@drkoyya could you find a neutral location (I’m thinking a VAW hall or something like that) to rent big enough to accommodate everyone and then have a sister/close friend invite everyone?
I don’t even know what to say @drkoyya that’s more than my wedding guest list which included plus ones and kids. I can’t imagine having a party of any kind with that many people and would find it extremely uncomfortable, but that’s just me. I agree with the other comment of finding a neutral location because even cut in half that’s a lot for any one person to have in their home. For a shower I hosted we rented a private room in a restaurant. Church spaces or club houses can be good if any family members belong to an organization where they have privileges it’s worth reaching out.
@mamaj1220 What kind of renovations are you doing?
@drkoyya Yep 90 people is waaaaay too many for my liking! (Also bigger than my wedding by a half dozen 😂) Are you planning a co-Ed shower? Or is that just the number of women in your family/friends circle? For that many people, I can’t even imagine how long it would take to open all the gifts! I’ve heard of “no-wrap” parties and people who don’t open any gifts during the shower at all and just take them home to open whenever. I do not envy your guest list! But I guess it’s good to have all that love and support ☺️
@drkoyya I think it depends on the type of shower you want to have! My niece had a huge baby shower with probably about that many people. It was fun but I don't think she got to talk to everyone as much and definitely didn't open any gifts, it just became more of a party. If you want it to be more traditional with games and stuff you might want to go ahead and split it in two, but if you want to just get everyone together once then go for it.
@drkoyya I agree with everyone that it’s up to you. Especially if you’re planning on throwing and hosting it then it’s whatever you want. It’s not uncommon to have multiple showers when people have different groups planning them and different locations for them. I would personally rather have multiple showers than 90 people at one time... but again, it’s totally personal preference.
There’s no right or wrong thing to do so just do whatever you want.
Late to the shower discussion but for those wondering about multiple/combined showers etc. My family is scattered all over the country and with my first I ended up having 4 very small, not elaborate showers. Honestly I would really only call one a shower. The first was impromptu around 20 weeks because I had a relative pass away and all my aunts on my moms side were together. They all wanted to do something for me because it's rare that we see each other. When my siblings/family were together for Christmas (around 22 weeks) they also had a little celebration for me. My actual shower one of my good friends threw me at 33 weeks and there was probably 10 of us there. Lastly, work threw a little party for me around 37 weeks (it was a very small department and only 5 of us were there). All were very small, intimate gatherings but very thoughtful and appreciated. I enjoyed that each event was separate because they were all different kinds of groups and I could enjoy celebrating with all of them more individually if that makes sense. Sorry that got long.
Also late to the shower discussion, but I think multiple showers is totally reasonable if it makes sense for you/your family/friends. I would just suggest anyone that needs to travel far by car to your shower, make it before the 34 (ish) week mark because things can start to get pretty uncomfortable if you need to travel after that and sit for a super long time.
Any second or third time moms considering a sprinkle?? This is my third, but first girl. My mom and I always wanted to have a tea party shower if I was going to have a girl, so I was thinking of letting her throw an intimate one and have some sort of "no gifts necessary" wording on the invite. I'm still making a registry for myself to gather my thoughts on things I need to stock up on, and I guess i can share that link with my family if they pressure me.
@mamaqdubu I think a tea party sounds super fun. I don't think I myself will have a sprinkle (at least no plans as of now) but I have nothing against moms who have or want one.
@mamaqdubu I also think an intimate tea party sprinkle sounds fun. I mean, yeah, you're a TTM, but you're having a girl this time so I think if your mom has offered, you should go for it! Personally, I wouldn't say anything about gifts on the invite. If it's intimate, just have your mom tell people gifts aren't necessary.
@mamaqdubu I think it makes total sense to have something small and a tea party for your little girl sounds perfect! I agree that you don’t have to mention no gifts because if it’s intimate, you can just mention to them or just let them shower your little girl ☺️
My sister had a shower for her second pregnancy because we wanted to throw one. It was only immediate family and most the gifts were small or for the older brother to ease the adjustment so it worked well!
This is why I’m not doing a shower. Superstitions aside. I had two bridal showers. One here in NY that I planned with my mom and one in NJ that my MIL planned and had absolutely nothing about me it was completely in her taste like I didn’t exist. Then I got all these shower gifts that I couldn’t bring back all at once let alone store in a one bedroom NYC apartment.
