June DE FET

laurad75

@lucyb1954 I'm glad they have a solution for you.  In previous cycles I think I did more early monitoring but it always takes me 2+ weeks of meds to get my lining where they want it so this time I have 20 days of meds before I see anyone.  If it looks good I start PIO the following day and transfer is 6 days later.  

JamieH2000

@radmom27- I have been trying to lift him some less, and if I do, more carefully. I’m not throwing him around like normal... they say no lifting, but how many women get pregnant caring for toddlers?! I’ll do my best to take it easy these first few days and then probably relax a little more on it.  My back has been aching a lot, so I’m hoping embryo is getting comfy. I honestly don’t remember if I had any symptoms or not last time. I so remember telling people that I felt no different and I didn’t think it worked... so trying not to read into anything and just make it through the days...

lucyb1954

The TWW is so hard! I'm reading into everything. Mostly I'm just pooped out from the progesterone. Around two hours after my shot, I fall on the couch and nap for awhile. I feel like pretty much everything I'm feeling is probably progesterone-induced. There have been a few times I have wanted to kill my SO for leaving food out on the counter with the rampant fruit flies right now but I figure that's normal right now. I'm now 4dp6dt (is that how I write it? I get so confused. It was a 6 day AA blast that I transferred on Monday). How you doing with it @JamieH2000 ???

@laurad75 does that mean you are on a ton of estrogen in the meantime? I'm really glad you could get started again. I hope this next embryo decides to get comfy. Did you make any tweaks to your protocol? 

@laurelew I totally understand what you're feeling, with the twinges. I think that DE mamas already have more feels when it comes to that kind of thing in general because life has been so unfair to us. So I feel you and at the same time, I am so, so excited for you. I feel like the DE process is full of that -- so many different feels at once. Sadness, grief, excitement, all at the same time. Sometimes it's hard to just go with it. 

laurelew

@lucyb1954 It's normal to feel pooped from the progesterone.  Ever since I started the PIO shots, even before I got my BFP, I was taking naps in the afternoons just to survive.  When is your first beta?  Are you planning to test at home in advance of your beta?

@laurad75 Wow!  20 days of medication before your first lining check is a lot.  However if it gets you to where you need to be, it'll all be worth it.

@JamieH2000 I hope you're doing well and that you've been able to take it easy the past few days.  I had a similar experience with no major symptoms before my BFP.  When is your first beta?  And are you planning to test at home in advance as well?

afm: Everything continues to go well.  I had my 4th beta on Thursday and my hcg numbers went from 1548 on Tuesday to 3590 on Thursday.  I have my first ultrasound tomorrow morning! 

In other news our weekend has been... not as expected.  My DH has a history of back problems.  Yesterday as he was helping me hang laundry he got a very bad back spasm that left him on the floor in pain.  At the same time my dad was dropping his dog off for us to dog sit overnight.  Fortunately my dad was able to help me get my DH up off the floor and onto a bed before he left.  I convinced DH to do a teledoc appt instead of going to urgent care (since again, he could barely move initially).  The teledoc prescribed him a steroid treatment, so I ran right out to pick it up for him -- only to find out the pharmacy was closed on account of the holiday!  This was 2pm.  I received a tip that another pharmacy in town was open that day until 5pm so we spent the next 3 hours trying to get his prescription changed over from the first pharmacy to the second pharmacy and everything worked itself out with literally 5 min to spare.  DH is still in pain but is able to move much better than he could yesterday.  He feels awful for throwing off our weekend plans and for making me run around yesterday but I keep telling him that's what family is for.

lucyb1954

@laurelew ack! What a weekend! I'm so sorry your huz had an episode of back pain -- as a back pain sufferer, I totally get it and I'm glad you were finally able to get him the prescription. You're a trooper for going through all that and I know how deeply your huz must appreciate it. I'm so glad that everything is going well with the lil embryo snuggling in! Wow, ultrasound time! Exciting!

