The Baby Shower Thread: Part I

keeksie84

I wanted to start this thread as we all start to build our registries and start thinking about baby showers.  I'm selfishly posting because I have a lot of questions about "sprinkles", or showers for 2nd or 3rd (or more) babies.  I figured we'd probably want to bring up the subject again in a Part II closer to March.

Please use this thread to post questions and thoughts about all things shower!

aerie_star

I'm having a sprinkle thrown for me by my sister and my BFF. *TW* They really want to give me something fun to look forward to and a way to recognize this pregnancy since I'm pgal. I think it is really sweet of them, but honestly I'd probably not be having one without someone else hosting. It feels a bit awkward since I know its a relatively new thing and large numbers of people disapprove.

@keeksie84 All the 'rules' I've read online for sprinkles confuse me. Do I include a registry or not for example cause some say its expected and some say definitely do not include (making one anyway cause completion discounts). The most common gift people bring supposedly is diapers, but we cloth diaper, so does my sister put that on the invitation? Cause I don't really care if there are presents, but I really don't want any diapers to return and it seems rude to include that info? I don't want to explicitly tell people not to bring a gift either cause I think it is rude to dictate to your guests. Then there's how casual to make it, what kind of food to have if having food, apparently inviting more than just your immediate family and a couple of friends is rude/weird, will games be expected (pls no), etc. I left my shower largely up to my mil and my sister and friend are asking me lots of questions beyond 'when are you able to go?'. 

The only things I'm certain about is that I like the invitations and that I want it at my house. 

varimama

@aerie_star so my understanding of sprinkles is you don’t include a registry and people bring small gifts like diapers, books, onesies. You might want to include that you cloth diaper but if they are close enough to be coming to a sprinkle wouldn’t they already know that? I don’t know what the rules are on games and food, Id leave that up to the hosts unless there is something specific you don’t want.

aerie_star

@varimama I want to say yes they all should know now that you've mentioned that. I don't know what I was thinking. This is what I get for spending my sleepless nights reading the first like 40 google results.

miss.sally

I haven’t looked at the sprinkle rules at ALL. My mom said she wants to throw me one because we just love any excuse to have a party. But honestly can’t think of much that I need other than diapers and small clothes. Guess that’s a good thing. 

mommytimesfour

I’ve had a shower/sprinkle for each baby and have already been offered by my cousin to be thrown one for this baby. I think it’s a sweet way to celebrate each new baby and it can be kept low key and simple. I did registries just because I feel like it’s an easy way for guests to know what you need, especially when you may have baby stuff left over from previous kids. Personally, I’d rather buy someone a gift they need rather than guess and get them something that isn’t useful. Even when it’s not your first baby I feel like there’s always something you need or could use. Diapers, wipes and gift cards are perfect! Even when you have hand-me-down clothes and things from older sibs, it’s fun to get some new stuff too 🙂. Shower/sprinkle away!

thescarletmom

Honestly, I think if someone wants a party to celebrate their pregnancy and baby, who cares? Like what gives with all the rules and what's considered distasteful? I agree with others that making a registry is totally fine, especially because of completion coupons. I have had three people from different spheres of my life already tell me they're throwing me a baby shower, and I'm (maybe selfishly) kind of thrilled because only my best friend offered to help with a shower with my first, and I think in total less than 10 people came and it made me feel really bummed and like no one was happy for my baby. Plus, the showers will probably be super helpful as DS is 3.5, and we moved in to a smaller house with no extra storage a month before we found out we were expecting, so we had JUST purged/donated so many things that I'm kicking myself for.

jenEP

I had three showers for my first -- one thrown by DH's aunt that was just family and friends of in-laws, one from my close friends in Seattle, and one from my college friends back home in Idaho. Each was fairly small. 

With DD2, my close friends threw me a sprinkle. I did not end up inviting family or my larger circle, it was just my very close friends. It is common in this group of friends to have sprinkles so it didn't feel awkward, though I was anxious leading up to it about whether I was being tacky for having a sprinkle. I didn't invite family, etc because I did feel like some of those people might not agree with having another shower. 

I don't think I will do anything for this baby because I've had two other kids in the last three years and it feels excessive. I bet my close friends that I do monthly dinner with will do something small at one of our dinners. My neighbor of all people mentioned wanting to throw me a shower for this baby, but I truly don't want one this time. I will probably create a registry to keep track of things I'm interested in, but I will not share it with anyone. 

