BTDT Advice to FTMs - Page 2 — The Bump
June 2020 Moms

BTDT Advice to FTMs

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Re: BTDT Advice to FTMs

  • I like the mesh because they are comfortable and super easy to clean off if they get bloody. I would legit bring them into the shower and just rinse them and let them dry. I totally hoarded them from the hospital lol.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    akoros
  • Oh also, you are allowed to bring anything that is there supply wise for baby home. Usually there are several diapers, there may be some sort of creams, you can take the little pink buckets home...it's great! Kind of like being in a hotel ;)
    Pregnancy Ticker
    akoros
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  • I struggled mentally too. A lot. I wish I would have asked for help sooner. Another thing I wish I would have done is ask for a lactation consultant to check my latch in the hospital. I waited 5 days to go to one, which resulted in about 1 million clogged ducts that turned into thrush, mastitis, thrush again, and ultimately caused me to stop breastfeeding.
    kiki75pourmeanothermocktailkyrwynpetethecat
  • I struggled a lot with my body image after my first, but not like most have discussed. I'm a plus size mom and had GD. Due to the restrictive diet and recommendations to walk after every meal, I ended up losing 35lbs between my 26th week and my second week home after DS was born. I didn't look like myself in pictures or the mirror on top of the uncertainty around first time parenting and recovery from a C-section.  

    The best advice I can give is to surround yourself with the people who best love and support you in that first 3+ months post partum. 4th tri was harder on my relationship and sanity than any part of my high risk pregnancy. Give yourself grace and say "No" with abandon to requests on your time/energy/attention if it protects your newly expanded family. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
    runwmusicpourmeanothermocktailkiki75
  • Big yes to this. I have long hair and the number if times I found hair wrapped around different parts of my son felt ridiculous. I was vacuuming and sweeping multiple times a day at one point because of it.
    kiki75
  • I was terrified of this! I had such bad PP hair loss starting around 3-4 months I ended up cutting my hair short. 
  • 100% to what @chaos-and-coffee said- do not be afraid to admit when you need help! My mom died when I was pregnant and dealing with that + a newborn led to pretty brutal PPA. It took me months to tel my doctor. I’m so mad I waited! They put me on Zoloft and it made me feel normal again
    BabyFruit Ticker
    chaos-and-coffeekiki75pourmeanothermocktail
  • 💕Zoloft💕

    It is considered safe for nursing. The idea you can’t take anything & nurse is a myth. 

    Even if that were true, baby needs a healthy mom more than breast milk.

    No, you likely won’t be on it forever.
        
    Me: 34 DH: 38
    Married: June 2011
    TTC since Feb 2016
    BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 
    BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
    BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
    chaos-and-coffeepourmeanothermocktailpetethecatstassischroeder
  • As I commented in the other thread about DS being the worlds all time worst sleeper. Safe sleep and following those guidelines are extremely important. However, you may find yourself with a barnacle baby like mine who no matter what swaddle, noise machine, pajamas or whatever the hell you use, will not sleep unless you are holding them. That’s okay. If you are comfortable co-sleeping - look up ways to do it safely. Trade off with your husband. Get someone to help you so you can take a nap. DS absolutely would not sleep in his crib until he learned to roll on his belly. I slept with him on the couch, my arms propped on pillows, his head on my chest, for six entire months after he was born. To this day, he’s never spent one full night in his crib. Don’t listen to people who tell you that your baby “should” be sleeping through the night by xyz time! 
    runwmusic
  • Speaking of "Shoulds" and sleep...

    Some babies suck at naps. Some newborns sleep a lot, and some just plain don't. My daughter was queen of the 15-20 minute nap from the day she was born. I drove myself insane trying to get her to nap for longer than that, because people were telling me I was basically torturing her by "keeping her awake too long." (I promise you, I was not keeping her awake AT ALL...she just would. not. nap.) Things were so much better when I stopped fighting it & just let her take her short naps. 

    They got longer once she got into daycare & they worked their nap magic lol.
    ~~Signature Trigger Warning~~

    Me: 32; Him: 36
    Married: Oct 20, 2013
    BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
    EDD 1: May 12, 2016
    DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
    An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)

    BFP 2: October 07, 2019
    EDD 2: June 20, 2020


    chaos-and-coffeepourmeanothermocktailkiki75
  • @kiki7 sock bitch. I am dying!! 🤣🤣🤣 My kid is in the must remove sock phase and it drives me crazy. 
    kiki75
  • @kiki75 You are so right! My grandmother is one of the worst, always trying to wrap my kids in blankets in the summer...Like, do you see his red face and sweat? It's 90 out, yeah, he's only 8 weeks old, but that doesn't mean he's freezing????