@JamieH2000 Yah, it's really hard to tell what are symptoms vs. generalized effects from hormones. Pretty much every day about four hours after my PIO I literally must lay down and sleep. It's crazy. It's like my limbs physically get heavy and I can no longer do anythinnnngggg. I hope things are going well with you. The TWW is just insanity. C'mon, mother nature, why was this designed this way???

AFM

I broke down and tested yesterday afternoon and got a faint positive. I tested again today and it was slightly darker. I'm excited but I'm also petrified. I mean it could be a chemical, there's so many steps from here on out and beta isn't until Thursday which gives me 4 days to continue freaking out. My boyfriend said not to overthink it and I was like WHO DO YOU THINK I AM OF COURSE I WILL OVERTHINK IT!!! Even now I'm like...if I write this am I jinxing it??? Gah!!!!

lucyb1954

Update 

line hasn’t gotten darker today, am thinking it’s a chemical 

JamieH2000

@lauralew- how did the ultrasound go?!! i was soo nervous for my first one. Literally almost passed out from a panic attack last time. Sorry to hear about your DH! How is he feeling now? was he allowed to come to the scan?

@lucyb1954- hang in there! I think a positive is a good sign right now and you can NOT use the darkness of the line to tell a chemical. Can you they have you come in wed for an early beta so you can have a repeat one on friday before the weekend? What brand of tests are you using?

AFM- no testing yet. But I am debating it. My boobs are all of the sudden sore today. the first time around, they hurt every cycle from the PIO, so i knew it meant nothing. This time (for both my ERA and this cycle), the didn't feel any different from the meds... until today. i assumed my body was just used to massive amounts of estrogen and progesterone after being pregnant for months.  Hopefully its a good sign. But still not sure if I want to test or not...

laurad75

@lucyb1954 I agree with @JamieH2000, you can't measure your day to day hormone levels with a HPT so stay positive.  My fingers are crossed for you!

And to answer your question from last week, yes - I'm on a ton of estrogen (total of 10 mg/ day).  They did not make any significant changes to my protocol so we will see how this one goes. 

@JamieH2000 When is beta?  I'm so hopeful for you!!

laurelew

@lucyb1954 While I am not a testing expert, I don't think that you should read too much into the line not darkening too much between yesterday and today.  My mantra is to remind myself that with PGS I know that I have a chromosomally normal embryo.  While that doesn't guarantee anything, I feel like once it sticks, the odds of it continuing to stick are relatively high.  Most pregnancies that end in a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage are generally due to poor egg or embryo quality (as far as I know).  Continue to think positive!

@JamieH2000 Ultrasound went well this morning.  Everything is measuring exactly as it should be right now and we have a beautiful yolk sac present.  I go back again next Monday for my second ultrasound.  Unfortunately my husband still is not able to come with me to any of my appointments yet.

radmom27

@JamieH2000 I'm totally rooting for you.  I'm a serial tester but always wish that I didn't.  Hoping that you do what's best for you whether it be testing or waiting for the beta. When is the official beta?
@laurelew I'm so happy your US went well!!!  When is your due date?
@lucyb1954 Coming from a crazy serial tester...the line darkness doesn't mean that much for one day to the next...you kind of have to wait and look at it over multiple days.  I totally agree with laurelew that the chances of it sticking are better with a PGS normal embie.  I'm thinking sticky thoughts for you.
@laurad75 I truly hate the estrogen part of the cycle the most.  Estrogen makes me feel so crappy.  When's your target transfer date?

lucyb1954

Thanks, friends I feel like an absolutely crazy person. Truly! It's horrible, I'm just a total nutter. I calmed down a bit later today and especially after all your kind comments. If I didn't have you all, my boyfriend would probably not know what to do with the obsessive cray cray person who has replaced his girlfriend. It's really so hard! I can understand waiting until beta @JamieH2000 or not if you don't want to! When is your beta day?

