A girl I used to work with a long time ago has been posting her “monthly updates” about her now 5 months old. Every month she talks about how fat he is (her, her husband, and their two older kids are like picture perfect magazine model worthy). This month she included how fat he is and “he’s too dumb to roll belly to back” This made my heart hurt, probably hormonal and I’m overreacting, but he is such a cute, chunkier guy. Don’t call him fat and dumb. 😢
@blaf322 thank you! That is reassuring. I think we are just going to wait until my next appointment and have him go with me.
@stlbuckeye132 it sounds like I might need to get some of your parents secrets lol I hope they’re all close but I can see why clothes sharing would be frustrating however, expense wise, I’m hoping for less clothes and sharing more 🙏🤞 lol Also, that’s exciting about your friend!!
@treeofcheem that’s what we were thinking that it would be good to know if they’re possible carriers as well so we have the info when they’re older.
@blaf322 I'm aware - but you can use miles for a future flight you need to take, and save the money then (unless they expire). And get yourself a massage in the meantime. Or not - if first class makes you happy, no biggie. I just think I could deal with that just fine at 6 months pregnant. If I was like 8 months pregnant, no. But then, I don't plan on flying at that point anyway.
@hbird0723 we had such a long talk with the midwife about whether to test for spinal muscular atrophy or not. Apparently it's a new-ish test? Or at least new to offer it to everyone. I went for it, but I kind of hate all this genetic testing. Especially because I'm still waiting on my results so getting increasingly nervous.
I do think with two healthy kids as well, getting a positive would make me slightly less nervous about the odds even without having DH tested yet.
@treeofcheem wow, I can’t believe you’re both carriers. The chances of that have to be pretty low!
@Pascal86 I agree with you about hating the genetic testing. I did the NIPT but opted out of the extras offered by my OB, like Fragile X and CF. It’s very overwhelming to think about testing for ALL this stuff. It’s a blessing and a curse.
@beckylookatherbump I have school orientation in Kentucky so we’re hoping to spend the weekend prior in Nashville since it’s only a few hours away. I will definitely ask you for recommendations when time gets closer(and we have the for sure that we’re going)!
@pocketrose I know I'm late responding but if you have the points I'd definitely use them to upgrade to first class. I had to fly to San Diego (also flying from Philly) for work when I was about 28 weeks last time and my husband met me out there for a short babymoon. I flew coach out (because work) and then DH used points to upgrade our seats on the way back. It was SO NICE. I had never flown first class before, and for that length of flight it was amazing to be able to be comfy and stretch out. Just my two cents haha.
My random of the day is I'm terrified of this stomach bug that is clearly going around in my area and seemingly everywhere. One of my bosses had it over the weekend and then I had to spend about 4 hours total in a car with him on Monday, and this morning I was having some "issues" that have turned me into a major hypochondriac. I have a busy day and can't afford to be sick! And I hate the stomach bug! Really hoping it's all in my head.
@nursejenn5 what a garbage human being. Ew. I'd have to unfriend or unfollow.... lies, I'd totally call her out for saying things like that and she'd probably end up unfriending me anyway lol
@blaf322 it’s worse because her mom even commented this time saying something about being fat I’m like no. You don’t call babies, toddlers, or your kids fat. Especially when they’re not. I’m not good enough with confrontation but I did react sadly to it 😂
@nursejenn5 good for you! I'm sure she gets the message.... but she also sounds like shes enough of an ass hat that she either wouldn't care or wouldn't put thought into it like a normal person would.
The food struggle is real today... I want a salad (preferably with lots of cheeses and stuff I can't eat) as well as something sweet, like a chick fil a cookie... but also, I'd like to not ruin this baby while also gaining a gazillion lbs during pregnancy. No point to this... just complaining about all my food limitations lol
@nursejenn5 Sounds like she has a lot of her own insecurities that she's putting on her kid. Makes me sad too
@pocketrose My 2 cents are that I personally wouldn't bother upgrading to first class. I flew west coast to Atlanta around 23 weeks last time, so a bit earlier than you'll be, but it was NBD. Didn't feel any worse than being on a flight non-pregnant. They did "upgrade" us to the bulkhead so we had more legroom and let us board early (not that we needed to but MH requested it for whatever reason). The worst part was that I wore a skirt and got bad chafing on my thighs from just walking through the airport. I bought little shorts to wear under my skirts after that!
I don't know if/when your points expire and how much you fly, but I'd rather keep the points and use them towards a family trip after baby is born. First class does always look so nice, though. Well, it depends on the plane! Is it a big plane, non-stop flight?