    Also, love the word duhpinions.
    Me: 31
    DH: 30
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    BFP 1/1/18, due 9/7/18 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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    kiki75
  • @kiki75 ; Omg, yes!  My mom was that person.  She was obsessed with making my kid warmer than she needed to be.  My daughter would always run hot, still does.  
    kiki75
  • kerco925 said:
    @kiki75 ; Omg, yes!  My mom was that person.  She was obsessed with making my kid warmer than she needed to be.  My daughter would always run hot, still does.  
    Ick! Also, same grandma, tried to insist that I put my 12 month old in full length jeans when it was 90 in July, because he insisted on crawling, bare knees, on our concrete patio.

    I put a blanket down, he refused to crawl on it. Wouldn't crawl on grass...oh well.

    But she threatened to go buy him full length jeans....yeah no. He'll figure it out, start walking, stay somewhere comfier. He wasn't getting bloody or injured...
    Me: 31
    DH: 30
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    BFP 1/1/18, due 9/7/18 Team Green

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    kiki75
  • Yeah the opinions don't go away. Ever. lol.
    The suggestions I've gotten for my refuses-to-poop-on-the-potty-because-shes-terrified-3.5-year-old are endless.
    ~~Signature Trigger Warning~~

    Me: 32; Him: 36
    Married: Oct 20, 2013
    BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
    EDD 1: May 12, 2016
    DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
    An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)

    BFP 2: October 07, 2019
    EDD 2: June 20, 2020


    pourmeanothermocktailkiki75
  • @saladflambe SO MANY OPINIONS about potty training.  I remember talking about how it was useless...this kid was just going to do it when he was ready...to which a coworker replied, "you should try a sticker chart!"  GEE KAREN, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. I PROMISED THE KID A REWARD TO THE BEACH/BOARDWALK AND HE DIDN'T WANT THAT, BUT STICKERS MIGHT WORK. THANKS.

    Of course I tried stickers before.  No dice.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    saladflambepourmeanothermocktailpetethecatstassischroeder
  • runwmusicrunwmusic
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited October 24
    Tubby todd all over ointment is the best. Cradle cap, eczema, rashes, dry skin, you name it. I got some with ds and still have a ton left even though I use it frequently. Just wrapped my sil a newborn kit for a new baby gift.

    Eta and for your belly, bio-oil! No lotion kept my skin from itching and stretching but bio-oil was amazing!!! 
  • I saw a handful of FTM either asking for book recs or saying they were trying to learn more/not freak out... I totally recommend this book (The Panic Free Pregnancy). 

    It gives you east to read/easy to search for facts. The things that are totally not okay to do, it tells you it’s not okay and why. The things that are okay but based on discretion (like drinking a glass of wine during pregnancy) it gives you the study based facts so you can decide what’s right for you. I loved it bc reading about 838483 different problems that COULD (but probably won’t) happen just isn’t my jam. 

    akoros
  • Omg! Also.... Order Mom’s On Call! Seriously. It’s the best thing we did with DD.

    It has lots of info about what to do from a baby care perspective and we regularly referenced it when we were having issues!

    Then, most importantly for us, their eat/sleep/play schedule and method is evvvvverything! Trust me! I’ve yet to meet another mom who followed MOC and has a bad sleeper. Schedules aren’t for everyone but I needed one to keep my own sanity and it made DD a better baby.

    kiki75
  • kiki75 said:
    ^^ Everyone will have a lot of duhhhhpinions about everything. No matter how wrong they are. Or how little you know them. I’ve gotten duhpinions from randos in parking lots as we passed by. Imagine all of the ridiculous comments during pregnancy as training. 

    That baby should be wearing a hat!
    He’s ripped it of 40 times today. If you want to be his personal hat concierge, be my guest.

    That baby should be wearing gloves! He’ll scratch his face!
    Actually expert on my kid, he’s not a face scratcher & likes his fingers free. 

    Oh! I bet his feet are cold!! 
    Want to be his sock bitch? Knock yourself out.

    (Sees baby in car seat with no coat as is recommended but under a heap of blankets.)
    He must be so cold without a warm coat!!!
    🙄🙄🙄 Thx idiot. 

    That baby must be hot wearing those socks!!!

    Do you have a blanket for him?

