@rachstar18 that stuff sucks. I felt like I had to mention to people I was thinking of having a third so they would have time to get used to the idea and not be obnoxious about it when it happened. But I wish I didn’t have to do that. I have one friend who immediately launched into her thing about the environment, how nobody should really have more than one kid, etc. We chatted, I told her my thoughts and our feelings about having a third, and by the end was like, “okay, for you I understand having 3 - you have my blessing to have a third.” I don’t think anything has ever made me so mad, I don’t need anyone’s blessing to have another kid besides my husband’s.
I have not told that girl I’m pregnant again, and have stopped making any effort to do anything with her ever. Still makes me mad to think about.
Ugh @rachstar18 all of those comments are so messed up and uncalled for. What is wrong with people? Along the same lines, wow @Pascal86 that would piss me off too... like what is her criteria for who is allowed and who isn't??
And @lizzybean agree with @pocketrose don't tell any names! People always have opinions and it's your baby to name, not theirs!
@lizzybean84 I feel that. The day we were supposed to announce the pregnancy an Facebook, my mom decided to announce it before us. I didn't even realize she had posted anything until my best friend sent me a screenshot of it 🤦♀️🤦♀️ Thanks, Mom. I guess we'll tell you last for the next one.
The only awkward questions I have gotten from the general public are from my students (I am a middle school teacher). One kid looked concerned and asked me "how dialated you are right now". Another girl came to me privately and asked if it was true that her mother could take her to the doctor to see if she is still a virgin. Looks like I'm not teaching English anymore, I'm teaching sex-ed. 😂😂
Yesterday I had a standard appt and my nurse asked if, since we have a girl, we were wishing for a little boy. I said "Well I think my husband is, but we're excited either way!" She then said "after the weekend I had, you don't want boys.. I have 3" .... Well I don't think I've really got a choice, lady.
@knottie70dd056078b63456 I'm so sorry that happened. I get that moms are excited, but why exactly they feel like it's their news to share is beyond me. It's sad when you feel like you can't talk to your mom about pregnancy-related stuff because you know she'll spread everything far and wide.
Conversation with mom from gymnastics last night, in the quiet viewing room full of people:
Her: So you're pregnant, huh Me: I am! Her: You excited? Me: ... yep! (WHY WHY WHY do people ask this?) Her: So, is (MH) adopting her *gestures at daughter* (I was a single mom as soon as I became pregnant with daughter, and MH came into her life when she was 1. She calls him Dad.) Me: ... oh, um no Her: Does she see her other dad, then? (I get this question OFTEN, WHY?! ) Me: .....Yup..
WTAF. Also, the only reason we know this lady is because she works at Subway and takes our order 1, maybe 2x, a month? She only knows MH isn't her biological dad because he's been going to that subway longer than I have because it's closest to his work.
She was sitting behind me so I just turned back around and the conversation ended. Real happy that all of gymnastics know my personal life now lol!
My mom told me she’s “putting her request in for a girl next time.” If we decide to have a 3rd. This is DS #2. Don’t get me wrong, she LOVES my son and will love this one equally as much. I would also love to have a daughter. But it annoys the shit out of me to even slightly imply that boys aren’t as good. Like what, you’re not as excited for this one because he has a penis? I think she gets hung up on the material things, like getting to buy girly clothes. Ugh.
@kristinl492 this is annoying! my mom keeps saying she wants mine to be a girl (I mean I do to. But her only girl grandkid lives far away. And we have three other boy grandkids in town) but whatever babe is it’ll be great.
@nursejenn5 Yepp, same thing the first time around with my son. I’m likely her only hope for a grandchild, so I do get it a little bit. My sister does not want children at all and my brother...well I’ll be shocked if he ever gets his act together enough to find someone to procreate with 🤷🏼♀️. Just keep the comments to yourself, mom!
Now that we know it’s a boy, everyone keeps telling me “oh great so you can be done now, you have one of each!”. Actually no, we always planned on having a third, regardless of what we got this go round. Why does everyone get so up in arms about the sex of your kid/s?! Can’t they just be happy that another baby is coming.
@kristinl492@kc0711 yeah everyone assumes you need at least one of each, and that all dads want a boy. We haven’t dealt with anyone close hassling about this, but yesterday some random guys at a car show we were chatting with started talking about how my husband definitely wanted a boy, so he’d have someone to take to football games. My husband was like, “yeah, I can take my daughters to football games. Doesn’t make a difference to me.” 🙄
@kc0711@Pascal86 People get way too hung up on the “one of each” thing. Having children means you want a CHILD, regardless of sex. I’ve always said that I would probably like to have 3 (as long as we survive having 2, lol). But I’m not like “now I definitely have to try for 3 and try for a girl!” Not the way it works, I’m happy to have healthy baby boys.