I enjoy celebrating birthdays, babies, etc., so I have zero judgement for how others do things (unless it's overtly tacky or they ask for obnoxious things). If people want to have a shower for every kid, great! The more the merrier. I will come if I can make it. 

kagesstarshroom

I have a shower question. My Mom is likely going to throw me one over the holiday break bc that’s the time closest to March I will be in the area where I grew up/where my fam lives. ......I would love for someone where I live to also throw me one? I have a ton of friends around here, and most people know we have had trouble and are super excited for us and some have already asked if we have a registry. But I don’t know the etiquette for that. One of our friends, who is my mom’s age, told me to let her know if I need anything when she found out— she knows about my losses as well, and is super excited for us. If no one else offers, is it rude to ask her if she is willing to throw one/help me throw one for the friends we have down here? I know you aren’t supposed to throw your own shower, at least, but otherwise know little of the etiquette in this situation. 

Additional question: thoughts on co-ed showers? 

kantobean

My friends want to throw me a sprinkle. I’m hoping they keep it small. I had a shower with DD and we have everything we need except random things. We cloth diaper so I don’t need those, we have tons of baby girl clothes and about a billion books. So unless this is a boy (dr guesses girl at 13 weeks) I can’t imagine what people would give, especially if I’m not “supposed” to give them the registry of the few items we actually could use. Which I understand of course! I’m just not sure what to do.

mrsvp614

@kagesstarshroom One of our showers for DS1 was co-ed, and it was awesome! My aunt and uncle threw us a party, and we had BBQ, beer, and opened gifts, and it was a great way for DH to celebrate with our friends and family.

I wasn't planning for anything for this baby, since he's our second, but a co-worker has offered to throw me something. I haven't decided if I will include my registry, or just ask for gift cards and diapers.

stacey6689

@kagesstarshroom I plan on having a co-ed shower. Aside from family, my DH would like to have some of his close friends come so why not. I know a lot of people who prefer to keep it all women and that's fine but I personally prefer it to be a celebration for both me and DH. 

momoftoddlers

My opinion on showers is: you do you! If someone is willing to throw you a party to celebrate you and this baby, why not!? 

If people want to bring gifts they will, and if they don’t, they won’t. I see no problem including a registry because wouldn’t you rather gift someone with something they really need? Just include on your registry items in a variety of price ranges, especially if this is a second or third shower or sprinkle.

mrsc918

Ok ya’ll...tell me what your feelings are on opening gifts at baby shower. I seriously hate opening gifts in front of people, especially at showers where it’s a big spectacle. Plus it would be so much more fun to open them with my husband (but I’m not having a coed shower). I think we are going to have mine at a restaurant so I was thinking we could probably get away with not opening them lol Thoughts?  

babyfox320

@mrsc918 I'm the same way and I'm a believer that it's your shower you can do it how you want!

varimama

@mrsc918 my shower was at a restaurant last time and I still opened presents. Most restaurants give you an extra table or some space to store and open presents. As a guest I feel like it’s kind of crappy when the person of honor doesn’t open the presents. That’s the point of a shower... if you don’t want to have people watching you open gifts, don’t have a shower... I’m sure people will still send you items off your registry. If you want your H to be there maybe save the gifts to the end and have him show up just for that part. 

kantobean

@mrsc918 yeah I hate to tell you, but opening gifts and the oohs and ahs is the point of the shower. Personally I hate all the other typical shower things (games, mainly) so I don’t mind opening gifts.

keeksie84

Eventually I'm going to chime in about showers/sprinkles, lol! 
In the meantime I'll answer @mrsc918 's question. I'm with @varimama on this. The point of a shower is to give gifts, so I think it's super rude to not open them there. Part of the joy of gift giving is to see the person open it, IMO. 

momoftoddlers

@mrsc918 I had an unwrapped gift shower, so guests were politely asked to bring gifts in cellophane, a basket, or with just a bow, or hang clothes on a clothes line, and then were given tags to add. Then they were all displayed on a table so everyone could ooh and ahh over them throughout the party. Might not work for everyone but our guests seemed to really enjoy it. 

babyfox320

@momoftoddlers I love that idea!

dunder_mifflin

@mrsc918 I didn’t open gifts at my bridal shower and it’s as fine/awesome. I’m team “not opening gifts” as I feel showers are about spending time celebrating baby, playing games, seeing loved ones, etc. I also know my guests don’t want to watch me open gifts, they saw the registry haha! Maybe a baby shower is different and people want gift open so who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m just doing what the host tells me to do.

