The Great Question Thread

hedgepig

Let's try to put all our random questions here to keep the board from getting cluttered!

dumbledoredies

Yes, thank you!! The one-offs are starting to get annoying.

bserena

Agreed, thank you!!

dumbledoredies

Is anyone else struggling to get a good night of sleep? With my son I slept all the time. With this pregnancy I can't fall asleep and stay asleep. I don't know if it's pregnancy related or a consequence of everything going on in the world. Any advice?

hedgepig

@dumbledoredies This is generic advice (not pregnancy specific), but MH struggles with insomnia and we tackled it last year in a serious way. We made a list of sleep "rules" that he HAS to follow, including:
-A set bedtime
-No screens of any kind a half hour before bed
-No watching TV/doing anything beside reading while sitting in bed
-If he can't get to sleep/wakes up and isn't asleep within 45 minutes, he has to get out of bed and go somewhere else to read/do something else (no screens!) until he's tired enough to come back to bed
-No afternoon caffeine
-We already eat dinner early, because, kids, but for some people that's a factor 
-For me, meditation/guided breathing/body scan really helps me sleep when I have trouble, so that may be an option 
-If you're not sleeping because you're thinking too much, a journal/brain dump can be super helpful 
-It really helped to have his specific list written down and taped to the wall. He found that when he was having insomnia he wouldn't necessarily think of/remember solutions, so having a list was super helpful.

Sorry for the novel. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, and good luck!

Ecat504

@dumbledoredies no help. I was like that with my first two pregnancies. I could never sleep. I can never stay awake right now. It’s draining SO and he gets really frustrated with me because I take like 3 or 4 naps a day (and not like 30 minute cat naps) like we wake up at 7 and I make breakfast and then I go back and lay down until about 10 and then I do some work and make lunch and go lay down from like 12:30-2:30 and then I’ll get up for an hour and sit on the couch for a bit and fall asleep again for another hour or so. And there may or may not be a 4th nap before I go to bed at 8:30 for the night. I’m just exhausted and I’m pretty sure there’s a mix of depression from being locked up in the house for the last month and a half. I sleep for a good 16-18 hours of my 24 hour days. 

ETA I’ve been throwing everything up but I’ve tried coffee and caffeine and being active but it just all wears me out faster. We went fishing a few weeks ago and I spent most of the time in the jeep sleeping. It’s awful 

name1109

Potentially triggering post on postpartum 

Anyone else have postpartum problems? I’ve never had an official diagnosis I just know post baby is the PITS. I wish I was kidding.  For example, with #2, who took 1.5 yrs to conceive, whom I love and cherish...I would nurse her and want to throw her against the wall.  Super triggered by nursing. I had to really focus while nursing (count from ten or a hundred etc). Many times I’d finish nursing and see I was close to buying tickets home. Something like this: https://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mother/breastfeeding-nursing-aversion-agitation-baa/. 

I’ve had some level of something with all three kids. I haven’t taken medicine as I’m nervous about the impact on the baby.  We are only at 12 weeks but I’m trying to start mentally preparing what I know helps. For me, I’ve found fish oil and multivitamins help, showering and getting dressed helps. Getting out of the house helps. Bright colors and patterns somehow helps. Meditation and yoga help. This will be the first time my DH will really be around post baby so he will be here to help (no six month man do work trips this time).  Routine is a must.  People/friends really help.

Does anyone else have any tried and true suggestions? We’re beyond excited about baby girl #4.  I really want to enjoy my maternity leave this time. 

BabyL52716

@name1109
I had PPD with my first (undiagnosed) because I never went and never got help. 
I'm going to say this and some may not like it. If breastfeeding is something that triggers your anxiety/depression it's ok to not do it. 
Long story short for me. I breastfeed my daughter for the first month. The first month she cried and screamed all the time. I realized I wasn't producing enough (she was still at birth weight a month later) and apparently the pediatricians office she was at we're to stupid to catch on at her first appointments.
I started giving her formula to catch up ended up back in my local ER and transferred to a bigger hospital because I started getting high temps that I couldn't control with Tylenol. (Which led to me being away from her overnight and she eventually stopped latching. I then pumped for 6 months only pumping like 8oz at a time. My mental health had deteriorated and I became crazy fixated on needing to pump every three hrs. I was setting an alarm and losing sleep just to wake up and pump. Thinking I needed to do this. Looking back now what I needed to do was to stop pumping. 
Three years later I finally went to my Dr and was diagnosed with low vit D and hypothyroidism and started on an antidepressant and kicking myself for not doing it a couple years ago. Now currently prego with baby #2 I am off my anti depressant but am still on my thyroid med and will certainly be listening to my body this time around during post baby. 
Sorry this is long and random for you. My main point is if breastfeeding is a trigger than it's ok to not breastfeed period. 