@laurelew I'm sorry your hubby couldn't go with you today but that's wonderful! It sounds like a great U/S and I'm thrilled for you. There will be plenty more for him to go to  

 @radmom27 totally understand the estrogen. For some reason, I react much better to the patches. When I was using them this time, I was not nearly as depressed as I was when using estrace pills. But the estrogen is rough on me in general, lots of moodiness, just the worst. Are you preparing for an ERA right now?

@laurad75 10mg would probably leave me in bed for three weeks! I'm really crossing my fingers for you that your lining gets nice and lovely for your first check in. Maybe it will be more willing to jump in the game after getting used to the rigmarole from last time around. 

laurelew

@radmom27 Based on my calculations my EDD will be March 4.

afm: To be honest I feel like I'm still having moments of sadness.  I had it on and off throughout the day yesterday and then I was extra sad when I went to bed last night and when I woke up this morning.  I'm still taking the estrace and estrogen patches plus the PIO shots.  So it's tough to know what is the medication, my hormones, or something deeper that I need to consider talking to someone about.  It's not all the time but I definitely feel guilty for not being able to enjoy this time more.

JamieH2000

Trigger warning- I tested yesterday and had a faint positive. I decided to test this morning with concentrated urine to hopefully get a darker line to surprise mike. But the line is pretty much gone. I know you can’t go off the darkness of the line but at 8dp5dt it should be showing up really. Pretty sure it’s a chemical. Beta was supposed to be thurs but I’m gonna see if we can do it tomorrow bc I just want to know. And I know if it’s positive at all, I will need a repeat and don’t want to wait until Monday...

gosh this process just never gets easier 

lucyb1954

@JamieH2000 for some reason, morning pee seems to give me a lighter line than afternoon pee, I don't really know why. Try again later today and see. That said, this process sucks. You should definitely ask for an early beta -- I would ask for one but long story, I'm waiting for my COVID test to come back. I'm fairly certain it's negative, just a precaution, but I can't go into the clinic until I get it back.

I haven't tested again yet, maybe later today. This whole thing is so hard and I'm sending you hugs It's totally unfair that all we've been through, to have to go through even more. It's like an endless race around a track filled with hurdles.

radmom27

@JamieH2000 My successful pregnancy, the same thing happened...my morning urine would give me either a negative or a barely there positive...my evening test was much more clear.  Let's just hope the embie is snuggling in.
@lucyb1954 I can't believe that on top of everything else, that you have to wait for COVID testing!!! Testing early is a blessing and a HUGE curse (I can't stop myself and always do it).  Even if you get that positive, then you worry that it's not getting darker or that it will go away.  The whole process is such a mind f@ck!!!  Crossing my fingers and toes for you.  Hang in there. 

JamieH2000

@lucyb1954- no way!! A Covid test?! Come on results! My clinic does Covid tests the week before transfers. I was able to move my beta up to tomorrow!

@radmom27- really?! That gives me hope. I’m kinda too scared to test again. I know it won’t change the result. But it was just so depressing this morning I just feel like I’m never one to get these “miracles” of a light test and then a viable pregnancy 

laurelew

@JamieH2000   Wishing you the best tomorrow.

@lucyb1954 Good luck with that COVID test!  Was it something that your clinic required?

lucyb1954

Yep the COVID test sucks! Anyway, another child at my nephew's daycare tested positive for COVID. And you know how grubby 3 year olds are...anyway, I saw my nephew last week and I think I held him? I can't remember for the life of me. Utah is really conservative on testing (as with everything else) so I had to tell them I had symptoms to get a test. So I made up a wee bit of a sore throat...It just sucks that they make it so hard to get tested here. Even my doctor couldn't get me a test without symptoms. And I'm going into the clinic on Thursday for beta so I thought it was more important to get the test than not to lie  

@JamieH2000 glad you could get an early beta! Crossing everything and sending hugs and good wishes! I know it feels like nothing will ever be easy. Ugh. I know that feeling. After so much failure, it's hard to be positive even when you've had success in the past. However, I'm holding out hope for you

laurad75

@JamieH2000 good luck tomorrow! 