2/13 Blighted ovum, D&C -- 6/13 MC -- 8/14 DD born -- 3/17 MC -- 9/18 DD2 born Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
@nursejenn5 this makes me so sad. In my line of work I often hear parents calling their kids dumb (maybe not directly but in a roundabout way), and I have a really hard time holding my tongue. And the calling your child fat thing is really a great way to pave the path for disordered eating in the future. Ugh just all around.
Today I gave up hope that I’ll fit into most of my jeans still (granted most were a little snug prior to becoming pregnant probably due to being 6-8 years old before I gained some more hips). So I tried them all on huffing and puffing. Only a couple could maybe still be salvaged for a few more weeks. The rest I put away in hopes they may fit again some day 😂 (also so H stops thinking I’m crazy for wearing the same few clothes every day while having a closet full of clothes)
@blaf322 I find that I HAVE to indulge in my cravings or they just get stronger and consume my life. I’m trying to ease up a little but the food struggle has been very real this pregnancy
I guess I have an UO in thinking it’s totally fine to call your 5 month old fat. Not as big a fan of calling them dumb, though. But I think the issue is acting like being fat is an insult and makes it seem like a bad thing. I was super happy to have two very fat babies, and they never once acted insecure because I called them fat. I realize it’s not usually good taste to call people fat because most people think it’s bad, but I feel like we could work on that instead of continuing the notion that being fat is the worst thing.
@Pascal86 I think the issue I have with it is that it seems the mom is using the word fat to describe her kid in a negative way. If I shared on Facebook that I love my chunky monkey or all these baby rolls, it has a little different tone than "my baby is fat and dumb."
@Pascal86 just sounds to me like if you're already calling your infant fat, it's somewhat likely that will continue and eventually get into the kid's psyche. Especially with thin parents/siblings, being the one chubby family member, AND having it pointed out even if done lovingly....also "fat" is just not a nice term. I wouldn't mind so much "chubby" or "chunky" I guess when it comes to a baby. But I've never heard of anyone saying "you're fat" and meaning it in a good way.
@Pascal86 Edited here b/c I was actually responding to @nursejenn5 comment about her friend on facebook. That was my bad.
Sorry, I tagged wrong. In response to the later comment that it was hurtful that was not my intent. Occasional comments are not what I'm thinking about or responding to. Labeling a child fat and dumb frequently feels like a set up for future issues as can a comparison to a sibling or otherwise thin family. Commenting on how cute are those chubby cheeks or the like I see as different depending on how often it happens.
Later in this thread, the original poster makes a good comment about her being labeled for being skinny. Again for me, it's the scale and is it mean spirited. Some of my research for one of my degrees was focused on eating disorders so I do probably have more thoughts on this than I would some things.
@modoodles that’s my thought on this exactly. Chunky little rolls are much different than calling them fat (and the babe was not even fat just looks like he’s built a bit bigger than his siblings). But also for reference, My cousin did the same to her baby. But it continued as he was growing up through elementary school. That damages kids mental health, even if only deep down. He had a really rough childhood and even at family gatherings she would make comments about how he shouldn’t be getting a second plate of food. Depression, thankfully he’s an 8th header now, grew out of his “baby fat” as most kids do and also doing better mentally.
but my main point is I want my kiddos to really only hear body positive things, that revolves around being healthy- not weight or outward appearance.
@zande2016 and @bluguitarhannah it feels super judgmental and presumptive to tell me you think I’m setting my kids up for issues because I’m fine calling them fat when they’re five months old. I don’t do it beyond that - I realize that our culture thinks being fat is terrible and it’s a dirty word.
I’m fine to agree to disagree on whether it’s okay to say a 5 month old is fat, but it’s hurtful to be told that I’m setting my kids up for future issues and that it’s going to get into their psyche because of this. I have a lot of friends that proudly talk about their fat babies, because they’re happy that they’re healthy and gaining weight well. That doesn’t make me think that any of them are going to call their babies fat once they’re out of baby-hood.
I also honestly think that so strongly attaching “fat” to a negative association is the more damaging approach. I hope if my kids do grow up to be fat, they’re still happy about their bodies and don’t feel shame from that word. Agreed that I hope it’s not a focus or basis of self-worth, but don’t want it to feel like a bad thing either way.