Had a boozy play date with our besties at a kid friendly brewery yesterday (that's a thing here... I've been made aware that it's not a thing everywhere by some friends in Jersey). Anyway, saw my HS ex-BF's little brother there (which is random b/c he still lives in our hometown and happened to be visiting) and had this convo:
him- do you know what you're having? me- a boy him- oh, so you're done now? me- yeah.... him- My sister really lucked out because she got one of each so she could be done.
uhhhhh??? wut? DH and I were laughing about it otw home. Like, yeah we're done... but it has exactly ZERO to do with the sex of our kids lol. 2 is just plenty for us to manage. Bless his heart. He's still in his 20's and, clearly, just doesn't get it
Saw an old coworker today. Super sweet lady, somewhere around my mom’s age. She is also really good friends with MIL. She asked if we knew what we were having and I said we will find out in a few days. So she asked if I had a preference. I told her I would love for my daughter to have a sister since I have 2 boys also, but that I would be so happy either way.
Her - “Well if it’s another boy, you can just try again.”
Me - “.........” (while also thinking heck no. 4 kids in 4 years is it for me).
But honestly, as much as I’d love another girl, I’d also love another boy. I just hate when people make you feel like you couldn’t possibly be happy if it’s unbalanced. Why is the sex of my child so important to other people? I don’t understand.
@rachstar18 well if it’s another boy, you really need to have two more (and make sure they’re both girls) so it’s perfectly even! So rude of you to put anything above perfect gender symmetry.
@kristinl492 yes! Just trying to have a kid over here! I am actually preemptively sad about whichever one we don’t have, because I’m so excited about both the ideas of having three girls OR finally getting to have a boy. But I’ll be happy either way, and yes, @blaf322, it will influence my decision on how many more kids to have (zero more), not at all. And side note, basically all of our breweries are family friendly and it also took a recent out of town friend pointing that out for me to discover that’s not the norm everywhere!
@blaf322 I live in Jersey and every brewery I’ve been to is family friendly! We brought DS with us to a local one on Fathers Day last year. @Pascal86 I’d be concerned if I heard someone was having a baby JUST to try for a specific sex. So what, you hate it if it’s not your preferred type? I know what you mean by being a little sad either way, I was so excited for DS to possibly have a little brother but also having a daughter would’ve been awesome. I think you get a little bit of that “what if” either way.
@kristinl492 the Jersey girls in DD's BMB (there are 6 of them) all acted like it was the strangest thing they'd ever heard of when I first mentioned our plans to go back when DD was younger. Like, they loved the idea and wished they had something like that around lol.
@blaf322@kristinl492 yes I'm on the east coast and they are a thing here too thank god lol. It's like being able to take your kid to a bar but not getting judged for it and yeah, a lot of breweries around here have caught on and usually have something for kids like a chalkboard or stuff to play with outside.
My say what moment was yesterday when I was heading into a big office building for a meeting and as I got into the lobby to wait for an elevator with a pretty big group of people, I said hi to someone I know through work and that I'm friendly with. He's probably around my dad's age.
Him: how's the baby? Me: which one? Him, seeing my obvious belly: oh you're having another one! congrats! Now that you know what causes it, you can do something to stop it! Me: *laughs awkwardly, turns bright red* Him: my wife and I have 5, so obviously it took us a while to figure it out!
He was totally kidding, but I was like ahhhhhhhhhh get me out of here. I then had to get on the elevator with a group of strangers. One lady was like "so how many kids do you have?" I was like this will only be my second! Just so awkward.
@mrs_sheddy@stlbuckeye132 I know!! He's a very respected (and respectful) person but also a jokester so I'm letting it slide, but damn! Not in a crowded elevator lobby!
We asked my MIL if she could maybe help us with child care costs by looking after our son maybe one day a week when I go back to work, and her response, with exhausted exasperation, was, "Well, I'm already really busy..." So much attitude, when we thought she'd be excited. Mind you, this won't even be happening for another year. It took all my power not to be petty af and passive-aggressively apologize for our unborn son already being such a burden to her. I'm not assuming people should be just available to babysit when we ask them, but up until now she's seemed super excited and we thought she was in.