I’ve been very lucky that the estradiol isn’t messing with my mood too badly but I definitely feel more moody than usual. It’s a lot of hormones. My target transfer date date is July 20 and that seems like years away right now. 

rachelh0912

Hey ladies! I’m not sure if you remember me but I just had my consultation for our next DE FET and of course all of the anxiety sets in and I loved the support and comfort I got from this board last time so I started checking in and I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to see familiar “faces!” @JamieH2000 @laurad75 @radmom27 I wanted to say hello and that I am thinking of you guys and keeping up! We don’t plan to transfer for a couple of months but I plan to stay up to date with you guys! Again, there’s nothing like the support from here especially with all of the feelings resurfacing when you get back in the game! 

c-town18

Hello, can I jump on this board too?  I recognize a lot of the ladies on here from past/other boards. My DE FET is scheduled for July 15 (laurad75 we're transfer buddies!)  Hmmm... my clinic has not said anything about a Covid test yet, so hopefully that's not a requirement but I understand why some clinics do require it.   

JamieH2000 -  Ugh, so sorry you're having to deal with all the uncertainty again; I wish things could just be easy for all of us for once.  I'm thinking of you!  

laurad75

Hi @rachelh0912 and @c-town18.  We're glad you're here!

I'm shooting for a 7/20 transfer depending on my 7/14 monitoring appt.  In the past my protocols have been about 2 weeks of meds then a progesterone/ lining check at which time they always have to push back my transfer a week because my lining is too thin.  This time around I'm taking 5mg of estradiol (3 tablets orally, 2 vaginally) twice a day + a patch I change every other day.  I will have been on the meds almost 3 weeks when I go in for monitoring.  It's a lot of meds and I keep saying that I'm doing fine but I'm definitely feeling off now.  I'm super emotional and starting to get a little irritated from the vaginal pills. 

**TRIGGER WARNING**
Also, I've been trying to ignore this until now but this coming Friday would have been the scheduled delivery date (c-section) for my last pregnancy.  I thought I was okay but I think its time to let myself have the difficult feelings.  I just had an acupuncture appointment and I started to cry when she asked me how I was doing.  After I calmed down I said' so I'm crying and have vaginal irritation so I guess I'm not quite as 'fine' as I would like to be'.  I'm thinking of reaching out to one of the counselors at my clinic if I'm not back to myself in the next couple of days.  

radmom27

@rachelh0912 and @c-town18 Welcome!!! So glad to see you both again!!
@laurad75 I had a miscarriage before my last successful pregnancy and it kind of shocked me how long it really hurt.  Coming up on a milestone like a birth is bound to bring up feelings of loss. Sometimes I try so hard to push past the sadness and hard feelings because I think I should be grateful for what I have that I don't take enough time to give myself time to grieve.  It's hard.  It's painful.  Huge doses of estrogen on top of all of that just may be enough to push it over the edge.  It's OK to not be fine.  

laurad75

Love you @radmom27 ❤️

lucyb1954

Dang, I wish I could rename this board Summer DE FETs! Excited to see the July transfers on here. @laurad75
I'm sure the 20th feels far away but hopefully the next less-than-2-weeks will chug along. I'm so so sorry to hear how hard things are. I'm sure the combo of estrogen plus the sorrow and grief is potent. I'm a big fan of therapy so I'm glad you have someone you can reach out to. Honestly, even without the emotional trauma of a miscarriage, I'd be a total wreck on that much estrogen. But I'm also already sensitive to anxiety/depression, so that's part of it too. I'm sending hugs

@radmom27 Grief is so hard isn't it??? Just when you think you're through it, the sadness pops up again. It's so hard to stay with the feelings and let yourself feel. My boyfriend tends to be the type that keeps on pushing and not really look back or feel sad about what was...when we were headed for DE, I experienced a lot of grief and sadness and he just didn't understand it. He was like, we're so fortunate to be able to do this! Plus he doesn't like his family so genetics doesn't mean much to him. And I am grateful that I can do this, but it doesn't mean I can't be sad too. All the feels at once!