@Pascal86 I would also add that I had issues with being called too skinny or something along those lines. And to me there was a negative connotation associated with that. I couldn’t help it. But I also knew I wasn’t living a healthy lifestyle and was as self conscious as my friend who was overweight. In general, the health provider in me generally thinks that fat has a negative association. But also know that there are other deeper rooted causes to being overweight. Not just being unhealthy, but in today’s day and age, with the prediction that 50% of Americans are going to be obese by 2030, something needs to change. So I’m not sure I agree with associating being called, or calling someone, fat as anything positive. (But I will be happy for a well fed chunk of babe, as you mentioned)
Agree to disagree. There’s definitely no one right way for EVERYONE to raise their babies. Raise them happy and and healthy and that’s what matters 🤷🏻♀️
@nursejenn5 I'm now feeling silly for getting so involved on this topic, so I want to also preface this with the fact that I don't really feel that strongly, it's just an interesting subject... but I would continue to counter, based on what you explained. Being fat is often correlated with being unhealthy in certain ways - but my mom has complained that as a doctor, it's really hard to have conversations with patients about their weight / health, because there's such a negative connotation with being fat. People can have hormone issues that need correcting, unhealthy sleep patterns, use improper mechanics... all unhealthy things, that people are much more receptive to discussing. But talk about them being fat? They take it as a personal attack and get offended, rather than being willing to talk about it and get the necessary medical advice (not everyone, but seems to be a trend).
I feel like everyone is imagining me looking down at my infants and making snippy comments about their clothes fitting too tightly or something - just imagine that I'm a normal, sane person who doesn't see a huge difference between the phrase "fat" and "cute li'l chunker" for a 5 month old.
@Pascal86 as someone who has been overweight her entire life, i want to just chime in for a second. first, i think this is an awesome discussion, regardless of what "side" you are on....its an important one to have. in terms of people taking it as a personal attack and getting offended when healthcare professionals address weight issues, its not as simple a comparison between someone's hormone issues, unhealthy sleep patterns, etc. my whole life i had many many experiences in which being called fat was more than just a descriptive word, it was a hurtful word - whether its getting teased/bullied as a child, getting rejected in the dating world because of my body type, having to deal with my mom constantly telling me clothes dont look good on me because ive fat, literally crying in a dressing room at the mall in high school because i couldnt fit into "normal" (not plus size) clothes like my friends, being told that my infertility issues were because of my weight, exercising and starving myself and only losing 2 pounds, i could go on and on. so it honestly triggers trauma when someone calls me "fat", and even when a doctor or someone mentions my weight in a negative way. i've learned to be civil about it and recognize that they have my best interest at heart, but it doesn't mean it hurts any less. so i think its important for healthcare providers to just be cognizant of the trauma it can cause. i know this isnt the case for everyone and that there are definitely some overweight people who play the victim and react inappropriately, but some of us are victims to the way others treat us because of our weight.
married to DH on March 15, 2018 TTC since May 2018 dx: PCOS, hypothroidism tx: timed intercourse with meds (dexa, clomid, letrozole, metformin, trigger shots)
First TTGP: 5/9/19 BFN, 6/21/19 BFN, 7/29/19 BFN, 8/1/19 started a break from tx, 11/16/19 surprised with a BFP! LO born 7/7/20 Second TTGP: started meds for first cycle of tx on 10/13/21
@knockupthestock love the perspective here, thank you! And I guess my point about my mom and her patients was not to say that her overweight patients’ reactions don’t make perfect sense. I think they totally do! My point is that because of the way people talk about being fat or overweight, it makes it a really tough subject for people because of everyone piling on - when it should be (in my opinion) only relevant to that individual and their healthcare providers. I’d love for weight to be considered a non-issue for other people, and certainly not something to give someone grief for - with the hope that then these doctor conversations would be easier and not so triggering. As in, I wish it was as simple as a comparison to sleep issues, but totally appreciate you saying it’s not at all.
Not to say my mom is totally sympathetic to all this. I mean, I think she’s a wonderful person, but she definitely has the mindset that fat=bad (mostly about herself), and that messed with my mind a lot growing up.
And as a side note, I am NOT looking forward to the part of pregnancy where people start commenting on / analyzing my body. Even when they’re trying to say it looks good, I don’t need to hear everyone’s opinion on my body, and I get so angry about it. So enjoying my last few days? weeks? of people not knowing yet, for that reason at least.
@pascal86.....I didn't actually say *you* are doing any of that, I was still referring to the mom mentioned by the OP. I was saying from the way @nursejenn5 described the FB posts it sounded like this was going to continue and eventually affect the child. Obviously a 5 month old isn't going to be affected by calling them fat. Also, as someone who has struggled with their weight their entire life, sorry but I have to disagree with you. Calling someone fat is not nice and is negative. Have you ever been called fat? Call me curvy, chubby, plus size whatever, don't call me fat.
@zande2016 got it. And I know it’s not nice to call people who aren’t five month old babies fat. And maybe if you’ve been called this it feels bad to hear about a baby being called fat.
@meanjellybean I'm hopeful that I can be like someone I know who, at 5.5 months pregnant, was asked when they were due by a stranger and deadpanned a "I'm not pregnant" at them.