BIL wants to throw DH a “pampers party” which I think is such a cool idea. It’s a party where people bring $20 and a box of diapers (sizes are assigned) so basically there are enough diapers to last a while . He wants to host with just the dudes and BBQ and drink beer but whatever I’m game.

orbmaker

I doubt I’ll have a shower/sprinkle this time. I personally wanted to do a casual, co-ed friends-focused shower last time around, but my mom had other ideas and we ended up having a much larger and co-ed friends-and-all-the-random-family-shower. I felt so! awkward! when my mom basically made me open gifts in front of everyone and some folks stood around while others continued to socialize. I think it really disrupted the flow and energy of the gathering as I had to like shout THANKS IT’S SO CUTE across the din to every person. I also think it can feel kind of rude to display gifts, since some people go all out and get something fancy and others just get a little outfit or whatever. Personally, I would be 0% offended if someone didn’t open the gift I got them in front of me. 

kailanae

I had a baby shower with DS1 but didn't have any shower/sprinkle for DS2 and don't expect to have one for DS3 either.  I had a few people get gifts for us for DS2, and still did a registry for the completion discount for myself.  This time I made my due date a few weeks earlier on my registry so I can get the completion discount sooner.  My shower for DS1 was food and gift opening, which is what I wanted.  As an attendee, I'd much rather watch the host open gifts than play any games - be that baby, wedding, etc.  I think that is mostly due to my introverted nature and the fact that most showers I have attended, I know very few of the attendees.

kagesstarshroom

@mrsc918 I've been to showers where people are asked to bring the gifts unwrapped & they are then documented by a patient friend/family member as to who gave what and put on display. I also don't love opening gifts in front of people like that, though I did it for my bridal shower & most showers I've been to have involved gift opening rather than displays. I like when there's, like, baby gift bingo during the gift opening part bc it makes me pay attention/keeps me invested? So if there's got to be gift opening, that's a good option to keep people entertained.

chichiphin

Lot of factors to consider as far as opening/not opening. Perhaps if you have a giant shower it is not appropriate to open as it would take forever. but I will say - asking your guests to do something additional to purchasing a gift like wrapping it a certain way seems... like a lot. I’m the same way with people asking for books instead of cards. You’re already asking me to spend money and my Saturday playing strange baby poop games, so I’ll buy what I buy and wrap it how I wrap it haha 

momoftoddlers

@chichiphin I see what you’re saying about not wanting to ask people to do more, but in some ways an unwrapped gift shower is less work for the gift giver. At least mine was because people could stick a bow on a box without having to buy two rolls of wrapping paper and struggle to wrap it, or they could just buy clothes or something small and toss it on the clothesline we had set up. And we provided the tags. 

I agree with the above posters that guests also liked not having to sit still and quiet for an hour ooh’ing and aah’Ing and enjoyed spending the time eating and socializing instead. And we did not have any games because few people seem to like them these days. 

mrsc918

Thanks so much for the feedback everyone! I get everyone’s points! I guess we will just see if it’s convenient or not based on the space and what not!

@kailanae darn you were smart to put an earlier due date!!! I didn’t think you had to wait until ur due date to get the completion discount!! I registered on Amazon and Target. That’s kind of a bummer - I’m not a last minute shopper! 

kailanae

@mrsc918 Both Amazon and Target will send you your completion discount several weeks before your due date, and it will be good for a while after too.  I just saw someone mention setting an earlier date on DS2's BMB (after it was too late for me to do it that time) so I thought I'd try it out this time too.  I only set it a few weeks earlier (March 1 instead of March 20), but I went into labor with both DS1 and DS2 before their due dates so I'm anticipating more of the same this time around.

mrsc918

@kailanae I was able to edit my due date on Target! Muahahaha!! I think I saw amazon says it gives you 60 days before and after due date so I think I’m ok! 

silverhope

A lot of the older generation gets very offended if you don’t open presents. My mom made me open gifts (I did it super fast, but also u could do baby gift bingo to make it more exciting for the guests) and my MIL’s friends all told her how much they appreciated I opened the presents and looked at them and thanked them while I did so. I agree most people from our generation are bored watching the gift opening, but the older generation really finds it rude if you skip it. The older gen will also def knit you way too many baby blankets and hats that you will never use but you have to say thank you and be polite to your elders. 

Also YES @chichiphin my biggest baby shower pet peeve is the book instead of a card thing. Books are more expensive than cards and I just think it’s rude to ask your guests to do all this extra stuff (diaper raffle, etc.). 

And no sprinkle here. 

chichiphin

afm we have our own baby shower drama currently. My MIL asked me point blank when I wanted to travel for my baby shower when we saw her this weekend at a wedding. I said I'd prefer the weekend after christmas if at all possible, as MH and I live 5 hrs from anyone and traveling in one go would be way more convenient. Also, my own parents can make the 6 hr drive that weekend too. Well, my SIL who was present for this discussion, asked me to pick Feb instead. I told her no - if we can do it the weekend after christmas, I'd prefer not to drive 5 hrs each way when I am 32-35 weeks pregnant. She kept pushing it because it was more convenient for her! she then kept making comments about how she wouldn't be as involved in the planning now because of the timing around christmas etc. sorry? I was asked for a time and my MIL was overly happy to oblige, so there you have it. 

Malidocious

@momoftoddlers Oooh that's a neat idea for someone who doesn't want to open gifts in front of people.    I dig it.

