March 2020 Moms
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The Baby Shower Thread: Part I

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Re: The Baby Shower Thread: Part I

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    @kagesstarshroom Super cute! I bet your guests will have extra fun at a brewery, even if you can’t. And I like the chalkboard, but think it’s a generational thing with our moms (she probably wants it to be pastels right?). And my mom hosted my shower, that’s the norm around here. Enjoy!
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    @kagesstarshroom I don't think there is anything wrong with your mom hosting! 
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

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    @kagesstarshroom My mom and MIL co-hosted my baby shower for DS1, so no side-eye here.  I really like your invitation, but I am a sucker for rainbows against black.
    DS1 07/2015
    DS2 10/2017
    DS3 due 03/2020
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    @kagesstarshroom I dig the invite! You're totally right that the background makes the rainbow pop. :)
    Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with your mom hosting. My MIL hosted one for DS1 and it seems pretty common here. 
    Me: 33 DH: 33
    Married: 10.15.16
    BFP: 12.24.16
    DS BD: 8.20.17
    TTC #2 1.1.19
    BFP #2 7.3.19
    EDD #2 3.13.20
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    @kagesstarshroom my mom is also hosting mine with help from my step-mom, MIL, and two best friends (it’s a whole committee haha). I think it’s pretty common. Showers can be expensive and I’m glad no one person has to bear the whole expense.
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    @chichiphin 🤣 That is such a MIL thing to do. 
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    @chichiphin oh dear. Eep. MILs are fun, aren’t they?
    Me: 32 | DH: 35
    Married: 8/22/15
    BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18 
    BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy  Baby Tracker

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    Need some advice! We weren't planning on having a shower, but I kind of want one now that DH has come around to the idea. How do we even go about talking to family members about this? I feel bad asking someone to host a shower for us. Nobody in either of our families has ever had showers, but we are the first of "this generation" to have babies. Any advice is appreciated!
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    @lemonlove86 unfortunately showers aren’t really something you ask people about hosting. People either offer or they don’t. If you and your H want to do something you could consider a sip and see after the baby is born. 
    Me: 33 | DH: 34
    Married: October, 19, 2015
    EDD 2/22/17 <3 DS1 born on 3/2/17
    EDD 3/8/20 <3 DS2 born on 3/10/20
    EDD 11/24/23
    (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)


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    That's exactly how I was feeling @varimama! Thanks for the advice.
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    @kagesstarshroom What a cute invite!  And there is nothing wrong with your mom hosting.  My mom is actually going to throw me a baby shower sometime after the holidays.  She's going to include my partner's mother as much as she wants to be included, though, so I think that's sweet.

    @chichiphin Oh noooo, I would be so angry too!  What a passive-aggressive thing for her to do! 

    @lemonlove86 I have to mimic what @varimama said... I wish there was a socially acceptable way of straight up letting people know that you're interested in a baby shower but aren't even sure where to start or how to get someone to host it.   :( 
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    @lemonlove86 Can you talk to a mom or aunt or in-law or someone about what was done when their kids were born? Were they showered? That might be a good way into a convo. I was talking about my mom being hesitant to throw me one back home, and during that convo someone said she wanted to throw me one down here, and was all excited about it. I hadn't anticipated that at all, but just talking about my home shower must have sparked something in her mind about how it would nice for the people down here to get to celebrate with me as well.
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    @kagesstarshroom You worded it a lot more eloquently than I was able to.  @lemonlove86 If you can start the conversation up with someone you're close to (a mom or family member or friend), it might get the ball rolling and open the door for someone to offer. 
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    mrsc918mrsc918 member
    edited November 2019
    @lemonlove86 just throw one yourself!! Or ask baby daddy to throw you one!! just keep it super low key and low cost, invite people over, play games with super cheap gifts, and bbq hot dogs! Call it a celebration of LIFE, can even make it Co-Ed, and send out an e-vite with registry info! There shouldn’t be rules for these kinds of things. People that love you will show up and not judge! 
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    @keeksie84 that’s super cringey!! Yikes. 