dumbledoredies

@hedgepig great advice! I think part of the problem is I can't get my brain to shut off. I'll be exhausted all day long and then lay down for bed and feel wide awake. Then I don't get enough sleep and the cycle continues of feeling exhausted but not being able to sleep. I think I'm going to try journaling the half hour before bed and make a set time that I head up to bed. I think another reason for the insomnia is that I spend the evenings on my phone filling my brain with new things to think of.

Ecat504

@name1109 I agree with @babyl52716. If it’s triggering don’t do it. 

I suffer from general anxiety and depression year round but it’s definitely always heightened after birth. With my first baby I had severe PPA. I was paranoid and convinced everyone was trying to steal my baby. I wouldn’t let anyone leave a room with her. She stayed attached to my hip 24/7 and I was ok with it. Even my ex husband, if he tried to take her and give her a bath I’d follow them into the bathroom. 

With my second daughter it was depression. She was a surprise baby and I wasn’t ready to go from one to two yet. So I had a really difficult time bonding with her. Once she was born it was a chore to get me to do anything for her. I didn’t want to wake up in the middle of the night to feed her, I didn’t want to not play with my oldest daughter to entertain her, etc. I was an awful mom. Once i got help when she was around 4 months old things improved substantially and now she’s my little best friend. She likes me more than my older one LOL! 

But what you’re feeling is scary and valid. Don’t be afraid to get help. Sending you so many hugs mama. It’s so hard! 

kelk5

@name1109 I agree with the others that if breastfeeding seems to be a trigger then don't do it. There are great options for formula today, both of my kiddos were supplemented with formula and 100% formula by 10 months. I'd also recommend being proactive by talking to your OB/CNM at your next appointment. Write down for them what you have found to be helpful to include. Over the course of your pregnancy you and your OB/CNM can develop a plan for post-partum care to monitor, potentially medicate, and also set up counseling. If you decide to breastfeed, I believe there are safe medication options or at least low risk options. But honestly, safety and your health are more important than breastfeeding. It sounds like you might already be doing this but include  your partner in the plan. Including for them to know what signs to look for and what to do if they see warning signs. It's good that you are starting to think about this now so you can take steps that will hopefully make this postpartum experience better.

potofgolden

WTH the bump app update! I had to login through safari to find our forum. I can’t find community on the app anymore. Where is it located now?

ksdelong20

@name1109 I'm going to second what the other ladies have said about being open and honest with your providers and partner now so you have a plan in place for PP. 

** TW I used to work in pediatrics and one of my patients had a traumatic brain injury from mom's post partum psychosis. TW**

PPA/PPD/PPP are something to take very seriously and get help for. It's good that you are recognizing that

mama-buckets

@potofgolden YES!!! I noticed that too and it’s driving me CRAZY! 

You have to tap on the teeeensy tiny little arrow to the right of “Pregnancy” on the left menu. You can’t click on the word pregnancy cause that takes you somewhere completely different 🙄. One will show a bunch of buttons like first trimester, second trimester, etc. that’s the wrong one. The right one will be another menu list, and at the VEERRRRRRRRRY bottom, I found ‘community’. RIDICULOUS! 

karacc18

I have a car seat question. I used the Chicco nextfit 30 for my first two, and the one i have is expiring this year so i need to get a new infant seat for this baby. Does anyone know if the bases for chicco will fit all newer models? ideally i will just buy a new Chicco one because i have two extra bases (husbands truck and my moms car) and I'm hoping it fits. If not, I might go for the UppaBaby Mesa, but it is quite pricey to have for just one baby. 