This year at Christmas while visiting the ILs my MIL flipped out that she still has some of our shower gifts in her basement and called my husband ungrateful blah blah blah. Nice, right? Meanwhile her house is something like 3000 sq ft. Now we just moved into a house 3 months ago. I still have not bought furniture like a china cabinet or other storage pieces since our priorities changed here for obvious reasons. So since I will not be doing two showers ever again I decided I don’t want any showers. I’m not dealing with her drama while pregnant or at all if I can avoid it. I do have a registry for people who would like to send gifts but she told us she won’t be sending the link out to her side of the family. Fine. Don’t.
We told her we want to do an open house or some people call it a sip and see after the baby is born. One day during the weekend with open hours for out of town people to stop by see the baby and they can bring gifts if they’d like. We will serve coffee and cake all day. People can see the house and enjoy the baby. Just bracing for the backlash now.
Sorry this turned out to be way longer than I expected!
Thanks for the input! Yes, I'm fully aware that 90 people is ALOT but it's a co-ed shower. We both have a lot of support which is great but of the 90 people on the list, I wouldn't be surprised if at least 60-70 people actually show up. I already have a group of friends willing to host the shower but let's see if they're still willing after the guest count After I posed the question here, I asked DH if he was serious about multiple showers. Apparently he wants one giant shower at the house. I'm actually fine with it, but we'll see how it goes logistically.
@babyfoxden10 I love the sip and see idea. It allows you to stay home with baby, allows it to be casual, and get's all your meeting baby visits in one hit so you're not entertaining house guests a few days a week when you need to be napping and learning to care for an infant. It also puts a time limit on it so you aren't stuck with guests staying past their welcome.
I totally get why you don't want a shower. I firmly opted against a wedding/bridal shower myself and barely made a registry and didn't really want gifts. For me the baby shower is different because we struggled for so long to get here I am finally ready to celebrate, also we have nothing as this is our first, and also we spent most of our cash on fertility testing and treatment and obscene medical bills because my insurance sucks, so yeah, any help (emotional support or hand me downs or whatever) is hugely appreciated at this point.
This reminds me, I know a in the cleaning thread and others there has been lots of mention of kid stuff people are overwhelmed with and want to get rid of/donate. I have seen shower suggestions where moms to be specifically request that new gifts are not purchased and gently used clothing, books, baby accessories be gifted instead. I love this idea. Yes, there may be some specific things/models/brands you are particular about, but there is so much that can be left open ended and so much out there that can be reused. I just wanted to put this out there for others to consider.
I’m a STM having my second girl. I would never have asked for a shower/sprinkle this time around since we really don’t need anything, but my future SIL offered unprompted to throw one for us in the spring. I was touched because she and my brother are also planning their June wedding right now. I actually suggested doing it at a tea parlor... I threw a friend a bridal shower several years ago and we did that and it was a lot of fun.
@drkoyya If it's a co-ed shower, I would really push MH to have it somewhere else and just treat it like a party where you two are the guests of honor. I wouldn't do opening presents with that many people.
I won't have a sprinkle because we know few people since we only moved here 4 months ago. But I think they're totally fine and I wouldn't scoff at being invited to one. If the baby were a different sex than prior babies I'd probably gift clothes, if it was the same sex I'd gift something boring but necessary that you might want fresh for a new baby, like bottles, pacifiers, changing table liners, etc.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
@babyfoxden10 I, also, like the sip and see idea because it encourages and promotes people to bring you alcohol. Which is a necessity during parenting IMHO.
After another horrible night of sleep I finally ordered my Snoogle, I'm kinda excited, but it's more like I'm at my wits end. I feel like my reasons for not sleeping have changed throughout pregnancy, and lately it's been discomfort and aches and pains and my poor hips and back. I was up last night at 2:00am doing yoga stretches in my living room... ugh.
@heyybritt while typing it, I also decided that I will be doing something like that. Maybe like a “Wine while I Whine” or “Let’s drink while the baby is milk drunk” lol endless possibilities.
For DD1 I was unprepared for newborn photos and had no props or ideas of my own so they're pretty basic with what the photographer had. This time I've decided to be more prepared and just purchased this little crochet bikini to do some cute "pool" pictures. I'm so excited
Late to the shower discussion but we are doing a small sprinkle at my moms in the spring, she said a few of my close friends reached out to her and wanted to do something so we are thinking like 10 or so people.