    Loling at Duhpinions! 😂😂
    also,
    also, all the things you said: so accurate! 😂
    kiki75pourmeanothermocktail
  • When people say it goes so fast, believe them.  In the depths of the baby years it felt never ending so I thought they were insane.  Then I turned around and my kids were 7 and 11.  I would have given anything to go back to their baby/toddlerhood for just one day and soak it in.  Looks like I'm getting my second chance. :)

    Potty training is both brutal and incredibly rewarding.

    If you teach a boy to pee sitting at first, when you teach them to pee standing, make sure they're entirely clear on where poop comes from.
    pourmeanothermocktailkyrwynrunwmusicstassischroeder
  • TAKE THE COLACE.  I had such bad constipation after my first that I ended up with anal fissures.  It hurt worse, and took longer to heal from, than childbirth.
    julievdm12blaf322virginiaham

  • thanks from another FTM. I was worried about this thread ( you get it) but there’s many things here I wouldnt think to ask about. 

    @JessiBride
    ” If you teach a boy to pee sitting at first, when you teach them to pee standing, make sure they're entirely clear on where poop comes from.”

    hahaha there is an adventure behind that advice, thank you for walking that dark path so we now won’t have to 😂

    @diagonalley and @pourmeanothermocktail
    I am looking into cloth diapering, but I’m worried about size changes (do you need a few different adjustable sizes to get all the way to the toilet stage?) and then overall cost to get them - or do you make your own?  I don’t want to just get the cheapos if the quality will really suffer compared to pricier ones.... but the priceys are so pricey.... and no one in my circles has done cloth diapering!  ..ok except a grandma who was an OG of cloth diapering but that’s when it was basically a larger white sheet and safety pins.
  • @sleepingbeauty610

    Resale value is totally in the buyer's favor, if that is something you don't mind doing.

    With my first I used Blueberry newborn all in ones until he outgrew them, which was about 4.5 months.  I only had 12, so I was washing about every day and a half (which was fine, because it's not like I went anywhere!) I doubled that stash for my second so I wouldn't have to wash as frequently while also having a newborn.  Ironically though, they only lasted 6 weeks with him because he was a super heavy wetter.  At least I have that full stash for 3.0 though!

    With my first once he outgrew the newborns, we primarily used the Bumgenius 4.0 which are pockets.  They seemed to fit him best and they are pretty reasonably priced.  You can get them in regular stores which is nice.

    With my second, once he outgrew the newborns, we primarily used Blueberry all in ones because they seemed to fit him best.  They are definitely pricier, but you can get away with only 12 or so because at that point they generally don't need to be changed as frequently.  

    I would recommend having 2 wet bags so you can alternate those.

    I washed using Tide Powder.  It worked better than anything else I tried.

    My second wouldn't wear cloth after about a year and a half so they did not make it all the way through, but considering I get to use them again, I still think financially speaking they are worth it.

    Let me know if you have any more questions :)  There are certainly many more options out there, but this is what worked for us!
    Pregnancy Ticker
    sleepingbeauty610
  • this is more advice for toddlers, but after last night's storm, I thought I'd pass it along...

    have a battery-powered light a a back-up nightlight & make sure your  sound machine runs on batteries. Because when the power goes out, they will freak the feck out.
    ~~Signature Trigger Warning~~

    Me: 32; Him: 36
    Married: Oct 20, 2013
    BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
    EDD 1: May 12, 2016
    DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
    An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)

    BFP 2: October 07, 2019
    EDD 2: June 20, 2020


    blaf322petethecatstassischroeder
  • My back up for sound machine without batteries is an app on my phone or the youtube white noise station.  It is so awkwardly quiet when the power goes out since both kids have sound machines, my one son also has a fan, we have a fan...I can't sleep!
    Pregnancy Ticker
    pourmeanothermocktail
  • @sleepingbeauty610 You'll likely need 2 sizes if you intend to cloth from birth. Most kids can use One Size from about 2 - 4 months (depending on thigh size!) until potty training. Most. I have super heavy wetter kids, and for newborn even, I needed 16 per day at least. I end up washing every 1-3 days because my washer isn't very big and we have super bulky diapers. We primarily use flats but with hemp inserts added, because even when using pockets I need a pad folded flat plus a hemp insert anyway, so it's more trim to just use it with a cover. Cheaper too.

    We have a few pockets and all in one that I keep for sitters. But we cloth mostly for price, so a bunch of flats, inserts, and covers are our jam, with super heavy wetter fitted for overnight. 