@lizzybean84 it’s all fun and games til someone asks you to help share some responsibility for your grandchild 🙄. I know it’s not mandatory/expected, but I would think as a grandparent you would want to spend that time with the baby. At the very least a nice “let me think about it” would’ve been better than her response.
@kristinl492 Yes, exactly. If she's too busy that's fine, but a more compassionate answer would have been nice. My mom was SO PUMPED and would take the little dude 5 days a week if we let her (we want him to have exposure to other kids his age though at least a few days a week) so we were so surprised by the MIL's reaction. It was pretty hurtful, to be honest. I should add, her busy schedule includes driving around town buying stuff for her 25 year old son who still lives at home for him to sell on eBay that she doesn't get paid for, and driving over to her daughter's house, who is 28 and lives 3 blocks from work, to give her the lunch she made for her and drive her to work. Those take precedence over her first grandchild.
@lizzybean84 she sounds like a nut. I think it's perfectly fine to not be interested (or have hesitations) about watching a grandchild but to try to blame it on being busy is ridiculous lol. I'd probably hold that against her in 6 months when she asks to help by taking baby so you can get some things done.. "Oh, no worries, I know how busy you are-we have it covered!"
@blaf322@kristinl492 yes I'm on the east coast and they are a thing here too thank god lol. It's like being able to take your kid to a bar but not getting judged for it and yeah, a lot of breweries around here have caught on and usually have something for kids like a chalkboard or stuff to play with outside.
My say what moment was yesterday when I was heading into a big office building for a meeting and as I got into the lobby to wait for an elevator with a pretty big group of people, I said hi to someone I know through work and that I'm friendly with. He's probably around my dad's age.
Him: how's the baby? Me: which one? Him, seeing my obvious belly: oh you're having another one! congrats! Now that you know what causes it, you can do something to stop it! Me: *laughs awkwardly, turns bright red* Him: my wife and I have 5, so obviously it took us a while to figure it out!
He was totally kidding, but I was like ahhhhhhhhhh get me out of here. I then had to get on the elevator with a group of strangers. One lady was like "so how many kids do you have?" I was like this will only be my second! Just so awkward.
My male eye doctor has said the exact same thing to me, on two different occasions, a year apart. I’m guessing he thinks it’s hilarious and it’s his go-to “joke” to patients who have more than one kid? He said “have you figured out what causes that yet?” It’s so awkward. And I wasn’t pregnant either time, I just happened to mention that I had 3 kids.
@meanjellybean gross, I've heard that joke so many times... so dumb. On the flip side, my coworker (27 year old guy) has been married for a few years now, and every time somebody asks when he's going to have kids, he says, "we'd like to, as soon as we figure out how!"
My favorite older guy reaction was when I told my boss I was pregnant the first time around. He said congratulations, was really nice, and then said, "Oh shoot... I wish when you'd told me, I'd said: how are you going to tell Chris?" (my husband).
@kristinl492 I know everyone has a version of this story, but talking about going for a specific sex - my midwife just told me she has a friend who had 3 boys, desperately wanted a girl, so tried one more time... and got identical twin boys. 5 boys... yikes (yikes if that happens because you were trying for a girl, not yikes if you actually want 5 kids).
@lizzybean84 you can totally complain about that stuff to me... my mom has watched my kids one day a week (each) since they were born, and we were just planning next year's childcare schedule. We were trying to get her to pick days, and she was like, "well on Wednesday I want to go to this lecture series every week... and I'm retiring so I might take community classes and those are either M/W or T/H, but I don't know if I will yet and I don't know which classes I want..." I was like, holy crap mom, I can't deal with a million things you might possibly consider doing! Just watch the kids or don't, but I need to figure this out right away!
Pascal86 Yes, exactly! Sister from another mister It's nice to be able to figure things out in advance and have a nice, solid plan so you can also figure out how much you'll be spending on child care, which is hugely expensive. I'm sorry you're dealing with this too, it's tough. It kind of makes it feel like you're all alone without support sometimes.
Re: Say What?!
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
@lizzybean SEE ABOVE also very much why H and I are being very hush hush about the name. People, even (especially) family can be the worst sometimes.
I have not told that girl I’m pregnant again, and have stopped making any effort to do anything with her ever. Still makes me mad to think about.
And @lizzybean agree with @pocketrose don't tell any names! People always have opinions and it's your baby to name, not theirs!
