RSVPs for my shower were "due" yesterday, and my mom contacted me to say a bunch of people never replied, and asked if I could reach out to ppl to see if they were coming. I only asked my two BFFs because I feel like they both were like "it's obvious I am coming" and that's what happened with them so I let her know, but like--I should NOT do this right? I feel like it's super against etiquette for me to be doing that! I could give my mom people's emails or whatever--I told her to ask anyone on the list she was FB friends with via messenger.
I'm so annoyed with her--like, rsvps were due YESTERDAY-- but also shouldn't be bc this is par for the course with my mom. She is so well meaning, but not very organized and gets frustrated easily when something doesn't go to plan (like ppl not RSVPing on time). Also, my parents are divorced, so she harbors some negative feelings towards my Dad's side of the fam. She was like "only one of them replied can you contact them all" and i was like aunt so and so isn't coming, she'll be out of town, and my mom was like "oh, she contacted me first thing to let me know that." and i was like LITERALLY YOU SAID ALL BUT THIS PERSON REPLIED.
Finally, apparently people keep asking her if this is a gender reveal party. I guess I didn't put the word "shower" on the invite--BUT I ALSO DIDN'T PUT GENDER REVEAL on the invite. So she texted me to ask "is this a gender reveal party" and i was like mom. no. it's a shower. Like, I'm annoyed ppl are asking that AND I'm annoyed she had to ask me--like, what? YOU are hosting this!
@kagesstarshroom I don’t think it’s bad for you to be the one to check with people if they haven’t RSVP’d. I think it’s rude AF not to RSVP to an event so I never mind hitting people up and being like YO so what’s up!! Lol
My mom is hosting my baby shower too but I’ll be the one collecting everyone’s emails and sending out the invite (e-vite bc that’s cheaper lol) and I’ll be the one reaching out to people if they haven’t RSVP. I wouldn’t really expect my mom to hit up people she doesn’t know or talk to. She’s not a fan of me inviting one of my dads friends (divorced as well) and her daughter, but I’m doing it anyway - but also wouldn’t ever expect her to hit them up to check on the RSVP, prob would be super awkward lol
@kagesstarshroom if you give her the emails, she can def reach out to the tardy ppl for you. I’d try to woosah it out and remember it is sweet she is hosting (even if she gets overwhelmed and isn’t great at reaching out to ppl). I would probably reach out to my dad’s side though bc that seems mean to make her contact them. Or i’d ask my dad to contact them all or something.
I dunno what venue you have (or is it just her house?) but you also may just guesstimate if it’s not a place you pay per head and neither of you want to track down everyone.
@kagesstarshroom Not RSVPing is a huge pet peeve of mine so I totally feel your pain. Also, the shower is in your honor so you shouldn’t have to work for it. But, maybe you can make an exception in the case of your Dad’s family. Can you call or text one member and ask them to collect everyone’s replies and call your mom? And maybe shoot your friends a quick text. Annoying but it’ll save you and your mom more anxiety.
Are any third time mamas doing anything to honor this pregnancy? In my area some people have sprinkles for every pregnancy but I’m not looking for a full blown sprinkle or shower. However, I would like to do something, like maybe a spa day with my mom and sister just to say “hey you’re pregnant for the last time, we’re excited about the baby”. But I wish they would bring it up and not me.
Also, I feel like literally no one has acknowledged that this baby is coming in three months. I’m having a boy (I have two girls) so I do need clothes and blankets and such, and my mom and grandma keep mentioning wanting to shop but then nothing. I’ve basically bought whatever I think I need at this point, and that will probably make them mad, but how long was I gonna wait? (Not that it’s their job to buy anything for my baby, but my family usually likes to fuss about that kind of thing). I guess I’m feeling like this third baby is already being forgotten and I hope that’s not a foreshadowing of things to come.
Wow that turned into a rant, sorry. Last question, is there a tactful way to remind someone who has promised you hand me downs that the time is coming? Two different close relatives have offered but I’d like to get them while I still have time and energy to sort and wash.