1sttimemomma98

Hey guys. I am 21, FTM, unplanned pregnancy. I had been super nervous to tell my parents, and hadn’t planned on telling them till I was a little further along. I am currently 8 weeks, but had to tell them at 6 because I needed to go in for more testing because there were possible complications (everything’s okay now!). I have one year left of college, and I’ll be student teaching the whole year. While it’s going to be very hard and stressful, I believe I can do it! My parents help me pay for college for what my scholarships don’t cover. My parents have now pulled funding for my final year of school if I don’t get an abortion (something I am not comfortable with). I am trying to remain level headed when discussing this with them, but I feel like it’s not their choice, but if I don’t finish school this year I will lose all of my scholarships, and even with loans I won’t be able to graduate from my university. Does anyone have any advice? I feel like they’re putting me in a very unfair situation. 

potofgolden

@mama-buckets omga! That took forever to find the community forum. Thank you so much! Why would they do that?

krystrist2014

@1sttimemomma98 I’m sorry that that was their response. It’s really unfortunate since that is the one thing that will allow you to be able to support yourself and baby. I commend you for not letting them sway you from your decision. Can you apply for FAFSA for the upcoming year? If it is just one year, I imagine you wouldn’t be borrowing too much money and you will not have to start paying back right away. 

1sttimemomma98

@krystrist2014 unfortunately I have already submitted my FAFSA for the upcoming year, but I’m looking into it to see if I can change it, so we shall see. Thank you for the advice!

1MommyRunner

@1sttimemomma98 I am so incredibly sorry they put you in this situation. Know that this group will be here to support you when you need to talk! 💜 I also sent you a message with some information that will hopefully help!

name1109

@1sttimemomma98 I would contact your school counselor too? Maybe ask about loans for moms? I would call FAFSA? Much love to you. HavIng kids is hands down the best thing I’ve ever done. Hard but best. Be proud of your little person. 

name1109

@ksdelong20 I’m also looking into doulas who specialize in PPD/PPA etc things. 

@k@kelk5We’ll see what triggers this time. I think I need to put your suggestions on the table. I wish to goodness post baby wasn’t a valley of tears. 

@Ec@Ecat504 I can identify with a lot of what you said. I saw someone last year in prep for baby four to help get me on track to be able to survive post baby. We moved. I might try to find someone local. Aside from counseling, do you mind if I ask if you recommend other things? I think finding a group is going to be key. 

@Bab@BabyL52716 my at is messed up. Thank you for sharing. I have gone to my doctors and I always fill out the depression screener honestly and it gets swept away for some reason. I tried to be proactive with baby 3 and that helped a lot. With baby 4(👀) I am trying to lean into it. Prep the best I can. 

I truly appreciate the advice. It’s a very real and difficult time for me. It’s like bracing for an inevitable train wretch. I’d really like to just enjoy maternity leave. 

name1109

@potofgolden you can also go under parents. You can find “community” there. This board is my favorited and it’s still there. 

jaclyn0405

@1sttimemomma98 I am SO sorry that your parents are putting you through this! That has to be so difficult.  I would definitely look at loans with the Department of Education and complete your FAFSA as quick as possible.  You can qualify for these types of loans on your own.  I had to take them out for my MBA and did it by myself.  I am not sure what college you attend, but with your scholarships factored in and the fact that your parents have paid for Freshman - Junior year, your debt coming out of college should be relatively low.  Please hang in there and lean in to us when you need us.  What are your partner's thoughts and/or his parents thoughts?

Ecat504

@name1109 honestly I didn’t seek help after my first daughter we just went on with the anxiety. I found a lot of love and support from my S14 BMB with her, and I still talk to 60+ of those women daily on Facebook. I consider them my best friends. 

I think I struggled a bit more because I didn’t find a community with my second daughter. 

