The Great Question Thread

krystrist2014

@potofgolden 🤣 my eyes almost popped out of my head when I read raccoon .....and then I finished reading and laughed my ass off. I have no advice as this will be my second also and I have a very well meaning 5yo who I’m still slightly concerned about giving things to baby that he shouldn’t have or trying to pick baby up when I’m not looking. 😬

mikylee

I'm pregnant with my third currently. My biggest advice would be to work on getting baby to sleep (I love babywise; I know it's not for everyone) in their room and their bed as soon as possible. Because they sleep so much at the beginning I timed my poddy breaks, showers etc around that. Also having the baby sleep in their room as much as possible allowed me to dedicate more one on one time to my firstborn. You can also bring the baby in their bouncer seat into the bathroom with you for showers or poddy breaks if you need to.
My first 2 were 25 months apart and it took a few weeks before I trusted my firstborn to mostly behave with the baby for me to run poddy real quick while the baby was in his swing or bouncy seat. Also know your oldest is going to try to pick the baby up, is going to try and feed the baby food, is going to accidentally throw toys at the baby and the baby will be okay. Babies are pretty durable and as long as it's only a minute or two alone with the toddler they'll survive. Try not too worried people have been having babies for thousands of years and they've survived their older siblings.

acdc1109

This is also my third and I think the thing I did most was if I had to go to the bathroom/any room away from baby was to make sure he was in a secure (inaccessible) location. For me that was the pack n play downstairs or crib upstairs. I also put the baby in a bouncer and had him in the bathroom with me when I took a shower (but I usually waited to shower until #1 was taking a nap). Honestly, though DS1 wasn't that interested in the baby unless someone was holding him so we didn't have many issues. This time I think it will be harder because he is more independent and *thinks* he's big enough to do things that he isn't actually able to do quite yet.

mtengl

My raccoon will be 22 months or so. I also had the infamous rock n play and a pack n play and a thunder dome. This time I bought the grace move n sense or whatever bassinet. raccoon is only tall enough to add stuff to it and it is pretty easy to transport around. I will probably try to focus more on putting this kid down as @mikylee said so I can spend time with raccoon or clean up.

auburnvelvet86

Though this is my second and I have no experience with a baby with another little (DS will be only 19 months), I definitely second @mikylee in Babywise!! We used it for DS and he turned into an excellent sleeper. He slept in our room at night, but took naps in his own room and crib from day 1. Definitely plan on doing that again this time and hope that that will free up some good time for one on one with DS during the day.

kelk5

@name1109 is there a local online mom's/parent's group you could join and see if anyone has a sitter recommendation? Or maybe a sitter company? I know the sitter companies are usually more expensive but they usually have people with CPR training.

name1109

@potofgolden my middle two are 19 months apart. Baby 2 thought baby 3 was her own babydoll. It was terrifying. I was glad when baby 3 started walking at 9 months. Baby 2 on more occasion than one was “helping” baby 3 by “holding” baby 2 by the neck. To say I freaked out would be an understatement. Obviously this was when baby 3 was cruising. 

For baby baby, I bring baby with me. I bring the baby bouncer into the bathroom with me while I shower, use the bathroom, get dressed. Something like this https://www.target.com/p/fisher-price-bouncer-geometric-meadow/-/A-46789636

It’s not entirely portable or 100% easy but #2 was dangerous. Now with #3 and #4...I trust #3 zero to be alone with new baby. #3 can climb and get anywhere.  She isn’t too keen on baby #4. 

@kelk5 that’s a good idea!

kelk5

@potofgolden DD was 16 1/2 months when DS was born. A few things I did:

1) I had a cuddle cove that was easy to carry around with the baby in it and set him in different rooms so I could watch him with DD around. I put this down in the laundry room, bathroom while showering with DD or getting ready, and I left the bathroom door open and put this just outside the door to watch him. 

2) He loved being worn so I had him in the Lillebaby a lot when doing things around the house or when outside with DD (so great for backyard or playground time).

