.  I went through something very similar with my DD.  I can completely understand what you might be feeling.  Please stay strong and positive!  Will your body to keep Clementine growing for as long as possible.  Please let us know what we can do to help.   I play words with friends (online scrabble essentially) online if you want to find a new opponent or start playing.   

mamahosch

Thanks for keeping us updated. Hoping that you and Clementine stay healthy and keep her growing! 

MJDsquared

Glad Clementine's heart rate and weight are looking good. I hope she stays put and on the up and up for plenty of time to keep growing!

themoonandme

I'll be thinking of you and Clementine! I'm sorry that you're going through this!

babycakesday

Sending all the good positive thoughts your way. Praying she holds off as long as possible. 

baseballismyfavoriteseason

What a sweet name. 💗 Try to stay positive! It sounds good that her heart rate is strong and you’re not having contractions. Stay put a little longer, Clementine! We’re all rooting for you!

ccstlln1

Sending good thoughts and prayers that you and Clementine will stay healthy and that she’ll stay put as long as possible.

amapa20

I'm so sorry this is happening. I know we'll all be keeping you and Clementine in our thoughts, and we're here to cheer you both on!

Kurtni

I’m so sorry. It’s so hard when things come up like this before delivery is a good option. I hope she’s able to stay put longer and you handle bed rest well. 

babyodo

Sending virtual hugs your way. You and sweet Clementine are in my thoughts.

anitamargarita_82

Thinking about you this morning. You’re most likely fuzzy from all the drugs they’re pumping into you to try and stop things.  

kboydbowman

This is cute and paste from what I put on Facebook (with some edits to explain things I had refrenced in earlier FB posts).  Please feel free to ask questions - I realize other people may have issues at some point and if I can help people learn to advocate for themselves most effectively or demystify some of the processes I'm glad to...

General update. Having a pulse ox on my "s" finger makes it hard to type.

No significant changes in medical status Clementine is still where she belongs, with a good heart rate, and moving around regularly. Still leaking small amounts of amniotic fluid. No idea what my dilation status is because generally if water is broken (leaking amniotic fluid) you try to limit vaginal exams to reduce risk of infection. Limited crampiness (that's what the magnesium is for, to try to prevent any further dilation). No contractions (a good thing). Tomorrow they can start steroids to help lung development. [Bump edit:  Magnesium SUCKS. From a different FB post...Fun with reading...."About half of the women who receive magnesium sulfate have some side effects. Potential side effects include flushing [check], feeling uncomfortably warm [check], headache [a little, not bad], dry mouth [very], nausea [nope], and blurred vision [maybe a little]. Women often say they feel wiped out, as though they have the flu [check]."

Also interesting..."One of the most common signs that nurses watch for is the loss of the knee-jerk reflex (a jerk that usually occurs when your leg is tapped just below the knee). Your urine output will also probably be measured every hour in the hospital to avoid toxicity."

This explains why the night nurse kept checking my reflex (appears impaired). Plenty o'urine though.]

Doctors say likely I have been slowly dilating for a week or two. Cause unknown. But possibly some defect (again, cause unknown) that is making my uterus partially prolapse through my cervix (at least that's my best understanding of what they are telling me). If they had sent me home yesterday without doing the cervical exam it's likely I would have dilated further and gone into labor just from daily activities. So it is good I came in yesterday (and insisted on the cervical check, which they originally weren't going to do), even though the outcome is that I dan't get to leave the hospital again until I've had a baby.

The realism of the situation is that every day counts as far as Clementine staying put. Survival odds if she were born right now are around 10%, and that improves for every day she stays put. Risk of serious complications in terms of long term outcome also decrease for every day she stays put.

Mentally...I've been better. Most of you know I'm crunchy as hell when it comes to all this baby stuff, so having to go through this highly medicalized version of all this is not happy-making. I'm glad it's all available, but it's definitely not the way I wanted to do things. I also (despite the doctors saying it's a freak thing and not related to anything I may have done) am spending extensive (unproductive) time berating myself for anything I might have done to potentially cause this. I'm trying to just take things one day and one hour at a time, but it's hard.

In funny/gross news, I am absolutely terrified to poop because contracting the one set of muscles can contract the other and I worry it will make the dilation or fluid leakage worse. But I can only avoid that for so long... Sleeping also sucks because they are in here at least once an hour checking SOMETHING - IV drips, placement of monitors, blood pressure, labs drawn - and any time I turn over it moves some monitor or tube out of position. I suppose I will become the master of the 30 minute cat nap.

And now I will wait for my real food breakfast [Bump edit:  They had me on clear liquids all day yesterday which sucks in general but was particularly worrisome for me because I have super weird nutritional needs as a bariatric surgery patient]. i have laptops (yay [boy person]), my phone, books, and my art projects to keep me occupied. Plus the idiot box (which has no channel guide....aargh). I appreciate everyone who has reached out to me. I have good friends. I appreciate all the first- and second-hand stories of premature births and stopped labor with good outcomes.