Not saying that friends and a loving community replaces science and medicine but it definitely helps. Lean on us when you need to and lean on your doctors in other times. ❤️❤️❤️

potofgolden

@1sttimemomma98 I hate that you are going through this struggle. My little sister ended up in a similar situation. Everything is working out in the end her daughter is two this Friday and she is graduating this summer. She was able to talk to financial aide and she got additional help. I would recommend talking to financial aide and your school counselor. Let them know of your situation and they will be able to help. Also, I know here in Texas teachers school loans are forgiven if you teach for 5 years in a low income district. Your parents will change their mind and welcome their grandchild, it just may take them a while. We are all here for you. 

Side note, if you aren’t ready to be a parent adoption is a beautiful option. My best friend is actually waiting to adopt now. I can get you her info if you are interested.

name1109

@Ecat504 oh my what is S14 BMB 😳. I agree community online or not is key. I’ve struggled finding community (Japan was an awesome time but very isolating as many women didn’t work).  I’ll take anything. 

acdc1109

For anyone who has run during pregnancy before, what kind of belly support band did you use? I didn't run during my first pregnancy and stopped running around 10 weeks during my second. This time I'd like to make it to 28 weeks before I stop, but I'm not sure how difficult that will be. 

1MommyRunner

@acdc1109 I second your question! I didn’t run with my first and made it to about 6/7 weeks with my second. I really want to go as long as I can with this little! 💜

Ecat504

@name1109 it was my The Bump birth month board in September of 2014 (this board would be N20 BMB). I hope you’re feeling a little better. 

1sttimemomma98

@name1109 @jaclyn0405 @potofgolden hi ladies thank you for your kind words and support! I have revised my FAFSA and have since talked more to my parents about it. My school offers tuition insurance so we are considering going that route, so my parents are considering helping out. It has definitely been a bumpy road! As for my partner and his family, my partner and I are long distance so he is actually quitting his job to move where I live to be closer for the pregnancy and baby. So to be completely honest he’s been freaking out and not all that supportive. He has yet to tell his family, so hopefully we will be doing that in the coming weeks! 

KateBee

Does anyone have bra recommendations? I’ve been wearing sport bras all day and night but they’re already a bit tight.

Also, is anyone else taking Zofran? I have it prescribed for some other stomach issues and have been taking it for nausea. I haven’t had a doctor’s appointment yet so I don’t know how my OB feels about it.

bserena

@katebee I got these ones off of Amazon, they are pretty comfortable and you get 3 for under 20 bucks! 
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07NWDN1ZP/?coliid=I3JTWM1CDXA16A&colid=3VJ4GGQTRECEO&psc=1

surlyjaneausten

Has anyone used a haakaa to collect milk in the early days of breastfeeding? I was not an overproducer at all but I remember a lot of leakage in the beginning. Also any tips to introduce a bottle would be appreciated. My son would only take the boob and, while rewarding, it was a huge burden on me. I’d like to be a little more versatile this time around. 

potofgolden

@1sttimemomma98 I’m so glad things are starting to move in a positive direction for you. Don’t worry it will make you stronger!

@KateBee I was got my favorite ones from motherhood maternity. They were very comfortable, I wore them up until DD turned one, and I finally got a real VS bra that fit.... now back to the maternity bras 😩. I bought some on amazon and where the clasp was my on the back they were itchy for the first few wears. I think they may be hit and miss.

@surlyjaneausten Hakaa is a must. Some times I would fill mine all the way up. Sometimes not, but it was nice not to waste milk, plus then you don’t leak all over the place.

jaclyn0405

@1sttimemomma98 I am SO glad that things seem to be better with your parents and they have come around to the idea.  Hopefully your partner does the same and everyone gets on the same page soon.  

name1109

@1sttimemomma98 I’m so glad you “came back” here. Community (for me) is key. No babies come with a handbook so we’re all figuring it out as we go. I just wanted send you hugs. No questions are dumb. I’m on my fourth and still have questions. 

3xmamabear

Anyone else have to do a early gestational diabetes test? I had GD my first pregnancy but not with my second,this third time I had to do it at 8 weeks and of course didn’t pass by 3 pts so now I need to do the 3 hr test

3xmamabear

Btw,I changed my name but it’s not showing up here?

BabyL52716

@knottieaee63de9c5aae901
My office also told me they are starting to do them earlier as well.  I will be having it tested at my first apt at almost 12 weeks. 🤞😬

KateBee

@surlyjaneausten your username is the best!