3) I would lay him in his crib and close his door so DD couldn't throw things in the crib if I needed a bit more time. I rarely did this as #1 & #2 usually worked great but it's an option. We have cameras in both kids rooms that we can move around so I could have them both in their rooms and monitor them if I needed to do something without a little one in tow.

kelk5

This is the cuddle cove I have and it's so handy. Very easy to carry around the house. Both kiddos have loved it. I'd clip toys to the top. It came with the pack n play we have.

crizz13

Just because we have a lot of FTMs here, a little PSA - I've got to put out the disclaimer that the Babywise method is HIGHLY controversial and you should talk to your pediatrician before adopting any method of sleep training/ feeding schedules during the 4th trimester. 

crizz13

@mikylee Looks like you're new around here, please post in the intro thread so we can get to know you a bit better. 

auburnvelvet86

@crizz13 Thanks for adding the other side. Yes, I think any/all approaches to managing sleep are pretty controversial. It's definitely one of those topics that people should discuss with their pediatricians, significant others, and do a lot of reading about. One thing may work for someone and be completely not right for another. Personally, I found the broad strokes of Babywise and other sleep/eat/play cycle strategies to work great for me and my family. Whose to even say if this baby will go for it? But, like I said, I think any approach is going to have those who have had success and those who would never try it. In general, I'd be happy to hear about any/all approaches that people take and will discuss my own choices in a similar manner: with the understanding that we're all doing what we think works best for us, no judgement on other's choices!

crizz13

@auburnvelvet86 I hope that my comment didn't come off as one of judgement. I can remember being a FTM and just trying to devour information from boards like this one without always taking every side in to consideration or even knowing that there were alternate points of view. If I've learned anything along the way, it's exactly what you've said...as a mama you need to know yourself, trust your gut, your partner, and your pediatrician.... and that all babies are so so different. 

auburnvelvet86

@crizz13 Not at all!! I know that decisions like these can definitely be sensitive topics, but I love how open, honest, and kind this board has been so far when topics come up with varying points of view! You're totally right about the FTMthing, it can be so overwhelming and everyone/every book/every blog seems to be yelling "My way is right! It's the only way! Any other way will doom your child to a life of misery!!" Haha it can get so crazy out there. Especially when you're crazily googling at like 3 AM with a screaming infant. I'm sure I'll be right back at it too!

crizz13

@auburnvelvet86 OMG the 3am googling..... I always say if someone checked my google history when I've got a newborn, they would literally think I'd gone insane. 

potofgolden

Thanks everyone. I’m feeling a little better like it’s doable with 2 under 2.
@kelk5 I searched amazon and target for the cuddle cove but I couldn’t find one. Where did you get it?

babywiik

@name1109 do your kids have a preschool or daycare they attend? You could also ask there. Some of my coworkers would occasionally babysit for families and they would most likely have CPR training. It's possible the preschool/daycare would have rules about that but maybe they would know of someone else? Just a thought!

lurvleybunchococonuts

@crizz13 YES! Esp FTMs learn about what the 4th trimester is! It is so so true 💛 those first few months are a blur of just keep yourself and baby fed and alive 🤣🤣 What I've learned with SD & DD is to never say "this is exactly what I am going to do and no other way will work". Lmao. Baby will give you cues and I'm confident we'll all figure out what works best for our littles 😘 

+1 to the crazy 3am google searches 😂 "will my baby ever sleep" followed by "can my newborn sleep TOO much" "my newborn keeps hiccuping" etc etc etc

teachingbp

And the 3am purchases to get your baby to sleep 😂 I am pretty sure I bought a new swaddle/sleep sack or 2 or 3 😬 to helpu first sleep, but she was a terrible sleeper!

So FTMs don't feel defeated if you try to do "all the right things" to help you kid sleep. Sometimes babies (and toddlers) are just crap sleepers.

memar12

I hope this is not a silly question.
This thought has been on my mind and as a FTM who doesn't know things work yet.
Does one have to make a list of people to call when they deliver? I have many friends and I don't want anyone grudging since most of them have been supportive through our TTC period. I feel the joy of delivery may overwhelm us.
Or is it appropriate to just make a Facebook post and everyone knows from there?

lurvleybunchococonuts

@memar12 super close people like my parents, in-laws, my SD we called personally when DD was born. My siblings, I texted. Everyone else, throw a post up on FB when you're ready and call it good. You just focus on bonding with baby and you may or may not be exhausted from labor. Especially that first day (honestly first few weeks IMO) is about you, baby, and YH 💜 if people hold a grudge about not finding out personally or not being the 1st to know, that is their problem that they will need to get over.

memar12

@lurvleybunchococonuts Thank you so much for the heads up. i will do just that.

crizz13

@memar12 Ditto. And we actually didn't even call family RIGHT away. With DD1 there was a bunch of medical stuff happening so DH shot off a quick text to our parents letting them know she was born and that we would be in touch as things developed. With DD2 we were so focused on the golden hour that it didn't happen right away. I wouldn't stress about having a list of people to tell. 