Ugh, the kiddo woke up this morning with a stomach bug. So my day has been cleaning up vomit and wiping his poopy bum. Thankfully he's been good about getting it all in either the toilet or a bucket, but the poor kid. We were supposed to be taking a trip down to visit MH's family to do belated Christmas, and as much as I wasn't looking forward to it, I don't want to postpone it because I just want to get it over with. But... looks like we're staying home this weekend.
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
I got 2.5+ years into parenting before making an ER visit. My daughter’s constipation got so bad last night we brought her in. They gave her a suppository, which is so traumatic but it did work. I wish the ER gave a discount for kids...there are lots of ailments I would suffer through myself but wouldn’t make my kids do the same.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
@babyfoxden10 We're also doing a sip and see type thing. We don't want gifts though because we don't have a lot of space, don't like having a lot of things and we are honestly extremely picky about what we do want. We want products that are natural and eco friendly. We've told a few people about the no gifts and they are upset and MIL had a lot to say about us wanting natural products.
I would accept gifts but Im not sure how people would respond if we say they have to stick within specific guidelines for everything and to only get items we actually need. Like buy second hand, organic materials, ect. Many people said they are so excited about buying sparkly things for the baby but all I can think about is how hard those products are on the environment.
We're setting up an education fund and we would prefer people to put the money they would have spent on gifts towards that instead.
I also don't understand why our friends and family are having a hard time with it because minimal, eco friendly and non toxic are all practices that MH and I have been following for a while. It doesn't make sense to me that we would throw our values out the window when we have a baby. Although I have found that there are limited options for some things and some may not function as well so that has been a toss up.
@pirateduck I hope you love your pillow! It made my sleeping a lot more comfortable.
@jess09lynn We got a lot of backlash for taking a more natural route with our kids and we’re not even super crazy with products in terms of toys and materials necessarily. It’s been an extended argument about cloth diapering, long term breastfeeding, baby wearing, etc. A lot of people won’t understand things they didn’t do themselves. Honestly, it’s easier to donate what you won’t use/need and go ahead and resign yourself to receiving things you won’t use/like. Luckily it doesn’t last forever, most people lose interest (other than grandparents) once you get past the first few months.
@jess09lynn are the items you need/want available to put on a registry? I feel like people are pretty understanding about only purchasing off a registry, which would make it easier. Though I think an education fund is a great idea too! Or maybe people can all contribute to some bigger items you need (if you aren't able to get them second hand). Just some possible ideas to placate them.
Speaking of. I'm interested in getting things second hand if possible, but I'm not sure what are the best places to look. Obviously I want things to be clean, safe, in good shape. Any suggestions?
Local buy/sell/trade groups are good for finding second hand stuff. Friends who already have kids should be able to spread the word to other local moms as well.
I’m just going to be firm in the no disposable diaper thing. I feel like society has trained people to buy a bag of plastic diapers as a baby gift if you don’t know what to get. I’m not ok with this. Also no diaper cake or diaper tower.
Another thing that’s trendy and I don’t feel is just junk is requesting a copy of your favorite children’s book as a gift, new or use, let the gifter pick the title.
you could also say you’ve planned a onesie decorating/tie dying for the shower and you provide the onesies and they provide the personalization.
I’m also planning to go more natural/organic with baby stuff. I tried to add specific items to my registry that reflect my personal taste for earth-friendly and non-toxic items. Toys and especially teething items were top on my non-toxic, non-plastic wish list. I am sure most people will buy conventional clothes. I don’t think I can afford to go fully organic cotton for all clothes, so I’m okay with a mix of regular clothes and organic. I also registered for the more biodegradable, less chemical diapers and wipes. MH put his foot down on the cloth diapers. Can’t win all the battles. I haven’t decided what I will do if I get regular diapers. Maybe I’ll donate them to a food pantry/diaper bank, or I might cave and try some.
@rox7777 We want to put our foot down with the no gifts because this isn't going to be a one time thing. We are also going no gifts for birthdays and holidays. We feel we need to make it very clear to our families.
@lisush I have started a registry to keep track for myself. But not everything we want is available in one place and some items are from smaller local companies that can't be included. I do have a spreadsheet going of what we need, where I want it from and how much it costs new compared to used and I'm also keeping track of how much I actually spent on things.
@sunshinesea22 you could go cloth/reusable wipes even if you don’t cloth diaper. I don’t think I have any clothes or toys on the registry yet, I really stripped it down to essentials to start. People love to buy the cute toys and clothes but then you might not get the things you need like sheets.