@momoftoddlers, I'm in the same boat as you.. this is my third, a girl after having a boy, and I didn't have any girl baby clothes/blankets (DD is 13, so no, I don't have any of her baby stuff left.... lol) ... so I would appreciate gifts of girl stuff. I haven't counted on anyone throwing me a sprinkle, though they might give gifts here and there after LO is born if I'm lucky.... so far I've just been gradually buying what I need because I don't want to be without when bringing LO home from the hospital. I hear you on the third baby thing.. this is my last babe too, and I'd like to celebrate being pregnant for the last time, especially because I feel this LO is already 'lost in the shuffle' - the family excitement just isn't there in the same way it was for my first 2. So I just don't see anyone wanting to celebrate with me, though I definitely would be happy and all about it if someone offered.
for the hand-me-down thing, I don't think there really is a tactful way to hurry things along, unfortunately. people are giving these things out of the goodness of their hearts (they could choose to sell the clothes if they're in good condition, or, because it's less of a hassle than coordinating with someone, they could just drop everything off at goodwill.) though it would be nice if they could hurry up before the birth! the only thing I can think of is, if you're around them, maybe drop a hint like 'Wow, March is coming up fast, I can't believe baby will be here so soon." lol. Another thing is, if you hint directly, you run the risk that they've already gotten rid of the stuff or given it to someone else... which would be embarrassing/awkward.
@momoftoddlers Maybe you can frame the handmedowns thing in a way that's like "i really like how you dress YS!" & that might remind the person that they have a ton of clothes that doesn't fit them anymore?
@kagesstarshroom I don't think it's tacky or anything for you to be the one to reach out to people who didn't RSVP, but I do think it sucks that you have to because it shouldn't be on your shoulders to do that. I understand your mom not wanting to get in touch with your dad's family, so it would make sense (or at least be nice) for you to do that for her. Communicating with ex-in-laws can be touchy sometimes, unfortunately.
@momoftoddlers I'm sorry that no one is really acknowledging your little one on the way; that must be frustrating!! As for people who have previously offered you hand-me-downs without actually following through yet, I don't think it would be rude to just straight up ask them about it at this point. Like, "hey, if you're still willing to give me *insert item(s)*, I would super appreciate it! I can't believe this baby will be here so soon!" or something nonchalant that way.
@momoftoddlers and @treetop19 Third baby here too! I was somewhat stunned during my second pregnancy with how tempered others' excitement was compared to my first---and I was having a boy after having a girl! I think that experience really helped me this time. I'm fully and wholly excited about this pregnancy and my last time being pregnant. I went into it knowing no one was going to do anything to celebrate it, but I had time to come to peace with that. I think the spa day sounds great, @momoftoddlers, and I don't think there is anything wrong with you suggesting it!
@treetop19 “Lost in the shuffle” is a great way to describe my fear for baby number 3. I guess it’ll just be our job as mamas to ensure that doesn’t happen. And his two big sisters are over the look excited for him so I guess that makes up for everyone else, they’re most important anyway.
What are your thoughts on asking for baby books instead of cards? I personally hate spending money on cards bc they just get trashed anyway. But I don’t know if that’s asking too much? Or how I would word it on the invite? Any feedback is appreciated!
@mrsc918, it’s a really cute idea, but I’ve seen it get a ton of hate IRL at showers I’ve been to. I think people get annoyed with being asked to spend additional money a specific way — same with being asked to wrap gifts a certain way — even though it would be awesome and longer lasting than a card. Maybe you could ask for well-loved books with a note on the cover, so people don’t feel like they’re being asked to buy an additional gift?
@mrsc918 I love the book instead of card idea. When I give books though, I tape the gift receipt inside and I don’t inscribe it so they can return it in case they get the same book.
Third baby for us too. I love going to showers/sprinkles but I don’t want one this time. I just feel awkward about it and would rather not 🤷🏻♀️ I had a huge shower with my first kid, and gave birth the day of my blessingway with my second so I missed it obviously. Most of our family and friends say how excited they are for the baby but I don’t feel very concerned with their reactions anyway. I’m excited and my kids and husband are too so that’s all I care about lol. It’s not like the baby is going to know whether or not the extended family fussed over him to the same degree as the other two.
@mrsc918 Sorry I’m team not asking guests for extra stuff... plus how would you keep from getting multiple of the same book? If people write notes in them like a card you can’t return them... idk maybe I’m a downer on extra stuff for showers bc I don’t enjoy them so I get annoyed when given extra directions 🤷🏻♀️
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
@mrsc918 I agree with @varimama. I don’t think it’s worth it because you won’t receive quality books and you will receive a lot of duplicates of whatever is on sale, and if they’re signed you can’t return them. Sorry.