    That’s sort of why I’m feeling a little embarrassed about having a shower (sprinkle) for DD2. We don’t need much! My friends want to throw me one and I’m going along with it, partly bc these ladies are people I became close with after DD1 was born so they didn’t come to my first shower. But I want to keep it really small, like maybe 10 people? My mom, my sis, MIL, SMIL, and a handful of friends. I’m all for any reason to eat cake!
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    @mrsc918 I’m with @keeksie84 and I think throwing your own shower is tacky plus to me it seems cost prohibitive. Also we aren’t really in BBQ weather but assuming we were even that stuff adds up. To properly host guests it costs money so why not just throw that money towards the stuff on your registry after the 15% completion discount? I’m sure people will still get some gifts because people love buying things for a new baby! 
    Me: 33 | DH: 34
    Married: October, 19, 2015
    EDD 2/22/17 <3 DS1 born on 3/2/17
    EDD 3/8/20 <3 DS2 born on 3/10/20
    EDD 11/24/23
    (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)


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    @keeksie84 ahhhh so much cringe!! I wouldn't purchase a gift out of spite. 

    @kantobean your sprinkle is 100% appropriate haha
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

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    @kantobean I also think your situation is completely different and 100% appropriate! Unless you ask for cash in the invite, lol. 
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    Omg @keeksie84 I can’t even! She sounds a little like my SIL. when she had her second (a year after her first), she told MIL to tell all of her sisters (she’s one of 11), to just send her cash because she lives out of the country. MIL was like. Uhhhh. No? 😂
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    So I need help. 

    This is our first child so we have nothing and DH isn't working so money is very tight. Ideally I would love to have a shower and (selfishly) get some items bought for us off a registry. However our family situation is quite complicated. 

    My mother just suddenly passed away at the end of Sept. She was so excited about becoming a grandma so hearing how everyone's mom throws them a shower breaks my heart. My dad is struggling and anti social. 

    We do not speak to my MIL as she is beyond crazy. 

    My aunts live far away. 

    We do speak to FIL and stepMIL and they are semi local. 

    My brother and SIL are traveling the country currently and we aren't speaking to my DHs brother and SIL. 

    I have no friends. (Literally)
    DH has one local friend but he and his wife are about to welcome their 2nd baby. His other best friend is far away. 

    So, basically I feel like I could throw my own sad coed shower and maybe 3 people would come and a few others may send gifts. Or I should just let go of the happy fantasy. 

    Help? Sorry for the patheticness. 

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    @vicxenhuntress, so sorry to hear about your mom passing away, that's rough.  :(  Your FIL and step MIL might be your best bet for hosting a shower at this point, so maybe your DH could drop some hints in their direction?   If he does the 'hinting', I think it might come across not as tacky but more an act of concern/love for his wife who just lost a loved one.  If you don't end up getting a pre-birth baby shower, hopefully some family will step up for you and send or give gifts after baby is born.. it would probably be wise to send out baby announcements after baby is born to out of town family just to let everyone know about the arrival.  The baby showers I had were held after my babies were born, and I wasn't expecting them at all.  You never know - someone could surprise you.  


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    MalidociousMalidocious member
    edited November 2019
    @keeksie84 Eek, that is SO cringe-worthy!!!  I mean, I get that they need the stuff..... but if they knew they weren't done having babies, then why wouldn't they just put that essential baby stuff in storage somewhere until they were ready to use it?  It comes across poorly on them, IMO.

    @kantobean I think a baby sprinkle for baby #2 is totally okay, whether you keep it small or not.  I think every baby should be celebrated, but I think it only gets tacky if you ask for literally everything all over again (which some people do).

    @mrsc918 I'm torn about what I think in regards to a couple throwing themselves a baby shower.  On the one hand, if no one has offered to throw them one and they really have their heart set on it, then I don't really see an issue with it so long as they keep it relatively low-key.  If you market it as a shindig or a little party where people are encouraged to bring foods and drinks (instead of an actual shower/sprinkle) then I think that could help to keep costs down.  But on the other hand, it does seem counterproductive to spend *anything* on hosting your own shower/sprinkle when you could just use that money toward your registry. As @varimama said, people love to get gifts for a new baby, regardless of a shower or not.

    @miss.sally OMG your SIL!!  So tacky!  I'm glad your MIL said no though!!!