    My son didn't train until almost 3.5, so we did end up having to pick up a couple of larger than one size covers, because his diapers are huge and he's big too, but that's unusual.

    Plenty of people great with a lot of cheaper diapers too, and personally while I love some more pricey brands, I hate others. Bum Genius are not for us. Though, I've gotten good at replacing their elastics!

    We wash two cycles, as first cycle is washing in super dirty water, and use Tide  powder as it's good in hard water and I can get it at Costco. 

    I'd love to start a cloth diapering thread!!! I'll have to buy a few replacements as we got a lot of our diapers used, and now they've been through 4 kids, so they're getting  threadbare. I'll use them until they disintegrate though, and just buy a few things to round out stash for squid as we go!
    Me: 31
    DH: 30
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    BFP 1/1/18, due 9/7/18 Team Green

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    sleepingbeauty610
  • @diagonalley we are SUCH a white noise family. Fans running all night all winter! I CAN NOT sleep in silence
    BabyFruit Ticker
    blaf322
  • I 100% disagree w/ potty training being rewarding.
    As my 3.5-year-old just pooped through another pair of underwear and refuses to poop even in a diaper while sitting on the CLOSED potty.
    F***
    Potty
    Training
     It is one of the most frustrating things we've gone through so far as parents
    ~~Signature Trigger Warning~~

    Me: 32; Him: 36
    Married: Oct 20, 2013
    BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
    EDD 1: May 12, 2016
    DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
    An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)

    BFP 2: October 07, 2019
    EDD 2: June 20, 2020


    pourmeanothermocktailblaf322MssyMmmy
  • @saladflambe I hear you. I feel all of that. I cleaned poop out of underwear twice today. And about HALF the time he poops on toilet or kids potty. And other times just craps right in underwear. 

    Zero accidents are at school. And he's gone 4 hours per day, 5 days per week....
    Me: 31
    DH: 30
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    BFP 1/1/18, due 9/7/18 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • mine averages 2 accidents a day at school and 100% refuses to poop on the potty.

    She did finally poop in the diaper while sitting on the potty (the open potty, even ... go her). I'll call that progress. Or something. 

    It's progress from sh*tting her pants again?
    ~~Signature Trigger Warning~~

    Me: 32; Him: 36
    Married: Oct 20, 2013
    BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
    EDD 1: May 12, 2016
    DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
    An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)

    BFP 2: October 07, 2019
    EDD 2: June 20, 2020


    pourmeanothermocktailmindyb2019
  • @diagonalley and @pourmeanothermocktail
    Thank you so much!!!  Your advice has given direction to my google searches :)
    I’d benefit from a cloth diaper thread, and maybe there are a few non-FTM’s who’d like to see it also?  

    pourmeanothermocktail
  • I 100% disagree w/ potty training being rewarding.
    As my 3.5-year-old just pooped through another pair of underwear and refuses to poop even in a diaper while sitting on the CLOSED potty.
    F***
    Potty
    Training
     It is one of the most frustrating things we've gone through so far as parents
    It's not rewarding until it's behind you.  Everything else developmentally to that point they pretty much would do on their own...even if they were raised by wolves.  But potty training?  I TAUGHT them that sh!t!  At the expense of my sanity and with many tears...both theirs and mine...and at least one time where I wanted to scream "Can't you just go in your pull up...we're in traffic!"
  • @virginiaham ds had torticollis and plagiocephaly. My one regret was not starting the helmet sooner. They grow so much faster when they are smaller and can be done with treatments in like half the time. He was severe and physical therapy helped with his torticollis but not a thing for the flat head. Now he's 11 months and perfectly normal. The helmet was a shock but like everything else a phase that passed quickly in hindsight.
    virginiahamkiki75
  • virginiahamvirginiaham
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited November 5
    @runwmusic aw so glad he’s doing well.  I’m sure that was a stressful phase and glad he’s on the other side of it...(eta) and that you are too mama!
    me . early 30's | h . mid 30's | < 3 . 2013

    ntnp #2 . summer 2018

    *siggy warning*

    ttc#1 . jul 2015
    mmc . mar 2016 | 6w2d
    dx PCOS (non-IR) / subclinical hypothyroidism . summer 2016
    tx metformin, levothyroxine, LP progesterone, femara + trigger + ti . fall/winter 2016
    BFP! . jan 2017
    DD . oct 2017

  • @virginiaham I think our biggest issue was being embarrassed about it. Then his daycare class had 4 to 5 kids in his class with one. It's so common these days. 
    virginiahamkiki75
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