If you want a way to remember your shower guests for your baby try looking up guest book ideas. For my first I made a painted canvas heart that everyone signed, and it hung in the nursery. When my girls got older they loved hearing about everyone who signed.
@mrsc918 for DS1's shower, the hosts actually took it upon themselves to ask for books instead of cards. I can't remember exactly how it was worded on the invites. There were a lot of people excited to talk about why they chose a certain book, and with more than 50 people there, we didn't get a single duplicate, and a lot of really cool books. I also get kind of judgey at specific requests, but we constantly get books as gifts for him, so maybe I just lucked out with our family/friends on willingness to give books.
@mrsc918 I'm a lot like @mrsvp614 and my host asked people to bring their favorite kids' book to my first shower. I was a literature major/MA/PhD, so I think people thought it was cute to pass along the love of reading to my little one as well. I also didn't have any repeat books, and having all of those was and still is very special to me... I would never be annoyed if someone asked me to buy a kids' book haha. Everyone has SOME affection for one... so maybe ask your host to send a message that says "For those who would like, please bring a favorite or cherished children's book to help foster Baby (?)'s love of reading."
Re: The Baby Shower Thread: Part I
RSVPs for my shower were "due" yesterday, and my mom contacted me to say a bunch of people never replied, and asked if I could reach out to ppl to see if they were coming. I only asked my two BFFs because I feel like they both were like "it's obvious I am coming" and that's what happened with them so I let her know, but like--I should NOT do this right? I feel like it's super against etiquette for me to be doing that! I could give my mom people's emails or whatever--I told her to ask anyone on the list she was FB friends with via messenger.
I'm so annoyed with her--like, rsvps were due YESTERDAY-- but also shouldn't be bc this is par for the course with my mom. She is so well meaning, but not very organized and gets frustrated easily when something doesn't go to plan (like ppl not RSVPing on time). Also, my parents are divorced, so she harbors some negative feelings towards my Dad's side of the fam. She was like "only one of them replied can you contact them all" and i was like aunt so and so isn't coming, she'll be out of town, and my mom was like "oh, she contacted me first thing to let me know that." and i was like LITERALLY YOU SAID ALL BUT THIS PERSON REPLIED.
Finally, apparently people keep asking her if this is a gender reveal party. I guess I didn't put the word "shower" on the invite--BUT I ALSO DIDN'T PUT GENDER REVEAL on the invite. So she texted me to ask "is this a gender reveal party" and i was like mom. no. it's a shower. Like, I'm annoyed ppl are asking that AND I'm annoyed she had to ask me--like, what? YOU are hosting this!
My mom is hosting my baby shower too but I’ll be the one collecting everyone’s emails and sending out the invite (e-vite bc that’s cheaper lol) and I’ll be the one reaching out to people if they haven’t RSVP. I wouldn’t really expect my mom to hit up people she doesn’t know or talk to. She’s not a fan of me inviting one of my dads friends (divorced as well) and her daughter, but I’m doing it anyway - but also wouldn’t ever expect her to hit them up to check on the RSVP, prob would be super awkward lol
Married: 8/22/15
BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18
BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
for the hand-me-down thing, I don't think there really is a tactful way to hurry things along, unfortunately. people are giving these things out of the goodness of their hearts (they could choose to sell the clothes if they're in good condition, or, because it's less of a hassle than coordinating with someone, they could just drop everything off at goodwill.) though it would be nice if they could hurry up before the birth! the only thing I can think of is, if you're around them, maybe drop a hint like 'Wow, March is coming up fast, I can't believe baby will be here so soon." lol. Another thing is, if you hint directly, you run the risk that they've already gotten rid of the stuff or given it to someone else... which would be embarrassing/awkward.
@momoftoddlers I'm sorry that no one is really acknowledging your little one on the way; that must be frustrating!! As for people who have previously offered you hand-me-downs without actually following through yet, I don't think it would be rude to just straight up ask them about it at this point. Like, "hey, if you're still willing to give me *insert item(s)*, I would super appreciate it! I can't believe this baby will be here so soon!" or something nonchalant that way.
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
If you want a way to remember your shower guests for your baby try looking up guest book ideas. For my first I made a painted canvas heart that everyone signed, and it hung in the nursery. When my girls got older they loved hearing about everyone who signed.
Married: 10.15.16
DS BD: 8.20.17
TTC #2 1.1.19
BFP #2 7.3.19
EDD #2 3.13.20
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020