[Bump edit, from another FB post... Someone just told me they are thinking of my baby as Clemen-Tiny. I love it!]

anitamargarita_82

@kboydbowman I’m glad to hear she’s still in there baking!  That’s great news.  When I was on magnesium sulfate I was super foggy and fuzzy.  I couldn’t think clearly.  I was also very warm, the thermostat in my room was set to the lowest temp possible and I couldn’t get enough to drink.  I was constantly peeing. I’m really glad you advocated for yourself and insisted on the exam.  It’s made a life changing difference for you.  Don’t beat yourself up.  I know it’s hard. I had the same thoughts but you didn’t do anything wrong.  In my opinion and as a preemie mom the best thing you can do is mentally be strong and will you body to keep her inside.  Make the best of it.  It’s a long road ahead of you but rest assured you can do it!  

aefsparrow

You are so strong! The physical aspect is one thing, but the mental is something a lot of medical facilities overlook, and don't think to provide assistance with. I know your boy person is super supportive, but also remember there are normally options within the hospital system to talk to a support counselor, just to give you an outlet for your feelings (which are completely normal and valid). I'm sure you will hear a lot of people tell you not to feel guilty, and not to question your choices leading up to this, but just because deep down you know that this is not your fault, doesn't mean you don't feel it sometimes. A lot of outpatient therapy clinics are also providing telehealth services via video or telephone at this time as well if you find yourself searching for more support. Also you have us. We may be far apart and new to each other, but we are here for you to listen and exist with you. I'm sending all my good juju vibes to you and little Clemen-tiny . 

animalandplantrescuer

I’m so glad you updated us. I was worried yesterday since there was no update. I completely understand why no update, but I was just worried. 

I actually considered the name for ours, but got vetoed on it. So I of course love the name. Like I said last time, I hope she stays baking as long as possible, and you both have been in my thoughts a lot. Sending you three (boy person included) virtual hugs. 

profmcgonagall

@kboydbowman, so glad Clementine is staying put and you aren’t having any contractions. I hate that you’re stuck in the hospital but I do hope you are there for a while and that baby stays on the inside as long as possible. 

kboydbowman

@aefsparrow you know us MH folk are really good at giving advice but not so good at taking it!  Seriously though, I have a really good support network (I know not everyone is a FB person, but for me it's a great link to my friends).  If corona weren't a thing, my mom is literally retiring in 6 days and she would probably be on the next flight out after that, but with only one visitor allowed for now that wouldn't do much good.

@animalandplantrescuer you can totally enjoy the name by proxy.

@profmcgonagall likewise.  I don't WANNA be here, but I hope I'm here as long as possible.

babycakesday

@kboydbowman I was about to ask what the visitor situation is right now. Can your boy person and mom switch at all? I rely so much on my mom I can’t imagine. It being able to have her visit. Thank goodness for FaceTime now. Hopefully between Facebook and here you can keep yourself close to your support system. 

kboydbowman

@babycakesday no, visitor has to be the same.  If I'm here long enough (cross fingers) policies may loosen...just have to wait and see

kboydbowman

@babycakesday and it's awful to say but honestly if I had a choice I'd pick mom!

aefsparrow

@kboydbowman don't I know it! We are the worst! I always think of the saying "do as I say not as I do" every time I give my patients self-care advice lol. 

baseballismyfavoriteseason

That sounds like a good report, all things considered. Not only is it not your fault that this happened, but it’s quite possible you saved Clementine’s little life by advocating for yourself and her—way to go, Mama!!! I have more positive preemie stories if you need them. And I don’t think you’re in anyway unusual to want to pick mom over the boy person. 😁 Stay strong, and keep cooking and growing little Clementine! 💗 

MJDsquared

I'm so glad to read this update! Hoping for many more just like it--stay in there and healthy, Clementine!

morethanamama

so glad to hear! Sorry about the no visitors but I am really happy you can stay and make sure she grows stronger every day!

mamahosch

Glad to hear things are going okay! Grow, Clementine, grow!

kboydbowman

Just had my first meltdown over all of this.  Better now.  First steroid shot for lungs in about half an hour.

profmcgonagall

@kboydbowman, Good luck with the steroid shot. Warning, they hurt like a bitch. But they are awesome and they helped my 30 week preemie to not need any oxygen support. 

animalandplantrescuer

@kboydbowman Hope you’re doing better now. And know meltdowns are completely understandable. I don’t think I would have made it this long without one. 

kboydbowman

@profmcgonagall it wasn't pleasant, but I've had worse...one down, one to go....

kboydbowman

By the way, if anyone wants to friend me on Facebook, I will gladly accept requests from people on here.  That's been my primary mode of communication for years, so most of my updates are on there.  My profile is findable but nothing 'personal' shows up publicly.  Kimberly Bee Bee if anyone is interested, and it's the same profile pic as this one.

amapa20

It's so good to see happy updates! I've been thinking about you two all the time. Yesterday I was sending you vicarious pooltime vibes. Hang in there!

kboydbowman

@amapa20 Trying to stay positive. For the moment she is where she is supposed to be with a good heart rate and no contractions.  However, still leaking fluid and I am like 100% I am still dilating (periodic intense cervical cramps).  First steroid shot is on board, plus magnesium to help brain and hopefully stop any contractions and some meds that are good for her heart.  Next steroid shot later tonight.

anitamargarita_82

@kboydbowman I made it through 2 rounds of steroids and a constant magnesium drip before I finally gave birth.  My daughter was on oxygen for a few hours after birth but then was able to come off of it.  The steroids help a lot!  

kboydbowman

I'm trying to make it through the second shot if nothing else.  They say no contractions, but the cervical stuff has definitely become regular and more intense.

kboydbowman

I am pretty sure I'm in active labor.