This is my first baby so I'm fine with whatever shower someone wants to throw for me.  I don't really want to have separate baby showers for either side of our families, and I hate baby showers that are at work (lol mostly because I haven't really KNOWN the people who are having showers, but since they worked in the same building as me, I was "forced" to attend and it was super awkward).  

I think sprinkles are cute, too!  And I think registries are okay no matter how many babies you have!  Sometimes you realize you need things that you don't have, and it's better to register for them and let people know what you need versus having them blindly get a gift they aren't sure if you need or not.  I've learned that most people like to get gifts for people, so having a registry just makes things easier so everyone is on the same page about what is needed.

Sorry I am a rambly mess today.

Malidocious

@chichiphin Isn't it great when people make your pregnancy all about themselves?  Like, it's nice she wants to help plan it, but it shouldn't be a stressful thing for you, and if it isn't convenient for you to do it in February, then she needs to just sit down and be respectful of that.  Sheesh!

kantobean

@chichiphin good call on not wanting to drive 5 hours each way at the end of your pregnancy! That sounds super uncomfortable and your doctor probably won’t want you traveling after like 34 weeks anyway!

kagesstarshroom

@chichiphin I am talking to my mom this weekend about my shower, and I have the same plan--to do it around xmas bc there's no way I can come 'home' twice during late second/third tri. (I live 1300 miles from home, which is either a 2 day drive or short plane ride, and I am going to talk to my ob about which is preferable, so I may make it 'home' faster than you for the holidays/my shower haha.) I'm excited to see my mom and talk about it and such. Also, I'm glad I get to help her plan it bc she will need it AND I'm really bad at being surprised and do not want that to be the case. Anyway, geeez, it's kind of weird yr SIL would try to make it about her in that way? OR is it not weird at all for her...

mrsc918

@chichiphin ....sometimes in-laws can be such pains in the a$$. And I feel SIL’s especially have a tendency sometimes to be....self involved is a good word lol

chichiphin

lol @kagesstarshroom this is pretty typical behavior at this point from her. @mrsc918 yes.. they totally do. I'd think she'd have her fair share since she has two kids already but I guess not. 

@kantobean what's funny is I'm pretty sure she used the same excuse to get out of visiting out in laws with at least one of her pregnancies lol

treetop19

@chichiphin, that's pretty lame of your sis-in-law.  seems like there's always 'someone' in the family who has to put a damper on things by being selfish.

@malidocious, I agree, work showers are awkward.  I had one at my work for my first, and most of the attendees were older ladies who I didn't really know that well (worked in different depts.)  I kinda felt bad about them being 'forced' to buy me, a relative stranger, gifts. (one thing that eased the guilt a bit was that they had taken a collection pool of money and bought something with it, so at least if they weren't able to donate, they didn't have to, and nobody would be the wiser.)  I attended one at work as well for a girl I didn't know that well, it was similarly awkward.  the only time I would be all about work showers is if the coworkers invited were also close friends.  I really think it was an old-school tradition at my work kept up by the older ladies, and once the new generation settles in, they will be a thing of the past. 

I learned that my sis-in-law, who organized an impromptu shower for my DS shortly after he was born, has never had a shower herself.  I felt bad knowing that, if I would have known, I would have organized something for her when her 2nd DD was born.  I really was dumbfounded that neither her close friend or her mom thought to organize something for either of her kids... especially after she struggled for years with secondary infertility. idk, just thought it was really sweet of her to think of me, when I know it must have been hard for her to do seeing her own circumstances weren't all that great.  

 

silverhope

@treetop19 wow that is incredibly thoughtful and kind of your SIL after she didn't have her own shower. She sounds like a lovely in law to have. 

chichiphin

@kagesstarshroom

kagesstarshroom

Hi there!

Resurrecting this thread because I don't think we are quite ready for part II, but also I am having an early shower because of where I live v. where my fam lives!

A few questions....
1) My Mom is finally excited to host my shower, it seems, which I am grateful for! DH doesn't really get along with my MIL, and I read it's becoming more okay for Moms of the mom-to-be to be the host--I just like assumed my Mom would want to host it and that was proper etiquette! Is it? I don't want to look gauche.

2) We're having it at a brewery (el oh el), and I made the invite for her yesterday to look like it's on a chalkboard background--but I didn't really use chalkboard lettering, and my Mom says the background is "too dark." I just did it myself so she didn't have to pay someone to do it, and I'm actually pretty proud of it?. There's a big freakin rainbow across the invite, so I don't think the background is too dark at all? I Xed out all the info lol but... thoughts...? Like, I *could* change one of the fonts so it looks more like a chalk font, but I like the fonts I have now... 

I know I have more questions but I can't think of them rn, so I will be back with more.