    @vicxenhuntress Aww *big hugs* I am so unbelievably sorry about your mom's passing. <3 That is so hard, especially right now with the holidays and a baby on the way.  I'm sorry your dad is struggling, too.  If I were you (and your FIL/stepMIL don't step in and host one for you), I'd probably have a small "party" at my house with my partner and invite whomever we feel comfortable inviting.  If only three people show up, so what?  It'll be people you love and who love you and it might be good to have that little gathering right now, during this time.  I don't think it would be sad/pathetic, and I do think people will be more understanding of your situation and you might still get a few sweet gifts out of it.  But whatever you choose to do is totally up to you, and it's totally okay if you choose to not do anything at all.
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    Thanks for all of your insight @Malidocious @kagesstarshroom @mrsc918 @varimama @keeksie84! Turns out DH is now anti shower so potential crisis averted. The situation is that our families are Jewish and more observant jews do not typically have baby showers due to superstition, so nobody in either of our families have ever had showers. Thanks again for your advice!
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    @lemonlove86 Yay for crisis averted!  I actually know a lot of people who are hardcore against any sort of celebration for a baby until the baby is actually born.
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    @vicxenhuntress I’m so sorry about your mom. I agree with pp about maybe having your H drop hints to FIL/SMIL. If they aren’t going to throw one for you I highly recommend checking out some local second hand places specifically for babies/kids. You can often score some necessities that are basically brand new for a fraction of the cost. You might also have some local fb groups that are consignment. A lot of them are mostly clothes (which hey are pretty important) but I’m in one that has breastfeeding stuff, toys, and during the summer she even does bigger items like changing tables, swings etc...
    Me: 33 | DH: 34
    Married: October, 19, 2015
    EDD 2/22/17 <3 DS1 born on 3/2/17
    EDD 3/8/20 <3 DS2 born on 3/10/20
    EDD 11/24/23
    (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)


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    ok, I have a weird question and I know you all might not have the answer, but I’m interested in opinions.


    TW: infertility 


    One of my closest local friends is an ovarian cancer survivor and unable to biologically have children. She has a daughter by adoption and has fostered several kids and is doing great health wise now, but she has confided in me that going to baby showers is always a little tough for her. 

    She also doesn’t really know the ladies who are throwing me the sprinkle, so it’s not like she would feel left out of a group if I didn’t invite her.

    Should I invite her and just explain she really doesn’t have to come? Or just tell her I’m having a sprinkle but it’s no big deal and she can just skip it and meet the baby when she’s here? We talk often so I’ll definitely mention it at some point but I don’t want her to feel pressured to come.
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    @kantobean as someone who feels really left out if I’m not invited to something even if I can’t make it or don’t really want to go, I would invite her especially if she’s a very close friend. I think it’s totally fine to let her know there’s no pressure to come but that you wanted to be sure to include her.
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       @kantobean definitely tough bc i’m sure she will feel like she should come if u tell her abt it, but i agree w creativesoul63: I think it’s better to invite her so she doesn’t feel offended u left her out. I def agree with u that you can explain u sincerely understand if she wants to sit this one out, but i’d extend the invite. 
    Me: 32 | DH: 35
    Married: 8/22/15
    BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18 
    BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy  Baby Tracker

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    @kantobean def tell her it’s happening and you’d love to invite her but you understand if she does not want to go - giving her a heads up before an invite and giving her an out early is nice that way she doesn’t have to decline an RSVP either to the host
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

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    Thanks friends! I think you’re right and I really don’t want her to feel left out. @chichiphin that’s a good idea to let her know well before invites go out so she has a chance to decline without having to RSVP.

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    @kantobean Aw, that's a tough situation, but I agree with the others that you should at least let her know about the shower.  I'd go with @chichiphin's route and let her know that the shower is happening BEFORE the invites go out, so she can decline that way instead of through a formal RSVP.  I think she'll see it as a nice gesture that you're looking out for her feelings while still wanting to include her (if she wants to be included).
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    Reviving this thread...

    My mom just booked my baby shower at a tea house. It will be 3 hours long. So even though I really don’t want to open gifts, I guess after reading your responses, I will lol.

    So my next question for ya’ll is re games and shower favors. I have offered to pay for the prizes for the games bc I want to lighten the cost on my mom a little. So my question is do I have to give favors AND prizes? Or can I just forgo the favors since I’m doing games/prizes? 
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    @mrsc918, I’m pro no favors! Pretty much ever! The only one I’ve ever enjoyed was a home-brewed porter a friend brewed for their wedding. 
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    @mrsc918 I’d say yes you should do both. Because if you don’t win a prize and then don’t get a favor it’s kind of a bummer. That being said, your prizes could be like four $5 Starbucks gift cards or sale Bath and Body works candles. And their are also a ton of economical favor ideas out there. Remember people generally spend a lot on you at your shower so it’s nice to return the favor in a small way. 
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    @mrsc918 I think favors are kinda pointless, honestly. I actually finally threw out a bunch of leftover favors from my last baby shower (4 years ago) this summer. But if you wanted to do cheap ones you could check Oriental Trading for stuff.
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    @mrsvp614 I agree w/ @keeksie84-- a consumable sounds like the best choice!
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