@laurelew I was thinking about you when I was writing this. I'm sure right now is all full of feels right now too and it's totally cool to have a huge mix of feelings, especially with all the hormones on board. Infertility is rough, it's just the whole gamut of emotions and it's also such a trauma. How are you feeling today?

@JamieH2000 thinking about you

Welcome @rachelh0912 and yay @c-town18 you're getting close! 

AFM beta is tomorrow. I'm terrified. It feels like it's going to be some long hours until I get the results. Also COVID test was negative so whew about that!

c-town18

lucyb1954 - Eeek, I have everything crossed for you!   Hoping you get good news.  

laurad75 - *TW* - Yup, there's been so much to process over the past few years and since time was always ticking I moved from one m/c to the next m/c to another cycle and then to donor egg without taking the time in between each to really process the emotions and grieve. And all of this shit is just so traumatic.  It's OK to let yourself feel those emotions and work through it all no matter when that happens to be.  Hugs to you friend. 

rachelh0912 - Good to see you again!  It looks like we're getting the band back together!  haha. 

JamieH2000

@rachelh0912- welcome back! So exciting to get going again!

@laurad75- gosh that is so hard. I would feel the same. It’s been a long year for you already. This one just has to work. I’m praying so hard.

@lucyb1954- good luck tomorrow! Have you tested anymore? I’m thinking it’s gonna be good news for you!

afm - trigger warning-

this is a chemical pregnancy beta was 10.7. They are making me do another blood draw tomorrow just to make sure it’s going down. It’s a 2 hour round trip so that’s fun. I mean I have been preparing myself for this and had a nice long cry on the way home. But I just can’t but worry that my lining wasn’t good enough and won’t ever be good enough. Or that we damaged the embryos with testing. Or that I did too much this past week since it implanted and then stopped. It’s just mind boggling that a pgs normal was a chemical. I’m meeting with my Re virtually next thurs to discuss next steps. I want to just move on but the last few months were exhausting. Probably best to just push on. 

lucyb1954

Oh @JamieH2000 I'm so sorry! I know it sounds crazy that a PGS normal was a chemical, I feel like I've been seeing that a lot on some other FB groups I'm in and I keep wondering the same thing. I know you're in the midst of the emotional muck right now and all I can say is that I'm sending you hugs. This journey is so exhausting. And so much work. And so much time. And so much emotional energy. So so much. I feel for you. I really don't think you did anything wrong -- from what I hear, the emphasis on taking it easy is not scientifically based. 

I know it's hard to hold out the hope about your lining right now and everything. It's okay to feel like crap. I'm holding out the hope for you right now. 

c-town18

JamieH2000 - Oh no, I'm so sorry friend.  I don't have any answers for you but I'm thinking of you!  I'm glad you'll be able to talk with your RE relatively quickly to see what her thoughts are.  

laurad75

Oh @JamieH2000 I’m sorry. Why does this have to be so hard? 😢

radmom27

@laurad
@JamieH2000 I'm so sorry.  This sucks.  It absolutely sucks.  I keep telling myself that there's a reason for all of this, but there's just not.  
@lucyb1954 Good luck today!!!  

laurelew

@JamieH2000 I'm so sorry.  Reading over everyone else's comments I suspect we all have a similar coping technique: to use taking action (finding answers, starting a new cycle) to try to replace our grief.  You have every right to feel all of the feels right now: sadness, anger, frustration, exhaustion.  Hopefully your meeting with your RE next Thursday brings some renewed hope.

@rachelh0912 and @c-town18 Welcome!!  Wishing you the best with your preparation and upcoming transfers.

@laurad75 Sending you a huge hug this week!   This journey that we are on is one that always seems to be weirdly mingled with hope and loss and I know that you are right in the thick of both of those emotions right now.  Praying for your rainbow baby this month.