ETA - I also felt a little strange about sharing too many photos on social media right off the bat (which I wasn't expecting at all) with my first. I don't know if it was protective mama bear being born, or what, but I wanted to keep her "ours" for a little bit too. 

hedgepig

@memar12 I definitely made a list. I liked it because I could direct DH to send messages to people on the list and didn't have to think about it, or worry about him missing someone who would get offended. We didn't announce on FB because we're super careful about what pics we put on the internet, so it was important that we sent out announcements (mostly via text, but some phone calls or emails too).

kerriec93

@memar12 I ended up making a special list on facebook, to where it would only show posts to the people I had selected. That way when it came time to have DS, I just had to make my FB post and select that group of people. It was mostly close friends/family and then extended family who doesnt live nearby

hedgepig

@kerriec93 That's a good idea, and reminds me to mention that we use a photo sharing app called Tiny Beans that lets you share with just the people who you want to share with. Our family loves it! I have gotten so much appreciation for using it. Plus I don't feel like I'm spamming my whole friends list with a million pics of my kid - just the people who genuinely want to see all those pics!

lalarose22

@hedgepig I just downloaded Family Album for that same reason! 

doublestroller

@hedgepig we use TinyBeans too and love it. I sent a few group texts the day (or two) after DD was born to close friends, but even our family was notified via a text chain that DH managed and would provide updates on. DD was born at 11pm, so after all the immediate medical checks and cleanup and then nursing, it was after 1am before we texted immediate family. Definitely don’t bother with a bunch of phone calls....you’re just trying to focus on baby and steal a nap in those early hours and days!

mikylee

My pediatrician recommended babywise for our family with our second child but definitely it's not for everyone. We did make alterations to it like not letting baby cry it out and using it more to structure a rhythm than a set in stone schedule. It worked well for us with these alterations and made life with two much more manageable.

kerriec93

@hedgepig my sister has gone that route! I love getting the email daily pictures. I dont post that often on facebook, my immediate family has a group messenger through Facebook so that is where all the baby spam ends up 😅

1sttimemomma98

my sonogram tech recommended tiny beans! I haven’t fully looked into yet but it sounded awesome 

crizz13

+1 for Tiny Beans! We've had it for almost 6 years and LOVE it. 

mtengl

I was literally texting about work when giving birth... (Yeah that job was toxic). But I just kind of text those I was close with and hit up people along the way afterwards...

lindz42

So glad to hear all the positive reviews on Tiny Beans. I set up an account and plan to use it also!

name1109

@babywiik I have asked at childcare. One can support during the week. But many have their own kids and families to care for on the weekend. 

I’m kind of exhausted by care.com. I’m trying to interview a sitter this weekend but we just went to a no more than 5 people in a group! So maybe my husband may have to leave or something while we talk?!?!?

potofgolden

To share photos of DD we set up a Apple iCloud album and invite family to view and share on it. My DD has her own and so does both of my nieces. The issue is that we haven’t quite figured out how to easily share with the android users. I think they can have an Apple ID and just view by logging into the cloud’s website. 

In a way it’s my little dig 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻Get an iPhone!!🤣 

teachingbp

We have a Google photo album for pictures that we shared the link with family. Works for apple and Android (I am Android and my husband is Apple)

kelk5

@potofgolden ours came with our Graco pack n play (it attaches to it). But I think you can find them on their own via Facebook market place or apps like letgo where people are selling them. Sorry, I thought Graco sold them separately as well but just checked their website and it looks like it's only with the Graco pack n play playards. 

kelk5

We also have a Google album that is shared with grandparents, aunts, and uncles on both sides. It's great because it goes across Android and iPhone. We also got my in-laws a Google home hub and have the photo albums display on there.

We did a FB announcement sometime within the first couple of days but otherwise only notified immediate family the day of. We texted some close friends within the first week. If you have a large friend group you want to notify maybe would one of them serve as a point person that you text and they forward your text to everyone. 

For sleep I loved Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. DD is a very light sleeper and really struggled to fall asleep if anything was stimulating in the environment (i.e., me trying to sing her a lullaby, rock her, etc just made it more difficult for her to fall asleep until she was overtired and melted down- so much for my vision of singing and rocking my baby to sleep 😆). But his book talks about sleep in general, gives proactive approaches, and then has recommendations for if your baby is struggling to fall asleep. He discusses a lot of research and it's available as a audiobook (I listened to it on my drive to and from work). But I love that it isn't a one way approach or "program." It's educational and let's the parents decide what they are comfortable with/works for their family. It's a really thick book but he has chapters for different age groups so you don't have to read the whole book.

wychets

Is anyone experiencing pressure down there? I am dying this week, to the point I have to ease my way out of bed or a chair or it feels like my vagina is going to fall out😭😭 I know it’s normal, I experienced it with DD but not until at least 33 weeks or so. Any tips?