But also, don't people know that literally the only appropriate time to ask that is when a woman is in labor (and even then, touch and go)??!?
@meanjellybean I have told my students, but obviously not every adult that works with me. I can tell some of them are dying to ask me, but won't because they are decent humans. I am probably going to put something on social media this weekend and then most will know.
I was ready to tell anyone who asked that I had too many cookies during Christmas Break (Which technically is true) if they asked me!
@blaf322 yep that's how I feel too. Like I know my coworkers are probably wondering but thankfully have enough common sense not to say anything. I remember with my first I got my nails done every week (ah I had it so good then lol), and eventually the nail tech was like "are you pregnant?" and when I confirmed, she said "I've been wondering for weeks if you are pregnant or just got fat!" I couldn't believe she actually said that.
Re: Weekly Randoms week of 1/13
This made my heart hurt, probably hormonal and I’m overreacting, but he is such a cute, chunkier guy. Don’t call him fat and dumb. 😢
@treeofcheem that’s what we were thinking that it would be good to know if they’re possible carriers as well so we have the info when they’re older.
I do think with two healthy kids as well, getting a positive would make me slightly less nervous about the odds even without having DH tested yet.
My random of the day is I'm terrified of this stomach bug that is clearly going around in my area and seemingly everywhere. One of my bosses had it over the weekend and then I had to spend about 4 hours total in a car with him on Monday, and this morning I was having some "issues" that have turned me into a major hypochondriac. I have a busy day and can't afford to be sick! And I hate the stomach bug! Really hoping it's all in my head.
@pocketrose My 2 cents are that I personally wouldn't bother upgrading to first class. I flew west coast to Atlanta around 23 weeks last time, so a bit earlier than you'll be, but it was NBD. Didn't feel any worse than being on a flight non-pregnant. They did "upgrade" us to the bulkhead so we had more legroom and let us board early (not that we needed to but MH requested it for whatever reason). The worst part was that I wore a skirt and got bad chafing on my thighs from just walking through the airport. I bought little shorts to wear under my skirts after that!
I don't know if/when your points expire and how much you fly, but I'd rather keep the points and use them towards a family trip after baby is born. First class does always look so nice, though. Well, it depends on the plane! Is it a big plane, non-stop flight?
Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
@nursejenn5 I have exactly one pair of jeans that fit. 😬 leggings for the rest of winter!
But also for reference, My cousin did the same to her baby. But it continued as he was growing up through elementary school. That damages kids mental health, even if only deep down. He had a really rough childhood and even at family gatherings she would make comments about how he shouldn’t be getting a second plate of food. Depression, thankfully he’s an 8th header now, grew out of his “baby fat” as most kids do and also doing better mentally.
...and how many more times will I make that mistake before investing in maternity pants?
ETA: I feel you @nursejenn5 and @modoodles
I’m fine to agree to disagree on whether it’s okay to say a 5 month old is fat, but it’s hurtful to be told that I’m setting my kids up for future issues and that it’s going to get into their psyche because of this. I have a lot of friends that proudly talk about their fat babies, because they’re happy that they’re healthy and gaining weight well. That doesn’t make me think that any of them are going to call their babies fat once they’re out of baby-hood.
I also honestly think that so strongly attaching “fat” to a negative association is the more damaging approach. I hope if my kids do grow up to be fat, they’re still happy about their bodies and don’t feel shame from that word. Agreed that I hope it’s not a focus or basis of self-worth, but don’t want it to feel like a bad thing either way.
I feel like everyone is imagining me looking down at my infants and making snippy comments about their clothes fitting too tightly or something - just imagine that I'm a normal, sane person who doesn't see a huge difference between the phrase "fat" and "cute li'l chunker" for a 5 month old.
dx: PCOS, hypothroidism
Second TTGP: started meds for first cycle of tx on 10/13/21
Not to say my mom is totally sympathetic to all this. I mean, I think she’s a wonderful person, but she definitely has the mindset that fat=bad (mostly about herself), and that messed with my mind a lot growing up.
And as a side note, I am NOT looking forward to the part of pregnancy where people start commenting on / analyzing my body. Even when they’re trying to say it looks good, I don’t need to hear everyone’s opinion on my body, and I get so angry about it. So enjoying my last few days? weeks? of people not knowing yet, for that reason at least.
But also, don't people know that literally the only appropriate time to ask that is when a woman is in labor (and even then, touch and go)??!?
I have told my students, but obviously not every adult that works with me. I can tell some of them are dying to ask me, but won't because they are decent humans. I am probably going to put something on social media this weekend and then most will know.
I was ready to tell anyone who asked that I had too many cookies during Christmas Break (Which technically is true) if they asked me!