@lucyb1954 Thank you for always thinking of me!  The beginning of this week was a rough one.  I am certain that the medication and hormones are making me more predisposed to depression and sadness than I would be otherwise.  So far today, and most of the day yesterday, I have been feeling more like myself.  Good luck today.  In my experience, the wait for those beta numbers is almost as stressful as the days leading up to the beta draw!!

JamieH2000

Thanks for all the love and support guys. Confirmed chemical today. Will meet with my RE in a week and do a saline sono in 2 weeks. then hopefully get going on the next transfer. I can't imagine going through this all again. I forgot how hard it was. You'd think 3 failed transfers before would have prepared me. But it never gets easier.

@lucyb1954- hoping to hear good news from you soon!

@lauralew- so glad you are starting to feel better. The first tri is so hard. You don't feel good and i still had the worst anxiety throughout too. I get it. Hang in there- its gets better!!

Excited for the rest of your transfers next week. IF is not for the faint of heart, but us DE ladies are true fighters. We will all get through. I just need to keep reminding myself its worth it- and it def IS!

c-town18

How do people here feel about doing acupuncture right before and after transfer?  My clinic just emailed asking if they want me to schedule sessions, apparently someone comes into the office for them.  $300 and not covered by insurance.  Hmmmmm.... 

c-town18

JamieH2000 - On man, I just saw your new post above mine. I'm sorry girl.  I know it seems like a lot right now to do it all again but you are strong and you can do this. And you're right, in the end it is worth it.  It's just SO hard in the moment I know. 

lucyb1954

@JamieH2000 you're right, us DE ladies are fighers, and especially you are I'm really pulling for you and sending lots of hugs. IF just sucks. Just sucks!!!

@c-town18 I did acupuncture before and after transfer but I go to an independent practitioner and just set up appointments before and after transfer. $300 is a lot for acupuncture but maybe that's a typical price for where you are. I enjoy it and find it relaxing and my acupuncturist is a really big cheerleader for me so that makes it nice too. How are you doing? Getting close!
 
@laurelew I'm glad you're having some good days this week. Hormones are no joke! It's bananas. When is your next U/S?

AFM

Beta today = 256! The wait between the blood draw at 845 and results at 345 was 35 hours long I swear! My RE called herself with the results because she was so excited for me. She understands what crap I've been through and it was sweet of her. Usually coordinators call and when I heard her voice I was terrified but then she said she had good news - whew! My clinic actually waits a week between betas but I'm going to go back in on Monday for my next one. 

laurelew

Congratulations @lucyb1954 !!  I've been checking the board all day today waiting to hear your results.  That's a great beta.

afm: My next ultrasound is scheduled for Monday morning, July 13.  I believe after that one I would have one more at the RE's office then they would graduate me to my OB.  (I did already schedule my OB appointment just to get on the calendar.  That appointment will be on Aug 11.  So I think I should have about 3 weeks in between my "graduation" from the fertility clinic and the OB appointment.  Not too bad.)

JamieH2000

@c-town18- I did acupuncture in the beginning and it personally didn’t help me but it def can’t hurt!! I didn’t find it very relaxing but some people love it!

@lucyb1954- I’m thrilled for you!! And so glad they aren’t making you wait a week for another beta! That’s way too long. Enjoy this amazing news!

@lauralew- come on Monday! Graduation from an RE is a little scary but so exciting! I love my team but def ready to not be seeing them every week!

c-town18

lucyb1954 - Congratulations!  Yessss..... Enjoy this great moment.  

@lauralew- The really weird thing is when you graduate from your RE and then become just a regular pregnant woman.  It took me a while to get used to not having ultrasounds and blood work every week; I didn't know what to do with all my extra time (j/k).  It's exciting though for sure.  

laurad75

@c-town18 I also do acupuncture before/after but $300 is steep. I think I pay $160 but the acupuncture clinic is in the building. If you want to do it I’m sure you could find someone close by. 

@lucyb1954 Congratulations!!