She then said "after the weekend I had, you don't want boys.. I have 3"
....
Well I don't think I've really got a choice, lady.
Her: So you're pregnant, huh
Me: I am!
Her: You excited?
Me: ... yep! (WHY WHY WHY do people ask this?)
Her: So, is (MH) adopting her *gestures at daughter* (I was a single mom as soon as I became pregnant with daughter, and MH came into her life when she was 1. She calls him Dad.)
Me: ... oh, um no
Her: Does she see her other dad, then? (I get this question OFTEN, WHY?! )
Me: .....Yup..
WTAF. Also, the only reason we know this lady is because she works at Subway and takes our order 1, maybe 2x, a month? She only knows MH isn't her biological dad because he's been going to that subway longer than I have because it's closest to his work.
She was sitting behind me so I just turned back around and the conversation ended. Real happy that all of gymnastics know my personal life now lol!
him- do you know what you're having?
me- a boy
him- oh, so you're done now?
me- yeah....
him- My sister really lucked out because she got one of each so she could be done.
uhhhhh??? wut?
DH and I were laughing about it otw home. Like, yeah we're done... but it has exactly ZERO to do with the sex of our kids lol. 2 is just plenty for us to manage. Bless his heart. He's still in his 20's and, clearly, just doesn't get it
Her - “Well if it’s another boy, you can just try again.”
Me - “.........” (while also thinking heck no. 4 kids in 4 years is it for me).
But honestly, as much as I’d love another girl, I’d also love another boy. I just hate when people make you feel like you couldn’t possibly be happy if it’s unbalanced. Why is the sex of my child so important to other people? I don’t understand.
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
@kristinl492 yes! Just trying to have a kid over here! I am actually preemptively sad about whichever one we don’t have, because I’m so excited about both the ideas of having three girls OR finally getting to have a boy. But I’ll be happy either way, and yes, @blaf322, it will influence my decision on how many more kids to have (zero more), not at all. And side note, basically all of our breweries are family friendly and it also took a recent out of town friend pointing that out for me to discover that’s not the norm everywhere!
@Pascal86 I’d be concerned if I heard someone was having a baby JUST to try for a specific sex. So what, you hate it if it’s not your preferred type? I know what you mean by being a little sad either way, I was so excited for DS to possibly have a little brother but also having a daughter would’ve been awesome. I think you get a little bit of that “what if” either way.
My say what moment was yesterday when I was heading into a big office building for a meeting and as I got into the lobby to wait for an elevator with a pretty big group of people, I said hi to someone I know through work and that I'm friendly with. He's probably around my dad's age.
Him: how's the baby?
Me: which one?
Him, seeing my obvious belly: oh you're having another one! congrats! Now that you know what causes it, you can do something to stop it!
Me: *laughs awkwardly, turns bright red*
Him: my wife and I have 5, so obviously it took us a while to figure it out!
He was totally kidding, but I was like ahhhhhhhhhh get me out of here. I then had to get on the elevator with a group of strangers. One lady was like "so how many kids do you have?" I was like this will only be my second! Just so awkward.
It took all my power not to be petty af and passive-aggressively apologize for our unborn son already being such a burden to her.
I'm not assuming people should be just available to babysit when we ask them, but up until now she's seemed super excited and we thought she was in.
I'd probably hold that against her in 6 months when she asks to help by taking baby so you can get some things done.. "Oh, no worries, I know how busy you are-we have it covered!"
My favorite older guy reaction was when I told my boss I was pregnant the first time around. He said congratulations, was really nice, and then said, "Oh shoot... I wish when you'd told me, I'd said: how are you going to tell Chris?" (my husband).
@kristinl492 I know everyone has a version of this story, but talking about going for a specific sex - my midwife just told me she has a friend who had 3 boys, desperately wanted a girl, so tried one more time... and got identical twin boys. 5 boys... yikes (yikes if that happens because you were trying for a girl, not yikes if you actually want 5 kids).
@lizzybean84 you can totally complain about that stuff to me... my mom has watched my kids one day a week (each) since they were born, and we were just planning next year's childcare schedule. We were trying to get her to pick days, and she was like, "well on Wednesday I want to go to this lecture series every week... and I'm retiring so I might take community classes and those are either M/W or T/H, but I don't know if I will yet and I don't know which classes I want..." I was like, holy crap mom, I can't deal with a million things you might possibly consider doing! Just watch the kids or don't, but I need to figure this out right away!