@jess09lynn there are several registries that will allow you to add products from any website. It definitely helps with some specialty items.
@catem07 I've rarely had to take DD to the doctor or ER for illness too. Constipation really stinks for kids. DD had a decent bout while we were traveling a few months ago. Since we were out of town I ended up doing an OTC suppository for her myself to try and give her some relief. It was terrible for both of us! It worked though.
Today I’m in the process of going through a ton of my boys clothes. Since I’ll confirm team pink on Thursday I’m going to be getting rid of ALOT of it. I’m considering a local consignment sale because I can give some major discounts for good items for people who need them, and also fund some girl clothes. For anyone looking for second hand items, I would check out your local FB moms groups and see if there are any large spring consignment sales you can check out.
Also, off topic, but we are bringing my boys to Disney on Ice tonight! I’m so excited.
Re: Randoms (Dec 28th- Jan4th)
@drkoyya Yep 90 people is waaaaay too many for my liking! (Also bigger than my wedding by a half dozen 😂) Are you planning a co-Ed shower? Or is that just the number of women in your family/friends circle? For that many people, I can’t even imagine how long it would take to open all the gifts! I’ve heard of “no-wrap” parties and people who don’t open any gifts during the shower at all and just take them home to open whenever. I do not envy your guest list! But I guess it’s good to have all that love and support ☺️
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
Any second or third time moms considering a sprinkle?? This is my third, but first girl. My mom and I always wanted to have a tea party shower if I was going to have a girl, so I was thinking of letting her throw an intimate one and have some sort of "no gifts necessary" wording on the invite. I'm still making a registry for myself to gather my thoughts on things I need to stock up on, and I guess i can share that link with my family if they pressure me.
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
I totally get why you don't want a shower. I firmly opted against a wedding/bridal shower myself and barely made a registry and didn't really want gifts. For me the baby shower is different because we struggled for so long to get here I am finally ready to celebrate, also we have nothing as this is our first, and also we spent most of our cash on fertility testing and treatment and obscene medical bills because my insurance sucks, so yeah, any help (emotional support or hand me downs or whatever) is hugely appreciated at this point.
This reminds me, I know a in the cleaning thread and others there has been lots of mention of kid stuff people are overwhelmed with and want to get rid of/donate. I have seen shower suggestions where moms to be specifically request that new gifts are not purchased and gently used clothing, books, baby accessories be gifted instead. I love this idea. Yes, there may be some specific things/models/brands you are particular about, but there is so much that can be left open ended and so much out there that can be reused. I just wanted to put this out there for others to consider.
I won't have a sprinkle because we know few people since we only moved here 4 months ago. But I think they're totally fine and I wouldn't scoff at being invited to one. If the baby were a different sex than prior babies I'd probably gift clothes, if it was the same sex I'd gift something boring but necessary that you might want fresh for a new baby, like bottles, pacifiers, changing table liners, etc.
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
https://www.etsy.com/listing/246462656/newborn-bikini-prop-beach-theme-baby?ref=shop_home_active_154&frs=1
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I would accept gifts but Im not sure how people would respond if we say they have to stick within specific guidelines for everything and to only get items we actually need. Like buy second hand, organic materials, ect. Many people said they are so excited about buying sparkly things for the baby but all I can think about is how hard those products are on the environment.
We're setting up an education fund and we would prefer people to put the money they would have spent on gifts towards that instead.
I also don't understand why our friends and family are having a hard time with it because minimal, eco friendly and non toxic are all practices that MH and I have been following for a while. It doesn't make sense to me that we would throw our values out the window when we have a baby. Although I have found that there are limited options for some things and some may not function as well so that has been a toss up.
@pirateduck I hope you love your pillow! It made my sleeping a lot more comfortable.
This post was a lot longer than I intended.
Speaking of. I'm interested in getting things second hand if possible, but I'm not sure what are the best places to look. Obviously I want things to be clean, safe, in good shape. Any suggestions?
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
you could also say you’ve planned a onesie decorating/tie dying for the shower and you provide the onesies and they provide the personalization.
@lisush I have started a registry to keep track for myself. But not everything we want is available in one place and some items are from smaller local companies that can't be included. I do have a spreadsheet going of what we need, where I want it from and how much it costs new compared to used and I'm also keeping track of how much I actually spent on things.
@pirateduck I do like the onesie idea thank you!
@jess09lynn there are several registries that will allow you to add products from any website. It definitely helps with some specialty items.